Category Archives: Advice

Traditional Living for Traditional Gals: Finances

This is the second posting in the collaboration series with That Stepford Gal about traditional/domestic living advice. Part One Traditional Living Advice for Traditional Gals: Common Questions, Answers, and Myths here. That Stepford Gal’s contribution to Part II: Dare to be Domestic: Traditional Living & Financial Management here.

Part II: Finances

1. Live where you can afford to live. For us this meant, at first, living by relatives and fixing up an old house to where we didn’t have to be out the expenses of paying rent when we were first married, had no property of our own, and were just trying to start out in life. If you have to live with your relatives temporarily, there’s no shame in that. Everyone has to start out somewhere and so long as you’ve made your stable relationship and are still being responsible then there’s no harm done. Also nice was that my husband got the opportunity to use traditional masculine skills in the way of building cabinets and a front porch, etc… as the home we got wasn’t all that wonderous. Start out small and work your way up. Over time if you stay together in a stable marriage and relationship, you will acquire more resources.

2. Two incomes don’t truly help you. My heart was broken beyond repair last year and, as many know, my husband just “dropped the ball” so to speak and I went out and temporarily took on paid employment. He just simply let me go and stopped being there for me or being my husband. It had absolutely no positive effect on our finances. We spent a considerable amount of money because nobody was home. We had no relationship as we were no longer as one, working as a team, but rather two independent individuals doing their own thing. Also, work schedules had to be worked around whenever my husband went in for an outpatient surgery and needed someone to drive him, when our child was out of school or otherwise sick, etc. Also, despite all the myths and rumors floating around out there, being a two-income household doesn’t help you on taxes (if you’re American). My taking on paid employment- even if only for a few weeks- nearly took our entire state check from us, unlike in previous years where we received a lot of money back when there was only one reported income. Our tax return on the state level was almost completely garnished as a result of us being a dual income household the previous year, even if it was only a temporary thing, and there was absolutely no benefit or increase in money received on the federal level whatsoever. My husband’s exact words: “It’s all because I messed up and let you go out and work.” Lesson learned.

3. Making everything from scratch isn’t always cheaper. I know a lot of homemakers out there are big on doing everything from scratch and on the extreme level some even go “off the grid” in an attempt to live an entirely old-fashioned lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but sometimes you’ll find that frozen prepared meals actually save you money on groceries, especially if you are a small family where everyone is a bit picky or doesn’t always like to eat at the same time (no shame in that). Of course, for families with a lot of children, sometimes scheduled family meals and cooking from scratch where you can buy in bulk helps. But in my experience, being a smaller family, it doesn’t always pay to cook from scratch, nor is it necessarily always healthier.

4. You can work out at home and avoid the expense of paying for a gym membership. Girls, to stay in shape, get you some measuring cups/spoons, a 50-cent notebook and a 25-cent ball-point pen and write down and measure those calories!! Also, you can exercise from home by buying an inexpensive piece of cardio equipment such as an elliptical, treadmill or stationary bike. If you live in an area where you can, go outside for a walk or run everyday or learn some form of aerobic dance or something where you can work out in the privacy of your own living room. But remember that no amount of exercise will compensate for the amount of food you shove down your throat!

5. You don’t have to eat out at fancy restaurants or take expensive vacations to have fun or spend time together. We’ve never had a vacation and it’s true that I’d like to take one someday, but when we do it will be at some point in the future when we have saved and prepared for it, and it will more than likely only be the two of us, as in a romantic type of thing without children (I know I didn’t like family vacations when I was growing up even though my mother was always dragging us along on one). Also, I find more enjoyment out of just packing up a small lunch on a sunny day and finding a nice place to sit under a shade tree by the lake or somewhere similar. There’s no need to spend huge amounts of money to attempt to entertain yourself or keep up with anyone else’s lifestyle.

6. Life is about more than just money or having “things.” Let me put it this way, imagine that you’re in the arms of your husband, your lover. You’re content and happy, perhaps even just having made love to each other. Time moves about outside, but you don’t care. You may not have as much money or as big of a house as the family down the street. But you don’t care. When you’re in love and content you don’t care what others think. Security, stability, peace and a deep contentment in your heart and the feeling of femininity deep in your core of loving and depending on a strong man. Being cherished, loved, taken care of! Isn’t life about finding love, contentment and peace? In the Western world, one income is enough to have your basic needs met plus oftentimes a little extra, plus a man has a reason to work, build and achieve whenever he has the love of a woman that’s all his, meaning you’ll even have more things to be able to enjoy life together even more as time goes on.

7. Plan ahead. As a young woman, start thinking about your future now. If you want marriage, or a family, or to find a good man, make that your number one priority. If you plan to build a life together and start out young, you’ll be ready and prepared to live off of one income because you have planned for it, in contrast to most in modern life who plan things the opposite (college, loads of debt, career, maybe a few kids later down the road and a heck of a lot of confusion over who is supposed to do what and what to do about the impossible debt hanging over your head!). Build your life up from scratch with a man when you’re young and reap the benefits of it later down the road. Let your femininity and intuition guide you and don’t let others steer you away from what you feel and believe in your heart- not even your own relatives. A woman’s real power is in her femininity. Trust and believe this with all you heart.

There are also some good tips from That Stepford Gal that I’d like to highlight as well. That Stepford Gal being as yet unmarried without children, I feel she has a very unique viewpoint, being a single gal still under the protection and support of her father. Some Tips from That Stepford Gal (in no particular order):

I. Live at Home: Living At Home – I just don’t get Australia and its odd social expectations sometimes, maybe this is just me being an immigrant again, though I just don’t understand the push for young adults to live on their own as soon as possible. If you don’t like your family and you actually like being alone or with friends, sure. If you need to move for work or study, sure. Do what you like. However aside from that, moving out and paying your own bills and rent is just money down the drain for making a ‘good social image’ of ‘independence’. Living with your family means you can serve your family and at the same time save more money for your future. You can learn ‘independence’ and being responsible by involving yourself, like I’ve said before, in the money management of your household and take on some roles for your parents/family.

II. You Don’t Have Deprive Yourself to be Frugal: Being frugal and living simply doesn’t mean literally having nothing and buying nothing. It doesn’t mean counting every dollar, not all the time (just some). I live in Australia and most of the ‘lower income’ people I see have the latest iPhone and can still eat out a lot! Having lived with a single parent since my teenage years, I’ve learned plenty about being money-smart. It doesn’t mean scrounging on everything. I have an updated phone and laptop actually, so does my sibling. It’s scrounging on everything else that you really don’t want. The key is: spend only on what you truly want and learn how to use saving systems.

III. Take Advantage of Prolonged Interest Items: [I know most people look down on buying anything on credit, but if done smartly and wisely and you don’t go overboard, I agree with That Stepford Gal that it can be a vital asset to a well-managed budget] If you want to buy good gadgets, it’s actually not that hard to afford them in Australia, I find. Phone plans are actually affordable, even for the latest phones. Don’t get the latest gadget every year, seriously, though every couple to three years, you can upgrade your gear and still keep to your budget through plans and prolonged interest. What is prolonged interest? It is when an item has 20+ months interest free on credit card. Don’t be an idiot and pay the minimum, divide the price by the amount of months minus one, so you will have an allowance of finishing your payments a month early (in case anything happens) and PAY it. Seriously, set a reminder on your phone or calendar and pay things off properly per month, Not only does this do wonders for your budget, it increases your credit rating and the maximum credit it can have. More credit, more shopping? No! This is just so you can get other gadgets on prolonged interest (once your current purchase is finished and you want to upgrade) or if you ever need a loan for an emergency.

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Traditional Living Advice for Traditional Gals: Common Questions, Answers and Myths

This is part of a series of posts about being domestic and living traditionally for all interested ladies (or curious gentlemen) out there. Companion Q& A piece from That Stepford Gal to this article here. 

Q: Domestic women are stagnant and dependent just being at home. Don’t you want to use your talents in a career?

There’s nothing wrong with a female being dependent upon and serving her family. So what if it’s not normal to society? What is normal to society? Being obese, watching hours of television every day, being stressed, being in debt and having poor-quality or nonexistent romantic relationships with the opposite sex? A woman depending on her man breeds a closer, deeper relationship and makes families stable. Why would a man work at all or fight at all out there in the world if not for a woman or family that he loves? It gives a man purpose and meaning in life and makes women less stressed and more feminine. A career is not the only way to use one’s talents. It is only seen as the only way because of the emphasis put on women having careers in the post-feminist society.

Q: Domestic women are lazy and don’t want to work. Why do you just want to be at home and do nothing?

Most people are lazy. Period. Most housewives I know are not lazy, unless they are really career women on temporary leave, or as fellow traditionalist blogger That Stepford Gal likes to call it, “a three-year nanny for hire.” True traditional women love to be feminine and keep a good home. Anyone can come home and toss the laundry in the wash and throw a microwave dinner in the oven and throw some dishes in the dishwasher with food still caked all over them, but truly making a home and doing it right is exhausting, time-consuming and draining work- even with all the modern technology a housewife has in the 21st century. Have you seen most people’s houses where both partners/spouses work? Case closed. Unless they hire someone to clean it, you probably wouldn’t even want to eat there. But traditional women make homemaking an art to cherish and do with delight.

Q: Domestic women cannot afford to be at home. What about getting a house and saving? You’ll have nothing.

Most people are in debt. When you destroy marriage you also destroy property and inheritance as well. The idea that women can’t “afford” to be home has no basis in reality. You make do with what you have and over time you gain more assets. Husband and wife are a team. Attacks on marriage are also attacks on property as property cannot be passed down through the generations so that one’s children and grandchildren can have something to start out with to build a life on their own. But anyone can live on one income. Historically, women with husbands who earned the most money went out to work while poor women stayed home. It’s still the same today. What I’ve found as I’ve gotten a bit older is that the majority of commonly quoted mainstream beliefs are untrue and unfounded, if not plain-out false, and I’ve found this to be the same with the idea that women can’t afford to be housewives. The only women who can’t afford to be housewives are either women who’ve made extremely poor choices in life or women who simply don’t want to be housewives.

Related Postings:

https://whatswrongwithequalrights.wordpress.com/2013/02/28/questioning-economic-necessity/

https://whatswrongwithequalrights.wordpress.com/2014/09/05/there-has-never-been-an-easier-time-for-women-to-stay-home/

https://whatswrongwithequalrights.wordpress.com/2012/12/28/where-are-the-men-the-case-for-male-breadwinners/

You Give Yourself Away Too Easily

Several years ago I found myself sitting in my gynecologist’s office. My menstrual cycle was a complete wreck and I didn’t really understand for certain what was going on. Of course, I had also been suffering from severe anxiety and it was taking quite a toll on my life. After giving me a physical checkup and seeing that I was healthy and certainly not pregnant or anything, my doctor (the same one who agreed to sterilize me a couple of years earlier) then cupped my face in his hands and said these words to me; “A woman is a creature of her emotions.” 


And so it is. I think one of the biggest problems between men and women today is not only our failure to understand one another but also our attempts to make us alike to one another. There are the men out there who don’t understand how real these emotions are, then there are the men who simply don’t care and, worst of all, there are the men out there who purposely manipulate those emotions for their own selfish purposes. 

You can see this all the time in the manosphere where writers and commenters are constantly whining about women, talking about how useless women are and sharing tips and techniques on how to “game” women and even how to stay as emotionally distant as possible while doing so that way it’ll be easier just to dump the woman off when he’s done using her. Some of the techniques and little tricks are ridiculous and crazy but some are downright abusive and even dangerous. They seem to want a society where they have access to easy sex yet no parental responsibility to children they father (unless they WANT to be involved) in the process and no responsibility to marry. At the same time they want a traditional society where women are good little girls and dress and act accordingly! Never mind that society has never let men completely off the hook without marriage or financial responsibility to children fathered outside of marriage or without any regulation of male sexuality along with the regulation of female sexuality.

I’ve slightly delved into the subject of emotional abuse before. A lot of the aspects of “game” are predicated on psychological manipulation. Some of that manipulation is harmless and ridiculous to warrant nothing more than a simple eye roll at the stupidity of it. But some of it goes into the realm of covert emotional manipulation, a kind of manipulation most often used by sociopathic, narcissistic, and machiavellian personalities. This type of manipulation can often leave long-lasting psychological scars, often leaving the victim to suffer from PTSD and sometimes needing to even seek therapy. It can be extremely dangerous and damaging and, unlike physical abuse, doesn’t leave physical signs of abuse which can even leave the victim even more isolated as some of the abuse (gaslighting in particular) can be very subtle. 

You often hear talk of so-called “shit tests” and the like in the manosphere. It’s often talked about in a negative light, but this is a completely normal thing for women to do. It’s also a normal part of a healthy functioning society, as in pretty much every society boys had to prove themselves through a series of tests in order to become men. How do you know if he’s really a man? You put him to the test. How do you know if he really cares about you or just sees you as a source of sex? You put him to the test. He’ll either rise to the challenge and prove himself or he’ll fail. Men will go out of their way for sex, but will a man go out of his way for the woman herself? Does he truly love her? Can he prove that love? How can she know for sure? The only way a woman can know is to test him. 

Most men have no idea the damage they do and the emotional turmoil they cause by reappearing and disappearing from a woman’s life and refusing to communicate in between. More abusive types do this purposely to try to string a woman along without having to put in the effort to make a real relationship. And still I think it’s a big myth circulating in society that men won’t wait for sex. That women have to give it up RIGHT now(!) or else he’ll just instantly move on and get it somewhere else. And it’s true, he might. Having sex won’t change a man’s mind about a woman. He either wants to be with her or he doesn’t. He either loves her or he doesn’t. Giving it up won’t change that. Yes he might be able to “get it” elsewhere. But if he loves the woman then he’ll put in the effort for her. And that’s the only way a woman can know if she’s just a convenient source of ***** for him of if he’s invested in her as a person. Men differentiate between women they just want sex from and women they really want to commit to and make a real relationship with. Testosterone also blocks the effects of Oxytocin leaving men even more capable of casual sex without getting attached. There have always been “easy” women and men have since the beginning of time visited brothels and strip clubs and saloons, etc… 

And, ultimately, nothing is foolproof. There are no guarantees in life. And relationships are hard- they always have been. I think also we let relationships go too easily in our society today and see people as disposable, much like everything else in our world today. How many times have you heard people say that many of their relationships started out because they instantly jumped into bed together? The key word here is “many.” They’ve been in and out of “many” relationships that probably didn’t last very long. You give yourself away too easily. If he loves you, he’ll come after you. If not then putting in the effort for you personally just won’t be worth it unless he knows there will be the immediate award of sex. 

Wait it out. There are different phases of love and waiting is also a good way to weed out the bad and manipulative sorts whose intent is to play games and do harm. The first phase of love is infatuation. This can be a very dangerous time as various chemicals and hormones in the body are running wild. People can do very crazy things in this phase and if you find yourself getting too worked up and experiencing the symptoms of infatuation you need to pull back some- especially if the love isn’t being returned. Have minimal to no contact with him until things calm down. Taking it slow can also allow you to see a man’s behavior patterns to know if he’s an abusive sort. There are some personalities, such as those afflicted with malignant narcissism for instance, who will take advantage of your emotions. If you see the man has manipulative tendencies go complete no contact with him- at least until the initial infatuation phase wears off. Also beware of any hovering attempts when you’re at your most vulnerable.

After infatuation (which can last from days or up to two years at most) wears off one of two things will happen. You will either a) not care one way or the other about the man or whether he fell off the face of the earth or Martians came and abducted his body and carted him off to another planet to never be seen or heard from by the human race again or b) infatuation will transform into a deeper, more mature and calmer love. 

The key thing too is communication. This is also a big key to how much a man really cares. It makes all the difference in the world. It makes the difference between the man who isn’t really invested and just likes having a steady and convenient source of ***** and the man who makes the effort to take you by the hand and lead you into his life, to make you a part of his world. If men weren’t creatures who would gladly take sex from even a moderately attractive woman with no strings attached without putting hardly a second thought into it then who goes chasing after who wouldn’t be an issue. As it is, this is the only way a woman can truly know what she means to a man. The only way. Men who deliberately and purposely keep you guessing, off-balance and unsure of where you really stand with them are playing games. If his actions don’t match his words, then he’s not serious and probably isn’t to be trusted. Never give yourself away to a man unless you’re completely sure about him. 

And as stated above, there are no guarantees. In a healthy functioning society marriage would be the highest form of commitment and offer surety and security for a woman. But even then, marriage is a legal contract. It doesn’t change human nature or feelings and more often than not in human history it was entered into with no thought or mention of love. Of course, ideally there should be love and two people can come together in love and build a life. The contract of marriage centers on the sharing of a life, property, children, finances and lays out rights and responsibilities between a couple in regards to each other and any offspring. But it can’t prevent a man from running off or betraying a woman by any means. A husband can disappear just as quickly and easily as a lover, and countless throughout history have. An affair, for instance, is an issue that concerns you, your spouse, your lover and your god. Divorce is an issue that concerns all of society. 

Sometimes we decide relationships are harmful and walk away. Other times we choose to stick it out. Whether already in a relationship, waiting to have sex, or hoping someone will be real and stop playing games or finally love us in return, there is no set time limit. Some advice says things like “wait three months to have sex” or “break up if he hasn’t given you a ring by month six” or things of the sort. But how long you wait or how long you stick it out depends on the individuals involved and the circumstances. You have to judge this for yourself. 

Back real quick to the subject of abuse, there are real disturbed characters out there. There are those who physically abuse and there are also those who mentally abuse. Mental abuse can oftentimes be even worse than physical abuse and just as dangerous. Now here I’m not talking about your run-of the-mill asshole. An asshole still does have the ability to care, feel remorse and empathy and know right from wrong. Those afflicted with narcissism or sociopathy however do not. In some cases they can get better, but in many cases they cannot. The first goal should always be to protect yourself from harm and abuse.

Ultimately, you can’t change another person nor should you try. Love is indeed patient and kind, keeping no record of wrong. But boundaries have to be set. A woman should never underestimate the power she truly does have inside. If you do love a man, you can lead him into that place of love. Let him know that love is waiting for him if he can be real and good to you. And once again ladies never give away sex hoping to keep him around. Sex is a gift he earns by being real and true to you. Your body should be reserved for the man that provides for and protects you and is truly there for you. Stay with the man , or choose the man, who has proven himself. 

Note here that not every man is going to be good at communication and I think women push too hard for men to be more woman-like sometimes and talk about things. But both sexes have to come to the understanding that we are different and we don’t feel, communicate or express love in the same way. Men generally express love by their actions, so don’t push him to get emotional. If he’s prone to be manipulative or gaslight then you may need to push him to make himself more clear or even keep a journal of events for your own protection (this is for your own mental clarity). 

And, again, these things are never easy. When we love someone we accept them as they are, flaws and all. If you do choose to stick it out with someone who does have issues such as narcissism you need to learn all you can about the condition and about covert emotional manipulation. If the man is just a bit distant, realize it’s not always the sign of a problem. Some people are more moody, some overly hyper, some complain about everything. Also not all chronic manipulators have personality disorders. Some might have just learned to manipulate as a coping mechanism early in life. Still some may use it to succeed in their careers and just fail to stop the behavior even with those they love and those that love them. Either way it can still cause harm. It is what it is. It’s up to you to decide when or if you should let him go. If you’re being abused then definitely distance yourself. If that’s not an option then you might need to seek help from others you trust or get therapy. Again, the abuse part of this article is very relevant, especially with the red pill types running around out there.

If you just don’t see it, then it probably isn’t there. Perhaps it will be someday, perhaps it won’t. But either way you go on about your life. He’ll either be apart of it or he won’t but you can’t wait around for him to make up his mind because he won’t do it unless he has to. And never respond to any kind of lame or inconsistent initiation of contact from a man. If a man’s been playing games or not wanting to commit in the past it’s still possible for a relationship in the future but I’d say to treat the situation as though you were dealing with a former abuser (because in a way that’s how it is, as game playing can cause such devastating psychological damage and emotional distress to a woman). Yes, people can change and maybe he will. But there is going to have to be a long probation period where he’s going to have to prove himself first. Just remember, ladies, you are worth it. If he doesn’t see you as worthy of a real relationship then you should not see him as worthy of your body or even a fraction of your time. Take it slow, wait him out, assess the situation, listen to your instincts and go from there. 

It’s Not the Way It Should Be…

When I was yet barely legal I put an official end to my fertility once and for all. I made the logical and conscious decision to do this because I saw how the world that we live in today is and I knew that I could never risk bringing another child into this world. I had to make sure then, as I still do now, that if me and my husband were to split apart for whatever reason that there would never be any more young or minor children to complicate things; that there would never be any dependents to have to worry about; that there would never be any children that could be used as pawns to hurt, control, manipulate or punish me. The heart would love a cabin in the woods with ten barefoot children running around, but that simply is not reality. Our society loves to tell us to follow our hearts but there comes a time when childish fantasies have to be set aside and life has to be faced for what it is. I have made the decisions I have made in my life using my head, not my heart. Emotions and feelings more often than not lead us down the wrong path, not the right one. Either way hormones should never come into play when making major and important decisions about life.

I love how men like to constantly remind women of their “biological clocks” as if they, themselves, don’t have a biological clock ticking. It’s always, “your fertility will run out soon (40’s the limit!) but I’ll still have time to make up my mind so na-na-na-na-na!” and somehow us women will regret it if we don’t start having a bunch of them in our 20s. They (the MRA men, AKA God’s gift to all womankind) will be studs like when they’re 50, 60, etc…

*Whistles* looking good Pops baby!

But I don’t regret anything, even years later. I can’t change what has been in the past nor can I change the way things are in society, but I can make a conscious decision to protect myself and, acknowledging the current state of things in society, plan my life accordingly. Men are more powerful than women, and society grants to women no special protections for our weaker and more vulnerable state, which would mean the only way for a woman to protect herself from a man is to never be with or have kids with one. (I never understood, however, the men who act scared of women. Men can control women, without ever even having to lay a finger on them).

But that doesn’t mean I have to turn into some feminist and come onto the internet and rave about how I hate men and run some marriage strike and complain how all men are wicked and evil and how us women are oh so victimized etc..etc…and let’s go our own way girls! Likewise, a man might see the way things are and decide it’s not worth the risk to get married and have kids and support a woman. There’s nothing wrong with that but there is something wrong with that same man joining up with MRAs and spewing his vile everywhere and being anti-woman and attacking women and joining in campaigns and promoting any policy he can to rid all men of responsibility for women and children. He could choose instead to promote a better way where men and women can live harmoniously together even if he chooses to be single in his own life. Even if he doesn’t have a blog or whatever he can still be an example to others by the way he lives his own life and by teaching and being there for those who look up to him.

Even if my husband begged and pleaded with me to have another child with him I would still have to tell him no, even if the thought is romantic. I simply would never do it. I see the way things are today and, again, I must protect myself. I am married and I take care of my family and fulfill my obligations as a wife and mother (which, in my view does not include obligations to go out and work!). Marriage has a lot of political value. It benefits me, my husband and our child in the way of a more stable and less complicated and stressful life, the accumulation of property and wealth and many other things. I love my husband very much but beyond just the potentially fleeting hormones of love and having fun marriage is about all the aforementioned aspects of property, stability and financial support as well.

Nonetheless, a lot of things can change in 18 years. People change. Society changes. Circumstances change. I am not willing to gamble away my future and decrease my value to other men (in the event I was divorced or something) by bringing more children into this world and complicating my life and tying myself down and putting myself in jeopardy like that. There’s no way in hell I’m going to give children to a man when it’s a 50/50 gamble that the marriage will even last a decade and I could be facing divorce or someone showing up to take my kids away from me without me even having the slightest clue of what’s even going on until the moment it hits me or being drug in and out of court for the next two decades of my life or told I must support the man who has impregnated me (and who is bigger, stronger and more powerful than me, nonetheless) and as for myself i’m just out on my own to fend for myself. I will never put myself in such a situation. Never. So I make the decisions I have made for a reason. It’s not the way things should be, but it’s the way they are. If I was ever divorced or widowed I know that I would also never remarry, at least I would never remarry unless there was drastic legal and cultural changes. I might live with a man and have some kind of unofficial ceremony but even then I would draw up very tight legal contracts between the two of us and I would never have kids with him..

Nonetheless I promote the things I believe in, the way things should be. If we do ever divorce then there will be no more children and no complications and we can just go our own way and I’ll just have to make it the best I can. Our one and only child is getting older which makes things less complicated in the event we ever did split up in the future. Without more children there’s a good chance I could find another man to take care of me and support me (where, at the most, I might work part-time or something) but with every additional child the chance of that decreases significantly and I am not willing to let my stock plummet if I am entitled to nothing in return for everything that I’ve given of myself to a man; if I am not assured lifetime financial support. If I am to put my life on the line I need to know I am guaranteed a home to live in, financial support, security and stability and I know that I simply am not guaranteed any of those things and may never be. I hope that divorce, abandonment, death or any of those terrible things never happen, but, nonetheless, they are realities in the world we live in and must be considered when planning the future. Again, it’s not the way things should be, but it’s the way they are. I would be a fool to just follow my heart and dive in head first and never consider the future or the consequences of my actions.

I look around and see the way things are and the way men are acting and within two seconds flat every wall of defense I have goes up and there is this thought and feeling inside of me that I don’t want anything to do with any man, ever. Something I see or hear triggers this response and then I don’t even want my own husband to even touch me and intimacy with the man I love seems more like a gross violation than something wondrous, pleasureful, sacred and beautiful. The only thought then becomes to protect myself because all men are just abusers of women and they can’t be trusted. I get the thought that I just want to hate men, even though in reality I want to look up to and admire the men around me and trust them.

I can’t help the things I think, but I can help the things I promote. And that is the difference. I don’t come here being a feminist (although MRAs think anyone who doesn’t fall into line with their agenda and anti-woman propaganda and thinks men should have any obligations at all towards women is labeled a “feminist” I tend to write them off as unimportant) or promoting feminist ways. I talk about what I see as wrong and promote something better, something more sustainable and a social order that does justice to men, women and children (even if that social order doesn’t happen to revolve around everybody just doing whatever they want, whenever they want and with whoever they want and screwing everyone else in the process). That’s the difference.

I can’t help the way society is but in my own life I make conscious decisions about the future. Besides, I will only live once and I’ll only be young once. I want to enjoy my youthful beauty and figure and not risk sabotaging it by back-to-back pregnancies. I want to spend my youth in high heels and miniskirts, not maternity clothes, even if in all honesty I’ve never felt more beautiful than when I was with child. I have one child, a beautiful daughter, who I adore and who I know looks like me and my husband. It’s nice to do it once and it’s nice I’ve had one child and when she’s older it will be like having my own legacy, someone who’s a part of me, a legacy that will live on even after I’m gone. I cherish that. But I do like a simpler life too. We are well off financially and in the coming years I can be a little selfish. I can spend my days keeping a petite figure, taking care of the home, relaxing and not giving a care about the world around me or if it falls all to pieces. It will be nice not having to be burdened with the care of young children.

The society around me could go to hell and I’d probably never notice. I don’t pay attention to the news (in fact I purposely avoid it), I don’t vote, I have my own home and family. I can help change things by the way I live my life. In the end that’s probably the most powerful influence anyways. I’ll never have a large family nor do I want one. Now I can save myself one bureaucratic nightmare and financial drain after another. This isn’t to put down those with large families, it’s just my opinion. I live my life and you can live yours. I have respect for those who have large families but I will never go down that road.

But I will continue to promote something better, because reproducing is a part of life and the family is the foundation of society and I believe that those who choose to have families and have children need to be protected. I believe women need to be protected and I believe children deserve the right to come from stable homes where they can have a good start in life.

How Much Authority Should a Wife Have?

The father is ultimately the head of the household, but that does not mean that the wife has no authority whatsoever. While the husband has the authority and the responsibility to rule over the family and make decisions regarding the family (including decisions about his wife and children) the mother is the one responsible for caring for her children everyday and she does have a certain level of authority over them. It is the woman’s job to care for her home, her husband and her children. She is responsible for making sure her children eat, dress and behave properly and she is responsible and has the right to punish them as well for their misbehaviors. The father, of course, does teach his children and discipline them too, but men are not always around and it would be unreasonable if a wife had no authority within the household to make day-to-day decisions regarding the running of the household and decisions regarding the children. It would be unreasonable for a child to always have to wait and ask daddy for every little thing.

A father, of course, should have the authority to overrule decisions his wife makes about the household and children, but regarding normal everyday events he should not do so unless he is really against or feels strongly about some decision the wife has made. A set amount of authority and responsibility has already been given to wives and mothers and her authority should be acknowledged. For instance, say a child wants a cookie and mother says no. It would be contrary to the best interests of the child and counterproductive if the child could then just run to daddy and have daddy say “oh it’s alright son go ahead and have a cookie.” (This is also yet another reason why divorce and family breakdown is bad because kids know they can just run back and forth between parents and between households when one parent won’t let them have their way). It is also appropriate for a father to say “ask your mother” regarding the smaller everyday life decisions (such as “can I have a cookie” and other small issues of the sort). For the most part, these kinds of small everyday issues should be mostly left to the mother as she watches and guards her children’s daily behaviors and sees what they eat and what they do everyday more than the father does and thus she would know best in most cases whether it was appropriate for the child to, say, have a cookie or if the child, for instance, does not need a cookie because the child has already consumed to many sweets or unhealthy foods. (Yes, I know I’m using the cookie example a lot but it was the first issue that popped up in my mind writing this and it’s a common everyday issue with kids as they always want treats). A husband and wife should, for the most part, be in agreement with each other about everyday issues so children cannot play one parent against the other just to get their way. A husband should already have a pretty good idea what his wife would say about an issue and vice versa. A wife has to have a certain amount of authority that is consistent with her daily responsibilities of raising up and caring for her children and the household.

Regarding the bigger events, the father should really be the one to make the decisions. This will vary some between traditionalist households. For instance, I would tell the little one it’s OK to run over and visit a friend without consulting my husband as that is a small everyday issue and is in my general domain of authority. If the husband has a problem with his child going over to visit a certain kid or family that’s a different story, however, and he should have the right to disallow his children to visit a certain household despite the wishes of his wife. I don’t really get involved in whether or not the little one can spend the day with his relatives or whether she can go on school field trips and the like. Those are bigger decisions that don’t need to be decided immediately (and if they did I would still call my husband about it).

Regarding other issues besides the children, I don’t really have a lot of authority over them. My husband controls all of our finances as he is also sole provider and makes all the money as well. I do not contribute financially as I do not believe it to be my responsibility and any spending money I do get I use for extra things for myself, the little one and the house that my husband cannot always afford. I believe my husband does have the authority to tell anyone to leave our home even if I do want them to stay and I believe he also has the authority to forbid me from going somewhere or doing something. If he ever wanted/needed to move somewhere else I’d go with him even if I wasn’t necessarily happy about moving. I think it would be going too far for him to control every tiny detail of my life, such as the smaller issues such as me wanting to wear a certain dress or pair of shoes or have a glass of tea after dinner or use a certain kind of soap to bathe with or something. Of course, sometimes he does tell me not to wear something, so,(after a lot of pouting), I won’t wear it. Usually the general intent isn’t just to micromanage my life, however, but there are instead other reasons why he might tell me not to wear or do something. There are some circumstances where a husband might tell his wife not to do some small thing, such as maybe he believes it might be harmful in some way or that she might hurt herself.

I do the things I wish to do everyday and enjoy the hobbies I love and wear things I like but I still stay overall under the control and protection of my husband. I do not believe in equally making decisions with my husband. I make some small decisions with him but most of the things he does or where he goes I don’t even really know much about. I don’t really get involved much in any of his affairs and, of course, I don’t have any control over what de does for the most part. I might not like that he doesn’t always eat healthy or something like that but there’s nothing I can really do about it and I don’t try to either. I have demanded respect or that he grow up or similar things in the past and I consider that completely appropriate for a woman to do. A man is to love, cherish, protect and support his wife and it is his role as head of household that enables him to do that. A woman can make some decisions, but her husband can overrule them. A man should rule over his wife for her protection and for the best interest of the family. If done for any other purpose or for his own selfish interests then he is in the wrong.