Category Archives: Commentary

Victimology

Victimhood

Victimology– or the study of crime from the unique perspective of the victim. It’s an interesting thing, really. It would seem to fit under the broader scope of sociology, but being as how it relates to criminal justice, it actually falls under the broader category of study known as criminology.

The one thing one learns when studying victimology is the impact that crime actually has on the victim, which leads to the idea that the law should put focus onto the victim, as opposed to solely on the prosecution and punishment of the perpetrator, as if the law and society owes something special to the victim or has a duty or obligation to the victims of crime.

On the flipside, the study of victimology also showcases why some people become victims. Without a doubt, it’s not right to put the blame solely on the victim when the blame should rest on the one who has actually done the wrong. Just because somebody is at the wrong place at the wrong time or is acting without caution doesn’t give anybody the right to commit a wrong-doing against them. However, the reality of life is that most people who become victims of crime become victims because they put themselves in a situation that exposes them to criminal acts, or they associate with others who themselves are criminals. This is borne out by the evidence. While there are some things that are out of our control, we all have the power to control our own destiny.

It could be said that the rise in victimology as an actual scientific field of study gave rise to the idea that some people, or groups of people, are “victims” of society and deserving of some special status or compensation or recognition by the government as such. This could certainly be said to be the case of the women’s movement that brought us new legislation to change the definitions of what constitutes violence and rape. One wonders how the female half of the human race (or the human race at all) has survived for millennia when before feminist domestic violence and rape legislation we were at the mercy of these misogynist beasts society likes to call men. Does it make sense that the stronger half of the species (males) would be programmed to want to harm the weaker half of the species (women)- the half of the species that is infinitely more valuable to the very survival of humanity?

If you look at the mission statements and goals of these organizations that offer help and services or run shelters for abused women, you’ll notice that it’s not really about protecting women from violence or rape, but rather about challenging the idea that men have any right to control or power over women. Go to any of their websites, and this idea is clearly stated quite boldly. Even all the way up to the United Nations, the goal is actually “gender equality” and “the empowerment of women.” In other words, at the heart of it all is stripping men of their power to govern society and family life and have any say in the well-being or sexuality of their women. The real goal isn’t even about protecting women, but furthering political aims. It’s about disempowering men and dismantling patriarchy.

But men don’t really like to be knocked out of their place of power. Yes, feminists, this is true. Their roles are changing and they don’t like it. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Men need to feel that they can protect and provide. Without that role, then what role do they really have? Men need to feel strong and powerful, it’s how they’re made. The stronger women get and the more “empowered” women become, the more hostile men and men’s organizations become against women. Men then start to wage war against and fight back against their own women- whom they should be protecting. Emotional/psychological abuse, utilizing of the family court systems, and even outright acts of violence and aggression are all methods utilized to maintain power and control and keep women “in their place.” This creates the cycle of hate and victimology, strengthening the feminist cause. Feminists and women’s rights organizations and their political allies can then use men’s groups as examples of why extra legislation is needed to protect women from male violence. The more powerful women are, the less men like it. Just look at places such as India, which is purported to have the strongest men’s rights movement in the entire world. Yet I’ve noticed feminism is pushing hard over there. I can’t research anything without getting constant sources from India. Am I the only one?

The Realities of Life

Consider this scenario. A woman walks into a place alone. Let’s say she’s walking into a place where a party is going on and people are drinking. Alone she’s fair game for any male that has evil intentions on his mind. He has nothing stopping him from using any trick on her or just outright grabbing her. She’s pretty much fair game, no matter how much she believes in women’s empowerment.

Now consider the opposite scenario: A woman walks into the same place, but this time with a man who’s arm she’s securely holding on to. The other men might still have evil thoughts running through their heads, but this time there’s a significant barricade in their way- the presence of the other man. In order to get to the woman, the man that the woman is with must first be disempowered. He must be removed from his position of power and influence over the woman.

Of course, this has happened countless times throughout history. A woman is with a man (her husband, boyfriend, male relative), yet perhaps the man is overtaken by a group of guys who incapacitate him, leaving the men free rape and harm the woman. Whether on a personal level or for a society as a whole, to do harm to the nation or its women you must first disempower their men.

Of course, the feminist will point out that men do indeed sometimes harm the women they are supposed to be protecting, and this is true. But it is still the best protection that can be offered up to women- that of a husband, father, brother or male relative to protect her. Looking at the design of nature, there’s no real question that men were designed to be able to protect and provide. So why, then, does it make logical sense to disempower men?

A woman is least likely to be harmed by her husband, but it isn’t really about that, is it? Laws have been changed to re-invent the very definition of violence. Violence is now defined as anything a man might do in order to control a woman. The reality is that there have always been laws against a man beating his wife and rape used to be punished much more severely whenever women were expected to guard their sexuality.

Not Every Man

You guard the things that are most valuable to you, and when the most valuable of items is stolen or damaged, the punishment for the harm/theft of those items is expected to come quickly and severely. The feminist position on rape is that sex happens when the woman says it does- that she and she alone has the right to have sex when she pleases, become a mother when she pleases and express herself sexually in the way that she and she alone sees fit. Society and men have no say in it. This renders the value of female sexuality valueless, as it is up to the individual to set the price for it, meaning female sexuality in general is not seen as something of upmost value to be protected by the fullest extent of the law and guarded. A man taking a woman’s sexuality or having sex with her is only in the wrong if the woman does not consent to it at the moment, not because he is in a special position and relationship with the woman where he- and he alone- is allowed access to her sexuality.

Coming back full circle to the idea of victimology, no, blaming the victim is never “right” or “just” but in the area of rape and domestic violence there has to be some level of double standards. In order for rape to be taken seriously, girls must be taught from a young age to guard their sexuality as if it was truly valuable and of great worth. There must be some responsibility placed upon a woman and that of the men who are supposed to be acting as her guardians (who’s responsibility, power and authority was the aim of feminism to destroy) to guard her sexuality. If rape is to be taken seriously, it cannot be left solely to the discretion of the individual woman to set her own price on what the value of her sexuality is, but rather there must be some societal-wide standard that says that female sexuality does have intrinsic worth and value and that the allowing of any man to access her sexuality who does not have the right to be accessing it (ie., her husband) is either a crime (rape) to be punished by the fullest extent of the law or something to be frowned upon by society (promiscuous sex or a woman willingly allowing a man below the status of husband to have access to her sexuality) with stigma attached to it. Because if it’s valuable, it must carry a heavy price tag. If it’s not valuable, then who even cares about it? Don’t we all have better things to do than worry about meaningless things?

Subsequently, the same must be true for acts of violence against women. As should be the case with a woman’s sexuality, there needs to be a distinction made between the men who have a right to control a woman- and the men that don’t. Specifically, if the man is not her husband (or close male relative who is responsible for her), the man has no right to control her- excepting in the cases that the man is an officer of the law carrying out his legitimate duties to uphold the law. If a man is not a woman’s husband (or father), then there should be punishment for him trying to impose his will in any way on her.

In some cases in our world today men have been accused of “domestic violence” just for grabbing their wives by the arm too hard (because it’s a sign he’s trying to control her). I read a case a couple of weeks ago where the wife herself couldn’t even get the law to back down on the issue. (I can’t verify the source, however, because I don’t remember where I read it. I considered it unimportant at the time and was busy with something else). If a man is truly harming his wife and causing her severe mental distress or harming her physically, then the larger society needs to step in to stop or punish the man. In some cases, separation might be necessary, but feminist crafted domestic violence legislation should not be.

If it is simply a man attempting to control his wife, unless he crosses the line, then the issue should be left alone. Each case of claims of domestic violence (if the man and woman are married) should be decided on a case by case basis by of judge of whether or not a criminal act of violence has been committed, plain and simple. And greater consideration should be given to the husband’s testimony while still ensuring that a woman (or child) is not truly in any physical danger.

But You’re Not Special, Sweetie

 

“Patriarchal institutions are a two-way street, and if men ever supposed they had the power to control the lives of their womenfolk, they were, in so thinking, obliged to support and protect them.” [1]

 

On the flipside of this argument are MRAs who do not see women, nor their sexuality, as valuable. Instead, MRAs see women as expendable sex objects and are only concerned with their own supposed “rights” without any regard for the welfare of the weaker sex or the true safeguarding of the nation’s family. Even when they supposedly give consideration to the children, they are really only concerned with their own “rights,” with no regard to true inalienable duties they have to women, children and society. They see no reason why they should protect women or be responsible to provide for them. They fuel the hatred that feminists feel towards men and keep the cycle going.

But if men ever suppose they should be in charge of anything, or that they should control women and have the right to a “virtuous” woman or the stability of an intact family where their paternity is assured and their position as father is secured, then they should also assume that they have duties associated with such a position of power. After all, a leader’s duty is not to himself, but to his people. A ruler in charge of a nation has the responsibility to see that his people’s needs are met and that they are safe and cared for. The position of a man within the family should be no different. You can’t have it both ways.

Men cannot expect easy availability to “sluts” and yet have a nation without widespread illegitimacy or “false rape charges.” Men cannot expect to be “in charge” without having the responsibility to support women. Nor can men take on female duties (childcare, staying home while the wife works) without expecting that they will be made fun of in the media and their status degraded in the eyes of society.

The laws of Rome gave fathers power because fathers had the responsibility to provide the support, as was the way in generations past in America and the rest of the Western world. As with Rome, a man could even have to answer for his wife’s misdeeds, so he had certain discretion in controlling her and setting punishment.

A Better Way?

Men have a duty. Women have a duty, even if the concept of duty to anyone but oneself is an alien idea in the modern society. Society shouldn’t seek to disempower men, but rather disempower women. The greatest power of a woman is the influence she has over her family. The responsibility should largely rest with men to protect their wives and daughters and for women to submit to such control.

Is there really any better way? If so, society has yet to find it.

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About Those “Red Pill Truths:” An Essay

If there’s one thing that’s getting passed around a lot over the internet, it would be the concept of “red-pill truths.” It’s something that increasingly comes to my attention, and as well, there are a lot of people now standing up against the red-pill and calling on men to be honorable and decent, actually having love for women, instead of being narcissistic and abusive. Surely at some point in the future men will start standing up, taking charge again, and saying No more. You won’t do this to our daughters, sisters, and mothers from here on out. Most notable among those starting to speak out against the red-pill are:

InsanityBytes (1), The Night Wind (2), and a brand new site (Christian-oriented) called Red-Pill Fallacies (3).

When you look at it on the surface, these so-called “Red-Pill Truths” have just enough truth in them and sting just enough on the surface as to make them believable (4). It hits you hard at first and you begin to think, well, maybe…But, as with most propaganda, the reality, when you dig a bit deeper, is actually what can be referred to as “half-truths,” or insidious lies and distortions of reality mixed in with just enough truth that all but the most educated and informed become susceptible to it.

Red-pill men and the manosphere in general just love to talk trash about women (remember my post about men running their mouths (5)? Keep that in mind, I’ll come back to it). One of the most notable things they do is exaggerate the importance of youth when talking about a woman’s value and worth, as if we were all nothing but a bunch of commodities up on the market to be auctioned off to whoever has the “best deal” at the moment, instead of human beings (11).

And it’s true! Youth is very important for women. It’s true! Women do like dominant men! It’s true! Men are visual creatures and youth just looks better! If you are a young woman looking to start a family, you will be most fertile in your mid-20s, as well as you will be coming into greater psychological maturity. But that doesn’t mean you don’t still have plenty of time. Nor does that mean that men have plenty of time either. A female baby is born with all the eggs she’ll ever have, and the number decreases as she ages, leaving fewer eggs more prone to be less healthy and of poorer quality in her later reproductive years after age 40 (14). This is true.

Throughout history, because only women can bear children, it was always the fault of women if pregnancy didn’t occur, if a child was stillborn, if a woman was incapable of bearing a male heir, etc… However, with modern science increasing piles of evidence keep coming to light that do signify that men have just as much of a “biological clock” as what women do (8) (6). As well, most of the blame (such as not being able to bear a male heir) that used to fall solely on women, modern science has shown us that men- fathers- are really responsible. Science increasingly shows that both the health and age of the father at the time of conception matter greatly to the health of the offspring and the likelihood of a successful pregnancy that can be carried to term (13). As well, the father determines whether or not that male heir will in fact be born female (12).

It’s like this, if a man can get an erection, he will produce sperm. However, not only do erections start to become iffy for a man past a certain age (for a lot of men this happens sometime in their mid-40s or early 50s (7)), the quality of his sperm declines the older he gets. An 18 year old guy only has to think of a pretty girl for him to get an erection as hard as a rock and he’s ready to go for hours. His 40 or 50-something year old counterpart? Well, it’s probably going to take a bit more than the mere thought of a pretty girl. The erection doesn’t happen as easily, probably requires a bit of hands-on stimulation to get him going, isn’t quite as firm as it used to be when he does get one, and, the truth is, he’d probably just rather roll over and go to sleep than bother to go for a second round.

With the advent of Viagra and IVF, we see older men (who in the past might have had ED that kept them from performing) being able to keep going and even father children, and we see odd things like 60 year old women bearing children. Truth is, neither one of these scenarios is optimal. Around the age of 30 or so, a woman’s fertility starts slowly declining. Conversely, a man’s erections and sperm quality slowly begin to change as he ages out of his physical prime (his teenage years and his 20s), though for both sexes these changes may not be seen so much at first and come on quite slowly. But unlike the limited fertility and sexual power of a mere woman, the phallus is supposed to have god-like status, its potency everlasting; it’s fertility untouched even by the ravages of time. 

Solely biologically speaking, if we go back to caveman times or use evolution as an example, the younger man will be faster, stronger, able to father more healthy children. He’ll be better at providing and protecting than the older man, just as the younger woman will be healthier and able to produce offspring with a lesser risk to her own health or the health of the child. There’s no denying any of these things. If you are a young woman who puts family and finding a man aside to pursue a career, yes you’ll probably regret it. However, the day will also come for a man when he wakes up at middle-age and realizes that, not only is he not quite the looker he once was, and perhaps doesn’t have the job he once thought he’d have at his age, but the young near-virginal 20 year olds aren’t flocking to him the way the manosphere had promised that they would if only he was “successful!” He’s been lied to, just as the career woman has been.

Research bears out that only in 5 percent of married couples is the wife 10 years or younger than the husband (9). So, this indicates one of two things: A) men might like to look at younger women, perhaps even shack up with them temporarily and have sex with them, yet they don’t necessarily want to marry these younger women, or B) while the older men might be game to marry women young enough to be their daughters (1% of all marriages), the younger women just aren’t interested.

There’s a difference between the women a man wants to have sex with, and the women that he wants to marry. Yes, all heterosexual men like to ogle young, attractive 20 year olds and would pay or take risks for a night with them, but that doesn’t mean they want to commit to them! If youth and beauty guaranteed a woman success in marriage and in relationships with men, then wouldn’t it be so easy for women? Just hit the gym and have a guaranteed marriage that will last a lifetime! But it’s not so easy. In a lot of cases, youth and beauty are somewhat of curses for women, as it’s even harder to find a valuable man, as most of the men she meets or that take her out are just interested in sex with her, and she ends up carrying the heavy burden of having to discern their true intentions, a burden that men simply cannot understand, any more than young girls can understand the reality of a young teenage boy’s sex drive.

Over the years I’ve found that I haven’t really aged much physically. Rather, when I look back on the past, it is that innocence and simplicity of yesteryear that I truly feel nostalgic for. I have a better figure than I had years ago- more slender, more perfect hourglass shape and my skin still glows with healthy, youth and vitality. Living a traditional lifestyle being taken care of by a husband and remaining at home as allowed me to retain my femininity- which is what men truly desire from a woman, far beyond any other thing. Consider this: most men that have affairs aren’t doing so with women who are better looking than their wives. In fact, in most cases their wives are better-looking than the women they go and cheat on them with. So, what gives? Isn’t it all about youth, beauty, and fertility? No, more than likely it’s about validation (15).

In the vintage American Comedy Series Petticoat Junction, in the episode Kate’s Recipe for Hot Rhubarb, the widow Kate Bradley was talking to her daughter Bettie Joe about what exactly it was that Billie does to make all the guys go crazy over her. The report reads:

Herby bates says he’s crazy about Billie because she wrinkles up her nose so cute and she makes him feel so strong and masculine…

Ok. Next.

Wilbur Hodgkins says he flips for Billie because she walks so cute and because she makes him feel so strong and masculine…

Next…

Tad Perkins says he likes her because she dresses so cute…

…and because she makes him feel so strong and masculine…

Right.

I just wanted to see if things had changed since I was a girl. They haven’t.

Notice there’s nothing in there about her actual looks- just the ways she behaves (distinctly feminine) and the way she validates the guys’ masculinity. Validation. Of course, it’s supposed to be funny (it is), but it’s also true. Instinctively guys know that no woman is going to look twice at a guy she perceives as “less than” her- he has to be stronger and superior in the ways that matter to a man. And this is true. Every woman wants to look up to her man, no matter what stage they’re in in the relationship and know that he can defend and protect her and take care of her, that he is the one leading her rather than the other way around.

Now, there are two ways in which a guy can increase his own (perceived or real) value relative to the girls’. A) He can work hard to improve himself (a sometimes long and tedious process) or B) He can degrade the girls’ value, usually by putting her down and making her feel “less” than him. When you read articles in the manosphere it kind of makes you feel like shit (if you’re a female), doesn’t it? It makes you feel like you are worth less– which is the intended point. You ever sat and listened to a group of guys talk? Probably about 1.326% of what is coming out of their mouths is historically accurate. Mostly, they’re running their mouths- and there’s a reason for this. Most guys are lost about how to “get the girl” so, especially in their youth, they’ll do things to treat you like crap, call you a bitch or a whore, insult you in front of their buddies, act like they don’t give a shit, etc… (10) Especially teenage guys, they don’t have much they can offer a girl and they’re still quite immature, so the easiest thing to do is to degrade the girl.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you call him out on his game. Part of the game, from the girl’s end, is to make him feel like he’s superior. Most guys don’t get that women want a man’s masculinity but they don’t want him to be a jerk. Realize too that the manosphere and red-pill are full of men who are mostly low-value and have a long history of failing with women, and the owners of these sites have something to sell these men (books, seminars, etc…) so they want to keep the illusion up. When you read stuff such as “The Wall” and AWALT what you are reading is mostly lies and exaggerations with enough discernible truth in it to make it seem, at least on the surface, that it makes sense. Look closer, however, and everything falls apart. What you are seeing is men running their mouths, degrading the value and worth of women in an attempt to upgrade their own value. I’m a “good deal,” baby, a real “catch” so you better swoop me up quick during the limited period of your youth before you hit “the wall” and I take my pick of some of these other hot, young, things that are surrounding me, desperate for my d*** because of my “hard frame” and bad-boy attitude (16).

The reality, when you step away from the computer screen and get out in the real world, oftentimes looks a lot different than the false persona that we create of ourselves in the virtual world. Take an objective look around you, and you’ll see that most of what you read and hear (anywhere in the MSM not just the manosphere) just doesn’t measure up. The truth is, youth and beauty often make it harder for a woman to hold onto a man, and sometimes an older woman is in much better shape and more attractive than an obese, loud-mouth 20-year-old girl. Men aren’t going insane and complaining about modern women because of their looks or their obesity (though it certainly isn’t helping), but rather because of modern women’s attitudes and the way they are displacing men from their traditional roles. They’re angry because they need and want femininity to compliment and validate their masculinity yet can’t find it in their women.

In conclusion, yes, do it while you’re young- for more than one reason. Anywhere you look in life, whether successful people in business, Hollywood, wherever… these people that got where they are today usually hold their positions on account of the connections they made during their youth (sometimes starting as early as childhood). For women or men, if you wait half of your life to find somebody, your options will get bleaker with age. Most have already settled into their lives, carry around lots of “baggage”, have grown hardened by the years gone by, been through several heart-breaks and failed relationships to where they can’t bond like they once did, have already had their families or kids with another, etc…etc… It’s not simply a female issue.

But I can tell you, that it’s never your physical looks or material things that you miss most later in life, but the connections, the innocence, the simplicity, the loved ones you’ve lost- the memories. Do it while you’re young. Make those connections and bond to someone during your youth and work hard to stay together no matter what, because in the end, that’s all that really matters.

Bibliography
n.d. https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/.
n.d. http://nightwind777.blogspot.com/.
n.d. https://redpillfallaciesachristianwomansresponse.wordpress.com/.
n.d. http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2015/03/thoughts-on-manosphere.html.
n.d. https://whatswrongwithequalrights.wordpress.com/2017/10/25/tell-him-hes-good/.
n.d. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jul/09/biological-clock-men-sperm-quality-declines.
n.d. http://www.privategym.com/blog/what-to-expect-from-your-penis-as-you-age.
n.d. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2017/jul/02/men-are-affected-by-the-biological-clock-as-well-researchers-find.
n.d. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships.
n.d. https://collegeforreal.wordpress.com/2009/05/24/for-girls-inside-the-mind-of-a-guy/.
n.d. http://athriftyhomemaker.blogspot.com/2016/07/a-curse-of-hypergamy.html.
n.d. http://www.ncl.ac.uk/press/news/legacy/2015/aug/boyorgirlitsinthefathersgenes.html.
n.d. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/05/160515183716.htm.
n.d. https://www.womens-health.co.uk/egg_age.html.
n.d. https://www.askmen.com/answers/dating/12599-why-men-seem-to-choose-less-attractive-girls-when.html.
n.d. http://www.rooshv.com/the-alpha-provider.

Listen To Me, Pt. I

I’m not here to say that everything’s OK, because it’s not. I’m not trying to say that everything will be OK in the future, because perhaps it never will be. A repeated question that I have asked myself over the years goes a little something like this: Why me? Good God why me? Why am I so different from everyone else? Why am I such a freak of nature? (Because that’s how I view myself at times, though I’ve learned to embrace it and have gained more self-confidence over time.) I feel what it is that I feel inside, and it just doesn’t go away. But perhaps I’m meant to teach you, to show you a different way than what this world and society tells us. So, if you are a young woman reading this, I do want you to listen up.

And I look at the stats that this site gets oftentimes, and I get a lot of hits from search engines like Google- a ton in fact. There also seems to be a lot of interest in people searching for whether or not married women should go to work and things like that. No matter the lies the mainstream media and Hollywood try to sell us, all is most definitely NOT settled in the hearts and minds of the modern-day woman (or probably not man for that matter either). I try to do the best that I can to teach and to help, because I feel that I was made to write, made to express myself. Of course, for the life of me I can’t figure out why anyone would follow me, it seems people do. So I want to tell young girls and women just starting out in life of a different way to be and to live, to tell something different than what you are hearing all around you and to tell you that it’s OK to stay strong in those beliefs, even though I will tell you that you are going to face a lot of criticism from those around you, especially your feminist mothers and grandmothers.

I know even my own mother, as much as I love her, hates my marriage because I’ve always been dependent on my husband. They want me to be independent at all costs. My maternal grandmother also disowned me last year as well, not only for my differing religious beliefs but political ones as well. They are the type of women who you will hear wanting the goods of tradition yet boasting that “Women are becoming more independent” and saying things like “It’s still a man’s world- but all that is changing now!” Most likely these types will be Republicans and conservatives/moderates who are anti-abortion and pro-Trump supporters. They will tell you how abortion is evil and how they aren’t feminists and don’t hate men yet at the same time be like “You go girl! Get that college degree! Depend on nobody but yourself!”

Sometimes I go through this alone, it seems, and I know that there are plenty of other young women who want a different and better life than what their own mothers lived. You’ve seen their failures, their misery, their stresses, multiple marriages, and the whole juggling career/motherhood thing that just doesn’t work. They can’t seem to keep a man around, or only attract bad ones and drag them in and out of marriage counseling every other year and continuously get burned to where they eventually just give up entirely on men. But there is a different way.

I will tell you now not to waste your youth. But I don’t say this because there is some kind of “wall” where a woman loses all value once she hits a certain age- there’s NOT and don’t believe anyone who tells you there is (namely low-value men with revenge fantasies against the women who rejected them in their youth). It’s only that there is something special about bonding with a man from your youth. There’s something precious about it and relationships established during your youth cannot be replaced. Guys shouldn’t waste their youth either because it’s important for bonding, loving and building a life with someone but I’m mostly here to talk to the girls.

I was a mere 16 years old when I first met him and bonded to him and I wasn’t much older whenever we married. And since I have depended on him the entire time, I’ve never known any other life other than the one I have lived with him. It’s hard to explain how that feels. For a man, it wouldn’t be the same, but for a woman, it changes everything. I’m very soft and delicate because he’s taken care of me (but don’t think that makes me weak, because I’m anything but it). Yes, I cry. No, I’m not a child, but neither am I a man. I have emotions and I express them, but he understands that. In fact, he says that’s one of the things he loves about me. The world we live in today wants to medicate away those emotions and call them unhealthy. Abusive men seek to employ psychological techniques to try to silence a woman’s emotions and “manage” them (which only causes the situation to get completely out of hand).

But that’s not love. That’s not bonding. That is annihilating the very feminine essence that makes a woman precious and unique. He understands me like no other. I can be a handful to manage at times, but he just holds me when I cry until I calm down. After a while I stop crying because he’s calmed me and I just lean into his chest and bond to him all the more. And that bonding is also a highly a sexual bond. If I don’t desire him, then I’m not feeling bonded to him.

In the world we live in today, sex is promoted as a casual and androgynous thing, and if you, as a woman, cannot reach orgasm, then it is obviously because you don’t know enough about your body, aren’t “empowered” enough and aren’t expressing yourself enough and being vocal about your needs, etc.. etc… but I fail to see the wisdom in this mainstream bullshit- and so should you.

I’m not ashamed to cry. I’m not ashamed to want bonding and love. Last night I reached for him, desiring him, because I wanted to feel secure and loved in his arms. He didn’t have to abuse me or hurt me to make me desire or want him. In fact, it has always been quite the opposite. Yes, it’s a personal thing for sure, but I have said before that I’ve never had a problem orgasming. I’ve also said before that I don’t masturbate, I don’t engage in stupid games and role play. I don’t get all “kinky” or anything. I don’t like that stuff. It strips away, in my mind, what the real and true meaning of sex and the purpose of it is. And if you think for one moment that it’s boring or anything of the sort then you’re wrong.

I try to explain what goes on in my head, though it’s kind of hard sometimes. In my mind it’s so sweet. I was given to him when I was so young and I depended on him to protect me, provide for me and lead me. And even now, I’ve never truly known anything else. I refuse to believe that I’m some freak of nature just because I can have an orgasm! It’s funny how in the modern world women are so empowered and are supposed to be sexually liberated but most have never even had an orgasm during sex and then you see articles and talk about how maybe it’s not even natural to have one!

But it seems so natural inside. I’m just simply expressing and feeling what is feminine so deep inside of me. And the truth of the matter is that the most feminine women are emotional, don’t make any sense, and are largely dependent on a man to take care of them. That is just a fact of life. Like I’ve also said before, the thought of paid employment has always weighed heavily on my heart because it would strip away my dependence on him. It would separate me from him. It changes the game entirely and that’s why I’ve always had a problem with it. But I am by no means lazy. I work hard every day. I’m up before the sun every morning, yet I’m still feminine. I’m still dependent.

I have no obligations outside of the home, then I just submit myself to my husband and rely on him. Sex is good and beautiful and part of what makes it so is because I’ve been with him- and only him- since I was so young. I don’t like girl power positions or anything like that. I lay down and let him admire my body. It’s OK to let him inside because I know I’m safe. He gives me everything I need and it’s easy to relax in sex. It’s a psychological thing as well as an overwhelming physical thing. It’s only best when it completely overwhelms me. I can feel him so deep inside of me, and that’s what’s precious about it. It’s precious because my sexuality is precious. It’s pure and sweet and there’s nothing degrading about it. I tell him that I feel bonded to him and feeling his strength and feeling him cover me is part of what makes it relaxing, when I feel safe.

I couldn’t ever see how I could feel the same being an independent, empowered woman. I’ve never known *how* I orgasm. I just do. I just feel that I’m a woman. It’s easy to open up to the same man you’ve been with since you were young and let him inside. It’s easy to share yourself that way. I’ve seen some red-pill types try to say that it’s impossible to keep being attracted to someone in a monogamous relationship, or that only “alpha” bad-boys can make a woman “wet.” I have to wonder what planet they are living on if that’s the way they live their lives. Even more than a decade on I’m still having sex with him, still desiring him.

When traditional gender roles come into play and the man is the leader/provider/protector a woman’s husband will always also be her lover (assuming she actually does love him). She will still desire him even when he lets his guard down and acts natural. Like I love my husband for who he is, so long as he’s being the man I need him to be. If he ever started trying to employ “game” on me or anything like that it would hurt me real bad. I’d pull away from him and not trust him. I’ve said before that the fact that I depended on him created an atmosphere of passion and love where I’d always long for him- and I did. We have always been best friends, companions, lovers. I’ve cared for him in his weak moments and laughed at his dorky ones. That’s the way it’s meant to be and I feel sorry for men out there who believe that the only options in life they have to keep a woman attracted is to either be the “alpha” who keeps a harem or to constantly go from woman to woman living the single life and never settling down. I also feel sorry for women who have to play games and let men treat them badly in order to be attracted to a man.

It doesn’t have to be that way. You can be deeply fulfilled and have passion beyond your wildest dreams. It’s Ok for him to lavish gifts on me because I belong to him and he provides for me. I know he thinks I’m beautiful and that doesn’t turn me off. There’s a big difference between some “beta” chump who goes around following a woman with puppy dog eyes lavishing gifts on her in the hopes that maybe- just maybe!- he might get a yes one day and a man that lavishes gifts on a woman because she belongs to him. I remember my own husband, when talking about something, making it clear that I belong to him when we were talking about him providing for me and everything.

And I will write more in the future. I just want to try to make a few pieces to share with younger women (especially I’m trying to aim for the girls in their teenage years especially to prepare them and help them) showing them a better way and life to live. You don’t have to start having kids right away (or have any at all), but bonding and allowing yourself to be given over to a man (hopefully one close to your age, even better if you grew up with him or went to school with him, so you can grow together) to take care of you in your youthful years can give you lasting bonding/passion and a stable life that will last for decades.

To keep this post from becoming any lengthier, I’ll write more in the future to try to delve deeper into the issues of sex, bonding, femininity, etc… But for the young girls out there, don’t start having sex with multiple men and babies with more than one guy, whatever path you choose in life. It’s OK to pursue a passion or dream that you feel called inside to pursue but if you pursue college education, career and independence just simply because that’s what society has told you to do or those around you like your family are pushing and pressuring you to do so, then you may never know the truth depth of femininity and bonding with a man that comes from relying on him.

 

Other Reading:

 

Why Women Shouldn’t Work

 

Mom for President

 

http://athriftyhomemaker.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-war-on-femininity-part-2-female-role.html

 

https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2015/12/31/always-listen-to-your-wife/

 

 

 

A Woman Needs A Man’s Masculinity/ Random Rant

But you don’t understand these things that my soul longs for and needs on the inside. I could pull a million creative ideas out of my head, but I could never pull this sorrow from my heart…

I could write a million poems and novels that tell you of my heart, that tell you of my frustrations and my pain, but it will never cure me…

If you listen to those MRA types they’ll tell you that us women don’t want love and affection, yet we do.

I know what I need within my heart, to depend on a man to care of me. It doesn’t make me some gold-digger. It’s all in the motives. It’s only when I stop relying on him and stopping wanting him to provide for me that he should know something is wrong.

When I want and insist on doing for myself then he should know something is wrong.

When we walk down the street, and I don’t feel the need to hold onto him the way I used to; when my hands stay in my pockets instead of clutching onto his arm, then I’m not bonded to him anymore; I don’t need or want or even feel him anymore.

Providing for a woman doesn’t make a man weak, instead it is just the opposite. For years and years I looked up to my own husband, like he was everything. I never made my own money, I never cared for any life at all outside of my family. The fact that he provided for me meant that I needed him, and also that he held a power over me, which is something I always needed and wanted to feel. Do him wrong? “Divorce Rape?” I’ve never been powerful enough to do that even if I wanted to. And how could I take the kids if I’m depending on him just the same as they are???

I was very tame in my memoir, mostly because those in it are still alive. But I know my mother looked at me like I had some mental disorder because I don’t have some career, my grandmother’s always like “YOU DON’T NEED A MAN LIKE OMG! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”. My stepdad thinks the worst thing a man could do is to try and control a woman and thinks women should be INDEPENDENT and how dare them think a man should take care of them or support them (like, why would I want to support you, bitch?), yet he ends up with gold diggers bitches whores lovely feminine women like my own mother and his ex-wife who would screw him over with divorce rape and child support in a heartbeat, when traditionalist women don’t do those things, mostly because we CAN’T and we don’t believe in those kinds of things anyway. We’re the ones who believe in things like patriarchy and father custody (which is a part of patriarchy, a huge part of it) because we believe our men should be providing for our needs and taking care of us, because we don’t want to be independent women who do for ourselves and fight on the frontlines alongside the men. We want to be taken care of. We’re softer and less take-charge, though I’ve said it a million times, we are NOT DOORMATS.

But I say this- Direct that power in a way that protects me, that honors me, that cherishes me for now and always.

No, I don’t like it if he’s weak. It seems to do something to me inside- it seems to hurt my heart, because a weak man can’t give to a woman what she needs. Not that he can’t be weak at times. I’ve cared for him when he’s been injured, when he’s been down, the same as he has for me. A man can’t go around pretending there’s times when he’s not vulnerable, because that’s not reality, and we can connect the deepest sometimes when we are at our most vulnerable, because you trust that other person with all your heart and soul, with everything that you have and everything that you are.

You know, when I first heard a few years back that only like 20% of women actually orgasm through intercourse alone I thought it was a JOKE, but apparently it’s not. I was like, “Huh? I didn’t know there was any other way..?”

I guess I could tell the world that I could never have it any other way except for the way it’s meant to be naturally (Vibrators? What the hell are those, anyway?), and I can do that because I feel something inside, something feminine. While some women can’t get off once, I’m capable of it multiple times. Oops, yeah, you read that right. Us traditionalist girls do have a naughty side to us, too.

I think part of that is because as a woman I feel something so much more deeper sexually, with that capability to carry life inside of me (even if I don’t want to have more kids, just knowing I have that ability as a female) and to be able to take a man inside of me, gives sex a much more deeper meaning. It’s hard to explain, and I do honestly believe that I can feel and experience much more sexually than what a man ever could, that that is one way in which I, as a female, am superior in some way, but he’s superior in other ways and I love to admire that superiority, just the way that I’m sure that any masculine man who loves women admires those sexual parts of being female in which we are superior, like the ability to bring life into the world- something that men can’t do.

I want a man to be masculine, to be stronger, superior, etc… because something inside of me needs to depend upon him. I feel unhappy and a bit displaced otherwise, like nothing in life suddenly makes sense anymore. It’s kind of depressing, like I could look at him and say, “What’s wrong with you?? Don’t you get it?? Hello???” No, I don’t want you to treat me wrong or do me wrong, but I need you to grab me and tell me what I should be doing, or tell me that everything’s alright, because it’s not. It’s not alright.

Masculinity shouldn’t equate to being a huge jerk who has no honor. As I said, needing to feel a man’s masculinity as a woman means I need to depend on him, and you can’t depend on a huge jerk who you can’t trust who goes around playing women to get them in bed. No woman wants that, not truly. It’s not what she feels deep within her heart.

It’s when I’m trying to do for myself, that he’ll know I’m trying to distance myself from him, but I don’t want it that way. The masculine and the feminine are meant to go together, as one. We were made for each other and the feminists, masculinists MHRM, MRM, MRAs, MGTOWS, and on and on and INSERT RANDOM NAME HERE FOR THE NEXT GROUP OF LOSERS WHO PROBABLY NEVER GET LAID WHO CLAIM TO WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH MODERN WESTERN WOMEN  can’t change the fact that men and women still need each other and actually WANT to be with each other.

What We Give Up 


Recently I separated from my husband for a while to move in with my relatives. In the interest of doing what I felt best for my daughter, however, I came back- if only temporarily. I also came back because I was still unsure and frightened of what I would do if I stayed gone and as of yet had no way to really survive on my own and live the life I was accustomed to. My husband had promised me that he’d take care of me and not let anything happen to me if I did come back. I know I cried when we got closer to home. I couldn’t even drive. I didn’t want to come back and face the same circumstances and abuse I had endured, but for the moment I simply didn’t know what else I could do. I told him I’d give him a set amount of time to change our circumstances the way he promised to do or else I’d be forced to leave again. I still might leave again to move in with my relatives if I found some way to survive, at least until he changes our circumstances (instead of waiting around in a bad environment while he does so). We’ve changed our schedules and made other arrangements for our child. It helps that she’s a lot older as well.

It’s a scary thing though leaving the only life you’ve ever known, but sometimes circumstances make it impossible to stay. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love those we leave. For instance, you may love a family member of yours, but, due to their wrongful behavior be forced to show them the door to protect yourself, your assets, or others that you love. It also doesn’t mean that reconciliation could never be possible in the future. Sometimes relationships actually get better after a period of separation.

I thought about what my life would be like. I know my mother keeps saying “You’re X years old!!” What she really means is, “why haven’t you done something with your life” and “you should have a good college degree and career by now.” But what she doesn’t understand are my old-fashioned beliefs. Maybe when I’m middle-aged and the kid is grown and my fertility is waning, etc., I might start some career or something to pass the time and gain some “fulfillment” in my life. But I know that I chose the life of staying home, of living under the constraints of traditional patriarchy, in exchange for the benefits it offered me. It’s made me softer, more docile, more feminine, and happier in many ways. It’s given a stability to my life and to the life of our daughter and brought wealth and prosperity. But I know there are many things I’ve given up. You exchange one kind of freedom for another, one kind of “slavery” for another. Nothing truly comes for free in this life. Do I want to work under fluorescent lights every day in exchange for being able to walk away and easily do my own thing? To be more stressed and deal with the harshness of the outside world? If it comes down to it, of course, I might have to. If the benefits of leaving outweigh the risks of staying, I might even choose to. If I had that career it would be so easy to do. Saying goodbye becomes easier. I could grab my things and get an apartment on the other side of town, find someone new, go out whenever I wanted to, etc… I could become just like the modern woman, but it’s something that just makes me sick inside though. I never wanted to be like the modern woman.

There is a frustration to being dependent on a man and sometimes a whole lot of mental pain involved. It is harder to get away from abuse and bad circumstances, it’s true. I chose to be pampered and cared for and looked after. I chose to look after the home, maintain a nice figure, take care of the child and look pretty in exchange for being rendered more helpless. Less stress means a smaller, more feminine waistline, beautiful long hair (that’s had to grow back out some after enduring some previous breakage and damage), more demure childlike ways and an innocence of heart and soul. It makes for femininity, it makes for complementariansim.

Contrary to what we are often told this isn’t anything new. We’re always told that women never had any rights, etc., etc., but the reality is that women have long had grounds to separate from their husbands, even since medieval times, and it was never uncommon for women in the past to separate from their husbands to either be with another man or to move back in with their family. In the past a woman would be able to be supported by male family members or a new husband if she was unmarried or left her husband, as well as her ex-husband being required to provide some support as well in most cases. Looking back to the 20th century, a lot of married women even had degrees or would work after divorce too. There have long been risks to financial dependency, and the issue of “what if something happens to your husband” is not a new issue by any means and has been discussed many times. But who’s to say that career wouldn’t fail me in the future and leave me just as hopeless wondering what to do? I could build up a career and have a nice degree only to be left jobless a decade from now. I feel as well it would limit my options in men, as most career women and independent women have a lot of problems having meaningful relationships with men. Men may say they want an independent woman and women may say they want a man who treats them as an equal and on and on, but life doesn’t always work out so smoothly that way.

Emotional pain is just as real as physical, and oftentimes brings with it physical symptoms as well. For the housewife it isn’t just about it being a “problem that has no name.” Sometimes people get restless, but sometimes the issues are greater. As women we are different than men, and our needs are different. I don’t know that it ever gets easier. I live a life of being cared for and not having to worry about anything. Sometimes we make the choice to live with a certain amount of pain and discontentment, and sometimes we choose to leave. Leaving means the loss of security and the life we are accustomed to, staying means enduring the discontentment and pain. Is this our only lot in life or are humans just not meant to live this way? It’s what we give up for modernity, for tradition, for stability, for comfort, for financial support, for protection. Patriarchy oftentimes means restraint and the forfeiting of certain rights in exchange for a different set of rights and in return for the numerous benefits and protections that it offers. But it is not a perfect system and human relationships do not always run smoothly. These are the choices we make in life, these are the sacrifices we make.

I asked my mother what I would do next and her response was to finish college, get a job and just “live my life.” I just curled up and cried as it sounded like a fate worse than death.