I Know What You’re Searching For

Below is some data I’ve collected over the last couple of DAYS from Amazon. Granted, it’s a small piece of the pie, true, and a small number compared to other results I get, but the simple fact is that political correctness obviously isn’t suiting everyone just fine. People (women in this case, I’m sure) are seeking, hoping to find something that progressives and feminists haven’t stamped out completely.

Just to make it clear, I HATE writing. I’ve tried to quit before but nature won’t let me. If I need to have an in-depth talk with someone, I write letters. If I get depressed or have something on my heart, I write a blog post. If I get really depressed (or on a soapbox or something), I write a whole novel. Not that I like what I write. To be honest, I hate everything I’ve ever written. My first reaction when I read old blog postings of mine is, “I didn’t do it! I swear!” I also try to forget about my books. I’ve often wished the manuscripts to both of them would just burn in hell. I’ve also entertained fantasies of raising the prices to something extreme so that maybe nobody will read it (I resisted that impulse, however).

But, alas, what’s done is done. I think everything I write sucks, big time. I avoid reading after all the editing is done (which is generally about two weeks after publishing, as there’s always some typo or inconsistency overlooked). I don’t like what I write. I don’t like reading it and I don’t think anyone else should either sometimes. It’s tough. I don’t do it to get rich, as few writers are rich. I do it because nature leaves me no other choice. I know I’m not alone, as even famous writers hate their work. I don’t think I’m great or even good- just passionate.

In a sea of political correctness, I wanted a different voice. Not everyone is going to like that voice, of course, but I do see there’s a lot of people out there searching for that voice nonetheless. One day somebody is telling me how awful of a person I am and the next someone is telling me I’m their personal hero. I don’t care. I do like hearing from fans though. It makes it seem like I’m not alone in this world, after all.

I get so sick of romance novels that are always the same. The hero is normally an ass, the heroine normally some headstrong rich girl with feminist dreams living in some castle and the novels are always consisting of them arguing back and forth with each other until finally, in the end, they realize they really DO love each other and live happily ever after. Also, they are set in some remote location that I have no connection to. I got so bored of historical romance because it always follows the same scheme and contemporary romance is usually just the same politically correct BS. Heroes have to be feminist.

Well, enough of that. I longed to create something entirely different and so I put the conflict elsewhere- in general life situations. So you say, who the hell writes a romance novel set in the hills? Well, I guess I do. When I set out to write, I have no outline. I just write, allowing the characters to be and transform into who they will, and by the time I get a second draft they have a heart and soul, so to speak. And I love first-person because I can live, feel, and breathe what it is I’m writing (and it keeps me from having to delve into the minds of the male characters in the story on top of feeling like a newspaper reporter).

I don’t know if I’m really writing romance. I think my heart is too dark for that, even though I’m romantic at heart. I don’t give you that perfect happily ever after, because it would be a denial of what’s in my own heart and the conflict that constantly resides within. If I don’t write what’s in my heart, then why do it at all? If I wanted popularity I’d write some fluffy stuff and have a female empowerment girl-power blog.

The last (and possibly even final for all I know) book is fiction, and I left the time period a bit vague so that I can get away with more imaginative stuff, like lighting by oil lamps, yet everyone can still afford to have motor vehicles and other stuff, like smoking cigarettes in the school parking lot and marrying at a young age, (which still happens today too, by the way).

Speaking of marrying young, it’s funny how young people can be drinking, have babies and sex and all that good stuff young and that’s OK, so long as you go on to have independent lives and don’t get married or anything too serious (at least before the age of like 35). But marriage? Please…

And funny how we can have kink where one can be gagged and choked and all kinds of stuff, yet we can’t have good old-fashioned love. Male dominance is fine, so long as it’s a game. But lo and behold a hero just being a man and doing sexist stuff, like protecting a woman (damsel in distress (an obvious mental disorder), setting feminism back 1,000 years, terrible stuff like that) or exerting some kind of legitimate authority over a woman he’s trying to take care of.

Don’t come here if you want politically correct. You won’t find kink in anything I write, on this blog or elsewhere, only good old-fashioned misogyny. I’m not going to apologize for that. You were warned with labels like “bodice-ripper”(and the big glaring headline on the blog that says “anti-feminist” and “pro-patriarchy”) and stuff like that (and nobody seemed to be too put off by it, judging by the number of downloads and the like I got the first couple of days). I don’t know if it even fits that label either to be honest. I don’t really like labels such as that (“bodice-ripper”), but it draws people in because it lets them know that I’ve got that old-skool stuff that they started censoring in the 1990s or somewhere along in there.

I’m tired of hearing people apologizing for traditional beliefs. That’s the one great thing about the modern world, that those such as myself and others can have a voice that would otherwise be censored.

And I don’t know how many people are truly out there reading and watching, but I know there’s a lot more than I ever thought there would be. And I only wonder why? I’m just some simple nobody from the country that goes barefoot 98% of the time. I’ll never be or have what most do. That’s not me. It amazes me that anyone would want to read anything that I write, but just know that I’m glad you do. I’m just a normal, simple girl, writing what’s already written on my heart and soul.


5 thoughts on “I Know What You’re Searching For

  1. I too am sick of apologizing for being traditional. That’s me and that’s it. End of the sentence. For most people I come across, if they have a problem with it, they can shove that elsewhere.

  2. Your blog is one of the only ones I ever read (and recommend to others!). In a world where political correctness is the norm, your voice is like a breath of fresh air – truly! I’m glad more people are waking up to the truth. Feminism has been a devastating disease, and an ugly one at that.

    I’ve been making an effort to stop apologizing for my “old-fashioned” traditional beliefs, even going so far as to open up my own FB page in which I post about these things. I know I’m inviting trolls (I used to have a blog years ago, and I’m still being followed by the haters), but I honestly don’t care. In my mind, the world could use more beauty, truth and goodness, no matter how unpopular.

    Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for writing.

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