Rough & Soft 

If there is one thing that I’m sick of hearing it’s that “women love assholes.” No, actually, we don’t. Plenty of women still love men in spite of them being assholes, but no woman loves a man because of it. Not only is it tiring and emotionally damaging dealing with a man who’s an asshole, women actually have good reason to be wary of men who are assholes.

The basic fact of life is that males can easily represent danger to females. It’s actually a major fear for many women that we may come to like or love a man who turns out to be an asshole. After all, a man like that is often very unpredictable and could easily turn violent towards us or abandon us. Women always have reason to fear being physically harmed, raped or impregnated and abandoned by men therefore it makes no sense that we would seek out men who would hurt us. On the contrary, we would be (we are) attracted to dominate men who would protect us. 

Our biology can oftentimes be at odds with our heart’s desires. We want a man that’s strong and high status yet at the same time the very men that we desire could also easily hurt us. The “bad boy” type can be dreamy for many women because he’s confident, strong and charming yet there’s still a darkness lurking underneath the surface that can potentially cause a lot of harm to a woman. 

And, no, I do not actually like being degraded. Overpowered, yes, but always in a loving and gentle way. There’s nothing scarier than coming to love a man and wanting to relax, let down your guard, trust and follow him only to have him turn out to be abusive either physically or emotionally. Never in my life have I loved a man and listed under the characteristics of why I loved him as “he treats me like dirt and regularly disappears on me. Oh he’s so dreamy!” 



In my mind romance always happens by a strong man but also a loving man. There’s always the typical fairy-tale element of being rescued from some sort of danger and being the damsel in distress. Yet at the same time the man isn’t “soft” or emotional either. He loves me, is devoted to me, yet at the same time knows how to play it cool as well. 

Men who are assholes are actually repulsive and this isn’t just something I’ve come to hate because I’ve gotten sick of men with age. Even as a teenager I did not like men who were assholes. I still loved strong men, but not assholes. Yes, it did seem that “assholes” had a lot of sex, but the women they were having sex with were generally very promiscuous and also had sex with a lot of other men too. They weren’t getting “high quality” feminine women by any means.

I’ll never forget when I was only like 18 years old a man declaring to me how much women “just love assholes.” I remember my mouth just dropping open in unconcealed disgust at the things he was saying. He would then go on to tell a couple of stories about men treating women like shit and I remember searching the whole time he was talking for a possible escape away from the guy and away from the conversation. I was sure glad to be away from the guy. But, hey, the guy obviously knew everything. Who was I to argue? Especially since he was already middle-aged I bet he was a real hit with the ladies. 

There are many things that come into play when it comes to who we love and who we desire. Oftentimes it is also forgotten that being a man (as well as being a high quality woman) is also about moral character as well. A man must necessarily play a bit “hard to get” in the relationship department. Men who are too charming and too nice tend to scare away women. The reason is obvious. Not only would a too nice and emotional man tend to come off as more feminine but he would also raise our suspicions because we would think he’s up to something. I’d think he was just trying to kiss my ass to get something out of me (like the one thing men always want from women or perhaps that he was a bum looking to exploit whatever resources I might have). He would be perceived instantly as a “player” who goes around charming women just to get in their pants. So, a man can’t really afford to be a “nice guy” but at the other end of the spectrum is the jerk- which isn’t good either. 

MRA types would swear women like jerks and assholes and all of us are promiscuous sl*ts who just love being used by men and treated like garbage and we are out of our prime by the mature age of 25 and that they are all gods who’s “shelf life” never expires etc, etc, etc… and all men have to do is “show a woman who’s boss” for women to somehow be magically chasing them (instead of the traditional way of men pursuing women and actually having to make an effort and better themselves to attract and keep women). But this (as well as many other of their “Red Pill” cult truths) just simply isn’t true (or, at best, is greatly blown out of proportion). As Andrew from “The Rules Revisited” so wonderfully put it

“Yes, it is partially true that society has lost sight of what these guys call “red pill” truths; I am not denying that. But the very fact that they use metaphors from The Matrix should hint at the fact that many of them have issues with attracting women; and the almost singular focus on pointing out female shortcomings should suggest that maybe, just maybe, they hold their world-view because it conveniently puts them back into the place of power they feel so incapable of occupying.”