Category Archives: MRAs

When It’s Over

I cry for what once was, and what I know never will be again. So many times I’ve tried to tell him, tried to make him understand, but he would never listen, and I know in my heart that when the money and children are no longer issues anymore, when that day comes, that I’ll be moving on. Being alone is a better fate than dealing with this disappointment and resentment that I now feel everyday inside.

And I know that it’s this disappointment, hatred, and outright resentment- the same that I feel inside- that is at the heart of feminism, that is at the heart of the manosphere. If he tries to be an asshole, I scoff at him, because I know he’s not genuine; I know he’s not real. He might try to push me around, to hold me down, but I just turn my head to the side and ignore him and soon enough he gives up. Yet when he tries to be soft, I only resent him all the more for being weak. I know there’s nothing he can do anymore. I don’t even feel anything anymore but a lingering sense of a life gone wrong.

I was looking at an old picture from when I was 22 and I just wanted to cry. I remember that innocence, I remember so fondly those days when he was my everything. I read about the women and their taken in hand relationships and I cry all the more. We used to be that way. There’s this need inside that’s so undeniably real that it’s become a physical ache and taken a psychological toll on me to the extent that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I just sit down and cry. I need something, yet that something just isn’t him. And I know that if he can’t give me what I need, I’ll just end up having to find it elsewhere eventually. That’s just truth, that’s just reality.

It was once mine, being under that authority of a man who loved me, cared for me, cherished me. And I know, the laws have made it to where men can’t have authority, that men have to live in fear of ever exerting that authority, lest they all of a sudden become criminals and branded as misogynists. It makes it hard for women who need their men to be men and it makes the men of society so soft that women just resent them.

And it’s this displacement, I know, that drives the manosphere. The anger is there and very real, because there’s no real femininity. Just like my anger that that masculinity is gone. I don’t want him to be a jerk, but at the end of the day dealing with an asshole would be a better fate than having no masculinity at all. And I figure that’s what drives women to jerks, to sadomasochism lifestyles, because something has just gone so horribly wrong inside. But then it just breeds more brokenness, more emptiness and the cycle just never ends. It’s vicious and it’s real. He wasn’t being the man he should have been, and in turn I just became a broken woman that holds no real hope for anything in her heart.

What can I ever do? Every time in my life I’ve had issues with men it’s on account of misplaced masculinity, either on account of men not owning up to their duties and responsibilities, or because of men losing their masculinity all together. Love is hard to find, and we once had that love. But I feel nothing anymore. Pretty, sunny days bring nothing but heartache. They bring nothing but pain. They’re like a false sense of hope. Looking back at what I once had, but knowing those days are over, I join the fate of millions of others who have long ago given up.

I know I tried to ask him to be a man, to do something, but he wouldn’t. He’d never believe the words I’d say, he’d never take me seriously. I long to be cherished and loved, but not from a man who’s weaker than me, not from a man I can’t genuinely look up to.

That hurts the most, the remembrance of intimacy with a strong man who cherished and provided for me, a man who I knew wouldn’t do me wrong and up and leave me afterward or disappear.

I’m not the only woman who feels the things I feel inside, I never have been. And I don’t care what people think of me. They don’t like me anyway, so what’s to lose? And I know that it’s me, that orphan girl, always looking for a home, always looking for a place I can belong- always seeking, yet never finding.

I understand that anger, I understand that pain. Traditional women aren’t crazy, they’re content. Masculinity isn’t being a jerk, nor is it being soft. I know when he’s not genuine, and I don’t think there’s anything he can ever do to get that authenticity back. I don’t want to be used or degraded in the slightest, but loved. But when he’s lost my respect, when I no longer believe the words he says or put any faith in him anymore, then it’s over. Repairing the damage done, if it can ever even be repaired, will be a long journey.

You can never turn back the hands of time, to undo what’s already been done, to re-grant back to me what once was mine. And I know there are no other men in this society. I don’t even hope for that. I just do what other women do, which is doing for myself, just like the men of the manosphere want to go their own way because of their disappointment and distrust of today’s women, I find myself wanting to go my own way. Now many will be so glad for me if I don’t depend on a man- but I’m not glad. I’m not happy- not at all- because I can’t be feminine without a man who is correspondingly masculine.

You Give Yourself Away Too Easily

Several years ago I found myself sitting in my gynecologist’s office. My menstrual cycle was a complete wreck and I didn’t really understand for certain what was going on. Of course, I had also been suffering from severe anxiety and it was taking quite a toll on my life. After giving me a physical checkup and seeing that I was healthy and certainly not pregnant or anything, my doctor (the same one who agreed to sterilize me a couple of years earlier) then cupped my face in his hands and said these words to me; “A woman is a creature of her emotions.” 


And so it is. I think one of the biggest problems between men and women today is not only our failure to understand one another but also our attempts to make us alike to one another. There are the men out there who don’t understand how real these emotions are, then there are the men who simply don’t care and, worst of all, there are the men out there who purposely manipulate those emotions for their own selfish purposes. 

You can see this all the time in the manosphere where writers and commenters are constantly whining about women, talking about how useless women are and sharing tips and techniques on how to “game” women and even how to stay as emotionally distant as possible while doing so that way it’ll be easier just to dump the woman off when he’s done using her. Some of the techniques and little tricks are ridiculous and crazy but some are downright abusive and even dangerous. They seem to want a society where they have access to easy sex yet no parental responsibility to children they father (unless they WANT to be involved) in the process and no responsibility to marry. At the same time they want a traditional society where women are good little girls and dress and act accordingly! Never mind that society has never let men completely off the hook without marriage or financial responsibility to children fathered outside of marriage or without any regulation of male sexuality along with the regulation of female sexuality.

I’ve slightly delved into the subject of emotional abuse before. A lot of the aspects of “game” are predicated on psychological manipulation. Some of that manipulation is harmless and ridiculous to warrant nothing more than a simple eye roll at the stupidity of it. But some of it goes into the realm of covert emotional manipulation, a kind of manipulation most often used by sociopathic, narcissistic, and machiavellian personalities. This type of manipulation can often leave long-lasting psychological scars, often leaving the victim to suffer from PTSD and sometimes needing to even seek therapy. It can be extremely dangerous and damaging and, unlike physical abuse, doesn’t leave physical signs of abuse which can even leave the victim even more isolated as some of the abuse (gaslighting in particular) can be very subtle. 

You often hear talk of so-called “shit tests” and the like in the manosphere. It’s often talked about in a negative light, but this is a completely normal thing for women to do. It’s also a normal part of a healthy functioning society, as in pretty much every society boys had to prove themselves through a series of tests in order to become men. How do you know if he’s really a man? You put him to the test. How do you know if he really cares about you or just sees you as a source of sex? You put him to the test. He’ll either rise to the challenge and prove himself or he’ll fail. Men will go out of their way for sex, but will a man go out of his way for the woman herself? Does he truly love her? Can he prove that love? How can she know for sure? The only way a woman can know is to test him. 

Most men have no idea the damage they do and the emotional turmoil they cause by reappearing and disappearing from a woman’s life and refusing to communicate in between. More abusive types do this purposely to try to string a woman along without having to put in the effort to make a real relationship. And still I think it’s a big myth circulating in society that men won’t wait for sex. That women have to give it up RIGHT now(!) or else he’ll just instantly move on and get it somewhere else. And it’s true, he might. Having sex won’t change a man’s mind about a woman. He either wants to be with her or he doesn’t. He either loves her or he doesn’t. Giving it up won’t change that. Yes he might be able to “get it” elsewhere. But if he loves the woman then he’ll put in the effort for her. And that’s the only way a woman can know if she’s just a convenient source of ***** for him of if he’s invested in her as a person. Men differentiate between women they just want sex from and women they really want to commit to and make a real relationship with. Testosterone also blocks the effects of Oxytocin leaving men even more capable of casual sex without getting attached. There have always been “easy” women and men have since the beginning of time visited brothels and strip clubs and saloons, etc… 

And, ultimately, nothing is foolproof. There are no guarantees in life. And relationships are hard- they always have been. I think also we let relationships go too easily in our society today and see people as disposable, much like everything else in our world today. How many times have you heard people say that many of their relationships started out because they instantly jumped into bed together? The key word here is “many.” They’ve been in and out of “many” relationships that probably didn’t last very long. You give yourself away too easily. If he loves you, he’ll come after you. If not then putting in the effort for you personally just won’t be worth it unless he knows there will be the immediate award of sex. 

Wait it out. There are different phases of love and waiting is also a good way to weed out the bad and manipulative sorts whose intent is to play games and do harm. The first phase of love is infatuation. This can be a very dangerous time as various chemicals and hormones in the body are running wild. People can do very crazy things in this phase and if you find yourself getting too worked up and experiencing the symptoms of infatuation you need to pull back some- especially if the love isn’t being returned. Have minimal to no contact with him until things calm down. Taking it slow can also allow you to see a man’s behavior patterns to know if he’s an abusive sort. There are some personalities, such as those afflicted with malignant narcissism for instance, who will take advantage of your emotions. If you see the man has manipulative tendencies go complete no contact with him- at least until the initial infatuation phase wears off. Also beware of any hovering attempts when you’re at your most vulnerable.

After infatuation (which can last from days or up to two years at most) wears off one of two things will happen. You will either a) not care one way or the other about the man or whether he fell off the face of the earth or Martians came and abducted his body and carted him off to another planet to never be seen or heard from by the human race again or b) infatuation will transform into a deeper, more mature and calmer love. 

The key thing too is communication. This is also a big key to how much a man really cares. It makes all the difference in the world. It makes the difference between the man who isn’t really invested and just likes having a steady and convenient source of ***** and the man who makes the effort to take you by the hand and lead you into his life, to make you a part of his world. If men weren’t creatures who would gladly take sex from even a moderately attractive woman with no strings attached without putting hardly a second thought into it then who goes chasing after who wouldn’t be an issue. As it is, this is the only way a woman can truly know what she means to a man. The only way. Men who deliberately and purposely keep you guessing, off-balance and unsure of where you really stand with them are playing games. If his actions don’t match his words, then he’s not serious and probably isn’t to be trusted. Never give yourself away to a man unless you’re completely sure about him. 

And as stated above, there are no guarantees. In a healthy functioning society marriage would be the highest form of commitment and offer surety and security for a woman. But even then, marriage is a legal contract. It doesn’t change human nature or feelings and more often than not in human history it was entered into with no thought or mention of love. Of course, ideally there should be love and two people can come together in love and build a life. The contract of marriage centers on the sharing of a life, property, children, finances and lays out rights and responsibilities between a couple in regards to each other and any offspring. But it can’t prevent a man from running off or betraying a woman by any means. A husband can disappear just as quickly and easily as a lover, and countless throughout history have. An affair, for instance, is an issue that concerns you, your spouse, your lover and your god. Divorce is an issue that concerns all of society. 

Sometimes we decide relationships are harmful and walk away. Other times we choose to stick it out. Whether already in a relationship, waiting to have sex, or hoping someone will be real and stop playing games or finally love us in return, there is no set time limit. Some advice says things like “wait three months to have sex” or “break up if he hasn’t given you a ring by month six” or things of the sort. But how long you wait or how long you stick it out depends on the individuals involved and the circumstances. You have to judge this for yourself. 

Back real quick to the subject of abuse, there are real disturbed characters out there. There are those who physically abuse and there are also those who mentally abuse. Mental abuse can oftentimes be even worse than physical abuse and just as dangerous. Now here I’m not talking about your run-of the-mill asshole. An asshole still does have the ability to care, feel remorse and empathy and know right from wrong. Those afflicted with narcissism or sociopathy however do not. In some cases they can get better, but in many cases they cannot. The first goal should always be to protect yourself from harm and abuse.

Ultimately, you can’t change another person nor should you try. Love is indeed patient and kind, keeping no record of wrong. But boundaries have to be set. A woman should never underestimate the power she truly does have inside. If you do love a man, you can lead him into that place of love. Let him know that love is waiting for him if he can be real and good to you. And once again ladies never give away sex hoping to keep him around. Sex is a gift he earns by being real and true to you. Your body should be reserved for the man that provides for and protects you and is truly there for you. Stay with the man , or choose the man, who has proven himself. 

Note here that not every man is going to be good at communication and I think women push too hard for men to be more woman-like sometimes and talk about things. But both sexes have to come to the understanding that we are different and we don’t feel, communicate or express love in the same way. Men generally express love by their actions, so don’t push him to get emotional. If he’s prone to be manipulative or gaslight then you may need to push him to make himself more clear or even keep a journal of events for your own protection (this is for your own mental clarity). 

And, again, these things are never easy. When we love someone we accept them as they are, flaws and all. If you do choose to stick it out with someone who does have issues such as narcissism you need to learn all you can about the condition and about covert emotional manipulation. If the man is just a bit distant, realize it’s not always the sign of a problem. Some people are more moody, some overly hyper, some complain about everything. Also not all chronic manipulators have personality disorders. Some might have just learned to manipulate as a coping mechanism early in life. Still some may use it to succeed in their careers and just fail to stop the behavior even with those they love and those that love them. Either way it can still cause harm. It is what it is. It’s up to you to decide when or if you should let him go. If you’re being abused then definitely distance yourself. If that’s not an option then you might need to seek help from others you trust or get therapy. Again, the abuse part of this article is very relevant, especially with the red pill types running around out there.

If you just don’t see it, then it probably isn’t there. Perhaps it will be someday, perhaps it won’t. But either way you go on about your life. He’ll either be apart of it or he won’t but you can’t wait around for him to make up his mind because he won’t do it unless he has to. And never respond to any kind of lame or inconsistent initiation of contact from a man. If a man’s been playing games or not wanting to commit in the past it’s still possible for a relationship in the future but I’d say to treat the situation as though you were dealing with a former abuser (because in a way that’s how it is, as game playing can cause such devastating psychological damage and emotional distress to a woman). Yes, people can change and maybe he will. But there is going to have to be a long probation period where he’s going to have to prove himself first. Just remember, ladies, you are worth it. If he doesn’t see you as worthy of a real relationship then you should not see him as worthy of your body or even a fraction of your time. Take it slow, wait him out, assess the situation, listen to your instincts and go from there. 

Red-Pill Delusions 

Warning: CONTENT

 

“The Red Pill is, for all intents and purposes, what happens when the pick-up community decides that it hates women…” (1)

 

For anyone that doesn’t read the “manosphere” or associated Red-Pill blogs let me save you some trouble. The basic motto is this: Women are shit. Women should be treated like shit. It’s all about different ways to use and play women and implementing any form of psychological mind-f*ckery to get the upper hand in relationships and in the so-called “sexual marketplace.” They actually have various acronyms used to describe exactly how women are shit, how women have only a short-lived value in society that dries up at a very young age, how all women (especially American women) are all natural born sl*ts who only f*ck so-called “alpha” men and use the so-called “beta” men for resources and any sexually frustrated man with a victim mentality is welcome to leave all kind of vile comments about women. There’s nothing about being a better man or bettering society nor any talk about how men might actually be falling short of what they should be at all. It’s all about poking fun at women and advocating their worthlessness as anything other than a warm, wet hole.

I’ve read a lot of the crap over the years and a lot of what I have read is so ridiculous I can’t even take half of it seriously and actually wonder if a lot of the articles aren’t actually written just for comedic effect (For instance, Roosh V, notorious pick-up artist, has actually previously claimed at least one of his articles to be a joke after it caused public outrage before). The manosphere puts way more antagonism between the sexes than the most militant feminist advocates looking to hold their own in the corporate world with men ever could.

Don’t forget as well that everybody is rated on a certain scale and that determines how valuable they actually are to society and to the opposite sex (a total guy thing to be sure). So let’s say we have guy A and guy B. Guy A scores a bit higher on so-called “alpha” traits (according to their point system, and they’re all such geniuses). Obviously women will ALWAYS choose guy A over guy B because of his so-called “alpha traits.” Guy A is more “alpha” because he makes more money, has more “swag” and wears a better “poker face” so obviously he will get all the girls and have all the sex. His “sexual market value” is higher according to their little point system. And, of course, women divide men into two categories: the alpha f*cks and the beta bucks because we women always separate out between the men we wish to have sex with and the men we wish to be in a relationship with … [pause for dramatic effect]Say whaaaat? That’s the kind of crap men do, not women. It seems as though they actually project their own desires and traits onto the opposite sex. Furthermore, what are we cavemen living in prehistoric times?

Of course a consistent theme among traditionalists and on this site is that men should provide for and protect their women (their wives, daughters, sisters and mothers) and this still stands. But it is something that a man does out of a sense of duty, honor, and, above all, love. It’s not something that’s done because his latest “thing” is so hot and he wants to splurge on her and show her off until he tires or her and wants to replace her.

Sure, no woman wants to be with some loser or bum any more than a man wants to be with or would be attracted to a slovenly masculinized woman that’s 50+ pounds overweight. Obviously if a guy has billions or millions in the bank then any number of 25 year-old bimbos (without values or morals) will come throwing themselves at him for the resources he has or to advance their position in society. He might be so old he’s about to croak over dead anytime but they probably don’t care about him any more than he does about them (and never mind that young men go after older women in the same way sometimes). As well, a 22 year-old woman might sleep with her 45 year-old married boss to promote herself. But would that not then mean that these so-called “alpha” men are the actual ones being used for what they can PROVIDE to these women (status validation, perks, promotions, money, fame/popularity) and perhaps the women who get with these so-called “beta” men (who probably in reality aren’t even “beta” at all) actually do so because they love them and are genuinely attracted to them? Maybe they should start using the term “alpha bucks, beta luv.”

Of course, the Red Pill position is that women f*ck all the “alpha” men in their youth and then get with the “beta” men once they hit “THE WALL” and have no other options left because no man but the most “beta” wants their dried-up, floppy, smelly v*ginas. Because obviously older women never attract men or remarry, have more kids or are genuinely happy in life or in relationships with men that love them. And they are never attractive to men. Never. Sexual market place; Remember the point system!

Are any of their views actually rooted in reality or is it just their own delusions and fantasies of grandeur that fuels their vitriol? They can’t seem to differentiate between fantasy and reality very well. Their views might go over well on an online forum, but in the end they are very far removed from reality. Do older women ever attract men? Yes. Does a man’s high status always win over the girl? No. We are not soulless creatures. We are human, with human conscience, human feelings, unique differences and circumstances. But they don’t take this into account.

For a woman sex and love generally go hand in hand together. Initially the man’s dominant traits might attract and get a woman’s attention just the same way as a woman’s beauty might initially catch a man’s eye. The asshole might have success in the short-term just the same way as the perfect “10” might have all the men surrounding her and drooling over her, but in the long-term there is so much more that comes into play. A woman might become interested or even fascinated by a man by his status and achievements, sure, but a woman generally always mixes fantasies of love and romance with sexual desire. That’s something these guys miss entirely. For them everything exists on a point scale and relationships are always a fight for dominance and control. There is no love. There is no humanity. There is no higher purpose in their eyes. Women are only objects to them and by treating women in such a way and viewing women in such a way they also render themselves irrelevant, because by treating women as nothing but disposable sex objects they imply that men have no value or worth to either society or women beyond their ability to impregnate females and fight with each other over territorial quests for dominance. They make themselves expendable.

I know personally I have never been attracted to men who had a lot of fame, power or money. This is probably because instinctively I knew that the long-term potential of such men was highly questionable and I was never willing to cheapen myself or sell my soul for 15 minutes of fame or a few dollars. When it comes down to it I have always had much more love for myself than to throw myself at some “high-status” man with so-called “options.” Only a woman with no self-love or a woman who was out for personal gain would allow herself to be used like that. Yes, I’ve had the option of doing such things in my life- of becoming involved sexually with men who could, however temporarily, bump up my status and provide me resources- but I never did. The reason is because my sexuality was worth more- I was worth more- and I have never been willing to be used or abused by some man as some kind of disposable sex object- the very thing the “manosphere” seeks to degrade women down to.

I do always find it interesting whenever their Red Pill teachings don’t pan out in reality. Older women are dried up old hags to you? Oh, so why are so few of you with someone significantly younger than you then..?(2) We don’t always get what we want, do we? (Perhaps they just over-estimate their value a wee bit then?) Plenty of men have tried out Red Pill techniques on their wives, girlfriends and women that they hoped to get with/sleep with only to have it backfire and ruin the relationship entirely. My favorite was this one incidence I read on a forum somewhere (I’ll probably never find it again and don’t remember where I was when I read it) where the guy tried the “advice” to pull out of his girlfriend in the middle of sex and pretend like he just lost interest all of a sudden. The idea is that it was, supposedly, supposed to tilt things in his favor and make her desire him 10x more and then they would have crazy, wild sex 5x more often. To his surprise (yes he was actually surprised it didn’t work, poor guy) it backfired on him, and, instead of her desiring him more, the girlfriend instead refused to even speak to him for something like two weeks. Similar stories abound all over the “manosphere.” Furthermore, much of the “manosphere” teachings seem to be nothing more than child’s play. Most of the teachings are about getting the upper hand and turning the “sexual marketplace” back in their favor so they can use women as they please without any kind of commitment or responsibility on their part.

It’s abusive, irresponsible and doesn’t always work, but hey, why not take the Red Pill anyways despite the side-effects?

 

**Screenshots captured from this ROK article.

Rough & Soft 

If there is one thing that I’m sick of hearing it’s that “women love assholes.” No, actually, we don’t. Plenty of women still love men in spite of them being assholes, but no woman loves a man because of it. Not only is it tiring and emotionally damaging dealing with a man who’s an asshole, women actually have good reason to be wary of men who are assholes.

The basic fact of life is that males can easily represent danger to females. It’s actually a major fear for many women that we may come to like or love a man who turns out to be an asshole. After all, a man like that is often very unpredictable and could easily turn violent towards us or abandon us. Women always have reason to fear being physically harmed, raped or impregnated and abandoned by men therefore it makes no sense that we would seek out men who would hurt us. On the contrary, we would be (we are) attracted to dominate men who would protect us. 

Our biology can oftentimes be at odds with our heart’s desires. We want a man that’s strong and high status yet at the same time the very men that we desire could also easily hurt us. The “bad boy” type can be dreamy for many women because he’s confident, strong and charming yet there’s still a darkness lurking underneath the surface that can potentially cause a lot of harm to a woman. 

And, no, I do not actually like being degraded. Overpowered, yes, but always in a loving and gentle way. There’s nothing scarier than coming to love a man and wanting to relax, let down your guard, trust and follow him only to have him turn out to be abusive either physically or emotionally. Never in my life have I loved a man and listed under the characteristics of why I loved him as “he treats me like dirt and regularly disappears on me. Oh he’s so dreamy!” 



In my mind romance always happens by a strong man but also a loving man. There’s always the typical fairy-tale element of being rescued from some sort of danger and being the damsel in distress. Yet at the same time the man isn’t “soft” or emotional either. He loves me, is devoted to me, yet at the same time knows how to play it cool as well. 

Men who are assholes are actually repulsive and this isn’t just something I’ve come to hate because I’ve gotten sick of men with age. Even as a teenager I did not like men who were assholes. I still loved strong men, but not assholes. Yes, it did seem that “assholes” had a lot of sex, but the women they were having sex with were generally very promiscuous and also had sex with a lot of other men too. They weren’t getting “high quality” feminine women by any means.

I’ll never forget when I was only like 18 years old a man declaring to me how much women “just love assholes.” I remember my mouth just dropping open in unconcealed disgust at the things he was saying. He would then go on to tell a couple of stories about men treating women like shit and I remember searching the whole time he was talking for a possible escape away from the guy and away from the conversation. I was sure glad to be away from the guy. But, hey, the guy obviously knew everything. Who was I to argue? Especially since he was already middle-aged I bet he was a real hit with the ladies. 

There are many things that come into play when it comes to who we love and who we desire. Oftentimes it is also forgotten that being a man (as well as being a high quality woman) is also about moral character as well. A man must necessarily play a bit “hard to get” in the relationship department. Men who are too charming and too nice tend to scare away women. The reason is obvious. Not only would a too nice and emotional man tend to come off as more feminine but he would also raise our suspicions because we would think he’s up to something. I’d think he was just trying to kiss my ass to get something out of me (like the one thing men always want from women or perhaps that he was a bum looking to exploit whatever resources I might have). He would be perceived instantly as a “player” who goes around charming women just to get in their pants. So, a man can’t really afford to be a “nice guy” but at the other end of the spectrum is the jerk- which isn’t good either. 

MRA types would swear women like jerks and assholes and all of us are promiscuous sl*ts who just love being used by men and treated like garbage and we are out of our prime by the mature age of 25 and that they are all gods who’s “shelf life” never expires etc, etc, etc… and all men have to do is “show a woman who’s boss” for women to somehow be magically chasing them (instead of the traditional way of men pursuing women and actually having to make an effort and better themselves to attract and keep women). But this (as well as many other of their “Red Pill” cult truths) just simply isn’t true (or, at best, is greatly blown out of proportion). As Andrew from “The Rules Revisited” so wonderfully put it

“Yes, it is partially true that society has lost sight of what these guys call “red pill” truths; I am not denying that. But the very fact that they use metaphors from The Matrix should hint at the fact that many of them have issues with attracting women; and the almost singular focus on pointing out female shortcomings should suggest that maybe, just maybe, they hold their world-view because it conveniently puts them back into the place of power they feel so incapable of occupying.”

Does it Matter if I Don’t Have a Dad? 

For various reasons my actual biological dad has never really been around in my life for a long time. I’ve never had too much of a relationship with him since I got old enough to be on my own (this pretty much happened when I was a teenager) and to be honest I’m not sure that it has really hurt me that badly. I mean, I never remember actively looking for some other man to be “dad” to me, even when I was younger. I never panicked and said “oh my God I need a dad where can I find one? Think they have a sale at the local Walmart?” It hurts that someone you’ve known all your life and someone who’s supposed to be family  is no longer around and has hurt you badly but I’m not so sure it is because he himself brings something special to my life just on account of the genetic relationship/ social role played by being dad. 

The truth is that fatherhood is a cultural creation. Mostly the drive for “father’s rights” and the importance of “every child having a father” is an attempt for men to stay relevant in a world where women are increasingly independent of them and can have and support themselves and their offspring without men. After all, if women ever figure it out and are allowed to have babies without men and can be self sufficient to where men aren’t needed then what role will men have in society? The quest for father’s rights is about men’s drive for dominance and control and also about male sexual jealousy. Harsh truth? Yes. But as they say, the truth hurts.

It is what it is. Of course in modern society monogamous relationships with fathers playing a central role in providing for offspring and mothers raising them is quite necessary. It all depends on the norms of society. We aren’t running around in beads and feathers anymore; our lives are more structured and therefore our family arrangements must reflect this as well. Men need to have an important role in society in one way or another. 

Of course, anytime one lives in a way or comes from a family pattern that differs from the norm it can create confusion and problems. Someone growing up never knowing their dad in a society where everyone else is expected to have a dad will undoubtedly have problems and feel confusion, anger, depression, etc… and suffer as a result. They’re different. They’re an outcast and “not one of us.” And they know it. If one is raised in a primitive society where promiscuity is the norm and few even know their fathers because nobody even cares then there is unlikely to be any problems, confusion or heartbreak because, hey, they’re completely normal just like everyone else. It’s no big deal. They’re “one of us.” I think we will see these same problems in children being raised by two gay parents as well because they are different from everyone else and undoubtedly they will be confused and have the same mental issues as a result of being different. 

Society always shapes our perceptions of ourselves. Nobody is immune from this. If you’re an outcast and differ from everyone else, it hurts. Plain and simple. If you are like everyone else and fit in life is more pleasant and you’re happier. No matter how much we say we don’t care about what others think, deep down we do- at least to an extent and someone who just can’t fit in is likely to withdraw completely from the society that has outcast them.

So with all that being said does “dad” himself bring something special? I don’t think, in truth, that he does. I think when I look back and when I think of my life now it is more about a drive to depend upon men, look up to men and follow men. It is a primitive instinct and I think it is hard wired into all women to do so. After all, women have been doing this since the beginning of time and it has always been necessary for survival. Modern men may be withdrawing from this responsibility (to disastrous results) but it doesn’t change the facts one bit. It doesn’t change biology. Women can live without men for the most part- at least until disaster strikes. Even where men don’t provide most of the resources they have always universally and historically provided protection.

Family arrangements are cultural constructions. It’s never really bothered me not having an actual dad around because I always seemed to have at least one man around who wasn’t perverted to me and acted fatherly to me and who took care of me in one way or another. Even if I didn’t have a close relationship with the men they still made a difference in my life. My dad may have been around when I was growing up, but that didn’t make a difference when it came to how much male attention I craved or whether or not I partied, etc… Maybe it would have been different if he would have been different towards me, I cannot say. But either way I don’t think I’ve ever really felt the loss of not having a father-daughter relationship. I distanced myself from him many years ago and have honestly never cried about it and honestly never felt any void beyond just wishing I had a family and somewhere to belong. 

Education and a greater understanding of the world has also made me more immune to any insults from others and the ways society tries to outcast those who are different. The truth of what I’ve discovered about life is that the majority of people are stupid and most (not all) blindly believe what they’re told/what they hear so what they think is of little concern to me.

I think the problems really occur when there are no men around for women to look up to. I think that is the hurtful and damaging thing. After all girls and women in countless societies have never had dads, but they still depended on the men around them and still had male family members to depend on and to take care of them. I mean, if a woman looks around and every man young and old is an unreliable, untrustworthy pervert how is she to feel? On the other hand if there are a few men in her life that she can trust and look up to and who take care of her that’s a different story. It’s like the world is set right somehow. 

So is it dad himself that makes a difference? Probably not. It is ultimately all about society’s norms and a deep biological drive for women to depend on and follow men and a woman’s need for stability and security. 

The father’s main role should be protection and provision of his offspring, as women need the protection of men (even to protect them from other men) but that role can be fulfilled by other family members and eventually a husband.