Category Archives: Sex

Listen To Me, Pt. I

I’m not here to say that everything’s OK, because it’s not. I’m not trying to say that everything will be OK in the future, because perhaps it never will be. A repeated question that I have asked myself over the years goes a little something like this: Why me? Good God why me? Why am I so different from everyone else? Why am I such a freak of nature? (Because that’s how I view myself at times, though I’ve learned to embrace it and have gained more self-confidence over time.) I feel what it is that I feel inside, and it just doesn’t go away. But perhaps I’m meant to teach you, to show you a different way than what this world and society tells us. So, if you are a young woman reading this, I do want you to listen up.

And I look at the stats that this site gets oftentimes, and I get a lot of hits from search engines like Google- a ton in fact. There also seems to be a lot of interest in people searching for whether or not married women should go to work and things like that. No matter the lies the mainstream media and Hollywood try to sell us, all is most definitely NOT settled in the hearts and minds of the modern-day woman (or probably not man for that matter either). I try to do the best that I can to teach and to help, because I feel that I was made to write, made to express myself. Of course, for the life of me I can’t figure out why anyone would follow me, it seems people do. So I want to tell young girls and women just starting out in life of a different way to be and to live, to tell something different than what you are hearing all around you and to tell you that it’s OK to stay strong in those beliefs, even though I will tell you that you are going to face a lot of criticism from those around you, especially your feminist mothers and grandmothers.

I know even my own mother, as much as I love her, hates my marriage because I’ve always been dependent on my husband. They want me to be independent at all costs. My maternal grandmother also disowned me last year as well, not only for my differing religious beliefs but political ones as well. They are the type of women who you will hear wanting the goods of tradition yet boasting that “Women are becoming more independent” and saying things like “It’s still a man’s world- but all that is changing now!” Most likely these types will be Republicans and conservatives/moderates who are anti-abortion and pro-Trump supporters. They will tell you how abortion is evil and how they aren’t feminists and don’t hate men yet at the same time be like “You go girl! Get that college degree! Depend on nobody but yourself!”

Sometimes I go through this alone, it seems, and I know that there are plenty of other young women who want a different and better life than what their own mothers lived. You’ve seen their failures, their misery, their stresses, multiple marriages, and the whole juggling career/motherhood thing that just doesn’t work. They can’t seem to keep a man around, or only attract bad ones and drag them in and out of marriage counseling every other year and continuously get burned to where they eventually just give up entirely on men. But there is a different way.

I will tell you now not to waste your youth. But I don’t say this because there is some kind of “wall” where a woman loses all value once she hits a certain age- there’s NOT and don’t believe anyone who tells you there is (namely low-value men with revenge fantasies against the women who rejected them in their youth). It’s only that there is something special about bonding with a man from your youth. There’s something precious about it and relationships established during your youth cannot be replaced. Guys shouldn’t waste their youth either because it’s important for bonding, loving and building a life with someone but I’m mostly here to talk to the girls.

I was a mere 16 years old when I first met him and bonded to him and I wasn’t much older whenever we married. And since I have depended on him the entire time, I’ve never known any other life other than the one I have lived with him. It’s hard to explain how that feels. For a man, it wouldn’t be the same, but for a woman, it changes everything. I’m very soft and delicate because he’s taken care of me (but don’t think that makes me weak, because I’m anything but it). Yes, I cry. No, I’m not a child, but neither am I a man. I have emotions and I express them, but he understands that. In fact, he says that’s one of the things he loves about me. The world we live in today wants to medicate away those emotions and call them unhealthy. Abusive men seek to employ psychological techniques to try to silence a woman’s emotions and “manage” them (which only causes the situation to get completely out of hand).

But that’s not love. That’s not bonding. That is annihilating the very feminine essence that makes a woman precious and unique. He understands me like no other. I can be a handful to manage at times, but he just holds me when I cry until I calm down. After a while I stop crying because he’s calmed me and I just lean into his chest and bond to him all the more. And that bonding is also a highly a sexual bond. If I don’t desire him, then I’m not feeling bonded to him.

In the world we live in today, sex is promoted as a casual and androgynous thing, and if you, as a woman, cannot reach orgasm, then it is obviously because you don’t know enough about your body, aren’t “empowered” enough and aren’t expressing yourself enough and being vocal about your needs, etc.. etc… but I fail to see the wisdom in this mainstream bullshit- and so should you.

I’m not ashamed to cry. I’m not ashamed to want bonding and love. Last night I reached for him, desiring him, because I wanted to feel secure and loved in his arms. He didn’t have to abuse me or hurt me to make me desire or want him. In fact, it has always been quite the opposite. Yes, it’s a personal thing for sure, but I have said before that I’ve never had a problem orgasming. I’ve also said before that I don’t masturbate, I don’t engage in stupid games and role play. I don’t get all “kinky” or anything. I don’t like that stuff. It strips away, in my mind, what the real and true meaning of sex and the purpose of it is. And if you think for one moment that it’s boring or anything of the sort then you’re wrong.

I try to explain what goes on in my head, though it’s kind of hard sometimes. In my mind it’s so sweet. I was given to him when I was so young and I depended on him to protect me, provide for me and lead me. And even now, I’ve never truly known anything else. I refuse to believe that I’m some freak of nature just because I can have an orgasm! It’s funny how in the modern world women are so empowered and are supposed to be sexually liberated but most have never even had an orgasm during sex and then you see articles and talk about how maybe it’s not even natural to have one!

But it seems so natural inside. I’m just simply expressing and feeling what is feminine so deep inside of me. And the truth of the matter is that the most feminine women are emotional, don’t make any sense, and are largely dependent on a man to take care of them. That is just a fact of life. Like I’ve also said before, the thought of paid employment has always weighed heavily on my heart because it would strip away my dependence on him. It would separate me from him. It changes the game entirely and that’s why I’ve always had a problem with it. But I am by no means lazy. I work hard every day. I’m up before the sun every morning, yet I’m still feminine. I’m still dependent.

I have no obligations outside of the home, then I just submit myself to my husband and rely on him. Sex is good and beautiful and part of what makes it so is because I’ve been with him- and only him- since I was so young. I don’t like girl power positions or anything like that. I lay down and let him admire my body. It’s OK to let him inside because I know I’m safe. He gives me everything I need and it’s easy to relax in sex. It’s a psychological thing as well as an overwhelming physical thing. It’s only best when it completely overwhelms me. I can feel him so deep inside of me, and that’s what’s precious about it. It’s precious because my sexuality is precious. It’s pure and sweet and there’s nothing degrading about it. I tell him that I feel bonded to him and feeling his strength and feeling him cover me is part of what makes it relaxing, when I feel safe.

I couldn’t ever see how I could feel the same being an independent, empowered woman. I’ve never known *how* I orgasm. I just do. I just feel that I’m a woman. It’s easy to open up to the same man you’ve been with since you were young and let him inside. It’s easy to share yourself that way. I’ve seen some red-pill types try to say that it’s impossible to keep being attracted to someone in a monogamous relationship, or that only “alpha” bad-boys can make a woman “wet.” I have to wonder what planet they are living on if that’s the way they live their lives. Even more than a decade on I’m still having sex with him, still desiring him.

When traditional gender roles come into play and the man is the leader/provider/protector a woman’s husband will always also be her lover (assuming she actually does love him). She will still desire him even when he lets his guard down and acts natural. Like I love my husband for who he is, so long as he’s being the man I need him to be. If he ever started trying to employ “game” on me or anything like that it would hurt me real bad. I’d pull away from him and not trust him. I’ve said before that the fact that I depended on him created an atmosphere of passion and love where I’d always long for him- and I did. We have always been best friends, companions, lovers. I’ve cared for him in his weak moments and laughed at his dorky ones. That’s the way it’s meant to be and I feel sorry for men out there who believe that the only options in life they have to keep a woman attracted is to either be the “alpha” who keeps a harem or to constantly go from woman to woman living the single life and never settling down. I also feel sorry for women who have to play games and let men treat them badly in order to be attracted to a man.

It doesn’t have to be that way. You can be deeply fulfilled and have passion beyond your wildest dreams. It’s Ok for him to lavish gifts on me because I belong to him and he provides for me. I know he thinks I’m beautiful and that doesn’t turn me off. There’s a big difference between some “beta” chump who goes around following a woman with puppy dog eyes lavishing gifts on her in the hopes that maybe- just maybe!- he might get a yes one day and a man that lavishes gifts on a woman because she belongs to him. I remember my own husband, when talking about something, making it clear that I belong to him when we were talking about him providing for me and everything.

And I will write more in the future. I just want to try to make a few pieces to share with younger women (especially I’m trying to aim for the girls in their teenage years especially to prepare them and help them) showing them a better way and life to live. You don’t have to start having kids right away (or have any at all), but bonding and allowing yourself to be given over to a man (hopefully one close to your age, even better if you grew up with him or went to school with him, so you can grow together) to take care of you in your youthful years can give you lasting bonding/passion and a stable life that will last for decades.

To keep this post from becoming any lengthier, I’ll write more in the future to try to delve deeper into the issues of sex, bonding, femininity, etc… But for the young girls out there, don’t start having sex with multiple men and babies with more than one guy, whatever path you choose in life. It’s OK to pursue a passion or dream that you feel called inside to pursue but if you pursue college education, career and independence just simply because that’s what society has told you to do or those around you like your family are pushing and pressuring you to do so, then you may never know the truth depth of femininity and bonding with a man that comes from relying on him.

 

Other Reading:

 

Why Women Shouldn’t Work

 

Mom for President

 

http://athriftyhomemaker.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-war-on-femininity-part-2-female-role.html

 

https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2015/12/31/always-listen-to-your-wife/

 

 

 

Advertisements

Let It Hurt

Pain and suffering I hold deep in my heart. The feminine suffers pain in the heart and in the body, sometimes caused by the masculine. That’s just the way it is. I accept it, I embrace it, even when I can hardly endure it. It’s hard sometimes to withstand such pain. But I’m a woman. I bleed and I feel and it isn’t always pretty. I don’t always make sense of what I feel or of what I say- even to myself. But I’m a woman. I’m not meant to be understood. I’m not meant to be so stable. I’ll cry. I’ll scream sometimes. I’ll terrify the living Hell out of you with the storm that brews deep inside of me. Don’t try to understand me, just be that fortress that holds strong until the storm has passed.

But would you love me any other way? If I asked you to get down on your knees and cry, to show your softer side, to be emotional, to tell me how you really feel deep inside- would you like it? Would I offend you as a man? Would I be attracted to you if you became more like a woman? You know I wouldn’t, you feel it deep inside. I’d say and insist with my words that I want you to be that way, but I’d only hate you if you truly were. I’d only be repulsed if you truly were. So don’t ask me to shut down the storm inside, even when the waves are threatening and fierce, even when they rock the boat so much that it might capsize. The storm can’t be tamed or contained, only endured. It can destroy and it can heal. It has a dark side. I’ve known this to be true. I know that I feel it on the inside. There is a dark and dangerous side to femininity, as there is a dark side to masculinity. A man in a fit of rage can be terrifying to a woman as much as he is attractive to her, because he is displaying masculinity in its most pure and raw form, as a woman does with her nurturing and her emotions.

But ladies don’t hate him because he’s a man, don’t stamp out that masculinity (and on the flip-side, don’t ever let the world stamp out that feminine light within you. It’s OK to cry and be emotional, just like it’s OK for him to be withdrawn or even a bit aggressive). Just try to understand him, to feel him. And I know. I see it all the more every day. But I also know that peace of belonging completely to somebody, of holding the love of a capable and strong man, and it was worth the pain endured.

I remember how I laughed as we sat in the park eating peaches like teenagers. I clung to his arm for reassurance and protection as we walked together along the dam. Then I turned the heads of all the men who saw me like I always do. But I was docile- I didn’t actively seek their attention. I just existed. I was just a woman, letting my light shine. I know he withdraws, I feel him when he’s about to. He needs to. I need him to. But so long as I can still feel him, so long as I still have the assurance that he’s there, so long as I still have his love. I know that need. A man has to withdraw so as not to be clingy or needy and perhaps even to work on himself to improve himself, to sort through life’s problems the way a man does. That polarity has to exist in male-female interactions and it is ultimately the man’s burden and responsibility to keep the attraction going, even if it sometimes causes panic in a woman’s mind.

I look at the world and how it seems to hate masculinity, and even popular celebrities that decry men who try to run “game” on women. Pick-up-artistry is immoral for men who care nothing for women and seek to deceive them and use them, but men are ultimately doing it for women. Men want and need women and are constantly seeking to improve themselves to get women. Men have to be the seducers, or else nobody would ever be having sex- and that’s truth.

And I think I know. I think I know that on some level the man has to hurt you. It should never be extreme or abusive or with mal intent, but there has to be some level of pain on the emotional level. Sometimes there’s even pain on a physical level. But as a woman I cling to him, need him, and want him to take care of me because he’s strong. I need him to be strong- to be all the things that I am not- but being secure in his love and commitment. No woman wants a weak man any more than a man feels that deep attraction to a masculine woman who’s just “one of the guys”- even if both will take what’s in front of them until something better comes along.

Maybe all I am saying is this- let it hurt some, but only if the man is good and true and his intentions are true. Only for a man that will really always be there for you- your husband on the sexual level and trustworthy other men in your life that you look up to. Just as men have to stay strong and endure the storm that is female emotions (even when they want to run, and many in fact will run away fearing or unable to handle it), allow the man to seduce, to work his game. But only if the intent is to have a better relationship with you, only if the intent is to make himself stronger and more attractive to you and ultimately make himself a better man in the process.

My husband would withdraw a lot and sometimes it was annoying, sometimes I even bitched about it, but I understand that I wanted him to do that some. I didn’t want to be with a woman who wanted non-stop “connection.” But I knew he was committed to me so it wasn’t a problem. So long as I could still feel him, still know he was there and was true and devoted to me and fulfilling his responsibilities towards me, it didn’t matter. He even has women he talks to all the time. I’ve seen women calling him- and I have never even once given a damn because I know he’s good and true. I don’t even have the slightest clue where he is half of the time because I let him be a man and trust in his love for me.

I’ve let the men in my life beat me down some and accepted it when it wasn’t abusive, anyway. If they were just trying to protect me, or retain authority I consented to it. I knew I was being disregarded or pushed aside and I silently consented to it, just the same as I have cried and threw my tantrums and caused some havoc and the men have dealt with it. I’m a woman. I don’t want to be a man and I know that men, no matter what they might say, don’t ultimately want women to be or act like men do. They want women to be women- and we likewise want them to be men.

A woman will test a man, to make sure he’s still there for her, to see how strong he really is. Similarly, men will also test women to see her value and worth; to see if she’ll easily give in to him or if she is worth investing in, to see if she is morally superior to him and his own (often short-term) motivations. There isn’t a single good or bad thing that men inflict upon women that women don’t inflict something similar upon men in return- and that’s life.

Nonetheless, it’s a woman’s burden to weed out what a man’s true intentions are. Many manosphere men are damaged, and they attract damaged women in return. In the end they have nothing. You don’t want men like that and you don’t want to be the kind of woman these men attract and abuse. But don’t be annoyed or angry when he runs game, just filter out the intentions behind it. Men run game to be attractive; to be able to get and keep women- especially women of high value who value themselves and guard their sexuality.

Men are difficult, but so are women. I just tell all the women who read my words what I discover as I go through life, what I see in the world around me and the things I have learned and the things I’ve understood. Understand men and why they act as they do. There are bad men you can’t trust to be sure and men you should protect yourself from (and seek protection from). And that’s our burden, and a heavy burden our sexuality can be to bear at times! I know I feel it every day. I feel the burden of it and sometimes it really sucks. Sometimes being a woman is hard, so very hard and painful. But if a man loves you then you can endure the pain masculinity can sometimes cause, just as a man in love will endure a woman’s words (that she often times doesn’t mean, at least not in the way they come out of her mouth) and emotions, no matter how cutting or frantic.

The Needs of My Heart Are A Two-Tiered Thing

But the needs of my heart are indeed a two-tiered thing. It is not enough solely for a man to be masculine, though him being masculine is indeed necessary. The stereotypical masculine characteristics, such as strength, decisiveness, aggression, dominance, etc… are necessary for attraction, much in the same way that feminine traits are also necessary for attraction. A man can be masculine, a man can be “alpha,” but that alone is not enough for me to open myself to him. After all, many men can be described as “alpha,” but that doesn’t mean anything. When I perceive that a man is a threat to me in some way, or that he might do me wrong or doesn’t even respect me, etc… I can feel my body closing up. It is my instincts, telling me not to allow this man in- and this is a good thing.

Women crave masculinity in men. In the modern society the majority of women, however, are getting masculinity in unhealthy ways. They might chase after the jerk or the bad-boy- men who might indeed be considered “alpha” or masculine- and in doing so obtain the masculinity they need and crave, but they miss out on the other part of the equation- the part of the equation that is necessary to be truly content and fulfilled in the deepest of ways- and that part of the equation is also love, the part where a man cherishes and loves a woman for who she is, for everything about her that makes her feminine.

I’ve always considered the concept of coverture- the old legal doctrine where husband and wife are one, where the wife is fully covered by the husband, in so much where she is considered by law and society to be a “covered woman” as the ideal. In the real world he covers me, as he also does in the sex act. The doctrine of coverture considered both husband and wife to be one in life and legal matters, the same as we are one when we join our bodies. And I feel it, when I am lying there under him. I don’t need a bunch of tricks or games, and as I have said before I am never degraded. I can open myself up and fully relax, fully let go, because I am secure in his love for me. I just relax and allow him to lead and I feel pleasure, pleasure that I can only describe as “sweet.” I have both the masculinity and security that I crave being under both the influence and protection of a dominant man.

But let’s give the scenario that a man is masculine, but the equation of love and commitment is not there. I feel the initial stirrings of attraction to the man because he is dominant. Let’s say he drags me off all Clint Eastwood style (a terrible example that I am loathe to use, but an example nonetheless) and “ravishes” me. OK, he’s proved his dominance. He’s the “alpha male,” but if he doesn’t love me and is not truly committed to me then I am only being used and degraded and will be left alone and broken in the end. I could never fully allow myself to open up to a man in such a way, and indeed, on top of having trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse in the first place, women are only half as likely to do so during any kind of casual sexual encounters with a man. Most women don’t orgasm during sex, and I do think this is more of a psychological thing. They can’t truly let go (even I cannot orgasm if I don’t feel secure and controlled, when I can’t truly “let go”). They have lost their feminine selves in the pursuit of equality with men. It is the deepest of all psychological needs of a female, to depend upon and submit to a dominant male, and it is also the deepest of all human needs- to love and be loved in return.

In life he is stronger than me. It doesn’t bother me to give up any rights I might have had as a single woman and live under the authority of a man. It’s OK in my mind if I cannot act legally without his consent. I chose him because I love him, and why would I not want to truly be one with him in every way? It’s OK if he is my voice and speaks for me and makes the decisions for the family. It allows me to feel secure and cherished and taken care of.

Perhaps our ancestors knew something about life and human nature that we today have forgotten or refuse to see. Perhaps these women weren’t so “oppressed” as we are led to believe. A system such as coverture would not have lasted if women had simply refused to accept it- but accept it they did. They accepted it because it created peace and harmony between the sexes, stabilized marriage, family life and male-female relationships. But I suspect these women were much more content than any of us know today, because we only hear about the women who “misbehaved” and rebelled. We don’t know what the other women were thinking or feeling, except for in the very few written records that exist (where they claimed contentment and felt loved by their men). It’s not like they were out publicly having discussions about orgasms.

Back to the ravishment situation, we’ll say now that the dominant man is my husband. He’s masculine, showing assertiveness and aggression- the necessary components for attraction- but this go around I know he is committed to me. In this case I can relax, open up fully and let go. It’s OK if I reach for him, because I want and desire him. I crave him and can reach for him, wanting all of him and more, ever more. I can wrap my arms around him and urge him on, or I can just relax and close my eyes and simply enjoy him shamelessly. There’s nothing to feel ashamed about and it is a private act. I can relax and just let him lead me. It’s OK to enjoy it. It’s OK to love the way he feels and like what he’s doing. I feel a sweetness deep in my belly and I smile in my joy and contentment. He’s strong and I love to admire the way he feels, but I also know I am loved and cherished, that I am secure. When he’s done, wherever he goes, I know he’ll be coming right back to me. He’s still my covering, providing me with all the necessaries in life even after he has withdrawn from me. He’s still my protection and I can always come to him. And many times over the years I have come up to him and tugged him on the arm, telling him what I need and he has listened to me and welcomed me in his arms, in his love.

It’s not a dirty thing, that I love the feeling afterwards that it’s like his essence is still there inside of me. I feel cherished and loved for all the things that uniquely make me female. I feel content that he is the one and only one to ever touch me. He provides that protection and covering over me.

On the flip-side, a man might still provide for a woman and be her covering, but if she is not loved and cherished by the man (such as might be the case in a harem, or with a rich man and beautiful woman much younger than him when either party is only in the relationship for what one can get out of the other), then she is still just being used and degraded. I want to know that he sees who I am as a female, loves me for me, loves every inch of how I’m made, from the generous bounty of my breasts, to the weakness of my arms, the softness of my voice and of my curves, to the way I was designed to give and carry life. I want to know that I hold him captive in my love, beauty and femininity.

And yet again, there is another side to this equation. There is the circumstance where a man genuinely loves and cherishes a woman, yet he is not masculine- he is not dominant and he does not lead. This situation again creates a deep discontentment. The dominant man without love for the woman exerts masculinity in an abusive and tyrannical way against the woman, but the man who loves without being dominant robs the woman of her deep need to rely upon a strong man to protect and lead her. And I do know this one. When I felt he no longer led me, I ran somewhat wild. I was confused inside and deeply hurt. I cried, I temporarily took on paid employment, I never wanted to be home. Our marriage and family life fell to shreds because the natural order had been overturned. But I tried. I left notes trying to explain how I felt and what I needed, hoping he would find them. And at the end, when things calmed down and he finally started becoming the man he needed to be again, order was restored, but there was and potentially always will be, some hurt that won’t heal and wounds that have left deep scars that will forever remain.

I asked him why he would have just let me go; why he didn’t step up to be the man that I needed him to be. And I cried, and sometimes still cry, whenever I ask him the question “Why?” He thought if he just gave me independence and let me do my own thing- that if he just let me go- that I would be happy, and that was the mistake he made, much like the passive male of the 1950s created discontentment that led to women’s lib and the destruction of family life, male-female relationships and the overall social order, his passivity in stepping down from the leadership role was disastrous in the same exact way, causing problems that ripped our family and lives apart.

I didn’t want independence whenever I separated myself from him. I wanted to be led. I wanted to depend on him. I wanted him to be a man and be strong once again, to be the man I had chosen so long ago. I needed that masculinity that is expressed in a healthy and beneficial way. Because with it I am whole and complete. Because I can just relax when he leads and covers me. I can open up and be content and feel overwhelming joy, happiness and pleasure- both of a physical and psychological nature. When he gives me gifts, he is showing that he cherishes me and will provide me with the things I need. When he leads me, he is telling me that everything is OK. I don’t have to worry about anything. The natural order is set right and no amount of money, no independence or paycheck can ever give that true happiness and contentment. And isn’t true happiness, love and contentment the greatest of all the things one might achieve in this life?

 

Recommended:

Disrupting the Patriarchy

They are Men’s Issues

There is no issue, there is no complex

As I told you before; I am feminine, I am female, I am woman

We uplift the masculine because it protects us. The women today they would rather degrade themselves and live in filth with men that don’t respect them- to give their bodies away easily as if it gives them autonomy or power in some way. They might find a temporary happiness in this existence, but they will never have true and lasting contentment.

Oh, but I could show you contentment! I could show you fulfillment. Fulfillment and contentment like you’ve never known, never seen.

The world today has become so vulgar because there is no regulation on sexuality; there are no rules. So many are gender-confused and androgynous and we express ourselves in however the individual sees fit. But we must uplift the feminine, uplift the masculine. Not all men are good, but not all men are bad. Look to the men that love you and put your trust in them. Encourage them to be the men they were designed to be, trust in them to speak for you, trust that God or nature has given them that natural authority. Obey that authority and listen to it.

It’s not necessarily that we put our trust in a human being that has faults, but rather a divine authority that has granted to males greater strength and ability. They were designed that way for a purpose. Yes, men might be superior, but isn’t that the way we want them to be? But a woman being under the protection and covering of a man, such as her husband, shows that she as well is favored and beloved and worthy of being given the world.

We were meant to live together as male and as female. We were made for each other. We were not made to be the equals of each other but rather to be as one. There is but one leader, and that is the man. There is but one that carries life and brings it into this world, sometimes suffering severe hardships in the process, and that is woman. And yes, we women are vulnerable when we depend upon a man, but by nature we were designed vulnerable. When we take a man inside of us we make ourselves vulnerable. We were designed to be dependent and weaker by nature.

But letting go, trusting, opening our hearts and our bodies and making ourselves vulnerable, we free ourselves. There is a passion that I cannot explain. It can only be understood by living it. Free yourself to be a woman, to be feminine. If we as women have an issue, the state cannot protect us. Women’s rights are no protection, instead it is about distrust in our men. But we have to trust them. Let them be who they are as men. If we do have problems, the first ones we should confide in are our men for protection or the things we need.

Domestic violence, rape, and single motherhood are things that feminists had no business getting involved in; that the state has no business getting involved in except in special circumstances. They are real and serious issues, but they are ultimately men’s issues as our sexuality and our welfare should be the business of our husbands, our fathers and our brothers.

This doesn’t take away our freedom. On the contrary, it grants to us women the greatest freedoms we have ever known. There is a joy and a peace that I cannot explain. But I know we women today have severe issues. Nearly every woman that I know has suffered some mental illness, even if only temporarily. We have rejected our true natures to pursue independence and shallow relationships with men, if we pursue relationships at all.

When I was younger, I stayed in the home to care for a child. It was work that needed to be done. But the first issue was my bonding with my husband. I lived under his protection, depending on him for the things I needed, listening to what he told me to do and trusting him to protect me. It created an atmosphere of passion and love, where I would wait for him to come home and deeply long for him. Being in the home allowed me to live as one with him.

Having the husband fulfill the breadwinner role was about us being one. It was never, and has never been, about being a “stay-at-home mother” as in some androgynous role that either sex could fulfill or that could be outsourced. It was about contentment and fulfillment that had nothing to do with housework or childcare. There is no “going back to work,” nor has this ever been an issue or in question. Being home is not some temporary thing that I did only because there was work to do in the home and then I would leave to pursue work elsewhere when it dwindled down in a couple of years.

Hate me, love me, but I am who I am. And yes, I have been rejected. But I have been rejected all my life. I care not whether they accept or love me. I can see myself standing there before him as we are to be wed. I can picture him as he lifts the veil from my face to gently kiss me. I can see him standing tall and strong over me. In my mind, how I see it, is that I’m giving myself over to him, to live under his authority, as he is giving himself to me, to cherish, love and be responsible for me. He covers me with his love and strength and I lovingly accept him. And yes, I know that it might come with pain and hardship at times. What life doesn’t? I know that I am vulnerable in depending upon him and submitting to him, but he is also vulnerable in investing in me. But we are one, made for different purposes in life, but each purpose works together towards a common destiny.

But what happens if something happens to him is irrelevant. A man who is in love with a woman and has committed himself to her is very unlikely to leave her, and we as women must trust overall in our men and in the divine authority that has made men our protectors and providers in the event that we are left alone. That is the way life goes sometimes, and we have no way of seeing into the future to know what might happen even when the sun rises the very next morning, but we must trust that a way will be provided for us always.

How is it degrading to be protect or provided for by a man? You women of today will reject any notion of patriarchy, coverture or genuine male authority from the men in your lives yet you will engage in games and role play literally begging for men to beat you, call you names and choke you until you’re blue in the face and do things that I can’t even fathom just in the hopes of feeling some temporary sexual pleasure.

Yet I need no games. I am not degraded. I feel that my body was made beautiful and precious and what a joy it brings. There is no sexual repression, but on the other hand overwhelming feelings of sexuality and sexual pleasure that make all other pleasures pale in comparison. Sexuality that is deep, that is real, flowing through my veins and defining me as female, distinct from any and all characteristics that are male.

Love is overwhelming, femininity is overwhelming. Love and passion are what makes life worth living, of what humans have spent centuries pursuing and writing about. I know who I am as a woman and I don’t need to compete with any man. I know he’s stronger. I know that, yes, he could hurt me. But when that masculine and feminine polarity is felt, I know inside that he won’t.

And the ways of our modern world oftentimes make me cry. I cry that no man will rise up to defend a woman. I cry at the horrific thought that any man would think it OK to see their women sent off to war or expect them to be, that men no longer cherish their women or think to provide for them or protect them; that women would reject any attempts by men to do so, or worse that any man would be OK with being provided for or led by a woman. It is a passion killer that leaves but a coldness and an emptiness inside.

My first instinct has always been to acknowledge a man as a man, to look up to and admire men in general. I am ever glad that in my life I have had very little workplace experience and that I have never been put in the position of being in authority over any man. It would not be right, and indeed, the concept of women’s rights is wrong on a fundamental level. The concept of female empowerment is not right, it is misguided.

We must uplift our men first. Our issues are men’s issues. It has always been men that have made the laws and policies to give us any protections, rights, or freedoms that we seek. I believe that we can trust them to speak on our behalf. I believe that men want to be acknowledged as men and for the things that are distinct to manhood and masculinity and that a man will love a woman who acknowledges him as such.

Because this is not right. It has become an issue of us vs. them. But there should be no separation between us. Was it not men who legislated that a man should pay for the crimes of harming or raping a woman? Was it not men that always went to war to keep us safe? Was it not men who legislated that a man should provide for his wife, his children? I have seen it with my own eyes how a man, even one hardened against women, will soften and become protective towards a traditional woman who embraces patriarchal and anti-feminist ways.

As women we must let go and trust in the masculine. We must be genuine, authentic and trusting in our femininity. If we do that, things will fall into place as they were designed and meant to be.

It’s Not About the Housework

If there’s one thing that people just never seem to understand, it would be that me being at home for all of these years has nothing at all to do with housework. Whether I spend 5 minutes or 6 hours a day doing housework is completely irrelevant. You always see people attempting to justify the position of “stay at home mothers” by means of what money they might make doing the same jobs outside of the home. They’ll say things like “stay at home mothers spend x amount of time washing dishes” or “x amount of time running the kids to school and x amount of time cooking and sweeping floors,” and etc…etc…etc… But what is never mentioned is that women working has nothing to do with housework but everything to do with independence from men.

I cry all the time at work, but not because I “don’t want to work.” It has nothing to do with that. I could get on my hands and knees and scrub my house from top to bottom, and while I might complain about the work itself, I would be happy. I would be happy because I was doing something that was worthwhile. Sweeping my own home and doing the dishes and scrubbing down the bathroom and doing the laundry for my own household has value and merit. I’m “going somewhere” when I do those things even if I do them day in and day out. What is the value and purpose of me doing those things outside of the home? If I was a man it might have more value and merit because it would enable me to move up in the world, have power and independence and provide for a family or something. But I’m not a man, nor do I want to be a man. I don’t want to be “powerful.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’ve always felt happier being powerless.

When I was younger I loved working. I loved going out and making money and having independence. But that all changed once I became a wife and mother. After I became a wife and mother I began to break down in tears (the same as I’m doing right now, even after all these years) at the very thought of going out and making my own money. It’s not because I’m somehow “lazy” or any sort of bullshit like that. It’s because I feel the femininity inside of me. It’s because I don’t want to be independent. I wanted to be feminine and nurturing, depending on a man and having my sexuality belonging only to one man.

They push the two-income model of families on all of us because they don’t want women to be dependent on men, and that’s what it’s all about. If women went home, then men could control women via money and the regulation of women’s sexuality by making women dependent on men. Me being home all of these years has never been about housework, it’s been about me depending on a husband to care for me, and me having paid employment of any kind (even part-time) destroys all of that, and that is why women have to work in our society. That is why it is pushed on us. Because if women didn’t work, especially after marriage, then feminism couldn’t exist.

I wouldn’t mind making less than a man, if I knew that it was generally accepted and understood by society that men were supposed to be taking care of women. Not at all. I don’t want to be any man’s “equal,” and I would never want to be in a position of power where I was some man’s boss or anything. It wouldn’t feel right. The first thing that happens when I’ve ever been attracted to a man is that I feel like I want to submit to him, to be taken care of by him, like I’m safe with him and don’t have anything to worry about. It’s just this natural instinct that I feel when I feel that polarity and attraction. I don’t want to be independent. That’s why I never went out and worked, and that’s why the thought of working sickens me and makes me cry my eyes out. Because I feel it, I feel it so deeply inside of me, that femininity, as if it determines everything about me- and I love it.

And more power does mean more responsibility, but that’s part of being a man. Women hand over a great deal of rights to be taken care of and provided for, and are usually happier for it. It’s pathetic that the men of our society would send their wives out into the workforce to help provide for the family. What kind of a man would do such a thing? Apparently not much of one given how emasculated the men of society are today. A man should feel like an utter failure, like he has lost a part of his masculinity, by needing the “help” of a woman, especially his own wife and mother of his children, to help provide for him or his family. Any man that would expect his wife to be out in the workforce should be beat- and that’s the truth. Why would any man want to send his wife out there like that??

That’s what it’s all about. And I would really like to understand why on earth paid employment is always supposed to be the cure for boredom? I don’t see anybody in the workforce except for the biggest losers in history not being able to find something to do when they aren’t working. When I’m not busy with housework or errands I simply find something else I like doing, which is the same thing anybody else does after work. How is this even an issue?

Also, me marrying young and having no income or independence of my own has protected me. It’s forced me to stay under the authority of one man and kept my family intact and prevented me from having all kinds of failed relationships and multiple sexual partners, not to mention the “blended family” where people have children from different fathers/mothers. I’m as old as I am now having only slept with my husband. If I had been an independent woman or had waited until later in life to get married (even if I only waited until my mid-20s or something) that probably wouldn’t be the case. Therefore my innocence and femininity was protected, and I was protected. I always took my sexuality very serious and still do. I can’t imagine allowing any man but the most important and beloved to penetrate me! Dear God, how can that be casual???

So yeah, I cry my fucking eyes out because of paid employment, but it’s not because i’m lazy or anything of the sort, and I won’t be told that by anybody. I did take on a part-time job that I do like. It’s simple and laid back and I might stay there just as a way of having a little bit of spending/saving money. But even then the woman training me today was giving us advice on how not to get bored!!! But I still stopped by at my husband’s work and sat in the parking lot crying my eyes out outside of the shop. He came out to my car and held me for a minute and told me to call the place I had been working and tell them that I wouldn’t be coming back.

And no, I don’t want to go back, but I am for a week or two because I promised the owner I would be there when she needed me for the next couple of weeks. I wasn’t just going to walk out on her. I’m keeping a promise (something some people in this world are still honorable enough to do) even though it’s killing me. After that I will probably keep my other small part time job (only about 24 hours a week) because it’s more laid back and fun, and a place I’m familiar with and close to home. I know that working was a mistake, but in some ways I guess it was a lesson I had to learn. I just don’t have that drive of independence and probably never will have.