Lessons in Love

For wrong or right, for better or worse, the heart wants what it wants. It cannot be helped, it cannot be stopped, and reason rarely plays a role in what it so desires. But no matter how much it hurts, loving another does not mean that they will ever love you back in return.

The only way into my body is through my heart. The desire is not inborn so much as it is sparked to life by what I perceive in a man. It starts within the man as something I sense and then respond to. This can be why lack of female sexual desire is an extremely common occurrence, but such a thing is rarely seen in a society’s men to the same extent.

Throughout all societies, in all of human history, men have always been able to obtain commitment-free sex if they so desired. This isn’t anything new in the slightest. There isn’t anything exceptional going on today that has not existed throughout all of human history.

But by the circumstances under which we give sex to our men, we teach them how they are to treat us.

Women are manipulators of men. A man might get led around by a woman and played for a fool, it’s true. But whatever his losses, it can be regained in the future. But it can never compare to the damage a man can inflict upon a woman through his manipulation. Men who manipulate women for sex leave damaged broken women, illegitimate offspring and a trail of destruction that impacts all of society, as human sexuality comprises the foundation of human society.

The hurt and pain and damage cannot be undone-ever. There is no way for a woman to recover the loss. It is permanent, it is lasting, and it is severe.

A man may have an interest in one woman but readily take sex from another who is willing if the woman he is interested in will not give it to him. But women do not operate the same way.

There are a million things that run through my head. It’s not so much my body I’m concerned about, but my heart. Sure, he might be packing some disease. That’s a realistic concern. Sure, there’s pregnancy. But I’m a big girl, in full charge of my reproduction, and the chance of pregnancy is very small.

No. What I ask myself inside is this: If I give him my body, would he then rip out my heart?

A man that cares will go out of his way to find out what is wrong if he knows you are hurting. A man who cares would not ignore a woman for weeks or months and leave her to cry her heart out. A man that cares will go out of his way for you and he wouldn’t need any excuses to do so. A man that wants you and cares will pursue you. If he can’t initiate, if he can’t be the pursuer, then he either isn’t all that interested or simply doesn’t care enough. To the extent that he doesn’t reach out, is the extent that he simply doesn’t care.  Plain and simple. No exceptions.

It doesn’t matter how much it hurts. A woman must always be alert to a man’s true intentions and filter out the men that care vs the men that only want sex from her.

A woman must understand that men do not necessarily equate sex with love. A man will sometimes even have sex with a woman he can’t even stand, if she’ll give it to him. What can a woman do?

He might say he cares, but talk is cheap. What do his actions say? Does he ignore you if you text him? When you call? Does he only call in the middle of the night, randomly, when he’s drunk with his buddies? Does he only speak to you if it’s convenient? Does he dissappear and reappear?

Understand that having sex with a man will never make him care about you or love you if he doesn’t already. Yes, sometimes it can turn into a relationship, even a lasting one, but are you willing to take that chance?

By the circumstances under which she gives him sex, and the behavior she will put up with, a woman tells a man what behavior is and is not acceptable to her; she shows him what her value is.

Even if he has captured her heart, a woman should never put up with game playing. Yes, he may be a man you love dearly. But just because you love him does not mean he feels the same. If he has left you alone to hurt for weeks or months he’ll probably show up again at some point and even try to charm you or invite you over and proposition sex.

But no matter how much your heart, even your body, might desire him, by instantly jumping through hoops and re-arranging her schedule to accommodate his whims and  going to him on his terms a woman only tells a man that it’s OK for him to treat her as a mere convenience or afterthought and that she’s on the hook and he can simply reel her in anytime he wants and he can just reappear and dissappear as he pleases because she’ll always be there.

This isn’t about women attempting to claim dominance over men, but rather about a woman making it clear to a man that she demands a higher level of respect and devotion if he is to ever have her body. If he can’t give that respect and devotion then he does not care and giving him your body will never make him care. It will only damage a woman and leave her broken.

It’s a hard lesson but that’s the way life is. In her greater weakness and vulnerability a woman must be careful to guard her heart and body. A man should only get so many chances- no exceptions. If enough time has passed and he still can’t be real and show how much he cares then he probably never will. He doesn’t get another chance. He had his chance, he chose to play around, and now he can’t have you back in his life. Ever.

Remember, it doesn’t matter how you feel about him. A woman can’t let a man play with her heart and emotions or let him waste her time. Plain and simple. It hurts and that pain can be severe. It can feel as though you are truly dying inside. But if he hasn’t seen fit to make you a part of his life by now, he probably never will (or at least never will until he knows you are serious and he can’t have you back). You must cut him out of your life and move on.

At first a woman might let a man run his game to show her what he’s got and raise her interest and desire. But once he’s got you he needs to either get real or get lost. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. If he wants you then he must make an effort or he can’t have you. Because your body should only be for a man who will return the same love and devotion that you have shown to him. A woman’s body should only ever be for a man who is committed to her, truly there for her. It is for the man who loves her, cares for her and takes care of her/supports her. A woman should never settle for less. 

That doesn’t mean he must become all emotional and get in touch with his feminine side. Not at all. It only means that you  are worth more than being treated cheaply by a man- any man. 

Unless, of course, your heart’s innermost desire is to be booty-call girl. 

Then, by all means…

But if enough time has passed and he still can’t be bothered, then he should just consider that he had his chance. 

And his time is up.

And he can’t have you back. 

Even if you love him for the rest of your life it doesn’t matter. That’s just how it has to be. Because if he doesn’t care by now then he never will. It doesn’t matter if it hurts. We lose those we care for in this life and that’s just the way it is. And a woman can never, should never, allow herself to be used and abused by men who only want to have easy sex with her.