Category Archives: Thoughts & Poetry

A Woman Through and Through

A Woman Through and Through

I woke up this morning with the sweetest of all songs written upon my heart
My thoughts from the night having stayed with me even when the sun arose in the sky
Oh husband, oh lover, oh dearest friend of mine
Allow me to persuade you now with my words so pure and true
With this heart that is so tender and breaks so easily
This heart that gives and loves oh so faithfully
With this body that is small, yet tender, soft and yielding
I am soft on the inside, like the gentle wind that blows across the land at night
Let me take your worries and all of your fears
Come lose yourself deep within my depths
Let me sway you with the pleading in these soft green eyes when a gentle tear does fall from my face
I could never hurt you, only love you
My body is full and ripe, every curve made to receive your love
My soul does bleed so easily, when harsh words rip it to shreds
So I plead with you not to hurt me now
Be easy with your words and actions towards me
Even though I do persevere, I do still break so easily
With your arms that are so strong and sturdy, come wrap them around me
Run your fingers gently through my hair
Kiss me softly upon my cheek
Calm and protect me with your strength and abiding love
I cannot always know this mind of mine
But I do so well know my heart inside
My breasts are so soft and supple, caress them lovingly with your rough hands
Your touch brings a wave of pleasure so sweet and warm through me
My stomach is flat and smooth, my waist indented in the most poetic and beautiful way
My legs and back are strong
My feet are bare; their soles calloused from running across the rocks
My hair is scented to entice you, come inhale deeply of it
I let it grow so long; I have never cut it
But I think I understand it all now
My body and mind have matured
I am neither man nor child, but woman through and through
My mind, my sweet smell and my being all exclaim that it is indeed true
And a woman is what I’ll forever be for you

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He Must Already Be In Love

I must have written a million poems, countless unfinished novels, only to tear them all to shreds and throw them in the fire
I couldn’t find the words to say what was in my heart, couldn’t find my story to show you, this here, my one true desire

***

Remember these words that I say to you here
Whispered upon my lips like the sweetest song
No matter what he might say or what he might do
You can never make him wait too long

I want to feel the strength of your arms, the warmth and weight of your body
Come hold me, come touch and explore the preciousness and mess on the inside
I’ll give you my love, my fidelity
I’ll give you everything I am

But remember these words here that I say to you
No matter what he might say or what he might do
That you can never make him wait too long
He must already be in love
Before you give him your body
He must already prove himself to be true

Run with me through a field of flowers
Fill my heart with joy
I want to follow you
Protect me with your strength and provide for me from your means
Even though they may be meager

But remember all these things that I have ever said to you
Remember what I wrote
No matter what he may ever say or do
You can never make him wait too long
Before you give him your body
He must already be in love

Be my sweet covering
My husband, my love, be my everything
My strong fortress in times of war and strife
The advice and wisdom I seek
The only one to ever touch or hold me

But always remember these things here that I say he must do
It doesn’t matter the words he may speak
The only thing that matters is the commitment he will or won’t make to you

No matter what you might feel
You must see reality for what it really is
No matter the strong emotions he evokes inside
Let them wash over you like the incoming tide
But still, you can never make him wait too long

Guard your heart
Before you give him your body
Just remember this one thing
No matter what he says right now
He must already be in love

I Want You Here

…And the other night I dreamed that I lay beside him on the embankment, and we talked and laughed…

He may never let you back around again, but I still want you here
I tried to run away from you, I tried to flee, but it was no use
I’ll never be free of you
Come for me and make me yours, and I’ll give to you the most precious thing I have to give
I’ve hid nothing from this world
I wrote my poems for you, I wrote my novel for you
And to anyone who asks, I’d gladly tell them that I love you more than life itself, because I do
My heart will always war with the love I feel for two men, but I’d let none other touch me, because I’d want to come pure to you
I’m a bit older and wiser now, but these hips are still full, this waist still tiny,  and these breasts are still lush
I’ve fought you for so long now, but I can fight no more
I gave up, I gave in, and I told you how I still loved you
I’ve cried in pain without you here, and there’s nothing anyone can ever do to stop that
If I belonged to you, how much I could love you
I loved you as my family, and I loved you as a man
I thought it was all over, but I’m still falling deeper every day
I don’t want you to be gone anymore, I want you to stay
Because I want you here

“I looked at him then. He looked so good. I loved everything about him. I felt heat course through my body as I sat there with him, talking to him and quietly observing him. I began to get flushed. I felt so much inside how I longed to take all of him in, to receive him for who he was and who he might ever be- to accept and love him… Yes, I thought. Once the leaves fall from the trees, if he can prove himself real to me, then I shall give myself to him.” (Hunter, B.A., Memoirs of a Traditional Woman’s Rights Activist, 2016)

All or Nothing/A Woman’s Heart 

“And I remember so well that night so long ago the way he put his hand up high on the screen, and how when he walked through that door, how he took with him my heart.”

I never asked where he went or what he did. I never even cared. I remember it so distinctly the way his bad-boy game charmed me and melted away my heart. And I remember so well that night so long ago the way he put his hand up high on the screen, and how when he walked out that door, how he took with him my heart. I know that men will play games if we allow them to. And when we take into account that the most heinous of all wrongdoings are usually committed by those we love and trust the most, the portrait of humanity becomes even more bleak. But it will either be real or it will be nothing. He’ll say it real and he’ll say it true or he’ll get nothing at all. And if he doesn’t truly want me a part of his life, then he will live without me in it. For a woman to guard her sexuality so fiercely that any man lying with her will know that he is truly special, truly unique. Yes, truly irreplaceable. For indeed I may be a fool, but never the kind he may think me to be.

“For a woman to guard her sexuality so fiercely that any man lying with her will know that he is truly special, truly unique.”

And they look at us traditionalists and they call us simple-minded and weak. But childlikeness is simply a state of femininity. It is joyful laughter, playfulness, tender-heartedness and vulnerability. But there is much strength in feminine weakness. Look deep into these eyes and see the depths of maturity and love within them. I have never been a doormat nor a pushover. Stronger than he might have ever imagined, I remember that day when I turned and fled, never to return, as my heart and mind simply couldn’t take it anymore. He could not protect me nor defend or love me. Yet untouched by him, I ran away.

“I remember that day when I turned and fled, never to return… For indeed I may be a fool, but never the kind he may think me to be.”

Regard the fullness of these hips and the suppleness of these breasts as I gently lay back. Only in deep trust and love can I truly open myself to him. In my sweetest imaginings I lose myself so deeply in the moment. To feel his strength as he lays over me and envelops me in the protection of his arms and to reach for him to draw him closer and take him in ever deeper as agonizing waves of pleasure wrack my body. To ever imagine it as casual is nothing short of horrifying.  

“Only if I am sure, only upon seeing that he is real, can I ever open up, willing and ready, to receive masculine hardness deep into the depths of feminine softness.”

Because when I feel, I feel so deeply. When I love, I love so truly. I don’t want your 50 Shades of Grey, I don’t want your kink, I don’t want your metrosexual masculinity. Inside and out I am female, I am feminine, I am woman. I know I told him so many lies so that he might never know just how long I truly burned for him. Every woman wants to believe, as he is lying over her, that he is real, that he is true. So kiss me so softly, so deeply. My heart is torn and pulled in every direction. There remains a bittersweet sickness in the pit of my stomach. Only if I am sure, only if I can see that he is real, can I ever open up, willing and ready, to receive masculine hardness deep into the depths of feminine softness. 

“I know I told him so many lies so that he might never know just how long I truly burned for him…My heart is torn and pulled in every direction.”

But can I run to him and will he be there? If I call to him will he answer? I pulled back, I dissapeared. I was gone so long. I spent so much time in pain. I was physically sick, mentally destroyed. But if he must wait for it then, if that day ever arrives, you know it will be so good. But can one wait forever? For so long I dreamt that he would come for me. A woman’s fantasies invaded my mind. But it will be real and true, or it will be nothing at all. A woman’s body is a gift to be given to a man out of love. The opening up an expression of trust; to allow a man, once he has proven himself, to invade her privacy and take all of her the way other men may not- because he is truly special, truly unique and irreplaceable. It will never be easy. It was never meant to be. Only when it’s real, only when he’s real. Only when it’s true, only when he’s true. 

“But it will be real and true, or it will be nothing at all…But can one really wait forever..?”

I never wanted to be anywhere but here. My heart grows sick when I think of the loneliness and emptiness of the world. Never leave my life, never let me go. I’ve been dead inside so long, I know. But after all these years I can finally feel. I am human, I am real. So hold me in love, hold me in truth. Love awaits, but only when it’s real, only when it’s true. You know I’ll never beg, I’ll never plead. If he doesn’t want me in his life, then he’ll forever live without me in it. But God knows I’ve never been happy that way. I’ve never been happy without him in my life. It’s no secret, anyone can see. Days are devoid of meaning when time fails to heal the pain. But I live with that pain, because I won’t settle. No, one can’t wait forever. But if love and life are a journey, is there ever indeed a finish line?

“So hold me in love, hold me in truth. Love awaits…But if life and love are a journey, is there ever indeed a finish line?”

Passion II: Fantasy

“I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me…

My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him…

I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer…” (Song of Solomon 5:2;4;6, KJV)

Last night I had the sweetest dream
I dreamt that he came to me
And he filled me so completely
He was exactly as I imagined he would be

I woke up still in a daze, eyes glazed
It all felt so real

For years he knows he’s captivated my thoughts
Passionate feelings of both love and hate

Delicate beauty in the flower of youth compared to the lines upon his face
Memories that time will never erase

Once upon a time it’s true that he took care of me
But he’s not the same person that he used to be

He can never be all I imagine him to be
No more, no less, he is but a fantasy

“He leaned forward slightly and a dark face took form from the shadows, a form as beautiful as Orignial Sin must have seemed to Eve, with all its lure and its pain. As eyes the smoky green of storm seas caught hers and held, a phrase from Milton’s Paradise Lost whispered through her mind:

‘His form had yet not lost
All his original brightness, nor appeared
Less than Archangel ruined…'”(Monson, Stormfire, 1984)

He does nothing but play games with my heart
He can never see fit to make me a part of his life
Compared to one who would make me his wife

I’m floating like I barely exist
I imagine his touch and I burn with desire
But I look into his eyes and I know he’s a liar

He’s become a temptation, but I will resist
Not so hard to do when half the time he pretends like I don’t exist

Got this petite 110-pound frame;
Half woman, half child, with this .68 WHR
Any man would want it
But I’ll be neither used nor abused

I’ll never be any man’s mistake
Nor will I give myself away to a man who in the long-term won’t stay

I’ll never come to him
But instead stay with what’s true and real

What happens when the fires burn out?
One offers me security and love
The other nothing but heartbreak and doubt

He says to me “come” but I never will
Because he’s just a fantasy
And that’s all he’ll ever be

Fine wine sweetens my tongue and blurs my mind
I only wish that time I could rewind

Inside there’s strong emotion tied to aching need
But I’ll never let him get away with breaking me in two
Then proceeding to tell me how he’s through

I will say no
To him I’ll never go

I know he thinks he’s going to win
But I’ll never open up and let him in

I’ll put a wall up that he’ll never get past
No matter how long these feelings might last

Though he may forever haunt my memory
He’s a fantasy- and that’s all he’ll ever be