Category Archives: Sex

It’s Not About the Housework

If there’s one thing that people just never seem to understand, it would be that me being at home for all of these years has nothing at all to do with housework. Whether I spend 5 minutes or 6 hours a day doing housework is completely irrelevant. You always see people attempting to justify the position of “stay at home mothers” by means of what money they might make doing the same jobs outside of the home. They’ll say things like “stay at home mothers spend x amount of time washing dishes” or “x amount of time running the kids to school and x amount of time cooking and sweeping floors,” and etc…etc…etc… But what is never mentioned is that women working has nothing to do with housework but everything to do with independence from men.

I cry all the time at work, but not because I “don’t want to work.” It has nothing to do with that. I could get on my hands and knees and scrub my house from top to bottom, and while I might complain about the work itself, I would be happy. I would be happy because I was doing something that was worthwhile. Sweeping my own home and doing the dishes and scrubbing down the bathroom and doing the laundry for my own household has value and merit. I’m “going somewhere” when I do those things even if I do them day in and day out. What is the value and purpose of me doing those things outside of the home? If I was a man it might have more value and merit because it would enable me to move up in the world, have power and independence and provide for a family or something. But I’m not a man, nor do I want to be a man. I don’t want to be “powerful.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’ve always felt happier being powerless.

When I was younger I loved working. I loved going out and making money and having independence. But that all changed once I became a wife and mother. After I became a wife and mother I began to break down in tears (the same as I’m doing right now, even after all these years) at the very thought of going out and making my own money. It’s not because I’m somehow “lazy” or any sort of bullshit like that. It’s because I feel the femininity inside of me. It’s because I don’t want to be independent. I wanted to be feminine and nurturing, depending on a man and having my sexuality belonging only to one man.

They push the two-income model of families on all of us because they don’t want women to be dependent on men, and that’s what it’s all about. If women went home, then men could control women via money and the regulation of women’s sexuality by making women dependent on men. Me being home all of these years has never been about housework, it’s been about me depending on a husband to care for me, and me having paid employment of any kind (even part-time) destroys all of that, and that is why women have to work in our society. That is why it is pushed on us. Because if women didn’t work, especially after marriage, then feminism couldn’t exist.

I wouldn’t mind making less than a man, if I knew that it was generally accepted and understood by society that men were supposed to be taking care of women. Not at all. I don’t want to be any man’s “equal,” and I would never want to be in a position of power where I was some man’s boss or anything. It wouldn’t feel right. The first thing that happens when I’ve ever been attracted to a man is that I feel like I want to submit to him, to be taken care of by him, like I’m safe with him and don’t have anything to worry about. It’s just this natural instinct that I feel when I feel that polarity and attraction. I don’t want to be independent. That’s why I never went out and worked, and that’s why the thought of working sickens me and makes me cry my eyes out. Because I feel it, I feel it so deeply inside of me, that femininity, as if it determines everything about me- and I love it.

And more power does mean more responsibility, but that’s part of being a man. Women hand over a great deal of rights to be taken care of and provided for, and are usually happier for it. It’s pathetic that the men of our society would send their wives out into the workforce to help provide for the family. What kind of a man would do such a thing? Apparently not much of one given how emasculated the men of society are today. A man should feel like an utter failure, like he has lost a part of his masculinity, by needing the “help” of a woman, especially his own wife and mother of his children, to help provide for him or his family. Any man that would expect his wife to be out in the workforce should be beat- and that’s the truth. Why would any man want to send his wife out there like that??

That’s what it’s all about. And I would really like to understand why on earth paid employment is always supposed to be the cure for boredom? I don’t see anybody in the workforce except for the biggest losers in history not being able to find something to do when they aren’t working. When I’m not busy with housework or errands I simply find something else I like doing, which is the same thing anybody else does after work. How is this even an issue?

Also, me marrying young and having no income or independence of my own has protected me. It’s forced me to stay under the authority of one man and kept my family intact and prevented me from having all kinds of failed relationships and multiple sexual partners, not to mention the “blended family” where people have children from different fathers/mothers. I’m as old as I am now having only slept with my husband. If I had been an independent woman or had waited until later in life to get married (even if I only waited until my mid-20s or something) that probably wouldn’t be the case. Therefore my innocence and femininity was protected, and I was protected. I always took my sexuality very serious and still do. I can’t imagine allowing any man but the most important and beloved to penetrate me! Dear God, how can that be casual???

So yeah, I cry my fucking eyes out because of paid employment, but it’s not because i’m lazy or anything of the sort, and I won’t be told that by anybody. I did take on a part-time job that I do like. It’s simple and laid back and I might stay there just as a way of having a little bit of spending/saving money. But even then the woman training me today was giving us advice on how not to get bored!!! But I still stopped by at my husband’s work and sat in the parking lot crying my eyes out outside of the shop. He came out to my car and held me for a minute and told me to call the place I had been working and tell them that I wouldn’t be coming back.

And no, I don’t want to go back, but I am for a week or two because I promised the owner I would be there when she needed me for the next couple of weeks. I wasn’t just going to walk out on her. I’m keeping a promise (something some people in this world are still honorable enough to do) even though it’s killing me. After that I will probably keep my other small part time job (only about 24 hours a week) because it’s more laid back and fun, and a place I’m familiar with and close to home. I know that working was a mistake, but in some ways I guess it was a lesson I had to learn. I just don’t have that drive of independence and probably never will have.

A Woman Needs A Man’s Masculinity/ Random Rant

But you don’t understand these things that my soul longs for and needs on the inside. I could pull a million creative ideas out of my head, but I could never pull this sorrow from my heart…

I could write a million poems and novels that tell you of my heart, that tell you of my frustrations and my pain, but it will never cure me…

If you listen to those MRA types they’ll tell you that us women don’t want love and affection, yet we do.

I know what I need within my heart, to depend on a man to care of me. It doesn’t make me some gold-digger. It’s all in the motives. It’s only when I stop relying on him and stopping wanting him to provide for me that he should know something is wrong.

When I want and insist on doing for myself then he should know something is wrong.

When we walk down the street, and I don’t feel the need to hold onto him the way I used to; when my hands stay in my pockets instead of clutching onto his arm, then I’m not bonded to him anymore; I don’t need or want or even feel him anymore.

Providing for a woman doesn’t make a man weak, instead it is just the opposite. For years and years I looked up to my own husband, like he was everything. I never made my own money, I never cared for any life at all outside of my family. The fact that he provided for me meant that I needed him, and also that he held a power over me, which is something I always needed and wanted to feel. Do him wrong? “Divorce Rape?” I’ve never been powerful enough to do that even if I wanted to. And how could I take the kids if I’m depending on him just the same as they are???

I was very tame in my memoir, mostly because those in it are still alive. But I know my mother looked at me like I had some mental disorder because I don’t have some career, my grandmother’s always like “YOU DON’T NEED A MAN LIKE OMG! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”. My stepdad thinks the worst thing a man could do is to try and control a woman and thinks women should be INDEPENDENT and how dare them think a man should take care of them or support them (like, why would I want to support you, bitch?), yet he ends up with gold diggers bitches whores lovely feminine women like my own mother and his ex-wife who would screw him over with divorce rape and child support in a heartbeat, when traditionalist women don’t do those things, mostly because we CAN’T and we don’t believe in those kinds of things anyway. We’re the ones who believe in things like patriarchy and father custody (which is a part of patriarchy, a huge part of it) because we believe our men should be providing for our needs and taking care of us, because we don’t want to be independent women who do for ourselves and fight on the frontlines alongside the men. We want to be taken care of. We’re softer and less take-charge, though I’ve said it a million times, we are NOT DOORMATS.

But I say this- Direct that power in a way that protects me, that honors me, that cherishes me for now and always.

No, I don’t like it if he’s weak. It seems to do something to me inside- it seems to hurt my heart, because a weak man can’t give to a woman what she needs. Not that he can’t be weak at times. I’ve cared for him when he’s been injured, when he’s been down, the same as he has for me. A man can’t go around pretending there’s times when he’s not vulnerable, because that’s not reality, and we can connect the deepest sometimes when we are at our most vulnerable, because you trust that other person with all your heart and soul, with everything that you have and everything that you are.

You know, when I first heard a few years back that only like 20% of women actually orgasm through intercourse alone I thought it was a JOKE, but apparently it’s not. I was like, “Huh? I didn’t know there was any other way..?”

I guess I could tell the world that I could never have it any other way except for the way it’s meant to be naturally (Vibrators? What the hell are those, anyway?), and I can do that because I feel something inside, something feminine. While some women can’t get off once, I’m capable of it multiple times. Oops, yeah, you read that right. Us traditionalist girls do have a naughty side to us, too.

I think part of that is because as a woman I feel something so much more deeper sexually, with that capability to carry life inside of me (even if I don’t want to have more kids, just knowing I have that ability as a female) and to be able to take a man inside of me, gives sex a much more deeper meaning. It’s hard to explain, and I do honestly believe that I can feel and experience much more sexually than what a man ever could, that that is one way in which I, as a female, am superior in some way, but he’s superior in other ways and I love to admire that superiority, just the way that I’m sure that any masculine man who loves women admires those sexual parts of being female in which we are superior, like the ability to bring life into the world- something that men can’t do.

I want a man to be masculine, to be stronger, superior, etc… because something inside of me needs to depend upon him. I feel unhappy and a bit displaced otherwise, like nothing in life suddenly makes sense anymore. It’s kind of depressing, like I could look at him and say, “What’s wrong with you?? Don’t you get it?? Hello???” No, I don’t want you to treat me wrong or do me wrong, but I need you to grab me and tell me what I should be doing, or tell me that everything’s alright, because it’s not. It’s not alright.

Masculinity shouldn’t equate to being a huge jerk who has no honor. As I said, needing to feel a man’s masculinity as a woman means I need to depend on him, and you can’t depend on a huge jerk who you can’t trust who goes around playing women to get them in bed. No woman wants that, not truly. It’s not what she feels deep within her heart.

It’s when I’m trying to do for myself, that he’ll know I’m trying to distance myself from him, but I don’t want it that way. The masculine and the feminine are meant to go together, as one. We were made for each other and the feminists, masculinists MHRM, MRM, MRAs, MGTOWS, and on and on and INSERT RANDOM NAME HERE FOR THE NEXT GROUP OF LOSERS WHO PROBABLY NEVER GET LAID WHO CLAIM TO WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH MODERN WESTERN WOMEN  can’t change the fact that men and women still need each other and actually WANT to be with each other.

They Do it for You 

I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately. A lot of these thoughts were prompted partially by a couple of male commenters on my articles Rough & Soft and my latest post You Give Yourself Away Too Easily. The focus of the comments and thoughts are about issues such as emotional abuse and assholish behavior from men. I think something that is often overlooked is that most men are acting this way because they don’t believe that women will like them otherwise. Even among the manosphere and MRA types (you know those hotshots, the ones who don’t “worship p****” and are just men doing their own thing and going their own way and being “real men” who don’t need the approval of women) the teachings of “game” are still primarily centered on altering their behavior to do whatever they think will win over the woman and allow them to have sex with her. In the end, they’re still doing it all for women. So, if this is true, then it must also be correspondingly true that modern women are basically saying to men “hey, if you just become a narcissistic, abusive, selfish, manipulative bastard who treats me like complete shit- I’ll reward you with sex!” Couple this with a “hook-up culture” and numerous problems ensue as a result. As I said a long time ago: “But by the circumstances under which we give sex to our men, we teach them how they are to treat us.”

If we look at the popularity of BDSM and the like in our society there must be a great deal of truth to this. I’ve noticed something a lot when I watch older movies. The men act differently than they do today in our culture of extended adolescence. They naturally have more of an aura of confidence and masculinity about them. There is something more naturally attractive to them. While they might still display some cocky or asshole behavior at times to an extent, they don’t actually have to be assholes to attract women. Fast forward to the modern age and everything is completely backwards. Women are displacing men in traditional male fields, out-earning men, competing with men, graduating in greater numbers from college than men and displacing men also in positions of authority both inside and outside of the home. A lot of men even answer to women and have female bosses in authority over them. Modern-day “gender equality” has completely turned male-female relationships upside down (even to the extent that many are confused about which gender they even belong to these days.) Therefore perhaps the only route available for men is to become sadistic and act like jerks. Then women respond by being, supposedly, attracted to it.

The reality of life is that women don’t really take an interest in men who they perceive to be of lesser status than them and in modern-day society it is probably a lot easier for the man to just degrade the woman’s status than it would be to upgrade his own. This is probably the most true among younger men in their teenage years and early twenties, but isn’t limited to that age group by any means. On my last post The Sinner Saint Diary commented:

“A lot of behaviors like this can be seen in young men – things that are hurtful – probably way more so than the young man realizes. Most of the same behaviors can be seen in grown men who are narcissists or who posses some kind of “emotionally abusive” personality.

Young men who want much physical interaction with girls – like I did and many do – must learn methods of persuasion – most of which are psychological. Most of the factors that endure an adult woman to adult man, aren’t in play yet – boys don’t posses them and girls aren’t compelled by them.

Learning how to score affection from girls, good or bad, is so embedded into the cultural and natural conditions of adolescence, that boys acquire a lot of manipulative behavior without realizing it – or, without recognizing it as abuse. There are probably numerous behaviors that are essentially involuntary, that young men have adopted in order to increase his chances of physical engagement. And, to be fair, there are a lot of tactics young men will use to score girls that are very deliberate, but their sex drive far outweighs the empathy they feel – which is probably little to none.

Whatever hurtful, insensitive and callous behaviors a young man engages in before the maturity of his emotions catches up to his hormones, hopefully he will grow out of them. I know I am ashamed of some of the ways I behaved when I was young, and would have behaved much differently had I possessed even a fraction of the emotional awareness and empathy that I eventually learned as I matured.”

I’ve also seen a lot of men talking about how women supposedly “punish” them for being their true selves. In other words, they would like to be good to women, but supposedly women don’t like them when they are (or, women don’t want to have casual sex with them when they are anyways). This makes a lot of sense when you consider that the majority of modern day women are independent. Women naturally want dominant men but since they do everything for themselves these days they instead turn to unhealthy habits such as Sadomasochism and go chasing after assholes, supposedly because they’re the only ones superior to them that might actually “put them in their place.” Of course, none of these relationships last and it leaves both sexes broken down internally and dissatisfied and distrustful of each other. Even still, among those attempting to be “players” and adopting whatever behavior they think might actually get them laid, you can still hear the men complaining that they can’t find “quality women” who would love them for who they are, much the same as you see how women complain about men who are jerks and won’t commit and how there aren’t any “good men” out there.

Are we not our own worst enemies? Do we not bring these problems onto ourselves by rejecting the natural order of life? We fail to cultivate healthy masculinity and healthy femininity and have any sexual regulation in our society so instead we engage in unhealthy behaviors and have constant failed relationships. In this Women’s Health article, A Former A**hole Answers for His Bad Behavior, a man talks about how he learned at a young age that just ceasing to give a damn and play “hard to get” led to his “success” with women (“success” being defined as short-term flings basically). He learned it when he realized that not caring anymore landed him his crush (she finally noticed he existed when he stopped caring). Yet he goes on to say it didn’t last and also that being a complete apathetic a**hole only led him to have success in the short-term with women who soon lost interest when he started being himself and, while he did sleep with a lot of women without commitment, he never formed any kind of lasting relationship and learned in the end that “anybody that doesn’t want you when you’re acting like your true self is not somebody you need to waste your time or affection on.” He now laments that Karma isn’t quite done with him yet and that maybe if he wasn’t such an asshole he might have been married or had kids by now.

Of course, aloofness is best in the beginning for men to attract women (while women “playing nice” is generally fine) but it won’t last long-term. In keeping with my last post, it takes time for true love to develop and rushing into things does lead to these failed relationships and leads to women getting hurt and used by men and men never getting to be their “true selves” and probably ending up alone in the end as well. Infatuation and burning desire are things that come and go, and are sometimes short-lived, you cannot base a real relationship off of such fleeting things and not only is it psychologically devastating for women for men to keep playing games but also it must be exhausting for a man if he must play games and hide his true self just to keep her interested. As I stated in my last post, when you truly love someone, you love them for themselves and that’s the only thing that “works” in the long run.

You Give Yourself Away Too Easily

Several years ago I found myself sitting in my gynecologist’s office. My menstrual cycle was a complete wreck and I didn’t really understand for certain what was going on. Of course, I had also been suffering from severe anxiety and it was taking quite a toll on my life. After giving me a physical checkup and seeing that I was healthy and certainly not pregnant or anything, my doctor (the same one who agreed to sterilize me a couple of years earlier) then cupped my face in his hands and said these words to me; “A woman is a creature of her emotions.” 


And so it is. I think one of the biggest problems between men and women today is not only our failure to understand one another but also our attempts to make us alike to one another. There are the men out there who don’t understand how real these emotions are, then there are the men who simply don’t care and, worst of all, there are the men out there who purposely manipulate those emotions for their own selfish purposes. 

You can see this all the time in the manosphere where writers and commenters are constantly whining about women, talking about how useless women are and sharing tips and techniques on how to “game” women and even how to stay as emotionally distant as possible while doing so that way it’ll be easier just to dump the woman off when he’s done using her. Some of the techniques and little tricks are ridiculous and crazy but some are downright abusive and even dangerous. They seem to want a society where they have access to easy sex yet no parental responsibility to children they father (unless they WANT to be involved) in the process and no responsibility to marry. At the same time they want a traditional society where women are good little girls and dress and act accordingly! Never mind that society has never let men completely off the hook without marriage or financial responsibility to children fathered outside of marriage or without any regulation of male sexuality along with the regulation of female sexuality.

I’ve slightly delved into the subject of emotional abuse before. A lot of the aspects of “game” are predicated on psychological manipulation. Some of that manipulation is harmless and ridiculous to warrant nothing more than a simple eye roll at the stupidity of it. But some of it goes into the realm of covert emotional manipulation, a kind of manipulation most often used by sociopathic, narcissistic, and machiavellian personalities. This type of manipulation can often leave long-lasting psychological scars, often leaving the victim to suffer from PTSD and sometimes needing to even seek therapy. It can be extremely dangerous and damaging and, unlike physical abuse, doesn’t leave physical signs of abuse which can even leave the victim even more isolated as some of the abuse (gaslighting in particular) can be very subtle. 

You often hear talk of so-called “shit tests” and the like in the manosphere. It’s often talked about in a negative light, but this is a completely normal thing for women to do. It’s also a normal part of a healthy functioning society, as in pretty much every society boys had to prove themselves through a series of tests in order to become men. How do you know if he’s really a man? You put him to the test. How do you know if he really cares about you or just sees you as a source of sex? You put him to the test. He’ll either rise to the challenge and prove himself or he’ll fail. Men will go out of their way for sex, but will a man go out of his way for the woman herself? Does he truly love her? Can he prove that love? How can she know for sure? The only way a woman can know is to test him. 

Most men have no idea the damage they do and the emotional turmoil they cause by reappearing and disappearing from a woman’s life and refusing to communicate in between. More abusive types do this purposely to try to string a woman along without having to put in the effort to make a real relationship. And still I think it’s a big myth circulating in society that men won’t wait for sex. That women have to give it up RIGHT now(!) or else he’ll just instantly move on and get it somewhere else. And it’s true, he might. Having sex won’t change a man’s mind about a woman. He either wants to be with her or he doesn’t. He either loves her or he doesn’t. Giving it up won’t change that. Yes he might be able to “get it” elsewhere. But if he loves the woman then he’ll put in the effort for her. And that’s the only way a woman can know if she’s just a convenient source of ***** for him of if he’s invested in her as a person. Men differentiate between women they just want sex from and women they really want to commit to and make a real relationship with. Testosterone also blocks the effects of Oxytocin leaving men even more capable of casual sex without getting attached. There have always been “easy” women and men have since the beginning of time visited brothels and strip clubs and saloons, etc… 

And, ultimately, nothing is foolproof. There are no guarantees in life. And relationships are hard- they always have been. I think also we let relationships go too easily in our society today and see people as disposable, much like everything else in our world today. How many times have you heard people say that many of their relationships started out because they instantly jumped into bed together? The key word here is “many.” They’ve been in and out of “many” relationships that probably didn’t last very long. You give yourself away too easily. If he loves you, he’ll come after you. If not then putting in the effort for you personally just won’t be worth it unless he knows there will be the immediate award of sex. 

Wait it out. There are different phases of love and waiting is also a good way to weed out the bad and manipulative sorts whose intent is to play games and do harm. The first phase of love is infatuation. This can be a very dangerous time as various chemicals and hormones in the body are running wild. People can do very crazy things in this phase and if you find yourself getting too worked up and experiencing the symptoms of infatuation you need to pull back some- especially if the love isn’t being returned. Have minimal to no contact with him until things calm down. Taking it slow can also allow you to see a man’s behavior patterns to know if he’s an abusive sort. There are some personalities, such as those afflicted with malignant narcissism for instance, who will take advantage of your emotions. If you see the man has manipulative tendencies go complete no contact with him- at least until the initial infatuation phase wears off. Also beware of any hovering attempts when you’re at your most vulnerable.

After infatuation (which can last from days or up to two years at most) wears off one of two things will happen. You will either a) not care one way or the other about the man or whether he fell off the face of the earth or Martians came and abducted his body and carted him off to another planet to never be seen or heard from by the human race again or b) infatuation will transform into a deeper, more mature and calmer love. 

The key thing too is communication. This is also a big key to how much a man really cares. It makes all the difference in the world. It makes the difference between the man who isn’t really invested and just likes having a steady and convenient source of ***** and the man who makes the effort to take you by the hand and lead you into his life, to make you a part of his world. If men weren’t creatures who would gladly take sex from even a moderately attractive woman with no strings attached without putting hardly a second thought into it then who goes chasing after who wouldn’t be an issue. As it is, this is the only way a woman can truly know what she means to a man. The only way. Men who deliberately and purposely keep you guessing, off-balance and unsure of where you really stand with them are playing games. If his actions don’t match his words, then he’s not serious and probably isn’t to be trusted. Never give yourself away to a man unless you’re completely sure about him. 

And as stated above, there are no guarantees. In a healthy functioning society marriage would be the highest form of commitment and offer surety and security for a woman. But even then, marriage is a legal contract. It doesn’t change human nature or feelings and more often than not in human history it was entered into with no thought or mention of love. Of course, ideally there should be love and two people can come together in love and build a life. The contract of marriage centers on the sharing of a life, property, children, finances and lays out rights and responsibilities between a couple in regards to each other and any offspring. But it can’t prevent a man from running off or betraying a woman by any means. A husband can disappear just as quickly and easily as a lover, and countless throughout history have. An affair, for instance, is an issue that concerns you, your spouse, your lover and your god. Divorce is an issue that concerns all of society. 

Sometimes we decide relationships are harmful and walk away. Other times we choose to stick it out. Whether already in a relationship, waiting to have sex, or hoping someone will be real and stop playing games or finally love us in return, there is no set time limit. Some advice says things like “wait three months to have sex” or “break up if he hasn’t given you a ring by month six” or things of the sort. But how long you wait or how long you stick it out depends on the individuals involved and the circumstances. You have to judge this for yourself. 

Back real quick to the subject of abuse, there are real disturbed characters out there. There are those who physically abuse and there are also those who mentally abuse. Mental abuse can oftentimes be even worse than physical abuse and just as dangerous. Now here I’m not talking about your run-of the-mill asshole. An asshole still does have the ability to care, feel remorse and empathy and know right from wrong. Those afflicted with narcissism or sociopathy however do not. In some cases they can get better, but in many cases they cannot. The first goal should always be to protect yourself from harm and abuse.

Ultimately, you can’t change another person nor should you try. Love is indeed patient and kind, keeping no record of wrong. But boundaries have to be set. A woman should never underestimate the power she truly does have inside. If you do love a man, you can lead him into that place of love. Let him know that love is waiting for him if he can be real and good to you. And once again ladies never give away sex hoping to keep him around. Sex is a gift he earns by being real and true to you. Your body should be reserved for the man that provides for and protects you and is truly there for you. Stay with the man , or choose the man, who has proven himself. 

Note here that not every man is going to be good at communication and I think women push too hard for men to be more woman-like sometimes and talk about things. But both sexes have to come to the understanding that we are different and we don’t feel, communicate or express love in the same way. Men generally express love by their actions, so don’t push him to get emotional. If he’s prone to be manipulative or gaslight then you may need to push him to make himself more clear or even keep a journal of events for your own protection (this is for your own mental clarity). 

And, again, these things are never easy. When we love someone we accept them as they are, flaws and all. If you do choose to stick it out with someone who does have issues such as narcissism you need to learn all you can about the condition and about covert emotional manipulation. If the man is just a bit distant, realize it’s not always the sign of a problem. Some people are more moody, some overly hyper, some complain about everything. Also not all chronic manipulators have personality disorders. Some might have just learned to manipulate as a coping mechanism early in life. Still some may use it to succeed in their careers and just fail to stop the behavior even with those they love and those that love them. Either way it can still cause harm. It is what it is. It’s up to you to decide when or if you should let him go. If you’re being abused then definitely distance yourself. If that’s not an option then you might need to seek help from others you trust or get therapy. Again, the abuse part of this article is very relevant, especially with the red pill types running around out there.

If you just don’t see it, then it probably isn’t there. Perhaps it will be someday, perhaps it won’t. But either way you go on about your life. He’ll either be apart of it or he won’t but you can’t wait around for him to make up his mind because he won’t do it unless he has to. And never respond to any kind of lame or inconsistent initiation of contact from a man. If a man’s been playing games or not wanting to commit in the past it’s still possible for a relationship in the future but I’d say to treat the situation as though you were dealing with a former abuser (because in a way that’s how it is, as game playing can cause such devastating psychological damage and emotional distress to a woman). Yes, people can change and maybe he will. But there is going to have to be a long probation period where he’s going to have to prove himself first. Just remember, ladies, you are worth it. If he doesn’t see you as worthy of a real relationship then you should not see him as worthy of your body or even a fraction of your time. Take it slow, wait him out, assess the situation, listen to your instincts and go from there. 

All or Nothing/A Woman’s Heart 

“And I remember so well that night so long ago the way he put his hand up high on the screen, and how when he walked through that door, how he took with him my heart.”

I never asked where he went or what he did. I never even cared. I remember it so distinctly the way his bad-boy game charmed me and melted away my heart. And I remember so well that night so long ago the way he put his hand up high on the screen, and how when he walked out that door, how he took with him my heart. I know that men will play games if we allow them to. And when we take into account that the most heinous of all wrongdoings are usually committed by those we love and trust the most, the portrait of humanity becomes even more bleak. But it will either be real or it will be nothing. He’ll say it real and he’ll say it true or he’ll get nothing at all. And if he doesn’t truly want me a part of his life, then he will live without me in it. For a woman to guard her sexuality so fiercely that any man lying with her will know that he is truly special, truly unique. Yes, truly irreplaceable. For indeed I may be a fool, but never the kind he may think me to be.

“For a woman to guard her sexuality so fiercely that any man lying with her will know that he is truly special, truly unique.”

And they look at us traditionalists and they call us simple-minded and weak. But childlikeness is simply a state of femininity. It is joyful laughter, playfulness, tender-heartedness and vulnerability. But there is much strength in feminine weakness. Look deep into these eyes and see the depths of maturity and love within them. I have never been a doormat nor a pushover. Stronger than he might have ever imagined, I remember that day when I turned and fled, never to return, as my heart and mind simply couldn’t take it anymore. He could not protect me nor defend or love me. Yet untouched by him, I ran away.

“I remember that day when I turned and fled, never to return… For indeed I may be a fool, but never the kind he may think me to be.”

Regard the fullness of these hips and the suppleness of these breasts as I gently lay back. Only in deep trust and love can I truly open myself to him. In my sweetest imaginings I lose myself so deeply in the moment. To feel his strength as he lays over me and envelops me in the protection of his arms and to reach for him to draw him closer and take him in ever deeper as agonizing waves of pleasure wrack my body. To ever imagine it as casual is nothing short of horrifying.  

“Only if I am sure, only upon seeing that he is real, can I ever open up, willing and ready, to receive masculine hardness deep into the depths of feminine softness.”

Because when I feel, I feel so deeply. When I love, I love so truly. I don’t want your 50 Shades of Grey, I don’t want your kink, I don’t want your metrosexual masculinity. Inside and out I am female, I am feminine, I am woman. I know I told him so many lies so that he might never know just how long I truly burned for him. Every woman wants to believe, as he is lying over her, that he is real, that he is true. So kiss me so softly, so deeply. My heart is torn and pulled in every direction. There remains a bittersweet sickness in the pit of my stomach. Only if I am sure, only if I can see that he is real, can I ever open up, willing and ready, to receive masculine hardness deep into the depths of feminine softness. 

“I know I told him so many lies so that he might never know just how long I truly burned for him…My heart is torn and pulled in every direction.”

But can I run to him and will he be there? If I call to him will he answer? I pulled back, I dissapeared. I was gone so long. I spent so much time in pain. I was physically sick, mentally destroyed. But if he must wait for it then, if that day ever arrives, you know it will be so good. But can one wait forever? For so long I dreamt that he would come for me. A woman’s fantasies invaded my mind. But it will be real and true, or it will be nothing at all. A woman’s body is a gift to be given to a man out of love. The opening up an expression of trust; to allow a man, once he has proven himself, to invade her privacy and take all of her the way other men may not- because he is truly special, truly unique and irreplaceable. It will never be easy. It was never meant to be. Only when it’s real, only when he’s real. Only when it’s true, only when he’s true. 

“But it will be real and true, or it will be nothing at all…But can one really wait forever..?”

I never wanted to be anywhere but here. My heart grows sick when I think of the loneliness and emptiness of the world. Never leave my life, never let me go. I’ve been dead inside so long, I know. But after all these years I can finally feel. I am human, I am real. So hold me in love, hold me in truth. Love awaits, but only when it’s real, only when it’s true. You know I’ll never beg, I’ll never plead. If he doesn’t want me in his life, then he’ll forever live without me in it. But God knows I’ve never been happy that way. I’ve never been happy without him in my life. It’s no secret, anyone can see. Days are devoid of meaning when time fails to heal the pain. But I live with that pain, because I won’t settle. No, one can’t wait forever. But if love and life are a journey, is there ever indeed a finish line?

“So hold me in love, hold me in truth. Love awaits…But if life and love are a journey, is there ever indeed a finish line?”