Tag Archives: working wives

So Parents “Deserve” Affordable Childcare?

What Obama just said about stay-at-home moms literally disgusts me

I was having a conversation yesterday about Obama and him saying how we need “affordable childcare.” Then I re-read some articles about what he said last October on the issue and how he bashed stay-at-home mothers. First, let me just say that I hate the term “stay at home mother.” It makes it sound like I’m making some kind of feminist choice to stay home for a while or something (which is exactly the intention of the term).

But, anyways, the sad thing is that in all the solutions ever proposed to fix the current crisis of the family nobody ever suggests bringing back the traditional family (which is patriarchal and headed by the husband, not both spouses and not by the wife). Instead, the conversation always revolves around something politically correct like counseling couples to work out their problems instead of divorcing or something and finding good daycare or “one parent” staying home or something.

The part where Obama said parents “deserve” to be able to drop their kids off with someone else at an affordable price is the worst. And then lamenting about women losing career prospects because they take some time off to care for children, as if it’s some kind of terrible obligation nobody should ever be forced to do or something! As if all women even give a care about a career!

So, the taxpayers should, once again, foot the bill for someone else to watch your kids. Family breakdown costs a tremendous amount of money every year. It has always been the few- very few- patriarchal families still left today that generally foot the bill for it. But, as I said just a few sentences ago, nobody wants to do anything about it that will actually work. We can’t look for simple, time-tested solutions that have actually been proven to work. We must continue going out of our way and scratching our heads wondering why everything has gotten so awful bad as if it’s really some big mystery that nobody can quite figure out.

Not to mention the harm done to children when left in the care of others. Yes, they may be fed, changed and physically taken care of but this does nothing for them emotionally, psychologically and it does nothing for the protection of their souls.

The worst part is that conservatives are no better. Conservatives still want women out of the home just the same as liberals, only they wish to forbid homosexual encounters and abortion. Other than that they are NO DIFFERENT than liberals. The end result is still women out of the home.The end result is still the abolition of sex roles by saying either parent can stay home. The end result is still FEMINISM.

The problem is that it doesn’t work! It never has and it is only getting worse and will continue to get worse. The obvious solution is for men to actually man up and take on the sole obligation for supporting their families and for women to submit themselves to their husbands, even if the thought does make them cringe. Traditional family law had it that when children were in the custody of their fathers (generally this meant marriage but also extended to divorce as well) that the father had the sole obligation to support them. It was his responsibility, not the mother’s and not the taxpayers. Mothers only had to take on that obligation in the event of emergency, such as if they were widowed or unwed or something.

Mothers going off to work was considered a very bad thing. Looking at our world today we can see our ancestors were right to look down upon it. Society was stable when women stayed home and when few married (and even single) women worked. It is the only solution that works and I’m sick of hearing about careers and the “wage gap” and I’m sick of the talk about “women’s rights” as if all women care about careers and nothing else.

When does it end? Give women back their traditional rights to be financially supported by husbands and give men back their position as heads of families. We need a system such as coverture to be implemented again that gives husbands authority over women and children and where husbands have obligations for the support of their wives and are ultimately called to answer for the state of their families.

Recommended:

Can You Have Your Cake and Eat it Too?

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The Poison of Feminism is Deep in Society

After a brutal rape, I became pregnant. Doctors told me to abort. My husband and I did this instead.

What on earth is wrong with society today? This guy’s wife was out traveling abroad on a business trip, they already have two children and she gets RAPED? Wow men today are really true men aren’t they when we have married mothers traveling abroad for their career, away from their husbands, and have no male protection whatsoever? Maybe if she would have been a housewife or at least stayed under the wing and protection of her husband she wouldn’t have been raped. In our screwed up world today it’s even possible her rapist could interfere into the marital union by petitioning the courts for custody or visitation even that’s how screwed up society has gotten. Not only are women out there being independent after marriage instead of becoming one with their husbands but the laws don’t even protect the marital unit or operate in the best interests of the family. Sad though that even conservative Christians who are supposedly “pro-family” don’t even mention the harm that has been done to the family unit and don’t even give a care about marriage being about men providing for and protecting women. Also, this woman is kept practically locked away for days and her husband has no authority whatsoever over the situation nor authority to protect or be responsible for his wife. Of course, I only take whatever I read on the news half-heartedly as most is biased anyways and only tells half the truth (whether liberal or conservative news) but still this is the terrible shape society and the family is in toady nonetheless.

Should Women Have Careers Before Marriage?

What sense does it make to have a career before marriage if you plan just to be a housewife or stay at home mother? How on earth can you expect employers to not discriminate when your plan is to work for a few years and then just up and quit or plan to take a lot of time off? Of course this brings up the point of why the women’s movement had to abolish legal protections for housewives and also to degrade her role and promote full-time work for women, regardless of their marital status and regardless whether or not they have children. If society just assumed that women would quit their work after marriage then it would be unreasonable for employers not to discriminate. As it now stands, however, it’s illegal to discriminate no matter if the woman plans on getting married and no matter if she has children, which just complicates everything and honestly disrupts businesses.

What sense does it make to keep giving leave to women to take off for their menstrual cycles and for childbirth when instead companies and businesses could just hire men who would ultimately be more reliable? Besides, women in the workforce cause problems and make it hard for men to really get any work done. Also, there are the issues of sexual harassment and the like that wouldn’t even be issues if men didn’t have to work beside women so much (and if we went back to the days where a good old-fashioned slap across the face and men’s chivalrous duty to protect the honor of women took care of a man who was getting a little too fresh).

It doesn’t make any sense to me why women would waste years in college and get a career just to up and quit it. Also, I believe it is just plain awful to leave children in daycare or with babysitters/other family members just so you can go off to work or so that the parents can fight and divorce. The memories of my childhood are nothing more than warring parents and riding the bus to daycare after school. My childhood was hell because of it. We talk all the time about “the best interests of the child” but in reality this is nothing more than code speak for “don’t say anything politically incorrect” and a justification for gender-neutral policies and laws.

The feminist movement knew it was bad news if women just wanted to be housewives and if society accepted that women should be housewives because it would ruin all their plans of women becoming fungible with men. If society saw that the ideal was for women to be housewives and care for their children and love and obey their husbands after marriage then our customs would change to favor men in the workforce on the logical basis that the men would more than likely be sole providers for families one day and the logical basis that a woman would have a husband to provide for her. Society would also see that women need protections due to the vulnerability that comes along with being dependent in their traditional roles. Denying protections to women and degrading traditional women goes along with feminism’s plans to make all women independent from men and to refute any thoughts of women being potential mothers and weaker and more vulnerable than men.

If on the other hand society sees that married women should have careers then the protection of women isn’t even an issue and nobody cares. Indeed, that’s what we have today- nobody cares. But we need to care. Men need to provide for and protect women and society should impose these responsibilities upon men as it is ultimately in the best interest of all of society.

More on anti-discrimination:

Discrimination is the Solution, Not the Problem

Recommended:

My Review of “Why We Lost the ERA”

Feminism and Female Preciousness

Is Feminism Pro-Choice?

Female Economic Independence and Failed Marriages

I am going to share a few personal details of my life and past in this post. Normally I keep my personal life more private but sometimes I write about my life in the hopes that it can be a help to others and to the cause of bringing back traditional gender roles.

***

When both parties are independent, it’s easier to walk away. It’s easier to start a new life somewhere else. I’ve never been independent in my marriage and really not even before then. I know that it has made a huge impact not only on my marriage but also on the quality of it. My husband hasn’t always been the ideal husband. In fact, he has even technically been abusive before. We were very young when we first married and things were certainly not ideal at first. We had a lot of problems. A few months later I began to suffer from hormonal and emotional problems from just having had a baby and because I tried hormonal birth control which really messed me up worse (I will never take birth control like that again as I know it is harmful and I can’t conceive anymore anyways. Actually, I don’t even remember having any problems until I started taking the birth control). It didn’t help matters any that my husband wouldn’t protect me. Not only would he hurt me but he would let others hurt me as well. In a few instances he even allowed others to come into our home and hurt me and he wasn’t man enough to stop it. I didn’t know what else to do so I went to visit my mother for a while. I was only there three days when I asked my husband to come for me. However, he wouldn’t. Instead he abandoned me. Since he wouldn’t come for me and bring me home I waited until my mother could get me home as my husband had given me no money to make it back. I think it was about a week and a half before I could get home. I came back to our home because I had nowhere else to go. I really loved my husband despite whatever he had done to me and, besides, I had nowhere else to go. I had no money and no way to make it on my own. Getting into another relationship with another man was also out of the question. Being out of the workforce there was certainly not ample opportunity to go around flirting with other men or run around without my husband knowing it (not that I would anyways).

Well, my husband did come back to me a couple of days later (much to the chagrin of some of his relatives). I had no options but to stay and I’m sure that somewhere in his mind he knew that. I’m also sure my need for him kept him from really ever leaving and staying gone. I was willing to do what he said in regards to our child (I did as he told me and left her at the house with him while I went to my mother’s) but I knew as well as he did that he did not want to take care of a young child full-time. Our house was a wreck, of course, and he left our child with his relatives to care for while I was away.

I think maybe if I would have had a paying job or career that things might have turned out different for us. There is every probability that we wouldn’t be together today if I was independent from my husband. If I had had paid employment I could have just gone and stayed somewhere else. I could have just said “fine you can talk to my lawyer you jack***.” If I didn’t believe in the husband being in charge then I probably would have fought him until it destroyed both of us and our family. We probably would have been divorced today and it’s possible we might be on marriage number two or three each by now and our child torn between two warring families and having several different “mommies” and “daddies.”

I know there have been times I have been so angry and upset that I have wanted to leave, but where would I go? How could I go? Even going on a weekend vacation is out of the question for me. As well, my husband has matured over the years. Although I did obey what he told me in most areas, I absolutely refused to go get a job even though in the first few months of marriage he did pressure me to. I told him no. I told him I would not carry his responsibilities and that we had a young child and that he needed to support us. He wanted to insist that it took two incomes and it was “so hard” for him to support the family alone but still I refused. We are still here years later. We’ve never lived under a bridge and two incomes have never been necessary.

I think it weighs on a man’s conscience more if he knows his wife is completely dependent on him. For the dependent wife leaving an unhappy marriage is harder because she literally doesn’t have that option, unless she wishes to enter the workforce and make her own way. If she has been dependent upon her husband for years her options for money-making will be limited and the very prospect of going out and working is undoubtedly a scary thing. I know for me it is. I think a husband feels a greater weight of responsibility (that also makes him grow up and mature) when he knows his wife is depending on him and needs him. I think that makes leaving harder for him as well.

I think it’s no coincidence that divorce rates went up at about the same rate as married women working did and divorce rates have gone down slightly since women have been leaving the workforce. Some couples will make it a lifetime having egalitarian marriages, but for the culture overall it just isn’t working that way. I think a wife depending on her husband can breed love even where before there wasn’t much love at all, or the love was dying.

I’m not a complete saint and my husband can be cruel to me sometimes. I know I provoke him to anger sometimes and I am guilty for that. But, overall, the marriage still “works” because it has to. There is no other option. Even if I am unhappy at times and really just hate him I can’t leave. I need him even if I am unhappy or angry so I still stay close by and do what he tells me to do. Besides, he’s not the way he was years ago. I made him accept responsibility as a man and he grew into that role. If I ever tried to leave today I have no doubts that he would come after me, or, more precisely, wouldn’t let me go to begin with. Me being dependent upon him also changes the way he views me. I know he sees me as being his responsibility so he won’t let anyone hurt me or confront me about anything. Not only does he not pressure me to ever go to work, he won’t allow me to. There has never been any more trouble with others coming into our home attempting to interfere because my husband has long made it clear that nobody is going to intrude into his household and if somebody has a problem they can take it up with him, not me.

I think female economic independence gives both men and women an easy way out of marriage and out of their duties within the family. If both spouses are “equal” to each other then both can go their own way at any time and aren’t as concerned about each other. The man doesn’t assume control of the family nor responsibility so whatever his wife does is her own business and he feels no shame or guilt for leaving her on her own because she never depended on him in the first place. If she is his “equal” then he sees nothing wrong in treating her just like he would another man and he doesn’t see any need to treat her with more consideration or treat her more gently or lay down his own life for hers or be concerned with her support or protection. It gives men a free pass out of responsibility and allows women to run wild and marriages to fall apart (or never form in the first place).

Also, when the husband is not the head of the family it allows other relatives and outsiders to interfere and help break apart the family. If a woman is not submitting to her husband then she might believe her friends or relatives and listen to what they say instead of submitting to her husband and trusting him. If he is responsible for her, she can trust him because he’s already proven that he’s looking out for her best interests by providing for her and protecting her so whatever anyone else has to say about the marriage, her husband or what she *should* do will not be taken seriously in most cases. I can testify to this personally. Although I love my relatives and care for them I won’t go against what my husband says even if it means never talking to them. The tradition of our culture is for the bride to be “given away” by her father (or sometimes another man close to her will give her away) and given to her husband. In today’s world this means very little. It’s just one of those traditions we still cling to in ceremonies but it has no real meaning to our culture or our personal lives anymore because females have overall become independent of men both socially and economically. However, the giving away of the bride has a real symbolic meaning. Where once it was the obligation of her father or other male relatives to support her and protect her, at marriage she is now given to her husband and he is to assume responsibility for her. The man is not given away because men are supposed to protect and support themselves. There is a difference in hierarchy with the husband expected to “be a man” and assume a greater level of responsibility. I saw someone decrying the giving away of a bride at marriage as a “sexist” tradition a couple of weeks ago. Indeed, it is. But that is the intended purpose and the way marriage and society functions best.

Do We Really See Nothing Wrong With This???

Why do I see everywhere around me women getting married, having a baby and continuing working as if nothing at all has changed in their lives? I see also women having babies with some guy that they don’t even stay with for more than six months after the child is born and then they go off to college to pursue a degree. A baby changes nothing in their lives. And if any of these women do become “stay-at-home mothers” they still spend most of their time trying to find ways to make money! And we really see nothing at all wrong with this? I was visiting a friend yesterday and they have a new baby. The baby isn’t even more than about two months old yet the mother is working full-time and always gone. And we see nothing wrong with this at all? They actually have several kids, the oldest no more than five years old and yet the mother is always gone working and using her college degree. It’s always been that way since day one. Her husband apparently sees nothing wrong with this either. Tell me why the hell we have young women having babies then going off to college when the kids are just a few months old and looking for family members to take care of the kids while they’re gone? Also, most don’t even marry their boyfriends either and yet nobody sees anything at all wrong with this?? What has happened to us as a society? Let’s get it straight. If you have kids they should be your top priority. Mothers should not be encouraged to go off to work or pursue an education while they dump their kids off with whoever will take them and neglect forming a real and true relationship (as in marriage) with their child’s father. Money is masculine. The making of money is masculine. Making money requires competition and putting oneself out there to face the world and achieve. Fatherhood should strengthen a man’s goal to make money and motherhood should weaken a woman’s desires to do so. OOPS I forgot I’m not allowed to say that! I’m just supposed to sit here and say “you go girl!” to any woman who makes it out there in a “man’s world.” Mothers are encouraged to pursue college degrees and paid employment and nobody is supposed to say anything about it at all. I’ve heard several men say that they would love for their wives to stay home but that they would never ask them to do so. I mean, come on!! Do we really see nothing wrong with this? Isn’t it time somebody said something?? Women need to make the home top priority again and men need to actually be real men again instead of some pansies who just go along with what their wives say instead of being leaders and taking charge. When it’s all said and done that college degree is going to be nothing more than a burden leading to nothing more than financial debt, wasted youth and an inability to have the life you really want.