Why do I see everywhere around me women getting married, having a baby and continuing working as if nothing at all has changed in their lives? I see also women having babies with some guy that they don’t even stay with for more than six months after the child is born and then they go off to college to pursue a degree. A baby changes nothing in their lives. And if any of these women do become “stay-at-home mothers” they still spend most of their time trying to find ways to make money! And we really see nothing at all wrong with this? I was visiting a friend yesterday and they have a new baby. The baby isn’t even more than about two months old yet the mother is working full-time and always gone. And we see nothing wrong with this at all? They actually have several kids, the oldest no more than five years old and yet the mother is always gone working and using her college degree. It’s always been that way since day one. Her husband apparently sees nothing wrong with this either. Tell me why the hell we have young women having babies then going off to college when the kids are just a few months old and looking for family members to take care of the kids while they’re gone? Also, most don’t even marry their boyfriends either and yet nobody sees anything at all wrong with this?? What has happened to us as a society? Let’s get it straight. If you have kids they should be your top priority. Mothers should not be encouraged to go off to work or pursue an education while they dump their kids off with whoever will take them and neglect forming a real and true relationship (as in marriage) with their child’s father. Money is masculine. The making of money is masculine. Making money requires competition and putting oneself out there to face the world and achieve. Fatherhood should strengthen a man’s goal to make money and motherhood should weaken a woman’s desires to do so. OOPS I forgot I’m not allowed to say that! I’m just supposed to sit here and say “you go girl!” to any woman who makes it out there in a “man’s world.” Mothers are encouraged to pursue college degrees and paid employment and nobody is supposed to say anything about it at all. I’ve heard several men say that they would love for their wives to stay home but that they would never ask them to do so. I mean, come on!! Do we really see nothing wrong with this? Isn’t it time somebody said something?? Women need to make the home top priority again and men need to actually be real men again instead of some pansies who just go along with what their wives say instead of being leaders and taking charge. When it’s all said and done that college degree is going to be nothing more than a burden leading to nothing more than financial debt, wasted youth and an inability to have the life you really want.
“It is sad that such a subject is even necessary to discuss, because for generations, women, whether they were single or childless, married or widowed, were protected from the pressures of earning a living, and the fathers, husbands, brothers and sons, proudly took their responsibility to be good providers and protectors of the family.” (1)
Today’s conservatives have adopted feminism although they are less liberal than what liberals are about it. Conservatives today will say women should work and go to college before marriage, stay home for a few years and then go back to work. This is a huge contrast from before when marriage was seen as a covenant lasting for a lifetime with a husband being required to financially provide for his wife for her lifetime.
The way I see it is that there is no reason for daughters to be shipped off to college or pressured to go to work before marriage. I see nothing wrong with a young women having some employment to earn some extra spending money before they are married, but young women should not be taught that they must provide for themselves. Young women should be taught to look at employment as a temporary thing, as something to do only until they are married. A young woman should learn from her mother and her father should still be required to support and protect her until she should marry and that responsibility passes to her husband. Today even preachers exclaim that they want their daughters to go off to college and secure a good job. This is considered that the young woman is doing something worthwhile and something good and holy. But I don’t see it that way. I see it as feminism being so pervasive in our culture that even the most religious and conservative and God-fearing have adopted it, even if they are still rejecting the more “radical” elements like gay marriage and abortion.
“I will not encourage my daughters to go to college or have careers. They’ll be raised as housewives. They’ll be raised to be good mothers and wives whose sole focus is their family. They can study what they want and be involved in things that interest them (other than sports), in their free time, but their main focus will be domestic activities. They’ll be taught to be kind, good, and respectful to their husbands and to men in general. They’ll live with me until they’re married. There’s no need for them to have a job. I don’t care if they can take care of themselves or not because that’s what they’ll have a husband for…There will be no “equality” in my house. My children will learn something along the lines of “mommy is supposed to cook, clean, and stay home with me. Daddy is supposed to work, pay for things, and make final decisions.” (There are other things, but this is just the basics). No shared household chores and no shared income responsibility.” (2)
I see nothing wrong with a woman’s family helping the newly married couple to get started by giving her household items or other properties. My family gave me cookware and some furniture as well as a car (albeit an old clunker that we sold within a year) when I first got married. I don’t see anything necessarily wrong with dowries either, so long as it isn’t seen as the woman providing it for herself before she gets married, as in her being expected to work to provide a large dowry so a man can instead not worry about providing and just marry a woman with a good dowry or something. Expecting a woman to work before marriage to provide for land or property or other goods to provide for the family is still pushing the burden of providing off onto women. All the necessities should be the husband’s to provide.
“In the same manner, when the law made the man the head of the family, he also had to financially support his wife… In the times of the Vikings, the government even had established the minimum bride price the man had to pay if he wished to marry, the reasoning behind it being that if a man was too poor to pay the minimum amount of money required by law he obviously wouldn’t be able to support a family and hence had no business to marry.” (3)
Even when the children are out of the home (say in school or have grown up or gotten married themselves) a woman should still have every right to be in the home. Homemaking shouldn’t be seen as some temporary thing a woman does just to take care of very young children, but a lifetime vocation. It should be the right of every woman to be financially supported by her husband. The male role as provider shouldn’t be some optional burden that he can choose to accept or not. It should be a man’s obligation to provide for his wife or daughters as well as any unmarried sisters or other closely related female family members who need his support.
Another thing that bothers me is that stay at home mothers and housewives are often pressured to take in extra money in the form of having a home business or babysitting other people’s kids for some extra money. This, in my opinion, can be just as bad and disruptive to family life as the woman simply working out side of the home. It’s one thing for a housewife to have a hobby or volunteer activity that she does in her spare time or for her to occasionally make something unique that she sells on eBay or something, but it is a different story when she has actual work-a job- that needs to be done that takes her away from the home or when she’s doing work from home because she feels she must “do her part” and help her husband provide or something. Also, babysitting other people’s kids can be a major liability for a woman’s family and also serves the purpose of enabling other mothers to go off to work and leave their kids in someone else’s care. I would say it’s OK to watch a close friend or family member’s kids on occasion for a little money unless it disrupts the home or become a normal job for the wife or, as I just said, enables another mother to leave her kids for a job. No matter if it’s in the home or not, women should not be expected to have paid employment of any kind, even if it is only part-time.
At any stage the burden of providing should not be pushed off onto women. The necessities should be the husband’s and father’s job to provide for his wife and children. It is a man’s duty to provide. Whether young, old, childless, or a mother of many, a woman’s place is in the home. A man’s responsibility is to provide. Marriage is about raising children, but it is also just as much about providing for and protecting women- about male guardianship of and responsibility for women.
“Women’s political movements have spent a century trying to be equal to men, and in doing so, men have quit regarding them as weaker vessels, creatures worth protecting and caring for. Some modern men have never seen a truly feminine woman, content with her work in the home. Growing up in institutions and schools, they saw girls and women who seemed the same as men in their purpose and activities. They have not grown up with Biblical grandmothers and mothers. They get their image of what women are supposed to be like, from what they see around them. Most men these days have female bosses and are surrounded by women in the workforce. They see nothing wrong with sending their wives to work. It looks normal to them. Men feel no shame in sending their children to daycare and their wives to work.
The women’s movement has changed the nature of men. They do not seem strong, protective, masculine and brave. Men have become weaker because they no longer have to be the sole provider for the family. They have no unique role in society; nothing to make them hold their head high or improve their dignity, when women also earn the living for the family. There are few places in the workplace where women have not invaded. Work needs to be a man’s world, and homemaking needs to be a woman’s world. Husbands and wives can be stronger in their own ways, when they do not try to be alike in their roles.
Women must return to the home and men must take on the burden of providing for their families again. Working to be a provider builds up a man, and contentedly tending to her home increases the soft femininity of a woman. These are the opposite tendencies which are the main attractions between men and women. When husbands and wives both work outside the home, the wife will suffer a greater burden. She will be suffering guilt for leaving her children, and she will suffer anxiety for not being able to manage her home. Her health will suffer, as she can not get enough rest. She will loose some of her innocent sweetness, as she tackles the job away from home.
Truly masculine men will not ask their wives to go to work. They will try harder to provide for their families, or cut down on expenses so that their wives wont have to work. Manly men will tell you that when women are not in the workplace, they get their jobs done much better. Women going to work has complicated the way things are done in the workplace, and this has not been good for the men.”(4)
I sit snuggled up under a blanket watching the snows fall outside as I write this. My husband is not here now. Every day he works to take care of us, to support and protect us. I take care of our child everyday. I keep our house clean and cook. I know that I don’t have to worry about anything.
Instead of envying women who are very “successful” out there I can only really feel sorry for them. When I was younger I know my mother used to fill my head with thoughts of all the things that I could “do with my life.” I could be a superstar, a lawyer, the next president, whatever (housewife was never on the list though). And yes, yes I could have been all of those things. Maybe. I was told to get a job, be “smart,” go to college and do all the things that young women today are constantly told to do in order to secure our futures. But nobody ever told me that all of those things could actually rob me of my future or the misery that following such a life could actually cause me.
Oh I could have been a superstar for sure. I could have wasted my most precious years being a pawn to make somebody else rich until pop culture decided I was a “has been” and tossed me aside where my only hope for remaining relevant was by gracing the covers of those trashy magazines you see in the supermarket checkout lanes with my latest divorce scandal. I could have wasted my youth on some career. I could have slept with many different men and had babies by several different daddies then realized when I hit middle age that all men were pigs and younger men are just such the way to go! Maybe I could have lived with some guy about half my age who mooches off of me for my money while I trudge off to work everyday in some old clunker to my lovely job at the supermarket.
Or lets say maybe I went to college and got some fancy career. I’d probably have married a guy that expected me to keep working after we were married. If we ended up having children (probably one boy and one girl, wouldn’t want to be unfashionable now) we’d probably be in a war. I might not have been able to quit my job because of all the college debts and all the debts we’ve accumulated by buying everything new and fancy on credit. We would probably fight because of the *unfair* burden I’ve all of a sudden dropped in his lap by wanting to stay home with the kids (the mangina I married that supported my career with great enthusiasm probably wouldn’t want anything to do with being the breadwinner). That lovely career wouldn’t be so lovely after all especially since it would now have to get interrupted not only in the amount of money I would make but also I’d probably be a burden on my employer once he has to give me maternity leave and disrupt his business (or maybe my boss would be a woman which would mean I’d probably get even less sympathy).
Maybe I could have been the breadwinner. A couple years later my husband would probably be feeling quite emasculated and gone out and had an affair with some woman with much less money and career prospects than me. We’d probably split up and I’d never see my kids any (he was the caretaker after all!) and still be supporting his dead a**.
Yes, what I life I could have had. I look around at my generation and my mothers generation. Most of those around me have had babies with more than one father/mother. Most are divorced (many two or three times). A cousin of mine by marriage married a man (a distant cousin of mine) with two ex-wives and three other kids and I had to hear the entire tale of her troubles because now she’s had a child with him too. She can’t understand why children from “blended” families just can’t have quite the same opportunities as those from two-parent families that remained intact. She would tell me all about how her momma taught her to never depend on no man and how she supported her family. She got irate at me for my anti-feminist views and told me if I didn’t want rights that was my problem but she asserts her “rights.” Her entire tax return went to pay her husband’s back child-support to his 2 other ex-wives (who, of course, in her view were “deadbeats” expecting a man to support them). Unfortunately, this story is nothing new and is quite common in today’s world. These women are liberated and they generally get tangled up in bad relationships and never really have any prosperity for themselves or their children.
This is feminism’s legacy. This is the path our mothers were teaching us to follow and many young women today are still following it. If you are a young woman, please do some thinking about what the mainstream is telling you. I’m not telling you to be some goody two-shoes here but I am telling you that as a female you are mentally and physically a world apart from males. Unless you are undeniably gifted in an area and are sure that it is the path you want to follow and you never want marriage or kids, think twice about going off to college! If you get that degree you will only attract men who have no interest in financially supporting you or maybe even marrying you. You don’t have to be a virgin (although it would be best) but your body is precious and you must make sure that you do not get pregnant by anyone but your husband (or, if nothing else, at least the man you intend to be your husband). Put sex to work, make him support you via marriage. If he’s already got a child with another woman (or, heaven forbid, more than one child), do not marry him or have children with him! No matter if the divorce or break up was “his fault” or not it doesn’t matter. Getting with him will only cause you to be right in the middle of all of his problems and you will never know peace and there will be nothing but strain in your relationship and confusion in the lives of your children about their place in life. If you have children with more than one man you will face the same difficulties and lower your value in the eyes of good marriageable men out there.
Insist upon marriage to the father if you have gotten pregnant before marriage. Do not sign anything to acknowledge him as the legal father until he legally marries you. Make him support you and form a real and true relationship with him. If marriage to the father is not possible or he is not a good man, do not inform him that you are pregnant and try to find a good man who will marry you despite your situation. Just be truthful to him and faithful.
I know we’ve been told all of our lives how *wonderful* feminism has been, but it’s nothing but a lie. We as women have to throw the women’s lib mindset away. Just get rid of it. This mindset is what’s holding you back, not widespread “misogyny.” Women today are in a terrible way because of what feminism has done but we can change that. We women are powerful by virtue of being women as we hold incredible influence over men. Most men can be reformed but it’s not going to happen unless women make it clear that feminists do not speak for all women and that if our men will lead, we will follow. Most men want to take charge anyways, it’s in their nature. They’ve just had the masculinity indoctrinated out of them since childhood because of feminism.
It is actually more beneficial to society for us as young women to not have jobs. Our joblessness will cause men to be men and be productive to support us and our children. Young women would almost always do better focusing on their children while the father goes out and works to support them. Think twice before going off to college. You can educate yourself in numerous ways. Read books or watch instructional DVDs for all the things you want to learn and know about. If you go to college you will only trap yourself if you do get married and have kids in the future. Don’t live with your boyfriend until you hit middle age. If you do that then you’ve given away your youth, you’ve given away your bargaining power for marriage. I don’t care what Katie Couric, your mother and your career orientation teacher tells you, don’t listen!
Don’t let anyone put you down because you have kids young or get married young. Our ancestors had children very young and they were much happier than we are today and their marriages lasted. They weren’t concerned about “teenage pregnancy”- they were concerned about legitimacy and society and individual family units were much better off and successful. Simply insist that marriage is the way because it is the only thing that is going to ensure you and your children’s long-term happiness and prosperity (unless you really want to let mulitple men use and abandon you, live with a boyfriend who will probably only cheat on you, be constantly looking for someone to watch your kids, work at some dead-end job and have a double burden and have constant court battles with the father who probably never pays a dime of support).
Be willing to let the men in your life lead. We have been told all our lives that we should fear ever going back to a time when men were in charge of things but we have no real reason to fear such a thing. These thoughts were put in our heads by those who wanted to put antagonism between men and women and tear families apart. They were put in our heads by those who wanted to exploit women, not protect women. If we let our men be in charge then their first priority will be to represent our best interests and the community overall will be concerned about men doing right by women and children.