Needing/Wanting a Man

If there’s one thing that really irritates me, it would be people thinking I should “get out of the house” more. It irritates me because 1) I actually DO get out of the house quite frequently and 2) what’s so wrong with being home anyway? I’ve never really bonded much with other women. I don’t really do well having female friends nor do I care to, say, bond with the mother-in-law or anything. I’m kind of a loner and it doesn’t really bother me. I actually prefer it that way.

I was in deep thought about some things the other day. I have often contemplated this life and wondered what the purpose of it all was. I mean, we’re all going to die one day, right? What’s the point? It occurred to me that it must be love that is the point. That’s why when someone we love dies or leaves us even the most basic of human necessities such as eating and sleeping cease to matter. That’s why people would give up everything they have, sacrifice themselves, make complete fools of themselves or go to the ends of the world in the name of something called “love,” because without it, life doesn’t seem much like living anymore. Without that love there is no happiness, no sadness, no good, no bad, no…nothing. It’s like nothing even matters anymore.

I walked into my grandmother’s house earlier this week. Though I love my grandmother, it just wasn’t the same without my grandfather there. There was a warmth and presence that he brought to the house that cannot be replaced. The house is a real nice house with all the physical possessions one could ever want, but it still felt lonely and empty. None of us got a single penny out of his death (except my dad, who insisted before grandpa was even put in the ground on grabbing up all my grandpa’s old tools for himself and insisting he’d probably end up with his truck too), but that didn’t matter because material possessions are just replaceable objects- nothing more. It also occurred to me that, no matter how much we are supposed to be able to bond with the same sex and spend most of our time with members of our own sex, there is simply a deeper bond, both in sexual and non-sexual relationships, with members of the opposite sex that just can’t be replaced.

One can have a group of their girl or guy friends all around them, yet still be and feel “alone” and like something is missing in their lives. Instead of bonding with one another and building our lives together we are also told that we must establish our own identities and independent lives before we go out and try to find someone, even though our deepest connections are formed in our youth, even though the building of our lives together and even creating new life is part of what bonds men and women to one another. I want a man to provide for me mostly because it gives me this sense of closeness to him, this feeling of dependence, trust and love that’s just hard to explain.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I’ve just never felt it. I’ve never wanted to go out and so-called “have a life” and I’ve simply never formed deep connections with other women. The only thing that’s ever happened when I get around other women is endless gossip, bickering and petty fighting.

It occurs to me that the male-female bond cannot be replaced. In romantic relationships it intertwines the bodies and beings of two people together and bonds them together and I find it sad how some people don’t want that. They would rather live lives that are focused on material means or eschew relationships with the opposites sex altogether or pursue meaningless relationships with them. A night out with the girls seems like a completely empty and meaningless pursuit unless the night ends with me coming back to the arms of a man I love, nor can I, forgive me (or not doesn’t matter) see how the same bond can be achieved in homosexual relationships as in heterosexual ones. I also can’t see how it can be truly achieved through “equal” relationships either to be honest. It’s just not the same. There is just this deeper intimacy and warmth that occurs between men and women that just can’t be replaced.

We’re always told: “You don’t need a man!” But surely, at the most deepest level, I do. And even if I didn’t “need” a man (if I was providing myself with the necessities of life), there would still be this part of me inside that always longs for one. Part of being feminine is in both needing and wanting to rely on and bond with a strong man, and part of being human is both wanting to love and be loved.

Recommended: The Value and Purpose of Oneitis


10 thoughts on “Needing/Wanting a Man

  1. I agree, I do have very good friends that are female but nothing does replace a relationship. It’s important to have a man in your life that you respect. For me it used to be just my father, and now I also have my partner.

      1. Yeah, I think it’s natural for us to think good will never happen to us! Human nature, you know. What’s funny is that I see men all the time wanting traditional women but believing there are none left while I see women believing there are no traditional men left!

      2. Definitely that was my mindset though shortly before I met him I sort of just gave in and placed faith. Someone like that is out there and that’s it, I won’t accept any other reasoning. Then there he was! Haha. He believed that too, but in Melbourne traditional women are rare, men too, compared to over there.

  2. I get the “you need to get out there” thing all the time. I just feel like snipping back: “Mind your own business!” I swear, not “getting out there” all the time is like the one thing that is super taboo and looked down on in this culture by everybody.

    You and I seem very similar. I stay alive for love pretty much. I would be in a much worse place if I didn’t have it.
    I haven’t had any friends, really, since elementary school. I DID want friends when I was younger, but I simply didn’t click with anyone else, didn’t enjoy being around them. I don’t think it’s just in our heads: people really are unpleasant to be around, lol. Always squawking, snipping at, and being rude to each other. Always drama and disloyalty. Why would I want that? I just don’t see the point of shallow, unenjoyable friendships, and deep, close friendships with the people out there just seems impossible.

    I used to want to be childfree, but now I do want kids so I can have more people to love and hopefully be friends with when I’m older. I’d love it if I had girls who turned out similar to me (and I’d homeschool them to have a better chance of being close to them and passing on my own beliefs and values). Of course, other people would be like: “Oh that’s awful. You shouldn’t want your girls to be like YOU” lol.

  3. I agree, too. I have never had that many girlfriends. The modern mindset, where men come and go but friends stay forever is totally alien to me. I like men in general more than women and when I was single, I had this very deep NEED to find a man of my own. Luckily I finally made it.:) And I am not talking about sexual needs, as you propably understand. I would rather be without sex and with my husband than vice versa.

    Feminists would propably stone me for this, but I actually feel more complete with my hubby than without him. And I am very self-contained in every other way! He doesn’t need to be around all the time, but he must exist for me, if you get my point.

    1. Yeah it’s just like the “Bros before hoes” mindset- yet watch how quickly a man’s “bros” get ditched when a girl comes along. Just because we spent most of our time with the same sex doing mens work and women’s work doesn’t mean there was real, true bonding with the same sex while we did it, especially among women!

  4. I tend to think that nowadays most women actually hate each other. Since we kind of have to compete all the time. Back in the old days, once you were married you were “out of competition” and safe and could build better relationships with other women, too. But nowadays the competition goes on and on. You can see it in a way people dress: married women used to dress in more dignified way, especially when they got older. Now everybody tries to look the same.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s