Rough & Soft 

If there is one thing that I’m sick of hearing it’s that “women love assholes.” No, actually, we don’t. Plenty of women still love men in spite of them being assholes, but no woman loves a man because of it. Not only is it tiring and emotionally damaging dealing with a man who’s an asshole, women actually have good reason to be wary of men who are assholes.

The basic fact of life is that males can easily represent danger to females. It’s actually a major fear for many women that we may come to like or love a man who turns out to be an asshole. After all, a man like that is often very unpredictable and could easily turn violent towards us or abandon us. Women always have reason to fear being physically harmed, raped or impregnated and abandoned by men therefore it makes no sense that we would seek out men who would hurt us. On the contrary, we would be (we are) attracted to dominate men who would protect us. 

Our biology can oftentimes be at odds with our heart’s desires. We want a man that’s strong and high status yet at the same time the very men that we desire could also easily hurt us. The “bad boy” type can be dreamy for many women because he’s confident, strong and charming yet there’s still a darkness lurking underneath the surface that can potentially cause a lot of harm to a woman. 

And, no, I do not actually like being degraded. Overpowered, yes, but always in a loving and gentle way. There’s nothing scarier than coming to love a man and wanting to relax, let down your guard, trust and follow him only to have him turn out to be abusive either physically or emotionally. Never in my life have I loved a man and listed under the characteristics of why I loved him as “he treats me like dirt and regularly disappears on me. Oh he’s so dreamy!” 



In my mind romance always happens by a strong man but also a loving man. There’s always the typical fairy-tale element of being rescued from some sort of danger and being the damsel in distress. Yet at the same time the man isn’t “soft” or emotional either. He loves me, is devoted to me, yet at the same time knows how to play it cool as well. 

Men who are assholes are actually repulsive and this isn’t just something I’ve come to hate because I’ve gotten sick of men with age. Even as a teenager I did not like men who were assholes. I still loved strong men, but not assholes. Yes, it did seem that “assholes” had a lot of sex, but the women they were having sex with were generally very promiscuous and also had sex with a lot of other men too. They weren’t getting “high quality” feminine women by any means.

I’ll never forget when I was only like 18 years old a man declaring to me how much women “just love assholes.” I remember my mouth just dropping open in unconcealed disgust at the things he was saying. He would then go on to tell a couple of stories about men treating women like shit and I remember searching the whole time he was talking for a possible escape away from the guy and away from the conversation. I was sure glad to be away from the guy. But, hey, the guy obviously knew everything. Who was I to argue? Especially since he was already middle-aged I bet he was a real hit with the ladies. 

There are many things that come into play when it comes to who we love and who we desire. Oftentimes it is also forgotten that being a man (as well as being a high quality woman) is also about moral character as well. A man must necessarily play a bit “hard to get” in the relationship department. Men who are too charming and too nice tend to scare away women. The reason is obvious. Not only would a too nice and emotional man tend to come off as more feminine but he would also raise our suspicions because we would think he’s up to something. I’d think he was just trying to kiss my ass to get something out of me (like the one thing men always want from women or perhaps that he was a bum looking to exploit whatever resources I might have). He would be perceived instantly as a “player” who goes around charming women just to get in their pants. So, a man can’t really afford to be a “nice guy” but at the other end of the spectrum is the jerk- which isn’t good either. 

MRA types would swear women like jerks and assholes and all of us are promiscuous sl*ts who just love being used by men and treated like garbage and we are out of our prime by the mature age of 25 and that they are all gods who’s “shelf life” never expires etc, etc, etc… and all men have to do is “show a woman who’s boss” for women to somehow be magically chasing them (instead of the traditional way of men pursuing women and actually having to make an effort and better themselves to attract and keep women). But this (as well as many other of their “Red Pill” cult truths) just simply isn’t true (or, at best, is greatly blown out of proportion). As Andrew from “The Rules Revisited” so wonderfully put it

“Yes, it is partially true that society has lost sight of what these guys call “red pill” truths; I am not denying that. But the very fact that they use metaphors from The Matrix should hint at the fact that many of them have issues with attracting women; and the almost singular focus on pointing out female shortcomings should suggest that maybe, just maybe, they hold their world-view because it conveniently puts them back into the place of power they feel so incapable of occupying.”

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11 thoughts on “Rough & Soft 

  1. I have to disagree here. Women today want jerks and assholes—and metrosexuals do well with women too. The reason is because they’ve been so deeply instilled with hatred and fear of genuine masculinity that they want everything in a man that’s the opposite of it.

    Among the male cultural icons and pop-culture figures women worship today, not ONE is anything close to truly masculine. The top-selling romantic literature is ’50 Shades of Gray’—a Marquis de Sade type male love interest. The top shows of interest to women portray louts and effeminate man-boys—who, incidentally play vampires and bad-boys. There are even websites where women swoon over the hottest male mugshot released by the police every week!

    I’ve been single for a long time—and I’ve seen no evidence whatsoever that women want anything BUT assholes. It was evidently true that in the past they wanted good men, but certainly not any more.

    1. I have to agree I think I should have said HEALTHY and FEMININE women. The problem is that we live in a society without healthy masculine men and healthy feminine women so we have damaged women and damaged men. Like you said, the popularity of BDSM and books like 50 shades of Grey illustrates this quite well. Also, women liking feminine characteristics in men. I don’t like BDSM and I care nothing for looking at pictures of a man’s butt. It does nothing for me. That’s because I’ve cultivated HEALTHY femininity. So, yes, in damaged women asshole men or effeminate men might be sought out.

      1. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I think the media has started this gender war on purpose to control the population.

  2. I don’t want a asshole, I prefer men who care about my perspective, and engage with me as a person.
    If anything alpha male bullies turn me off, who wants someone who rules though social violence?
    Its not hard to get girls, treat the individual, eye contact, be interesting. (More then two hobbies), be easy to talk to, etcetera!

  3. This “women want a jerk” really is a huge misconception, but one that unfortunately does apply in the hypersexed society of today.

    Normally, a woman looks for a man who can respect and protect her, care for her – basically, **love** her.
    And, in a traditional society where women are encouraged to guard their innocence, this is what they look for, and their standards are high.

    However, the fascination with a-holes comes because of the sexual so-called “liberation”.

    Women give all of themselves in a sexual relationship, and the younger and purer, the stronger the unitive power of sex over them. Once a girl/woman loses her virginity to a guy, she is has higher chances of becoming “fixated” on him and wanting do anything for him to keep the relationship, no matter how much of a jerk he is.
    The shock and feeling of rejection once she gives all of herself and the guy loses interest is really high – and a bad experience like that will make her price herself lower and lower on the “sex market” once innocence is lost — and losing their innocence is marketed on all possible channels as the greatest possible good.

    It is a matter of conditioning.

    Also, the sexual revolution brought about a lot of divorces etc., so the parent’s failed marriages and lack of personal example also weighs in quite a lot, and also the pornified culture messes with a lot of girl’s heads and makes them perceive themselves as sex objects… etc.

    The truth is, women have greater freedom now as far as access to education, the job market, etc. but the basic need of a woman’s soul, that one thing which brings her peace and contentment – to be loved and respected – is lost due to the Sexual Revolution.

    1. Also another thing, some of these guys who claim that women are attracted to jerks may have observed women who stick around with men who clearly treat them like dirt, and yet for some reason the women don’t just up and leave. Why? Because a lot of people (men included, for the record) fall for the IDEA of a person, and not the person themselves. Yeah, the guy who makes this claim may observe the current state of that woman’s and man’s relationship where the woman’s being treated like trash, but did he see how the relationship began? I mean, was he taken on the dates personally? Did he actually SEE how the man courted the woman? Maybe initially he was very nice to her and displayed all the charm and gentlemanliness he could muster to lure her in, and once he got her hooked, all his true colours started coming out. But by then it’s too late, she’s already knee-deep emotionally. She sticks around because she remembers the way he COULD be and desperately holds on to that fantasy, even if that was never the real him. And that’s what sustains their relationship until she wakes up and sees him for what he truly is, and how long that takes depends on a lot of factors, one of which CERTAINLY isn’t that she likes him for being a prick. If, however, he was a jerk to her to begin with, he most probably would never have gotten past stage 0. I know from personal experience that the only times I fell for a guy was when he showed a particularly soft spot for me. I always avoided the ones who were outright pricks.

      1. Yes, so well said! Plenty of women still love men in spite of them being jerks, but many of them weren’t jerks at first. They were guys who would be nice, charming, help us out etc… Then they started becoming jerks but what most people don’t realize is that, just as people get addicted to substances, gambling, etc… is that people also get addicted to other PEOPLE too. Particularly manipulative and narcissistic individuals will sometimes purposely try to keep an individual “hooked” even though they are being treated like dirt it’s too late because the hormones of love that literally get you “high” have already kicked in and a little cycle of reward/punishment keeps the individual hooked even though they might be miserable. So they keep loving the person even though it’s literally damaging and killing them on the inside.

      2. Another perspective which I would like to offer, is that there are some women who actually have integrity (I know, the manosphere believes that no woman is remotely capable of having integrity) and when they spoke those marriage vows, they MEANT them. And they stick with them.

        Love is an intellectual decision and force of will. It is not emotion. Emotions play a role, but the main thing is that you gave your word and you intend to keep it. I know that it is foreign to these men that women are capable of realizing that a marriage vow is a serious thing in which you give your solemn word to keep to this man until death do you part from him, and that’s precisely what she is going to do, regardless of how many times you break her heart.

        But, of course, if she leaves, then that gives the ‘spherians the ammunition they want to continue to hurl their vitriol and profanity — I forgot. They are not interested in promoting integrity, all they want is to complain and whine. Forgot about that.

  4. I’ve been deeply influenced by feminism and I can agree with the principle of this article. You have every right to be horrified at men who want to abuse women! The kind of man you’re talking about is a psychopath. Ladies, you need to learn about psychopaths, and stay the hell away from them:

    http://masksofsanity.blogspot.co.nz/

    Much love, a feminist supporter

      1. Sorry I didn’t see this before. Fair enough, TRO 🙂

        I know lots of commenters here aren’t feminists and I never intended to be rude by stating I come from a different worldview, but rather to show common ground. You’re absolutely correct, abusive relationships are toxic and harmful. Just curious to know how you as a traditional-minded anti-feminist knows how to watch out for them especially within the anti-feminist community (red pill, Roosh V, etc) – no offence intended by the question and if it is caused I sincerely apologise.

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