Category Archives: Marriage

My Covering

My Covering

I try to do my best every day to obey my husband and do what he tells me to do. Inside I feel like God has favored me by giving him to me as my covering; my provision and my protection. He shields me from the world, keeping me there under his wing and in his love. He is my choice. I chose him so long ago whenever I was young. Even in the times that I didn’t want to follow him, I still did, because I didn’t always have much of any other choice. I went with him, as he is my only source of provision in this life so I followed where he led. If he doesn’t listen, then he causes me pain and suffering. If he doesn’t understand, I hold that resentment inside. That’s why he must listen to what I say to him, to the things that my heart needs inside. He must listen to me with love and understanding as he was called to do, putting me above all others, as I do with him in return.

But there is love unimaginable. Whenever I’m lying there with him in the night, I know that I’m safe. It’s safe to let him inside of my body. I can take every bit of him in with love, as I know I’m safe to do so. He’s my covering and I don’t have to fear his abandonment come the morning. I can’t describe that feeling nor that joy whenever he’s inside of me. Sometimes I wonder how anything could ever feel or be so good. To be filled physically by one and only one man that I love and rely on, I know it’s safe to simply open up and relax. There’s something wonderous in the way my female form was made. I love the feel of it, to relish in it.

I don’t feel degraded when I’m lying there under him. In some sense I do feel inferior, but it is only in a good way; inferior in the sense that I know I’m subject to him, yet I have worth and value beyond compare, value that goes far beyond just the physical. All I have to do is ask and he’d give it to me. I know that I am cherished above all other women, beloved above all others. My position is important. There’s something so precious about it, to know how he invades me on the inside, and how I long for him to do so. The most private and intimate of things that I delight in in wonderment, that I would be horrified beyond words to just share with anyone. It’s beautiful beyond words the way my body was made. I have no reason to be scared or sad after the act is over, as it is an act of love, and not of temporary perversion, of the man that I love, of the only man who has ever lain with me, the same man who I have relied on for years.

The way I love him when I’m scared or in danger, the way I come to him. Many times has he picked me up in his arms and carried me; many times have I rested my head against his chest and let him protect and hold me. So easy is it for him to overpower me, but I know he would never hurt me. I delight in the feeling and strength of his arms. The few nights that I have ever been without him were nights of loneliness, pain and fear. If I left him temporarily, it’s like his covering was removed from me, and I was extremely frightened. I’ve always depended on him for my livelihood, knowing no other life but a truly patriarchal one. Yet I know I’ve never been oppressed. I have been favored and loved. I pursue my dreams and passions, yet I do so there under his covering. And I do know the power he has over me in that I have no means to provide for myself. And it’s OK. If I’m depending on him then I need him. If he is providing for me, then I know I am secure. When there is no mixing of the roles, then there is no confusion or contempt. I ask him for the things I need. I feel happy and free. Free to be soft, feminine, devote myself to my home and family and focus on being a woman. His covering allows me to be a feminine woman who doesn’t have to toughen up to focus on advancing in the work world. I don’t have to devote my time to hardening myself and focusing on moving up the career ladder.

Coverture has protected me from being out in the world to be raped, abused, harmed or harassed by other men, or by others in general. Sometimes when I have gone through hard times I’ve stopped and wondered, asked, that if there was really a God out there, then what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to be? For the last few months I’ve felt this voice inside of me, perhaps an intuition trying to guide me, that speaks to me. But that voice has never told me to be independent, to go out and conquer the world or anything of the sort. The only thing that I hear inside is this voice telling me just to be a woman. And there is something precious inside. My very feminine essence I feel is so precious. And it’s precious when I’m with him, most precious of all the way I feel when he’s inside of me, most precious when he kisses me. I’m odd for the times we live in today, but I am no different than the women who came before me. Above all, I was made to be a woman. I was made to be loved and to be delighted in, that feminine essence inside of me so powerful and unique.

 

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The Myth of the Non-Existent Traditional Man

Ok, there is one myth that I would like to put to rest right now, the myth that there are no traditional men out there. The truth of the matter is that nobody knows how many there are, just like nobody truly knows how many traditional women are out there either, but the fact is they do exist, and in much greater numbers than many seem to think. In fact, over the years I’ve noticed that there seem to be more traditional men (seem to be) than there are traditional women. In fact, I’ve known of more than one woman that ended up leaving her husband/boyfriend because he wanted her to stay home (actually this seems to be very common if you want to know the truth about it), so you see more than one reason and the pressures from society against traditional men that compel them to stay quiet about their beliefs and walk on eggshells and dare not approach the subject with their wives. But apart from the fact that there are traditional men, there are men as well who are the sole providers, or at least want to be.

But you’re not going to hear about these men out there and you certainly won’t be finding them whining on some MGTOW forum about how all women are evil and how much of victims they are. That’s because there’s no need for these men to cause a commotion, because they are not victims. They have their shit and their homes in order and they have absolutely no need to fear stuff like “divorce rape” or the things MRAs like to whine about non-stop. They don’t sit around fearing and being paranoid about women. They are the providers, they love and cherish their wives and give to them what they choose, and what they can afford to give. These men are strong and are usually admired by their wives, their wives desire them and they also usually have great sex lives (this from my own personal experience and the experiences I’ve heard from other women). They don’t have to whine about how their wives won’t give them sex, and it’s rare that their wives will actually go out and have an affair (they have too much to lose and are generally hard-to-get women in the first place anyway). They trust their wives, and those who are the sole providers know their wives won’t- can’t- just up and leave them without suffering greatly in the process. Even when their wives do leave, they usually come back to them. Most of these men’s marriages far outlast the marriages of others, and in the event they do get divorced there usually isn’t much (if any) fighting and the man generally gets things his way and doesn’t fight with or abuse his ex-wife.

These men don’t have anything to complain about, and in fact most that I’ve ever known or heard about do not like MRAs and believe them to be not only foolish, but manipulative and abusive. Some of these men actually have wives that get involved in this red-pill nonsense, until their wives find out all the red-pill is is a bunch of abuse tactics and is, in reality, far from traditional or Godly.

On the occasion you do hear about these men, some like to call them “alpha providers” or something of the sort, and most manosphere men think they are myths, and question if these men really exist. Well, they do. They are not a myth. Notice the number of homemaker blogs that have seemed to pop up everywhere over the last few years? Obviously these women have husbands that are their sole/primary providers. Who do you think supports these homemakers to enable them to be homemakers anyway? Their provider husbands.

But back to the main point, there are plenty of traditional men, or at least men who want to be traditional, but you just don’t usually hear about them. Do you think my husband gets on some MGTOW forums and whines and complains or writes mile-long articles about the supposed sorry state of affairs for men these days? Of course not. He actually laughs at these guys. On the outside, everyone knows he gives me the world and I mean everything to him, but what they also don’t see is what happens, or how he reacts, if there really is a threat to his authority. Yes, a few that have been really close to us over the years have caught mere glimpses of me actually submitting to him, but that’s about it. He doesn’t have to make it public that he’s in charge and, despite outside observances and expectations from society that the wife really has a tight grip on her husband’s *****, or has them in her purse, what’s happening inside the home and marital relationship of these men looks a lot different, you just aren’t going to see it, because these kinds of men don’t make a big scene about it, mostly because they don’t have to. There’s no need to. They also don’t have to play tricks or games either. There’s no need.

That’s not to say that I, or any other traditional woman, are powerless or have no rights. We do. We do have a voice and we always have, and a very important voice at that. Sometimes a wife has to demand her rights and that the husband step up to do what he’s supposed to do. Though I and a few of my other partners-in-crime have managed to land ourselves a place in the “Christian Doormathood” hall of fame (how the heck I ended up under that category, or who on earth is responsible for nominating me I’ll never know), the traditional wife is not a doormat. She has the right to be supported, cherished, loved, honored, respected and protected, and to demand such rights if the husband does not fulfill them. In the worst case scenario, she leaves, but all is not a field of daisies for her if she does. It might be Hell if she stays, but it’s only all the worse if she leaves.

A traditional wife that leaves her husband is usually left mostly destitute, dependent on the good graces of her relatives and trying to earn the most meager living imaginable. Her life after leaving her provider husband is usually something that closely resembles Hell and helplessness. In fact, many such women have returned to their husbands for that very reason, giving in to him and doing what he says. No, she doesn’t have much of a choice outside of being with him, and for that particular reason society hates male authority within marriage and pushes and encourages all wives and mothers into the workforce- so they don’t have to submit to male authority within families.

Does it look like such men are victims? No, they are not. That doesn’t mean all has ever been perfect. Sometimes a man screws up and allows his family to fall apart, when he’s not being that man he should be. The traditional man is only human and he doesn’t always acts or do as he should, and sometimes he royally screws up and lets things go, gives his power away to another (his wife or another man to take her affections away), but the point is that you don’t hear about traditional men or the “alpha provider” because they aren’t victimized, and instead of joining up with the manosphere, most scoff at them as a bunch of wusses, and rightly so.

Yes, families are in a bad way today, and not only are traditional families becoming rare but so are families that have managed to stay in-tact or form at all. But throughout history, where the man has the authority and provider responsibility within the family, he has never been a victim. If you give the husband responsibility without authority attached to it, then yeah you’re going to have a problem. That’s just asking to be taken advantage of and get taken to the cleaners whenever the wife decides to leave him (and if she’s independent and her own breadwinner she can). But you give him the appropriate authority to go along with the responsibility, and he’s secure to invest in a woman the way he sees fit. That’s the way it works best. For everyone- individual, family and society.

 

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There Are More Traditional Men Than Women Now, I Think!

They are Men’s Issues

There is no issue, there is no complex

As I told you before; I am feminine, I am female, I am woman

We uplift the masculine because it protects us. The women today they would rather degrade themselves and live in filth with men that don’t respect them- to give their bodies away easily as if it gives them autonomy or power in some way. They might find a temporary happiness in this existence, but they will never have true and lasting contentment.

Oh, but I could show you contentment! I could show you fulfillment. Fulfillment and contentment like you’ve never known, never seen.

The world today has become so vulgar because there is no regulation on sexuality; there are no rules. So many are gender-confused and androgynous and we express ourselves in however the individual sees fit. But we must uplift the feminine, uplift the masculine. Not all men are good, but not all men are bad. Look to the men that love you and put your trust in them. Encourage them to be the men they were designed to be, trust in them to speak for you, trust that God or nature has given them that natural authority. Obey that authority and listen to it.

It’s not necessarily that we put our trust in a human being that has faults, but rather a divine authority that has granted to males greater strength and ability. They were designed that way for a purpose. Yes, men might be superior, but isn’t that the way we want them to be? But a woman being under the protection and covering of a man, such as her husband, shows that she as well is favored and beloved and worthy of being given the world.

We were meant to live together as male and as female. We were made for each other. We were not made to be the equals of each other but rather to be as one. There is but one leader, and that is the man. There is but one that carries life and brings it into this world, sometimes suffering severe hardships in the process, and that is woman. And yes, we women are vulnerable when we depend upon a man, but by nature we were designed vulnerable. When we take a man inside of us we make ourselves vulnerable. We were designed to be dependent and weaker by nature.

But letting go, trusting, opening our hearts and our bodies and making ourselves vulnerable, we free ourselves. There is a passion that I cannot explain. It can only be understood by living it. Free yourself to be a woman, to be feminine. If we as women have an issue, the state cannot protect us. Women’s rights are no protection, instead it is about distrust in our men. But we have to trust them. Let them be who they are as men. If we do have problems, the first ones we should confide in are our men for protection or the things we need.

Domestic violence, rape, and single motherhood are things that feminists had no business getting involved in; that the state has no business getting involved in except in special circumstances. They are real and serious issues, but they are ultimately men’s issues as our sexuality and our welfare should be the business of our husbands, our fathers and our brothers.

This doesn’t take away our freedom. On the contrary, it grants to us women the greatest freedoms we have ever known. There is a joy and a peace that I cannot explain. But I know we women today have severe issues. Nearly every woman that I know has suffered some mental illness, even if only temporarily. We have rejected our true natures to pursue independence and shallow relationships with men, if we pursue relationships at all.

When I was younger, I stayed in the home to care for a child. It was work that needed to be done. But the first issue was my bonding with my husband. I lived under his protection, depending on him for the things I needed, listening to what he told me to do and trusting him to protect me. It created an atmosphere of passion and love, where I would wait for him to come home and deeply long for him. Being in the home allowed me to live as one with him.

Having the husband fulfill the breadwinner role was about us being one. It was never, and has never been, about being a “stay-at-home mother” as in some androgynous role that either sex could fulfill or that could be outsourced. It was about contentment and fulfillment that had nothing to do with housework or childcare. There is no “going back to work,” nor has this ever been an issue or in question. Being home is not some temporary thing that I did only because there was work to do in the home and then I would leave to pursue work elsewhere when it dwindled down in a couple of years.

Hate me, love me, but I am who I am. And yes, I have been rejected. But I have been rejected all my life. I care not whether they accept or love me. I can see myself standing there before him as we are to be wed. I can picture him as he lifts the veil from my face to gently kiss me. I can see him standing tall and strong over me. In my mind, how I see it, is that I’m giving myself over to him, to live under his authority, as he is giving himself to me, to cherish, love and be responsible for me. He covers me with his love and strength and I lovingly accept him. And yes, I know that it might come with pain and hardship at times. What life doesn’t? I know that I am vulnerable in depending upon him and submitting to him, but he is also vulnerable in investing in me. But we are one, made for different purposes in life, but each purpose works together towards a common destiny.

But what happens if something happens to him is irrelevant. A man who is in love with a woman and has committed himself to her is very unlikely to leave her, and we as women must trust overall in our men and in the divine authority that has made men our protectors and providers in the event that we are left alone. That is the way life goes sometimes, and we have no way of seeing into the future to know what might happen even when the sun rises the very next morning, but we must trust that a way will be provided for us always.

How is it degrading to be protect or provided for by a man? You women of today will reject any notion of patriarchy, coverture or genuine male authority from the men in your lives yet you will engage in games and role play literally begging for men to beat you, call you names and choke you until you’re blue in the face and do things that I can’t even fathom just in the hopes of feeling some temporary sexual pleasure.

Yet I need no games. I am not degraded. I feel that my body was made beautiful and precious and what a joy it brings. There is no sexual repression, but on the other hand overwhelming feelings of sexuality and sexual pleasure that make all other pleasures pale in comparison. Sexuality that is deep, that is real, flowing through my veins and defining me as female, distinct from any and all characteristics that are male.

Love is overwhelming, femininity is overwhelming. Love and passion are what makes life worth living, of what humans have spent centuries pursuing and writing about. I know who I am as a woman and I don’t need to compete with any man. I know he’s stronger. I know that, yes, he could hurt me. But when that masculine and feminine polarity is felt, I know inside that he won’t.

And the ways of our modern world oftentimes make me cry. I cry that no man will rise up to defend a woman. I cry at the horrific thought that any man would think it OK to see their women sent off to war or expect them to be, that men no longer cherish their women or think to provide for them or protect them; that women would reject any attempts by men to do so, or worse that any man would be OK with being provided for or led by a woman. It is a passion killer that leaves but a coldness and an emptiness inside.

My first instinct has always been to acknowledge a man as a man, to look up to and admire men in general. I am ever glad that in my life I have had very little workplace experience and that I have never been put in the position of being in authority over any man. It would not be right, and indeed, the concept of women’s rights is wrong on a fundamental level. The concept of female empowerment is not right, it is misguided.

We must uplift our men first. Our issues are men’s issues. It has always been men that have made the laws and policies to give us any protections, rights, or freedoms that we seek. I believe that we can trust them to speak on our behalf. I believe that men want to be acknowledged as men and for the things that are distinct to manhood and masculinity and that a man will love a woman who acknowledges him as such.

Because this is not right. It has become an issue of us vs. them. But there should be no separation between us. Was it not men who legislated that a man should pay for the crimes of harming or raping a woman? Was it not men that always went to war to keep us safe? Was it not men who legislated that a man should provide for his wife, his children? I have seen it with my own eyes how a man, even one hardened against women, will soften and become protective towards a traditional woman who embraces patriarchal and anti-feminist ways.

As women we must let go and trust in the masculine. We must be genuine, authentic and trusting in our femininity. If we do that, things will fall into place as they were designed and meant to be.

Not a “50s Housewife”

Can I just say one thing? Ok, I hate the 1950s. seriously. I hate it that when I say that I believe in stuff like traditional gender roles and that I’ve always stayed home and stuff like that that people immediately start thinking “1950s.” Ugh. I hate that era. Personally, I see the 1950s as a time of female superiority if you want to know the truth about it. I actually think the era was quite feminist. It’s always been clear to me that both of my grandmothers were always “in charge” in their marriages. The 1950s weren’t traditional from my point of view. I mean, women were already voting and a lot of wives were already starting to join the workforce and stuff like that.

I don’t act like a 1950s housewife nor do I dress like one. Ok, well, I do kind of like stuff like vintage dresses and bikinis, but because I think they’re cute, not because I’ve got a thing for the 50s or anything like that. I used to have some vintage dresses but they fall off of me these days so I haven’t worn them in years. But, anyway, back to the subject. We’re not rich. My husband doesn’t “have money.” We’re just simple people, and I’m just a simple girl.

I know I’ve said it before, but when I say “housewife” I think a bit farther back to the times when husbands were actually in charge. I don’t think of high heels and perfectly permed hair so much as I think of bare feet, waist length hair (for a woman) and simplicity.

I also don’t like people that think housewives are somehow “lazy” or anything of the sort. I don’t sit around eating bon-bons all day, watching soap-operas, and writing “honey-do” lists while having an affair with the pool boy. I would also hate to think that a man only wanted to provide for me just because of the way I look. That’s why I would never want to be with a rich man, unless I knew in my heart that that man truly loved and cherished me for the long-term and would always do so.

My husband provides for me 100% financially speaking, as I believe it is his responsibility to do so, but he’s also in charge of everything too. For instance, he gave me a credit card on his account I could use for a while but then he took it away from me last year after I came back home. (He said it was because he got a new card, but I suspect the real reason was to take independence from me so I wouldn’t leave again. In either case, he never gave me another one.)

He gives me things I want and need, but he also has the power to say no to me or take them away from me too. And yes, I accept this even though I’ve suffered pain and frustration and I still accept it no matter what others might think about it, because it confers security on me and protects me. I’d rather accept this life than the life of the modern woman with all her unhappiness, unstable relationships and lack of ability to raise and care for her own children every day.

You want to talk about lazy and entitled? It’s the men these days that are lazy and entitled, just as much or not more so than the women are. Men who talk about how their wives need to “get a job” or go around bragging about how they’ve got their wives in the workforce full-time and stuff like that or how that they’d never support no woman. It’s these same men that also complain about women being spoiled and entitled “not wanting responsibility”, when in reality men are just as bad and lazy as modern women.

In his latest article, Jesse Powell talks about red-pill men moving on to a higher-functioning stage in the wider culture. Undoubtedly I think a movement like this will grow, and that it needs to, but what they advocate for is unsustainable and unworkable when it denies male responsibility for women, so in the end it will result in men having obligations imposed upon them instead of it being all about exploiting everything to their advantage and screwing everybody else and the damage left in their wake.

From the Daily Beast article he quoted:

On The Red Pill, Fisher commonly expressed disappointment that the institutions of marriage and religion were destroyed by women’s equality. He maintained that as a result of financial independence, women were no longer compelled to remain faithful and as a result, men needed to protectively adapt their sexual strategy.

Ok, so how are women going to be financially dependent if men don’t fully financially support their wives? Only for a mere six weeks did I hold paid employment out of nearly a decade of marriage, and it was only to separate from him. I never worked for money, neither inside nor out of the home, and my husband never had to play a bunch of head games just to keep me sexually attracted to him or invested in the marriage.

By “protectively adapting their sexual strategy” what do they mean? Screwing as many sl*ts as possible? (Because that it sustainable for society when you leave illegitimate children all over the place, and that’s sure to help them with all those “pregnancy scares!”) Or perhaps he means playing a bunch of stupid head games that will result, at best, in keeping a woman’s interest for a whole six months- if that? (Because that will obviously lead to a high-functioning committed relationship when one person is a narcissistic abuser.)

“To give women autonomy is to take away the very thing that made marriage a realistic institution… what I dislike is the general attitude that somehow we owe [women] something for sex… Women enjoy the autonomy that feminism has afforded them… But don’t expect the relics from back in the day to continue to benefit you without the sacrifices you were making,”

Well, don’t expect the relics YOU enjoyed back in the day to continue to benefit YOU without the sacrifices you made as well. And I’m unaware completely of any traditional relics from back in the day that women are still enjoying out in the real world. To deny the breadwinner role (for men) is also to take away the very glue that once held marriage together. Men enjoy the easy ride and easy sex feminism has afforded THEM. And women sacrifice more in sex and bring something to the table men don’t, every society in the history of the world has recognized and given credit to this undeniable fact. Get over it.

“Marriage, and yes, female oppression, slut shaming, religion, these were all a means to control hypergamy [infidelity]. Marriages might be considered loveless, and women might have been unhappy, but for men it meant marriages that lasted, commitments that continued, and protection against the fickle whims of females,” Fisher wrote on The Red Pill in November 2012.

Yes, never mind when men chase after “bad girls” that will only screw them over or when husbands disappear or  cheat on their breadwinner wives with a poor woman that makes him feel more like a man. Not to mention that you run a simultaneous marriage strike and spend all your time chasing after the very sl*ts you claim to hate. A traditional woman deserves a traditional man.

But, in conclusion, stop it with the 1950s stereotypes. The 1950s were a whole world better in many ways than today, but the era still wasn’t traditional by my point of view. But if I would ask anything of men today, it would be to please stop this. Please do something about the state of affairs today. It isn’t a woman’s job to fix it. It’s a woman’s job to be “good” and to accept a man’s authority (when and where it’s legitimate). These are your daughters, your sisters, your mothers, your wives/future wives and mothers of your children and all of the women you know and love. They aren’t some outside enemy or foreign invader to get rid of and punish at all costs. They’re your own people, of the same blood and heritage as you. Girls and women today grew up/ are growing up never knowing the stable relationships, protections and security that were afforded to our ancestors- just the same as men. Stop acting like you’re some kind of special oppressed snowflakes. Your grievances have merit, but I think they’re exaggerated beyond belief and only tell one side of the story.

I know from experience there are just as many traditional men as there are women, it just seems like there aren’t because most of the time men just remain silent. They watch and listen, but they don’t comment, they don’t form opinions or organize and protest. For decades they’ve left all of that up to women. But if there’s anything good happening now, it would be that it seems men are finally taking some kind of action, even if they are, as of now, in a rage and sorely misguided. But if men take action, women will follow, and men that accept responsibility (such as a husband keeping his wife out of the workforce and providing for her) can still impose the rules on women even when they are unwilling. YOU don’t expect that “privilege” otherwise. The man that loves a woman provides for her and he protects her- even from herself. I’ll only know the red-pill is “highly-functioning” when their men strive to do just that.

All Men Are Like That

Ok so I have a story today for the ladies. Just go ahead and raise your hand if you’ve been there. The other day I was at the end of my rope so I accepted to go out with this guy. I gave him my number and that evening (it was still daylight) I spent a couple of hours with him. He kept exclaiming “I promise I’m not the kind of guy that’s going to try to get into your pants.” I was just thinking Yeah, right. I was the one who picked him up due to a supposed medical condition that was temporarily preventing him from driving. I told him so long as he wasn’t packing any drugs or no stuff like that I’d hang out with him, he responded saying he only had his cigarettes and beer. I went over to where he lived and we stayed on the front porch for a few minutes and conversed with a couple of others, then we took off.

We went somewhere just to sit and talk and then he started drinking some more. The conversation wasn’t bad at first, we were just talking a bit about our lives and ourselves. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere he leans over the seat like he was about to go full make-out session on me or something. I quickly jerked out of the way as a self-defense mechanism. He then exclaims “Like chill out I was just wanting to kiss you on the cheek! That’s all!” I hesitated for a minute before saying “OK”. I let him kiss me on the cheek, trying to just be as still as possible even though I was totally uncomfortable.

Then somehow the conversation turns (I guess he was starting to get drunk or something, he kind of sounded like it. He only had one beer with him but there’s no telling how long or how much he had drank before) and he starts telling me all about how he’s got a piercing down there and about how all the ladies on Facebook were always asking to see his c*ck. I’m just sitting there thinking TMI!!!!! I was not impressed in the slightest. I then was glad when he wanted to leave so he could get another beer (because I was thinking great opportunity for me to ditch this mother******* and then speed away in the opposite direction).

But oh no! This was not the last of it. He then asks me if he could bum a dollar off of me (one single ***^&&%% dollar!) to get another beer. “But I’ll like pay you back tomorrow!” he whines at me. I told him “no” that I wasn’t going to lend him money to buy a beer. I start driving off and then he all of a sudden reaches his hand over and grabs onto my upper thigh. “This is how I always ride with a girl” he exclaims to me. My only reaction was to cringe and feel like opening the door so I could puke. I pushed down just a bit harder on the gas peddle as I looked straight ahead. He then starts exclaiming “Girl, you’ve got a four-wheel drive! Why are you babying this truck? Didn’t you see that guy back there? He knows how to go fast. He was speeding past us, he knows how to drive a truck!”

I just ignored him at that point, though I did give the truck some gas and started intentionally letting it slide around the next corner Dukes of Hazzard style, which caused him to release his grip on my thigh (the intended purpose). I was just thinking Is that good enough for you mother f*&((&&??? why don’t you go drive your own rig the way it *should* be drove??

Then the guy looks over at me and starts exclaiming “I know you’ve been thinking about f***ing me.” I just laughed and said “Haha yeah. Sure!” in a sarcastic way while all the while thinking You’ve got about a snowball’s chance in Hades…freak. He then starts talking nasty and using foul language and telling me all about how his piercing could make my **** ****** while I just looked straight ahead trying my best to ignore him,growing more repulsed by the second.

Then I take him to his home and he bums a couple of dollars off of an older woman who was living with him and I take him to the nearest store for a beer. He then decides he wants two of them and looks at me as if pleading for me to let him buy two beers instead of one “But **** drank my other two beers!” I just looked at him and said “I’m not paying for your beer,” very matter-of-factly. He then gets two and counts out enough change at the counter to enable him to buy both beers (surprise, surprise!) while exclaiming to the woman behind the counter “I’ve got to see if I have enough change. Boss lady here won’t let me get two beers!” I just stared at him, saying nothing, my mouth gaping open with a look of disgust on my face. We then leave again. At least he held the door open for me, that was probably the only plus about the guy. He wanted to go somewhere else and talk but I just told him “Um, well, it’s getting late. I need to get going” as a polite way of trying to end things, you know.

I start driving back to where he lives and when we get on his street he sees some guy he knows outside in his yard and says something. I look over to the guy he’s talking about, having to squint a little so I could see well, and then he thinks it’s funny to all of a sudden exclaim “You sl*t! Checking out some other guy while you’re out with me!” I just turned my head away from him, my mouth gaping open, with an expression that said Oh my God! He actually thought that was funny? No wonder he hasn’t been laid in two years (that’s what he said, anyway. He asked me when the last time I had an orgasm was, and I very matter-of-factly told him “The last time I had sex with my husband. In fact, I had two.”). He then promptly apologized to me but it still took every ounce of self-restraint I had within me to keep from turning around and smacking the ever-living fuck out of him. I should have slammed on the brakes and told him to walk home, but being the nice (probably too nice) person that I am, I drove him back. I talked with him for a minute while he stood outside the truck, exclaiming to me how pretty my eyes were and how he wished I’d send him a “selfie” of that “gorgeous fucking smile” of mine. I then said goodbye as politely as I could and drove off. I deleted his number and never answered another text from him and he seriously didn’t understand why I just ignored him the next day.

Of course, I didn’t like the guy. I was just lonely needing some attention. He was good looking enough, I suppose; about 6-foot-one, 185 pounds, former boxer, but I didn’t care. I didn’t lie to the guy. I told him I was lonely and needed someone to talk to. I never led him on or anything. Hopefully he’ll get the hint I’m not interested and just leave it be. I told my husband about it and he laughed asking me if I had picked up a stalker, though I was afraid if I told him the real details about what the guy said and did that he would hunt him down and kill him or something, so I gave him the edited version of the story.

The only thing I wanted was to be home with my husband, but he ignored me so I came back, put my daughter to bed and made sure she was taken care of before I went and found a secluded spot to go get drunk, all the while believing he didn’t love me anymore. Me and the bottle had ourselves an in-depth conversation about life until my husband finally found me and carried me back in the house while I held onto him telling him I wanted and needed him.

But, anyway, men have no right to complain about modern women before they look in the mirror and take a good hard look at themselves. Your s**** stinks just like everyone else’s, so don’t think you’re somehow above all the flaws of being human or immune to acting on impulse or acting on emotions or desires. How that guy acted is how a lot of men are these days (and he was ten years my senior!!), and women are sick of them. All relationships take time to develop. It takes time to develop trust and to be able to make yourself vulnerable to another person; for a man to feel safe providing for and protecting a woman and for a woman to feel safe enough to give her body and submission to a man and depend on him. It doesn’t happen overnight, and in life we’ll all find few such people we can trust enough to share our lives with, perhaps only one person.

But in reality, a woman’s actions are sometimes a cry for help. It’s the man’s job to lead and he needs to be aware of what’s going on around him, and my husband should have been paying attention and never let things get so bad. I wanted him to reign me back in, but he instead did the opposite. He did try to regain control when I came back to him, but he did it the wrong way and said a lot of bad things to me. But I just want to be home, as my heart is truly still here. You don’t just throw away so many years as if it never happened. No man could ever compare to one that has sheltered me from the world and provided for me for all of these years.