I find it ridiculous how the economy is constantly used to justify wives going out to work. I think of it like this: you wouldn’t send your children out to work no matter how bad off you were financially, would you? Of course not because they are dependent and it’s your job to support them (primarily, of course, the father’s job). You decided to have them and no matter what they are your responsibility. So how then is it justified for a man to send his wife to work just because things are bad financially? It should be his job to provide financially for his wife, whether he has to beg, borrow or steal. It’s his responsibility to do whatever it takes to make it. Just the same as he’d do whatever to make sure the children were fed and clothed and had a home to live in, so it should be with his wife. He’s married her and she should be his responsibility. Just as with the kids, if you can’t support and raise them then don’t have them. If a man can’t provide for a wife, then he shouldn’t get married.
First and foremost, my first caring is about my own life and that of my family. But I do care about this society that we live in. I don’t read the news hardly ever nor do I even care who’s running for president. It’s all the same to me. I try to stay off the internet except to do my shopping or check up on the blogs I link to or like to read. I know that I am different and that I have always been. I have never fit in with the crowd and I probably never will. But that doesn’t matter to me. I am who I am and if others don’t accept me then that’s their problem. Even the most seemingly insignificant things in life serve a purpose and without them there could be no balance and harmony in the universe.
When I first started writing I never dreamed I would ever build up a little community on the Web or that I would attract any attention at all. How many hits I have gotten on this site has been simply astounding to me. I know that there are a few of my friends and relatives that know about my site, although I cannot know how often or if they ever read what I write. If they like me that’s great, but if not then I do not care.
Although I will not start uncomfortable or controversial political topics with others, I will stand up for what I believe no matter who likes it or who doesn’t. If you want to ask me what I believe then I’ll tell you. Throughout history humans have been persecuted for what they believe. Many have even given their life for their faith and their beliefs. We live in a society that tells us to be who we are and we are told that we must accept everyone’s beliefs and everyone’s way of life- but what they really mean is that we must live and believe as they do. Nobody can be accepting of everyone’s beliefs as they will still always outcast and persecute those who do not accept everyone’s beliefs. You can be who you are, as long as it is what they say you should be.
Over time I have been contacted by several women and even a couple of men. It means a lot to me to read and hear from others who believe as I do. In the society we live in today it’s controversial (and that’s putting it tamely) to even say that a man should support his wife. In reality it should just be assumed that a man will support his wife but I have been treated with scorn and contempt from both sexes just for daring to say such a thing.
I remember how when I got married the preacher said that God calls wives to submit to their husbands. I didn’t think anything about it at all. I might have downcast my eyes shyly but there never registered even a hint of outrage nor offense inside of me. It seemed natural to me. I saw nothing wrong with it. This was before I ever even heard about feminism or women’s lib or domestic violence or anything. I remember being asked once when I was about sixteen if I was a feminist. I had no idea what a feminist even was. I said “sure, I guess” because I thought it was something about being feminine. Then I was informed it was about women’s rights and I said no, that I was not a feminist. In reality I had no caring of the sort about “rights.” I knew I might work for a little while but I always hoped to get married and have my husband support me and take care of me.
It was later that mistrust began to develop. Something was wrong with the world today but I did not know what. Women’s rights and feminism seemed like the way to go but it just didn’t feel right. Being “equal” didn’t feel right. It felt cold. It felt wrong. It felt unjust. It felt that way because it was- and is- cold, wrong and unjust. I started this site to be a voice for women, for families. Without men providing for and protecting women there can be no prosperity, no stable family ties, no civilization.
For the first probably three years of marriage I was always on guard fearing abandonment. It took about three years before I began to really believe that he was going to support me and that I could depend on him truly to do so. It took so long before I could even tell my husband I trusted him. He seemed to change after that. I know he wanted to protect me and support me from the beginning but it seemed to take on a different meaning after that. It has taken me years longer to really believe all the things he has told me to be the truth. Our past has not been easy and we have come through a lot. But I know now he will forsake all others for me, as I will for him.
Without my dependence on him I don’t think we would have made it. If he hadn’t been my provider I could not have felt so deeply for him as I always have. I might not have stayed if I had somewhere else to go. Yes, I have loved him since I was a teenager but that could never be enough. I had to know that I could trust him. The first step was his provision of me but I also had to believe the things he said to me. I needed to understand the truth and without knowing it I would do any crazy thing to leave, to get away, to ease the hurt inside. But now I think I understand that he is not lying to me, that I can trust what he says- especially about our past. There has been a mistrust that has characterized our relationship since the beginning and it has always been an antagonism between us, but all I’ve ever wanted to know is that I can trust him. I don’t give a damn about what anyone else thinks or believes and I never have.
I have been put down for being in the home. I feel like my family always tries subtle ways to get me to have a career- usually by instilling distrust of my husband in me and then *subtly* reminding me that I have not finished college. People always love to make “suggestions” about how I should seek employment to relive my apparent boredom or whatever else. A career is the cure-all for the modern woman. Heaven forbid a woman might find fulfillment outside of the workforce. I have literally been called names and been called lazy for not having a “job.” Funny, if I was a career woman they would never call me such things, even if I was divorced three times and had kids with several different fathers or engaged in frequent drunken one night stands. As long as I was a co-provider and didn’t ever depend on a man or the welfare system to support me or my kids I would be acceptable- no matter how crazy or hectic my life. But I do not care. Call me what you will. Throw stones if you will. I will not waver. I would die for a principle. I would die for what I believe.
Yes, I have changed my husband. That’s what women do. Men will change if their women demand it of them. He has changed for me. But I would never do him wrong. I can never disrespect him because he has worked hard all these years to take care of me. I have never really been able to say anything bad about who he is today even when I am angry. Even though it is a rare occasion indeed that he ever does any housework or childcare I’ve never called him lazy. I could never do that because he takes care of me.
My house is not always spotless. We actually live in the house so it is impossible for it to be spotless all the time. Yet I work hard everyday. I’m not some Stepford wife nor do I believe the 1950s were the golden age of the family. I don’t even think that’s ideal. I don’t want to change the world. Sure it would be nice but that’s a pretty big goal and I just don’t think I have the dedication that would take. I know everyday this site gets many hits from search engines. I don’t know everything people search for. I don’t know who’s reading this. I may never know who my writings impact. I alone cannot save this culture. Maybe there is no saving it, but it is my hope that I can at least save a few individuals.
There is a real sadness in my heart when I look at the world around me. This website gives me an outlet to express my frustration, my hopes and my beliefs and put them out there for the world to see. I hope that this site will bless those who read it and be a help to those looking for answers. Of course, I cannot have all the answers for anyone nor have I ever claimed to but I hope maybe this site can be a help to guide someone in the right direction or guide them to whatever it is they are seeking.
Those who have supported me throughout these years of writing are of many cultures, many religions and speak many different tongues. I thank you for making this site what it is today.
And to my husband, my love, the father of my child, thank you for sticking by me and for your continued support. May we be different from the world and may we have many long years together.
May you always keep strong in your beliefs,
The Radical One
What sense does it make to have a career before marriage if you plan just to be a housewife or stay at home mother? How on earth can you expect employers to not discriminate when your plan is to work for a few years and then just up and quit or plan to take a lot of time off? Of course this brings up the point of why the women’s movement had to abolish legal protections for housewives and also to degrade her role and promote full-time work for women, regardless of their marital status and regardless whether or not they have children. If society just assumed that women would quit their work after marriage then it would be unreasonable for employers not to discriminate. As it now stands, however, it’s illegal to discriminate no matter if the woman plans on getting married and no matter if she has children, which just complicates everything and honestly disrupts businesses.
What sense does it make to keep giving leave to women to take off for their menstrual cycles and for childbirth when instead companies and businesses could just hire men who would ultimately be more reliable? Besides, women in the workforce cause problems and make it hard for men to really get any work done. Also, there are the issues of sexual harassment and the like that wouldn’t even be issues if men didn’t have to work beside women so much (and if we went back to the days where a good old-fashioned slap across the face and men’s chivalrous duty to protect the honor of women took care of a man who was getting a little too fresh).
It doesn’t make any sense to me why women would waste years in college and get a career just to up and quit it. Also, I believe it is just plain awful to leave children in daycare or with babysitters/other family members just so you can go off to work or so that the parents can fight and divorce. The memories of my childhood are nothing more than warring parents and riding the bus to daycare after school. My childhood was hell because of it. We talk all the time about “the best interests of the child” but in reality this is nothing more than code speak for “don’t say anything politically incorrect” and a justification for gender-neutral policies and laws.
The feminist movement knew it was bad news if women just wanted to be housewives and if society accepted that women should be housewives because it would ruin all their plans of women becoming fungible with men. If society saw that the ideal was for women to be housewives and care for their children and love and obey their husbands after marriage then our customs would change to favor men in the workforce on the logical basis that the men would more than likely be sole providers for families one day and the logical basis that a woman would have a husband to provide for her. Society would also see that women need protections due to the vulnerability that comes along with being dependent in their traditional roles. Denying protections to women and degrading traditional women goes along with feminism’s plans to make all women independent from men and to refute any thoughts of women being potential mothers and weaker and more vulnerable than men.
If on the other hand society sees that married women should have careers then the protection of women isn’t even an issue and nobody cares. Indeed, that’s what we have today- nobody cares. But we need to care. Men need to provide for and protect women and society should impose these responsibilities upon men as it is ultimately in the best interest of all of society.
More on anti-discrimination:
A wife getting involved in her husband’s business should ultimately be looked upon as a bad thing. Men used to be shamed if their wives worked and a married woman getting involved in business was frowned upon. I see a lot of women whose husbands have home businesses and in almost every case the wife is working full-time in the business (most generally by sitting in an office all day). But a wife getting involved in her husband’s business is still engaging in paid employment. She is not dependent upon her husband but rather she is a business partner with him, and this removes her from her traditional role. It is a husband’s job to fully financially support his wife. A husband asking his wife to work in his business or contribute to it full or part-time in a significant way is an assault against her traditional role and an assault against her right to be supported by her husband. It is one thing to ask the wife about something she may be skilled in occasionally but another for her to be involved fully or partially in his business. Any activity or work that goes towards the provision for a family is the husband’s responsibility or the responsibility of the adult males in the household (say if there was an older or adult son of working age still at home).
For the most part, a wife should stay out of her husband’s business. Under coverture, husbands controlled property and money and were fully responsible. For the most part, what the husband does is his own business and he should not be obligated to explain himself to his wife. He should be held fully financially responsible for whatever occurs or whatever he does. It is his responsibility to support the family and he should be called to answer and be held responsible for whatever the outcome. The working world should be seen as “men’s business,” as should political affairs and, although single women have always been able to have their careers and independence if they so chose, women should, as a general principle, stay out of it. The wife can spend her time engaging in feminine pursuits, chores around the house, caring for children and others, being social (or not), engaging in hobbies that interest her, and being there for her husband, children, family and friends when they need her.
A woman should leave the working world to her husband and a husband should not involve his wife in his business and affairs. A man asking his wife to engage in productive work which goes towards the provision of the family is asking for his wife to help provide for his household, which is also to say he is asking his wife to help provide for him. Truly masculine men do not need the protection and support of women.
“For, at present, the law protects the persons and the weakness of women to an extent far beyond anything they might legislate for themselves.
Public opinion, almost chivalric in its courtesy among Americans, goes even further, and gracefully yields privileges, which will be best understood when lost. Will suffrage preserve this? Deprive women of such protection, and place them on a sheer equality with men, to struggle for their rights at the ballot-box, and they cannot but suffer by a direct competition, which would create an antagonism…”(1)
Young men need direction and young women need protection. These are the facts of life that the egalitarian culture refuses to acknowledge. Most view those that believe in traditional gender roles as being extremely religious and view anyone pro-patriarchal as believing that women should bear as many children as possible and as being extreme right-wing and conservative. But that does not describe us all. Though I am conservative on a lot of issues I am also liberal in many ways and though I do love children I will never have anymore.
Once upon a time my greatest dream and fantasy was to have children. My head was filled with thoughts of nursing an infant from my breast and being married to a man who would take care of me for the rest of my life. I was a starry-eyed innocent teenage girl who still believed the good in the world. I was innocent and naive about anything outside of the box that I lived in. But I am no longer that little girl. The thing about innocence is that once it’s lost it can never be regained. It is simply gone forever.
I am married. I am a mother. I married young and only had one child before discovering the realities of life in the post-feminist world. I learned I was not safe. My marriage and child was in no way a mistake, but I knew it could never happen again. I need security. I need to know that I will be safe. But since I know I am neither secure nor safe my womb will forever remain scarred closed and barren. It’s not the way it was supposed to be, but then again the fantasies of a young girl are generally far removed from reality. That’s why they’re called fantasies. Security must be a prerequisite for childbearing. It isn’t just a selfish issue either. Not only do women need that security but the children do as well. My mind simply cannot reconcile the capabilities of the womb with the egalitarian culture. I will not bear female burdens if I will be treated like a man. I cannot bring children into this world unless I know that marriage is to last a lifetime and that I will have a home to live in and financial support to raise my children to adulthood. The average marriage today doesn’t even last half as long as the time it takes to raise a child to adulthood.
Even if I know I can trust my husband I cannot trust that I will be secure if anything ever happened to him. We live in a time where everyone thinks they have rights to a child (all in the *best interest* of children, of course) and even married couples have lost custody of their children to outsiders. Mothers have even lost custody of their children to roommates. Everyone from sperm donors, roommates, grandparents and customers victims of IVF mix-ups think they have rights to a child (and are commonly granted them) these days.
I need to know I’m secure if I am ever to bring another child into this world. I know I am not and so I cannot have them. A man can even walk out and divorce his pregnant wife (even if she’s pregnant with his child) these days. If I was ever widowed or abandoned what would become of me and my children? Men do not collectively protect and support women as a general moral principle these days so it is unlikely any man will step up to take responsibility for me and marry me if I ever was left alone for some reason.
“…The ballot will substitute for this tenderness equal rights; then must all else be equal and common…”(1)
I will be a faithful wife and mother but it doesn’t matter. I am guaranteed no financial support from an ex-husband even if I’ve done nothing wrong. At best I might get some temporary support for a year or two just for the sole purpose of “rehabilitating” myself and going back to the workforce (because apparently being a housewife is akin to having some problem and at divorce I will be expected to get treatment- like an education- to cure the problem and live a normal healthy life by having a career). Not only am I guaranteed no support but I’m expect to provide support. I am not even guaranteed that my infant children will not be ripped from my arms just because my husband wants to abandon me, or, if I’m widowed, that some other in-law or anyone with a connection to my children won’t make some claim to them. Society already sees housewives as deadbeats contributing nothing so my financial dependence will be seen as yet another a strike against me as a mother.
These are serious issues. Families are in a bad way right now. If I am ever to have children I need to be assured that they will grow up in a secure environment. It is true that under coverture a husband held sole rights to the children, yet he also was responsible. He could not obtain a divorce anytime “just because” and he had the legal obligation to provide support for an innocent ex-wife for her entire lifetime, or at least until she remarried to another man that would support her. He also had to be solely responsible to provide for his legitimate children whether he was still married to their mother or not. He had rights because he had responsibilities. Now it is an “anything goes” situation and there is no security for women and children. Even if we take out the gender issues this is still a bad time to have children (not that there’s ever been a perfect time to have them).
Only within security and love could I ever bear children and since it is unlikely that women will ever have security during my reproductive years I will not have them. And it’s true, a woman’s husband doesn’t have a choice in the matter. If she is not guaranteed security from him and support and protection then the flip-side is that he doesn’t get a right over her womb. He does not have to support her and neither does he have rights over her. It goes both ways.
Feminism and MRAism exist for no other purpose than to put antagonism between the sexes and make men and women distrustful of each other. And what a good job it does! In our world today every woman is a slut until proven chaste, so a good girl never has half a chance. Men don’t have to be responsible for women they impregnate. Men don’t support and love women anymore. Even many married men are distrustful of their wife’s chastity, and probably with good reason. Words cannot describe the damage, anguish and suffering this does to women who only want to be wives and mothers.
“The feminist campaign to do away with the double standard is an attempt to remove this class distinction and make all women “good.” Instead, it is making all women “bad,” creating the Garbage Generation in the process. The predicament lamented in “Thanks for My Child” has the consequence that women can no longer trust men and men can no longer trust women.”(2)
There is not a shred of security left for women and children. By the time I was born feminists had already insisted they spoke for what I really wanted and had already removed any security I might have had. By the time I was born there was nothing left. Things will change one day but who knows if it will be for the better or if women will have to live under some kind of third-world male tyranny the way MRAs want. I cannot take that chance. I cannot gamble that me and my children will be OK. Having children is serious business that nobody is taking very serious. Even if our laws and attitudes changed tomorrow, ours is a lost generation as we cannot turn back the hands of time to undo what has already been done.