Category Archives: Commentary

Stop Doing the Dishes

For years I sat and watched as he failed. I tried and tried to support him in everything that he would do, yet grew more disheartened every time. When a man fails to lead, it’s pretty much the end of everything. He loses the woman’s trust and respect and his family disintegrates.

He thinks he could win over my affections by doing the dishes for me, cooking, or trying to act cool or something, but he doesn’t realize that I’m only repulsed by all of this. He sat and did nothing while I grew physically and mentally ill. I lost a bunch of hair, I became underweight and malnourished (I’m still borderline underweight, but that’s mostly due to high levels of physical activity that kept me from re-gaining, not sickness) and became so mentally distressed that I could barely function in day-to-day life. When I wanted him to get up and be a man, he instead sat down and became what I can only define as a pussyfied beta wimp. It’s like he completely missed that look of pleading and disgust in my eyes. I even told him to do something (about me actually) but he wouldn’t.

For a woman to lead, provide for, or protect a man is a violation of everything natural and right in the universe. As I’ve said for many years, there seems to be two worlds- the world of the internet and the real world. I was talking to a man last night (he honestly thought I was 19 years old, I told him he was my new favorite person). He, like you see so many men doing in the manosphere, was divorced and swore he’d never go back down that road and make that “mistake” again- yet he’s going to. That’s what happens when you love someone. He’s waiting on her right now to marry her, though personal circumstances are keeping them apart. He said to me that you don’t know how hard that situation is, and I hope you never find out (the particular circumstances being pretty bad). Of course, nobody knows about my personal life there. I keep it hidden in obscurity. They don’t know why I’m really there.

A man’s top priority should be to do what’s best for his family, even in difficult circumstances, but my husband never could do that. I came back to him, I gave him chances, yet he failed. And I know he failed because of cowardice. I’ve seen him do this so many times, forgoing jobs because of fear of having to travel or something, then making up excuses as to why we must stay in our current situation or giving me some bullshit line about why he didn’t get the job (it was their fault…I put option “c” and they didn’t like it). As many women know, it’s a letdown when a man fails to be a man. He chose to keep us in the same situation, even if it meant losing his wife and having his family torn apart. He chose to stay in his comfort zone instead of taking his family and going elsewhere or doing whatever else needed to be done.

I came home from work last night and he had done the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen (even though I had cleaned earlier in the day). I was absolutely repulsed. I hated him for it. I want a man, not a housemaid. It’s one thing for him to help out when I was sick, but if he thought I wanted him to split chores with me (he doesn’t expect me to pay the bills, I put all my money in savings for if I should need it) he was sorely mistaken. Not that telling him any of that would help. He doesn’t get it. He never has.

Nor would he ever pay attention when I tried to tell him what I needed and wanted, or ever pay attention to me much at all. I asked him to take me out once and all he said was “where do you want me to take you?” in an assholish way. I just cried and ran off, miserable and lonely. Last night he wrote on a piece of paper living expenses if we were to move, then came into the kitchen and put the piece of paper down on the table in front of me. I tore it up and threw it at him, telling him to get the **** out of my sight. I try to tell him of my pain and my needs and that he hasn’t been taking care of me and he always blows up at me for it, then puts all the blame on me for everything. He says he doesn’t understand me. I told him perhaps if he paid half as much attention to me as ************* did then maybe he might.

He becomes angry and belligerent when I point out that he has failed. If he becomes too angry, he grabs me by the neck and yells at me or holds me down. I scream at him to let me go, to get off of me, to which his only response is to yell at me to calm down and practically spitting in my face. It’s a horrible thing to feel trapped like that, with no option to get away and nobody that would ever help you or care for you. I know he gets angry like that because what I say is true. He even said himself that he has no excuses.

A man is supposed to lead, to protect, to be competent, yet I find myself writing essays for him for classes and telling him how to accurately spell words. He sees me suffering and being mentally abused and even harassed when I do simple things like even driving down the driveway, yet he could never remove us from the situation.

And I say all this not to vent, but to tell women- especially younger women- to be careful who you love (and yes I did love him). Be even more careful who you choose to have children with. I know I shouldn’t have come back to him, but I did. I gave him another chance. He made promises to change the situation and he failed- again. But I knew he would fail. I was only a teenager when we met. The truth was that he was a loser. He wasn’t smart or even cool (even he’ll tell you that much). But I didn’t know it. I was young and naïve, not realizing the power of what I had as a female between my legs and giving it away for little to nothing in return. When it was all said and done, I didn’t even want him anymore. But by that time I had locked myself down with a child and it was too late for me.

Especially young men, they will run girls into the ground and make themselves seem unattainable and like they’re something great, because they want what the girls have, and they’re doing what they think will allow them to get it. (Don’t believe it? Listen to any rap song, read the endless obsession on every site geared towards men out there and see how highly they strive for sex and affection from women.) In reality, they’re nothing special. It’s all a bargaining strategy; never let the other person know that what they have is something you really need or want because then they could demand a higher price for it (because you want it, and they have it, giving them the upper hand). In this case, for the girls, it would be a committed relationship or other forms of romance and love.

I stayed because of my daughter. I would still always hope his family could continue to be family to me even if I’m no longer with my husband, and I want my daughter to have the life growing up I never had. I would never take her from here because she deserves to have family. My mother’s relatives use the excuse that “we’re her family too.” I tell them that it’s just too bad. I will never live down there unless forced by circumstances and neither will my daughter. If they wanted to be family, they should have stuck around. They made their own choices.

But patriarchy is a good system, even if individual men might be evil or misguided. It’s supposed to be about children, family, and deeper bonding between men and women through commitment. But sometimes separation is necessary. Circumstances forced me to go out and make my own money. I don’t know if I’d ever be with another man or not, but I do wish to be. If a man does truly love a woman he wants to provide for her and protect her. There are good men out there and traditional men too, and working I get to see that, to see men who don’t think being a man means being abusive. Many of them are still chivalrous too, so long as the woman is receptive to it and willing to be led.

Perhaps one day I’ll be a housewife again fully. The deepest fulfillment is in bonding with a man. I don’t seek agency or independence. I’d rather give that up to depend on a man and follow his lead. But for now, I face heartbreak and pain. But I’ll always be that advocate for the traditional girl. Never fear, I’m not going anywhere.

A Woman Needs A Man’s Masculinity/ Random Rant

But you don’t understand these things that my soul longs for and needs on the inside. I could pull a million creative ideas out of my head, but I could never pull this sorrow from my heart…

I could write a million poems and novels that tell you of my heart, that tell you of my frustrations and my pain, but it will never cure me…

If you listen to those MRA types they’ll tell you that us women don’t want love and affection, yet we do.

I know what I need within my heart, to depend on a man to care of me. It doesn’t make me some gold-digger. It’s all in the motives. It’s only when I stop relying on him and stopping wanting him to provide for me that he should know something is wrong.

When I want and insist on doing for myself then he should know something is wrong.

When we walk down the street, and I don’t feel the need to hold onto him the way I used to; when my hands stay in my pockets instead of clutching onto his arm, then I’m not bonded to him anymore; I don’t need or want or even feel him anymore.

Providing for a woman doesn’t make a man weak, instead it is just the opposite. For years and years I looked up to my own husband, like he was everything. I never made my own money, I never cared for any life at all outside of my family. The fact that he provided for me meant that I needed him, and also that he held a power over me, which is something I always needed and wanted to feel. Do him wrong? “Divorce Rape?” I’ve never been powerful enough to do that even if I wanted to. And how could I take the kids if I’m depending on him just the same as they are???

I was very tame in my memoir, mostly because those in it are still alive. But I know my mother looked at me like I had some mental disorder because I don’t have some career, my grandmother’s always like “YOU DON’T NEED A MAN LIKE OMG! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”. My stepdad thinks the worst thing a man could do is to try and control a woman and thinks women should be INDEPENDENT and how dare them think a man should take care of them or support them (like, why would I want to support you, bitch?), yet he ends up with gold diggers bitches whores lovely feminine women like my own mother and his ex-wife who would screw him over with divorce rape and child support in a heartbeat, when traditionalist women don’t do those things, mostly because we CAN’T and we don’t believe in those kinds of things anyway. We’re the ones who believe in things like patriarchy and father custody (which is a part of patriarchy, a huge part of it) because we believe our men should be providing for our needs and taking care of us, because we don’t want to be independent women who do for ourselves and fight on the frontlines alongside the men. We want to be taken care of. We’re softer and less take-charge, though I’ve said it a million times, we are NOT DOORMATS.

But I say this- Direct that power in a way that protects me, that honors me, that cherishes me for now and always.

No, I don’t like it if he’s weak. It seems to do something to me inside- it seems to hurt my heart, because a weak man can’t give to a woman what she needs. Not that he can’t be weak at times. I’ve cared for him when he’s been injured, when he’s been down, the same as he has for me. A man can’t go around pretending there’s times when he’s not vulnerable, because that’s not reality, and we can connect the deepest sometimes when we are at our most vulnerable, because you trust that other person with all your heart and soul, with everything that you have and everything that you are.

You know, when I first heard a few years back that only like 20% of women actually orgasm through intercourse alone I thought it was a JOKE, but apparently it’s not. I was like, “Huh? I didn’t know there was any other way..?”

I guess I could tell the world that I could never have it any other way except for the way it’s meant to be naturally (Vibrators? What the hell are those, anyway?), and I can do that because I feel something inside, something feminine. While some women can’t get off once, I’m capable of it multiple times. Oops, yeah, you read that right. Us traditionalist girls do have a naughty side to us, too.

I think part of that is because as a woman I feel something so much more deeper sexually, with that capability to carry life inside of me (even if I don’t want to have more kids, just knowing I have that ability as a female) and to be able to take a man inside of me, gives sex a much more deeper meaning. It’s hard to explain, and I do honestly believe that I can feel and experience much more sexually than what a man ever could, that that is one way in which I, as a female, am superior in some way, but he’s superior in other ways and I love to admire that superiority, just the way that I’m sure that any masculine man who loves women admires those sexual parts of being female in which we are superior, like the ability to bring life into the world- something that men can’t do.

I want a man to be masculine, to be stronger, superior, etc… because something inside of me needs to depend upon him. I feel unhappy and a bit displaced otherwise, like nothing in life suddenly makes sense anymore. It’s kind of depressing, like I could look at him and say, “What’s wrong with you?? Don’t you get it?? Hello???” No, I don’t want you to treat me wrong or do me wrong, but I need you to grab me and tell me what I should be doing, or tell me that everything’s alright, because it’s not. It’s not alright.

Masculinity shouldn’t equate to being a huge jerk who has no honor. As I said, needing to feel a man’s masculinity as a woman means I need to depend on him, and you can’t depend on a huge jerk who you can’t trust who goes around playing women to get them in bed. No woman wants that, not truly. It’s not what she feels deep within her heart.

It’s when I’m trying to do for myself, that he’ll know I’m trying to distance myself from him, but I don’t want it that way. The masculine and the feminine are meant to go together, as one. We were made for each other and the feminists, masculinists MHRM, MRM, MRAs, MGTOWS, and on and on and INSERT RANDOM NAME HERE FOR THE NEXT GROUP OF LOSERS WHO PROBABLY NEVER GET LAID WHO CLAIM TO WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH MODERN WESTERN WOMEN  can’t change the fact that men and women still need each other and actually WANT to be with each other.

What We Give Up 


Recently I separated from my husband for a while to move in with my relatives. In the interest of doing what I felt best for my daughter, however, I came back- if only temporarily. I also came back because I was still unsure and frightened of what I would do if I stayed gone and as of yet had no way to really survive on my own and live the life I was accustomed to. My husband had promised me that he’d take care of me and not let anything happen to me if I did come back. I know I cried when we got closer to home. I couldn’t even drive. I didn’t want to come back and face the same circumstances and abuse I had endured, but for the moment I simply didn’t know what else I could do. I told him I’d give him a set amount of time to change our circumstances the way he promised to do or else I’d be forced to leave again. I still might leave again to move in with my relatives if I found some way to survive, at least until he changes our circumstances (instead of waiting around in a bad environment while he does so). We’ve changed our schedules and made other arrangements for our child. It helps that she’s a lot older as well.

It’s a scary thing though leaving the only life you’ve ever known, but sometimes circumstances make it impossible to stay. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love those we leave. For instance, you may love a family member of yours, but, due to their wrongful behavior be forced to show them the door to protect yourself, your assets, or others that you love. It also doesn’t mean that reconciliation could never be possible in the future. Sometimes relationships actually get better after a period of separation.

I thought about what my life would be like. I know my mother keeps saying “You’re X years old!!” What she really means is, “why haven’t you done something with your life” and “you should have a good college degree and career by now.” But what she doesn’t understand are my old-fashioned beliefs. Maybe when I’m middle-aged and the kid is grown and my fertility is waning, etc., I might start some career or something to pass the time and gain some “fulfillment” in my life. But I know that I chose the life of staying home, of living under the constraints of traditional patriarchy, in exchange for the benefits it offered me. It’s made me softer, more docile, more feminine, and happier in many ways. It’s given a stability to my life and to the life of our daughter and brought wealth and prosperity. But I know there are many things I’ve given up. You exchange one kind of freedom for another, one kind of “slavery” for another. Nothing truly comes for free in this life. Do I want to work under fluorescent lights every day in exchange for being able to walk away and easily do my own thing? To be more stressed and deal with the harshness of the outside world? If it comes down to it, of course, I might have to. If the benefits of leaving outweigh the risks of staying, I might even choose to. If I had that career it would be so easy to do. Saying goodbye becomes easier. I could grab my things and get an apartment on the other side of town, find someone new, go out whenever I wanted to, etc… I could become just like the modern woman, but it’s something that just makes me sick inside though. I never wanted to be like the modern woman.

There is a frustration to being dependent on a man and sometimes a whole lot of mental pain involved. It is harder to get away from abuse and bad circumstances, it’s true. I chose to be pampered and cared for and looked after. I chose to look after the home, maintain a nice figure, take care of the child and look pretty in exchange for being rendered more helpless. Less stress means a smaller, more feminine waistline, beautiful long hair (that’s had to grow back out some after enduring some previous breakage and damage), more demure childlike ways and an innocence of heart and soul. It makes for femininity, it makes for complementariansim.

Contrary to what we are often told this isn’t anything new. We’re always told that women never had any rights, etc., etc., but the reality is that women have long had grounds to separate from their husbands, even since medieval times, and it was never uncommon for women in the past to separate from their husbands to either be with another man or to move back in with their family. In the past a woman would be able to be supported by male family members or a new husband if she was unmarried or left her husband, as well as her ex-husband being required to provide some support as well in most cases. Looking back to the 20th century, a lot of married women even had degrees or would work after divorce too. There have long been risks to financial dependency, and the issue of “what if something happens to your husband” is not a new issue by any means and has been discussed many times. But who’s to say that career wouldn’t fail me in the future and leave me just as hopeless wondering what to do? I could build up a career and have a nice degree only to be left jobless a decade from now. I feel as well it would limit my options in men, as most career women and independent women have a lot of problems having meaningful relationships with men. Men may say they want an independent woman and women may say they want a man who treats them as an equal and on and on, but life doesn’t always work out so smoothly that way.

Emotional pain is just as real as physical, and oftentimes brings with it physical symptoms as well. For the housewife it isn’t just about it being a “problem that has no name.” Sometimes people get restless, but sometimes the issues are greater. As women we are different than men, and our needs are different. I don’t know that it ever gets easier. I live a life of being cared for and not having to worry about anything. Sometimes we make the choice to live with a certain amount of pain and discontentment, and sometimes we choose to leave. Leaving means the loss of security and the life we are accustomed to, staying means enduring the discontentment and pain. Is this our only lot in life or are humans just not meant to live this way? It’s what we give up for modernity, for tradition, for stability, for comfort, for financial support, for protection. Patriarchy oftentimes means restraint and the forfeiting of certain rights in exchange for a different set of rights and in return for the numerous benefits and protections that it offers. But it is not a perfect system and human relationships do not always run smoothly. These are the choices we make in life, these are the sacrifices we make.

I asked my mother what I would do next and her response was to finish college, get a job and just “live my life.” I just curled up and cried as it sounded like a fate worse than death.  

They Do it for You 

I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately. A lot of these thoughts were prompted partially by a couple of male commenters on my articles Rough & Soft and my latest post You Give Yourself Away Too Easily. The focus of the comments and thoughts are about issues such as emotional abuse and assholish behavior from men. I think something that is often overlooked is that most men are acting this way because they don’t believe that women will like them otherwise. Even among the manosphere and MRA types (you know those hotshots, the ones who don’t “worship p****” and are just men doing their own thing and going their own way and being “real men” who don’t need the approval of women) the teachings of “game” are still primarily centered on altering their behavior to do whatever they think will win over the woman and allow them to have sex with her. In the end, they’re still doing it all for women. So, if this is true, then it must also be correspondingly true that modern women are basically saying to men “hey, if you just become a narcissistic, abusive, selfish, manipulative bastard who treats me like complete shit- I’ll reward you with sex!” Couple this with a “hook-up culture” and numerous problems ensue as a result. As I said a long time ago: “But by the circumstances under which we give sex to our men, we teach them how they are to treat us.”

If we look at the popularity of BDSM and the like in our society there must be a great deal of truth to this. I’ve noticed something a lot when I watch older movies. The men act differently than they do today in our culture of extended adolescence. They naturally have more of an aura of confidence and masculinity about them. There is something more naturally attractive to them. While they might still display some cocky or asshole behavior at times to an extent, they don’t actually have to be assholes to attract women. Fast forward to the modern age and everything is completely backwards. Women are displacing men in traditional male fields, out-earning men, competing with men, graduating in greater numbers from college than men and displacing men also in positions of authority both inside and outside of the home. A lot of men even answer to women and have female bosses in authority over them. Modern-day “gender equality” has completely turned male-female relationships upside down (even to the extent that many are confused about which gender they even belong to these days.) Therefore perhaps the only route available for men is to become sadistic and act like jerks. Then women respond by being, supposedly, attracted to it.

The reality of life is that women don’t really take an interest in men who they perceive to be of lesser status than them and in modern-day society it is probably a lot easier for the man to just degrade the woman’s status than it would be to upgrade his own. This is probably the most true among younger men in their teenage years and early twenties, but isn’t limited to that age group by any means. On my last post The Sinner Saint Diary commented:

“A lot of behaviors like this can be seen in young men – things that are hurtful – probably way more so than the young man realizes. Most of the same behaviors can be seen in grown men who are narcissists or who posses some kind of “emotionally abusive” personality.

Young men who want much physical interaction with girls – like I did and many do – must learn methods of persuasion – most of which are psychological. Most of the factors that endure an adult woman to adult man, aren’t in play yet – boys don’t posses them and girls aren’t compelled by them.

Learning how to score affection from girls, good or bad, is so embedded into the cultural and natural conditions of adolescence, that boys acquire a lot of manipulative behavior without realizing it – or, without recognizing it as abuse. There are probably numerous behaviors that are essentially involuntary, that young men have adopted in order to increase his chances of physical engagement. And, to be fair, there are a lot of tactics young men will use to score girls that are very deliberate, but their sex drive far outweighs the empathy they feel – which is probably little to none.

Whatever hurtful, insensitive and callous behaviors a young man engages in before the maturity of his emotions catches up to his hormones, hopefully he will grow out of them. I know I am ashamed of some of the ways I behaved when I was young, and would have behaved much differently had I possessed even a fraction of the emotional awareness and empathy that I eventually learned as I matured.”

I’ve also seen a lot of men talking about how women supposedly “punish” them for being their true selves. In other words, they would like to be good to women, but supposedly women don’t like them when they are (or, women don’t want to have casual sex with them when they are anyways). This makes a lot of sense when you consider that the majority of modern day women are independent. Women naturally want dominant men but since they do everything for themselves these days they instead turn to unhealthy habits such as Sadomasochism and go chasing after assholes, supposedly because they’re the only ones superior to them that might actually “put them in their place.” Of course, none of these relationships last and it leaves both sexes broken down internally and dissatisfied and distrustful of each other. Even still, among those attempting to be “players” and adopting whatever behavior they think might actually get them laid, you can still hear the men complaining that they can’t find “quality women” who would love them for who they are, much the same as you see how women complain about men who are jerks and won’t commit and how there aren’t any “good men” out there.

Are we not our own worst enemies? Do we not bring these problems onto ourselves by rejecting the natural order of life? We fail to cultivate healthy masculinity and healthy femininity and have any sexual regulation in our society so instead we engage in unhealthy behaviors and have constant failed relationships. In this Women’s Health article, A Former A**hole Answers for His Bad Behavior, a man talks about how he learned at a young age that just ceasing to give a damn and play “hard to get” led to his “success” with women (“success” being defined as short-term flings basically). He learned it when he realized that not caring anymore landed him his crush (she finally noticed he existed when he stopped caring). Yet he goes on to say it didn’t last and also that being a complete apathetic a**hole only led him to have success in the short-term with women who soon lost interest when he started being himself and, while he did sleep with a lot of women without commitment, he never formed any kind of lasting relationship and learned in the end that “anybody that doesn’t want you when you’re acting like your true self is not somebody you need to waste your time or affection on.” He now laments that Karma isn’t quite done with him yet and that maybe if he wasn’t such an asshole he might have been married or had kids by now.

Of course, aloofness is best in the beginning for men to attract women (while women “playing nice” is generally fine) but it won’t last long-term. In keeping with my last post, it takes time for true love to develop and rushing into things does lead to these failed relationships and leads to women getting hurt and used by men and men never getting to be their “true selves” and probably ending up alone in the end as well. Infatuation and burning desire are things that come and go, and are sometimes short-lived, you cannot base a real relationship off of such fleeting things and not only is it psychologically devastating for women for men to keep playing games but also it must be exhausting for a man if he must play games and hide his true self just to keep her interested. As I stated in my last post, when you truly love someone, you love them for themselves and that’s the only thing that “works” in the long run.

It’s Not THAT Difficult, Part II

Ok, so here we go again. I’m back yet again to talk about what is surely the most important subject in the world- hair!! I’m sure the men reading this (and I’ve discovered over the years that there are indeed a surprising amount of men who read this site) are probably like “oh she’s talking about her hair again” or  “post some pictures!”

 

 Anyways I mentioned last time that I never cut or trim my hair. And I don’t. We are taught all our lives to get those constant trims and cut those “split ends.” It’s generally an accepted “fact” in our society that regular trims are absolutely necessary just as much as it’s an accepted “fact” that sugar makes you fat (it really doesn’t, at least not on its own, but that’s a subject for another time). My hair has seen some sever damage over the years. When I was younger I would play with it and twirl it all the time and dye it and my ends were very damaged. My hair had a hard time growing much past my shoulders for a great portion of my teen years because of my mistreatment of it. But I never cut or trimmed off the damaged ends and instead just left it alone, stopped playing with it, and it started getting longer. Split ends are inevitable. You can trim them off if you don’t like it, but you’re just going to keep getting them and they aren’t going to keep your hair from getting longer by any means. Nor are they going to travel all the way up to the roots and cause all your hair to fall out and make you go bald or something. Unless you’ve got some medical condition, it just doesn’t work that way.

 

 What needs to be understood here is that our hair is always growing (except for certain rest periods it takes). From what I understand of the science behind this is that everyone’s hair has a predetermined growth length cycle. When it reaches the end of its growth cycle the strand of hair generally falls out. We are constantly losing hairs. An amount of 50-100 hair strands lost each day is normal (more than that may be a sign of a problem, though). Sometimes it appears that our hair isn’t growing when in fact it is, we’re just losing length because it is damaged. So if you want it to grow you just have to focus on keeping the strands healthy and free from damage and simply wait it out.

 

 I look at my own hair and it is very long in the back, reaching all the way to my belt when straightened out, but the sides seem to be struggling to get past mid-back length. I’ve come to realize this is probably due to heat damage as I have not been conditioning my hair well or putting any heat protection on it. I’ve been frying it with the blow dryer every morning and it does appear that my hair is paying the price. I theorize that the back of my hair doesn’t receive as much heat damage because it’s so hard to reach (I can’t even get the straightener all the way to the ends of it as my arms won’t reach) and thus it is able to reach its full growth potential and grow all the way to my belt. The sides, however, get the worst of the heat and are probably suffering from some breakage preventing them from getting longer.

 

 There’s never been a time when I’ve taken more than a few days’ worth of a break from putting any type of heat on it so I’ve realized it’s time to get serious and forgo any heat and deep-condition it and use a wide-toothed comb to gently brush any tangles out, comb some leave-in conditioner in it then let it dry naturally and refrain from touching it. Even after only a few days it looks a lot better and healthier, but since hair only grows about ½ an inch a month on average, there won’t be any noticeable difference in length or fullness for a few months. Most say you shouldn’t wash it all that much (like maybe only 2-3 times a week) but for me that isn’t an option. Since I workout every day, I have to wash it every day. I just gently sponge the water out of it with a towel afterwards and treat it well otherwise.

 

 Another thing that is important is diet. If your diet is poor or you are malnourished your hair will suffer for it (as will your skin, teeth and overall well-being.) In fact, hair is often the first to suffer when you have any medical condition or aren’t eating healthy enough. Technically at only 110-111 pounds my BMI is only 18.2-18.3 which, yes, technically makes me a bit underweight. I’ve gotten many comments on my weight with many people thinking me to even be anorexic or suffering from some eating disorder. Well, I’m not anorexic nor do I suffer from some eating disorder and I’ve actually maintained this low body weight for a very long time without any ill affects either of a physical or psychological nature. In fact, many people would be shocked at the amount of calories I actually consume every day to maintain my weight. Nor do I eat nothing but celery or carrot sticks and I would never purposely throw up anything I’ve eaten. I’ve thrown up twice in the past few years and it was only because I had a stomach bug. It wasn’t pleasant and I certainly would never wish to do something like that on a regular basis.

 

 The real deal is that skinny is only attractive if it comes along with being healthy. We all have seen people who are very skinny and look sickly. It’s not attractive. Long, luscious hair is generally a sign of good health because it means the individual hasn’t had any serious illness, health problems or malnutrition for the last 2-4 years enabling them to grow their hair out to such a point. Protein and Iron are particularly important, as are the B-vitamins, for growing healthy hair. This is why, unless you are abstaining for religious, ethical or health reasons, I would highly recommend the consumption of meat- and in particular red meat as it is very high in heme-iron (a highly bioavailable kind of iron), vitamin B-12 (which typically can’t be obtained without meat consumption or supplementation), zinc (which also keeps your skin healthy and less prone to scarring), and high amounts of protein as well as many other nutrients that non-meat eaters are oftentimes deficient in.

 

 As I mentioned before, I don’t survive off of carrots or celery. Truth be known, I rarely eat my fruits and veggies (it’s bad, I know). The bulk of my diet consists of bread, beans, cheese, meat (both red and white) and sweets. Yes, I eat sweets. I have a major sweet tooth… I also eat some fruit, vegetables, fish and nuts in smaller amounts. I also drink a nutrition shake with my lunch to get adequate amounts of nutrients I may otherwise be lacking in my diet. Health is a major concern for me. I also never eat low-fat foods unless it is the only option. I drink whole milk and don’t eat diet foods nor take any kinds of pills. I never smoke or do drugs. I drink some in moderation (usually red wine) but recently I don’t drink very much as even a glass of wine seems to have the tendency to give me some mild depression the day after so I have pretty much stopped drinking at all. A low-fat diet is not really that healthy in my opinion. Dietary fat is good for your hair and your skin and without it you won’t even be able to absorb many essential vitamins (the FAT SOLUBLE vitamins). That being said I’m not one of those low-carb people either. The calories I consume everyday generally come from equal portions of both fat and carbs, as well as adequate amounts of protein. Overall I try to maintain a very well-balanced diet for both health and aesthetic reasons, and also because it tastes good.

 

 I’m also very squeamish when it comes to women and hair-cutting. If I’m ever watching a movie where a woman is cutting her hair I always have to cover my eyes. I seriously can’t watch. I nearly have a heart attack watching Roman Holiday when Audrey Hepburn chops all her hair off. Yes, she still looked hot with it short but she lost a large portion of her femininity and youthful innocence when it got chopped off. The starlet herself is actually an unfortunate example of what starvation and malnutrition can do. She is often remembered for her small figure and tiny waistline, but as many know, she suffered from severe starvation and malnutrition during World War II, oftentimes barely surviving with little or no food at all even to the point of boiling grass just to have something to eat. She suffered a lot from various health conditions including jaundice, anemia and edema from being so malnourished. I’m not sure if she lost clumps of hair or any of her teeth, but one can assume she probably didn’t grow much hair either when she was so malnourished. The appearance of her skin suffered greatly as well. Apparently health problems haunted her all the rest of her life, probably in large part because of starvation and malnutrition in her youth. Vitamin and mineral deficiencies can sometimes cause permanent and irreversible damage, so malnutrition and eating disorders are no joke and your health is certainly not something you want to gamble with.

 

 The point is, good nutrition is essential for health and for growing your hair as well. Hair grows. You don’t have to do anything such as cutting it to get it where you want it to be. Your goal should always be just to nourish your body and stay healthy. Take care of your ends so they don’t break off and your length can be retained as your hair continues to grow over time. That being said, don’t over-nourish your body! There is such a thing as consuming too many vitamins (which can also cause hair loss) and consuming too many calories will make you pack on the pounds, thereby undoing all the feminizing and beautifying affects that growing your hair long was supposed to accomplish in the first place!

 

 

 

**Again, this is all just my opinion. I’m not a doctor nor stylist so keep that in mind.**