Tag Archives: femininity

The Wake-Up Call

Sometimes in my spare time I like to watch old classic and vintage movies and TV shows. A while back I was watching a show called The Real McCoys. In one of the episodes, Grandpa and all of the guys were sitting around talking and one of the men starts chiming in about how he “runs his house” while all the men praise him as some sort of hero for it and it seems, at least on the outside, that what he’s saying might be true as it appears that his wife is doing what he’s telling her to do. Then one evening, however, the men are sitting around at his house (the guy who was doing all the talking about how he “ran his house” and “ran” his wife) drinking beer and playing cards when his wife comes home and they go in the bedroom and start arguing, with the wife complaining about the men being there and the husband then apologizing to her and everything. Meanwhile, all of the guys have their ears pressed up against the door listening to the whole conversation and hearing the wife berate the husband for having the guys there so late at night in the house. The guys then back off when they hear the couple coming out of the bedroom, look at each other kind of disappointed-like and say they better be getting home. Later on in the episode when they’re all alone, Grandpa tells his grandson, Luke, that all that talk about him “running” his grandmother was a load of hogwash. He then confesses that it was only true half of the time, and the other half of the time she “ran” him. Not only that, but he also confesses to his grandson that “…The truth is, I guess I just kinda miss it.” He says all this to his grandson and tells his grandson that he has a good and sweet wife, and he just didn’t want to see him go and ruin his relationship with her.

The truth of the matter is, a man’s authority is never 100%. A man is only given authority to fulfill his responsibilities to provide for and protect his wife and children or anyone else that is depending on him. A man also must have standing in order to assert authority; meaning, a man must be operating in his rightful role and fulfilling his responsibilities in order to be able to claim any kind of genuine authority over a woman (or anyone else).

To put it another way, consider how the courts consider if a person’s “rights” have been violated. A person must first have some sort of standing to be able to make a claim to some sort of rights or violation of rights. Take the instance of, say, a claim of an “unreasonable search or seizure.” An example would be when law enforcement come and search you or any property you have in your possession or a place where you are staying. An individual would first have to make a showing to the court that they not only had a right to be in the place that they were at, but also that they had a legitimate interest in or right of ownership to the property. If the individual doesn’t own the property, live there and maintain it, isn’t lawfully occupying it (long-term or temporarily), or has simply disposed of the property and shown no further interest in it, then the individual has no standing in regards to the property and thus there has been no violation of rights- because the individual had no right to the property in the first place or was only using or occupying it for unlawful and illegitimate purposes.

A woman is under no obligation to obey her husband if he is in the wrong. Also, sometimes a man may not realize the consequences of his actions and sometimes he falters, as well. In such a case it is up to his wife (or in some cases perhaps even his children) to tell him that he’s in the wrong and that he’s hurting them or depriving them of some legitimate need that they have a right to (a “legitimate need” being any physical need that is his responsibility to provide- food, shelter, clothing- or, in some instances, a true psychological need such as affection or love). As well, sometimes a man simply doesn’t realize that his actions are harming his family, harming his wife, or even that there’s a problem in the first place. In this case, if a woman never stands up for herself then nothing is ever going to change. No matter what men like to say, the truth of the matter is that most women have to make men grow up and take responsibility or else they never really will.

I think there was a true wake-up call for my husband yesterday. I didn’t go out and take on paid employment or anything like that, but I have been doing a lot of work to help my husband with activities and responsibilities that rightfully fall within his domain. Last night, however, the stress of it all was just getting to me too badly and my husband sat there at the table and watched me cry my eyes out. I was stressed, I was hurting, I was deprived of rest, angry towards him, and simply couldn’t take any more. Not only that, I’m a woman and deal with female issues too that were hitting me pretty hard. It was at that point that things changed, especially after a text message that was taken the wrong way. I was telling him how stressed I was and then the next thing I know I had a message come across with him telling me how he was going to come home and pop the cork on a bottle of wine and have a drink.

I began to get belligerently angry at that point and told him he was an idiot (YES I said those exact words), slammed down the phone, dropped everything I had been doing to help him and went right back to what I should have been doing all along- my duties as a wife and as a mother.

When he came home he said that it was taken out of context and that he just intended for us to relax together that evening, but nonetheless, I took it as him saying he was going to come home and start drinking while I sat there doing work that he rightfully should have been doing. I told him, plain and simple, that I had duties to fulfill as a wife and mother and those duties did not include fulfilling his responsibilities while he came home and sat around drinking! Though that was never his intention to do and it only came out wrong, it nonetheless got me thinking that there are a lot of women who deal with this exact same thing (as well as many other issues with their men). And guess what? Things will never change unless a woman makes it clear to a man that his behavior is not acceptable and refuses to go along with it. After I went off on him and refused to touch his responsibilities, guess who stopped watching television and started doing what he should have been doing in the first place?

Inside of marriage or outside, men just simply aren’t going to grow up if women are not making them do so. They aren’t going to marry, they aren’t going to be responsible husbands or fathers or ANYTHING unless women start demanding it of them. And it doesn’t matter one bit what men say. There’s such a thing called “talking shit”- and men- all men- do a lot of it. But in the end, women DO have the power to make men act better and change their ways. A woman does this with her love, a woman does this by being chaste and being a dutiful wife and mother and clearly communicating her needs to a man. Most of all, a woman does this by refusing to participate in activities that harm her, that go against what is right, and by refusing to submit to a man who is not operating within his rightful role or assuming his rightful responsibilities.

Also, a wife and mother has authority over her children as well as certain aspects of the household, which also means she has certain responsibilities therein. If she must do the man’s duties, then she must neglect her own responsibilities or else do both while her health and well-being suffers and the man is given free rein to act immature and irresponsible. I put down what I was doing for him, refused to touch it again as it had been consuming too much of my time and putting unnecessary stress on me and went to do my own duties. Ultimately, most men would probably much prefer it this way anyway, as it means the feminine things are taken care of.

I relaxed this morning. Even though I didn’t get all that much sleep, I still oddly felt like I had rested enough (probably because a lot of the strain was gone) and I laid in bed a bit longer while my daughter was up getting ready for school until it was time for her to leave. If nothing else, I was psychologically more at peace. It’s unreasonable, especially when I already deal with feminine issues that really hit me hard to also deal with male responsibilities. (My husband used to think things like “PMS” and the like were just women exaggerating- until he got married. Now he sees first hand, EVERY MONTH in symptoms that last for at least one to two weeks, how hard those things really do hit women and how much of a stress it is and what women actually go through- including a lot of physical pain and emotional strain- on account of our biology.)

I spent the morning doing all the girly things I do and taking care of the home. Nothing is neglected in the home now as it’s all pretty and clean and smells nice. He bought me a pretty shaded up-lamp yesterday and I put it in the kitchen for decoration and to give some soft lighting and I like to light up candles, spray freshener in the room and keep some flowers on the counter-top to make things all pretty, as well as make sure the floors are freshly swept and mopped. I like to take my time in making my own home in my own soft and feminine ways and always smiling while I do so.  As a wife and mother, even after many years, I’ve still kept my beautiful figure, pretty long hair, still stay freshly showered and wear makeup and pretty clothes, still act feminine and girly, and keep the house fresh and clean and everything organized. I like all the girly feminine things. He keeps me, loves me, protects me and has sheltered me for all these years so I get to remain all soft and fragile-like and feminine. It’s also the best anti-aging regimen one could ask for.

There’s nothing more wonderful than keeping a beautiful (even if only a simple) home and having a loving family. So always pass such wisdom on to your daughters and teach them the ways to be feminine, chaste, and keep a good home and love their husbands and family with all their hearts.

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My Covering

My Covering

I try to do my best every day to obey my husband and do what he tells me to do. Inside I feel like God has favored me by giving him to me as my covering; my provision and my protection. He shields me from the world, keeping me there under his wing and in his love. He is my choice. I chose him so long ago whenever I was young. Even in the times that I didn’t want to follow him, I still did, because I didn’t always have much of any other choice. I went with him, as he is my only source of provision in this life so I followed where he led. If he doesn’t listen, then he causes me pain and suffering. If he doesn’t understand, I hold that resentment inside. That’s why he must listen to what I say to him, to the things that my heart needs inside. He must listen to me with love and understanding as he was called to do, putting me above all others, as I do with him in return.

But there is love unimaginable. Whenever I’m lying there with him in the night, I know that I’m safe. It’s safe to let him inside of my body. I can take every bit of him in with love, as I know I’m safe to do so. He’s my covering and I don’t have to fear his abandonment come the morning. I can’t describe that feeling nor that joy whenever he’s inside of me. Sometimes I wonder how anything could ever feel or be so good. To be filled physically by one and only one man that I love and rely on, I know it’s safe to simply open up and relax. There’s something wonderous in the way my female form was made. I love the feel of it, to relish in it.

I don’t feel degraded when I’m lying there under him. In some sense I do feel inferior, but it is only in a good way; inferior in the sense that I know I’m subject to him, yet I have worth and value beyond compare, value that goes far beyond just the physical. All I have to do is ask and he’d give it to me. I know that I am cherished above all other women, beloved above all others. My position is important. There’s something so precious about it, to know how he invades me on the inside, and how I long for him to do so. The most private and intimate of things that I delight in in wonderment, that I would be horrified beyond words to just share with anyone. It’s beautiful beyond words the way my body was made. I have no reason to be scared or sad after the act is over, as it is an act of love, and not of temporary perversion, of the man that I love, of the only man who has ever lain with me, the same man who I have relied on for years.

The way I love him when I’m scared or in danger, the way I come to him. Many times has he picked me up in his arms and carried me; many times have I rested my head against his chest and let him protect and hold me. So easy is it for him to overpower me, but I know he would never hurt me. I delight in the feeling and strength of his arms. The few nights that I have ever been without him were nights of loneliness, pain and fear. If I left him temporarily, it’s like his covering was removed from me, and I was extremely frightened. I’ve always depended on him for my livelihood, knowing no other life but a truly patriarchal one. Yet I know I’ve never been oppressed. I have been favored and loved. I pursue my dreams and passions, yet I do so there under his covering. And I do know the power he has over me in that I have no means to provide for myself. And it’s OK. If I’m depending on him then I need him. If he is providing for me, then I know I am secure. When there is no mixing of the roles, then there is no confusion or contempt. I ask him for the things I need. I feel happy and free. Free to be soft, feminine, devote myself to my home and family and focus on being a woman. His covering allows me to be a feminine woman who doesn’t have to toughen up to focus on advancing in the work world. I don’t have to devote my time to hardening myself and focusing on moving up the career ladder.

Coverture has protected me from being out in the world to be raped, abused, harmed or harassed by other men, or by others in general. Sometimes when I have gone through hard times I’ve stopped and wondered, asked, that if there was really a God out there, then what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to be? For the last few months I’ve felt this voice inside of me, perhaps an intuition trying to guide me, that speaks to me. But that voice has never told me to be independent, to go out and conquer the world or anything of the sort. The only thing that I hear inside is this voice telling me just to be a woman. And there is something precious inside. My very feminine essence I feel is so precious. And it’s precious when I’m with him, most precious of all the way I feel when he’s inside of me, most precious when he kisses me. I’m odd for the times we live in today, but I am no different than the women who came before me. Above all, I was made to be a woman. I was made to be loved and to be delighted in, that feminine essence inside of me so powerful and unique.

 

Recommended:

The red pill philosophy in action

 

 

Listen To Me, Pt. I

I’m not here to say that everything’s OK, because it’s not. I’m not trying to say that everything will be OK in the future, because perhaps it never will be. A repeated question that I have asked myself over the years goes a little something like this: Why me? Good God why me? Why am I so different from everyone else? Why am I such a freak of nature? (Because that’s how I view myself at times, though I’ve learned to embrace it and have gained more self-confidence over time.) I feel what it is that I feel inside, and it just doesn’t go away. But perhaps I’m meant to teach you, to show you a different way than what this world and society tells us. So, if you are a young woman reading this, I do want you to listen up.

And I look at the stats that this site gets oftentimes, and I get a lot of hits from search engines like Google- a ton in fact. There also seems to be a lot of interest in people searching for whether or not married women should go to work and things like that. No matter the lies the mainstream media and Hollywood try to sell us, all is most definitely NOT settled in the hearts and minds of the modern-day woman (or probably not man for that matter either). I try to do the best that I can to teach and to help, because I feel that I was made to write, made to express myself. Of course, for the life of me I can’t figure out why anyone would follow me, it seems people do. So I want to tell young girls and women just starting out in life of a different way to be and to live, to tell something different than what you are hearing all around you and to tell you that it’s OK to stay strong in those beliefs, even though I will tell you that you are going to face a lot of criticism from those around you, especially your feminist mothers and grandmothers.

I know even my own mother, as much as I love her, hates my marriage because I’ve always been dependent on my husband. They want me to be independent at all costs. My maternal grandmother also disowned me last year as well, not only for my differing religious beliefs but political ones as well. They are the type of women who you will hear wanting the goods of tradition yet boasting that “Women are becoming more independent” and saying things like “It’s still a man’s world- but all that is changing now!” Most likely these types will be Republicans and conservatives/moderates who are anti-abortion and pro-Trump supporters. They will tell you how abortion is evil and how they aren’t feminists and don’t hate men yet at the same time be like “You go girl! Get that college degree! Depend on nobody but yourself!”

Sometimes I go through this alone, it seems, and I know that there are plenty of other young women who want a different and better life than what their own mothers lived. You’ve seen their failures, their misery, their stresses, multiple marriages, and the whole juggling career/motherhood thing that just doesn’t work. They can’t seem to keep a man around, or only attract bad ones and drag them in and out of marriage counseling every other year and continuously get burned to where they eventually just give up entirely on men. But there is a different way.

I will tell you now not to waste your youth. But I don’t say this because there is some kind of “wall” where a woman loses all value once she hits a certain age- there’s NOT and don’t believe anyone who tells you there is (namely low-value men with revenge fantasies against the women who rejected them in their youth). It’s only that there is something special about bonding with a man from your youth. There’s something precious about it and relationships established during your youth cannot be replaced. Guys shouldn’t waste their youth either because it’s important for bonding, loving and building a life with someone but I’m mostly here to talk to the girls.

I was a mere 16 years old when I first met him and bonded to him and I wasn’t much older whenever we married. And since I have depended on him the entire time, I’ve never known any other life other than the one I have lived with him. It’s hard to explain how that feels. For a man, it wouldn’t be the same, but for a woman, it changes everything. I’m very soft and delicate because he’s taken care of me (but don’t think that makes me weak, because I’m anything but it). Yes, I cry. No, I’m not a child, but neither am I a man. I have emotions and I express them, but he understands that. In fact, he says that’s one of the things he loves about me. The world we live in today wants to medicate away those emotions and call them unhealthy. Abusive men seek to employ psychological techniques to try to silence a woman’s emotions and “manage” them (which only causes the situation to get completely out of hand).

But that’s not love. That’s not bonding. That is annihilating the very feminine essence that makes a woman precious and unique. He understands me like no other. I can be a handful to manage at times, but he just holds me when I cry until I calm down. After a while I stop crying because he’s calmed me and I just lean into his chest and bond to him all the more. And that bonding is also a highly a sexual bond. If I don’t desire him, then I’m not feeling bonded to him.

In the world we live in today, sex is promoted as a casual and androgynous thing, and if you, as a woman, cannot reach orgasm, then it is obviously because you don’t know enough about your body, aren’t “empowered” enough and aren’t expressing yourself enough and being vocal about your needs, etc.. etc… but I fail to see the wisdom in this mainstream bullshit- and so should you.

I’m not ashamed to cry. I’m not ashamed to want bonding and love. Last night I reached for him, desiring him, because I wanted to feel secure and loved in his arms. He didn’t have to abuse me or hurt me to make me desire or want him. In fact, it has always been quite the opposite. Yes, it’s a personal thing for sure, but I have said before that I’ve never had a problem orgasming. I’ve also said before that I don’t masturbate, I don’t engage in stupid games and role play. I don’t get all “kinky” or anything. I don’t like that stuff. It strips away, in my mind, what the real and true meaning of sex and the purpose of it is. And if you think for one moment that it’s boring or anything of the sort then you’re wrong.

I try to explain what goes on in my head, though it’s kind of hard sometimes. In my mind it’s so sweet. I was given to him when I was so young and I depended on him to protect me, provide for me and lead me. And even now, I’ve never truly known anything else. I refuse to believe that I’m some freak of nature just because I can have an orgasm! It’s funny how in the modern world women are so empowered and are supposed to be sexually liberated but most have never even had an orgasm during sex and then you see articles and talk about how maybe it’s not even natural to have one!

But it seems so natural inside. I’m just simply expressing and feeling what is feminine so deep inside of me. And the truth of the matter is that the most feminine women are emotional, don’t make any sense, and are largely dependent on a man to take care of them. That is just a fact of life. Like I’ve also said before, the thought of paid employment has always weighed heavily on my heart because it would strip away my dependence on him. It would separate me from him. It changes the game entirely and that’s why I’ve always had a problem with it. But I am by no means lazy. I work hard every day. I’m up before the sun every morning, yet I’m still feminine. I’m still dependent.

I have no obligations outside of the home, then I just submit myself to my husband and rely on him. Sex is good and beautiful and part of what makes it so is because I’ve been with him- and only him- since I was so young. I don’t like girl power positions or anything like that. I lay down and let him admire my body. It’s OK to let him inside because I know I’m safe. He gives me everything I need and it’s easy to relax in sex. It’s a psychological thing as well as an overwhelming physical thing. It’s only best when it completely overwhelms me. I can feel him so deep inside of me, and that’s what’s precious about it. It’s precious because my sexuality is precious. It’s pure and sweet and there’s nothing degrading about it. I tell him that I feel bonded to him and feeling his strength and feeling him cover me is part of what makes it relaxing, when I feel safe.

I couldn’t ever see how I could feel the same being an independent, empowered woman. I’ve never known *how* I orgasm. I just do. I just feel that I’m a woman. It’s easy to open up to the same man you’ve been with since you were young and let him inside. It’s easy to share yourself that way. I’ve seen some red-pill types try to say that it’s impossible to keep being attracted to someone in a monogamous relationship, or that only “alpha” bad-boys can make a woman “wet.” I have to wonder what planet they are living on if that’s the way they live their lives. Even more than a decade on I’m still having sex with him, still desiring him.

When traditional gender roles come into play and the man is the leader/provider/protector a woman’s husband will always also be her lover (assuming she actually does love him). She will still desire him even when he lets his guard down and acts natural. Like I love my husband for who he is, so long as he’s being the man I need him to be. If he ever started trying to employ “game” on me or anything like that it would hurt me real bad. I’d pull away from him and not trust him. I’ve said before that the fact that I depended on him created an atmosphere of passion and love where I’d always long for him- and I did. We have always been best friends, companions, lovers. I’ve cared for him in his weak moments and laughed at his dorky ones. That’s the way it’s meant to be and I feel sorry for men out there who believe that the only options in life they have to keep a woman attracted is to either be the “alpha” who keeps a harem or to constantly go from woman to woman living the single life and never settling down. I also feel sorry for women who have to play games and let men treat them badly in order to be attracted to a man.

It doesn’t have to be that way. You can be deeply fulfilled and have passion beyond your wildest dreams. It’s Ok for him to lavish gifts on me because I belong to him and he provides for me. I know he thinks I’m beautiful and that doesn’t turn me off. There’s a big difference between some “beta” chump who goes around following a woman with puppy dog eyes lavishing gifts on her in the hopes that maybe- just maybe!- he might get a yes one day and a man that lavishes gifts on a woman because she belongs to him. I remember my own husband, when talking about something, making it clear that I belong to him when we were talking about him providing for me and everything.

And I will write more in the future. I just want to try to make a few pieces to share with younger women (especially I’m trying to aim for the girls in their teenage years especially to prepare them and help them) showing them a better way and life to live. You don’t have to start having kids right away (or have any at all), but bonding and allowing yourself to be given over to a man (hopefully one close to your age, even better if you grew up with him or went to school with him, so you can grow together) to take care of you in your youthful years can give you lasting bonding/passion and a stable life that will last for decades.

To keep this post from becoming any lengthier, I’ll write more in the future to try to delve deeper into the issues of sex, bonding, femininity, etc… But for the young girls out there, don’t start having sex with multiple men and babies with more than one guy, whatever path you choose in life. It’s OK to pursue a passion or dream that you feel called inside to pursue but if you pursue college education, career and independence just simply because that’s what society has told you to do or those around you like your family are pushing and pressuring you to do so, then you may never know the truth depth of femininity and bonding with a man that comes from relying on him.

 

Other Reading:

 

Why Women Shouldn’t Work

 

Mom for President

 

http://athriftyhomemaker.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-war-on-femininity-part-2-female-role.html

 

https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2015/12/31/always-listen-to-your-wife/

 

 

 

I Don’t Care About Money

I came home Sunday with plentiful money from work, but I didn’t care. I did nothing but cry the entire way home, in fact. I didn’t care about the money at all, because it’s not like it was making me happy. My first thought was to come home and throw all the cash to the wind. Within only a few days of having paid employment I’ve been able to put a lot of money back in savings, and while it’s nice to have, I really don’t like it.

We live in this world that tells women to go out and work and be independent. It amazes me as much as it sickens me the way our society is. It isn’t even thought that a man should be providing for his wife or that men should take care of women. Just suggest such a thing, and you have a mental disorder. Just suggest there are differences between men and women or that men should provide and you could start a damned riot (it’s happened).

If you look at family law, it makes no distinctions between sex. Instead of marriage being seen as an institution for men to provide for and protect women and children, it’s some genderless institution now were spouses provide for *each other.* The whole idea of marriage being about us providing for each other just makes me feel kind of sick. It makes me lose respect for marriage, for men, for society. Most people just cohabit these days, proving all the more that marriage has lost the deeper meaning that it once had and anyone who truly believes it has nothing to do with women having careers is retarded.

I know what I’ve always felt, that I wanted to bond with a man who would provide for me and take care of me. My senses are very dulled now. In some ways me going out and taking on paid employment (for the first time EVER in our marriage, and we’ve been married since I was practically a teenager) has helped the marriage because it’s confirmed what I’ve always felt in my heart and it’s made my husband become angry and want all the more to get up and stop acting like a wimp the way he had been acting. It’s also worth noting that I only took on paid employment to separate from him, lending further credit to the claim that women having careers is damaging relations between men and women and undermining the true meaning of marriage.

People look at me strange that I would be as old as I am with no career and little to no work experience. The good news for me is that everyone unanimously thought I was no older than 19 or 20 years old (my employer even asked if I was old enough to be serving alcohol over the phone (she didn’t have my app in front of her at the time to see my real age)).

Nobody believes I’m truly as old as I am, which also confirms that living a traditional lifestyle has preserved my youth, preserved my innocence and beauty and kept me more feminine. (It’s probably one of the best anti-aging secrets ever. Just be feminine, just be happy and joyful and full of love, depending on a man and admiring men in general and focusing on keeping fit and feminine and doing housework and helping your man and being there for him).

Guess what? I don’t care what people think. I feel no shame in not having had a career. If they reject me for that, it’s their problem. I don’t care what my mother or anyone else in the world thinks. I don’t want to live the way they do and have the disastrous relationships they’ve always had. I’m much happier being feminine. I take pride in NOT being a career woman. If anyone asks me I’ll simply tell them that I never believed women should really be out there working. We’re women, there’s no shame in being weak, or even unsuccessful for that matter. Being docile, being weaker, depending on a man, being soft and receptive are all feminine traits, and they are nothing to be ashamed of.

I think it’s better if us girls marry real young and stay under the protection and authority of a husband. It PROTECTS us. It keeps you from getting hurt by other men or swayed and it keeps women from running wild to their detriment and the detriment of families and children.

Is there really a better life to be had otherwise? So what if you marry real young and have a kid or two young and stay home? Are women really much happier screwing around and wasting their youth and beauty on men who don’t deserve them, don’t cherish or provide for them while they go pursue some meaningless career that won’t amount to anything true and real in the end?

While everyone likes and needs money, after a certain point, once your basic needs are met and you are comfortable, more money won’t make you any happier. Is the point of life really to make a six-figure salary especially when as a woman it’s not going to do anything for your sexuality or better your chances with anything other than some “weak” man who wouldn’t cherish you as a woman, for everything feminine and unique about you? And as a woman do you really want a man that needs or wants your money? A man who isn’t strong enough to provide for you or protect you, both from immediate danger and from the harshness of the world (which includes the burden of working out of the home)?

Yes, I have a paying job right now, but I don’t like the idea of it. Our daughter is moving into her preteen years (almost) so the burden of childcare isn’t what it once was, but just the simple fact that I have my own money means I don’t NEED my husband to provide. Yes, he provides for me still fully, but it feels more like I’m simply letting him do it, instead of truly relying on him and needing him to do it. I also know that I’m still needed at home. Who cares what the world thinks, a woman’s husband is supposed to be her authority. If she keeps the home and stays there, she only focuses on him. What others think doesn’t matter.

I get depressed at work. Thoughts keep running through my head that I should just go home and focus on the house and just be what I’ve always been, which is simply a wife and mother. I figure for now I’ll stay there as I’ve made friends and feel like I have a home away from home. I don’t know. I just figure I’ll stay unless or until they want to let me go or something happens in life where I know it’s truly time to quit and come home.

My husband does not like me working and does want me to come home. I’m not sure if I’m ready to come home though. I just don’t know. This is all very hard for me and very new. I just want to be the feminine woman I once was, keeping the home and loving my family with the same childlike innocence and demeanor that I always have, unconcerned about the outside world. I don’t care about independence. I don’t care about equal pay or any of the mainstream women’s rights bullshit. And I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of me. Their comments about me “getting a job” will not sway me, because I know who I am as a woman. As odd as it might seem, I don’t get into those kinds of conversations. There is no need. I just simply smile if anyone ever makes a comment about me having a career. I just simply let my femininity shine through and speak for itself. And trust me, men really don’t give a shit about your career, but they do care about your femininity.

A Woman Needs A Man’s Masculinity/ Random Rant

But you don’t understand these things that my soul longs for and needs on the inside. I could pull a million creative ideas out of my head, but I could never pull this sorrow from my heart…

I could write a million poems and novels that tell you of my heart, that tell you of my frustrations and my pain, but it will never cure me…

If you listen to those MRA types they’ll tell you that us women don’t want love and affection, yet we do.

I know what I need within my heart, to depend on a man to care of me. It doesn’t make me some gold-digger. It’s all in the motives. It’s only when I stop relying on him and stopping wanting him to provide for me that he should know something is wrong.

When I want and insist on doing for myself then he should know something is wrong.

When we walk down the street, and I don’t feel the need to hold onto him the way I used to; when my hands stay in my pockets instead of clutching onto his arm, then I’m not bonded to him anymore; I don’t need or want or even feel him anymore.

Providing for a woman doesn’t make a man weak, instead it is just the opposite. For years and years I looked up to my own husband, like he was everything. I never made my own money, I never cared for any life at all outside of my family. The fact that he provided for me meant that I needed him, and also that he held a power over me, which is something I always needed and wanted to feel. Do him wrong? “Divorce Rape?” I’ve never been powerful enough to do that even if I wanted to. And how could I take the kids if I’m depending on him just the same as they are???

I was very tame in my memoir, mostly because those in it are still alive. But I know my mother looked at me like I had some mental disorder because I don’t have some career, my grandmother’s always like “YOU DON’T NEED A MAN LIKE OMG! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”. My stepdad thinks the worst thing a man could do is to try and control a woman and thinks women should be INDEPENDENT and how dare them think a man should take care of them or support them (like, why would I want to support you, bitch?), yet he ends up with gold diggers bitches whores lovely feminine women like my own mother and his ex-wife who would screw him over with divorce rape and child support in a heartbeat, when traditionalist women don’t do those things, mostly because we CAN’T and we don’t believe in those kinds of things anyway. We’re the ones who believe in things like patriarchy and father custody (which is a part of patriarchy, a huge part of it) because we believe our men should be providing for our needs and taking care of us, because we don’t want to be independent women who do for ourselves and fight on the frontlines alongside the men. We want to be taken care of. We’re softer and less take-charge, though I’ve said it a million times, we are NOT DOORMATS.

But I say this- Direct that power in a way that protects me, that honors me, that cherishes me for now and always.

No, I don’t like it if he’s weak. It seems to do something to me inside- it seems to hurt my heart, because a weak man can’t give to a woman what she needs. Not that he can’t be weak at times. I’ve cared for him when he’s been injured, when he’s been down, the same as he has for me. A man can’t go around pretending there’s times when he’s not vulnerable, because that’s not reality, and we can connect the deepest sometimes when we are at our most vulnerable, because you trust that other person with all your heart and soul, with everything that you have and everything that you are.

You know, when I first heard a few years back that only like 20% of women actually orgasm through intercourse alone I thought it was a JOKE, but apparently it’s not. I was like, “Huh? I didn’t know there was any other way..?”

I guess I could tell the world that I could never have it any other way except for the way it’s meant to be naturally (Vibrators? What the hell are those, anyway?), and I can do that because I feel something inside, something feminine. While some women can’t get off once, I’m capable of it multiple times. Oops, yeah, you read that right. Us traditionalist girls do have a naughty side to us, too.

I think part of that is because as a woman I feel something so much more deeper sexually, with that capability to carry life inside of me (even if I don’t want to have more kids, just knowing I have that ability as a female) and to be able to take a man inside of me, gives sex a much more deeper meaning. It’s hard to explain, and I do honestly believe that I can feel and experience much more sexually than what a man ever could, that that is one way in which I, as a female, am superior in some way, but he’s superior in other ways and I love to admire that superiority, just the way that I’m sure that any masculine man who loves women admires those sexual parts of being female in which we are superior, like the ability to bring life into the world- something that men can’t do.

I want a man to be masculine, to be stronger, superior, etc… because something inside of me needs to depend upon him. I feel unhappy and a bit displaced otherwise, like nothing in life suddenly makes sense anymore. It’s kind of depressing, like I could look at him and say, “What’s wrong with you?? Don’t you get it?? Hello???” No, I don’t want you to treat me wrong or do me wrong, but I need you to grab me and tell me what I should be doing, or tell me that everything’s alright, because it’s not. It’s not alright.

Masculinity shouldn’t equate to being a huge jerk who has no honor. As I said, needing to feel a man’s masculinity as a woman means I need to depend on him, and you can’t depend on a huge jerk who you can’t trust who goes around playing women to get them in bed. No woman wants that, not truly. It’s not what she feels deep within her heart.

It’s when I’m trying to do for myself, that he’ll know I’m trying to distance myself from him, but I don’t want it that way. The masculine and the feminine are meant to go together, as one. We were made for each other and the feminists, masculinists MHRM, MRM, MRAs, MGTOWS, and on and on and INSERT RANDOM NAME HERE FOR THE NEXT GROUP OF LOSERS WHO PROBABLY NEVER GET LAID WHO CLAIM TO WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH MODERN WESTERN WOMEN  can’t change the fact that men and women still need each other and actually WANT to be with each other.