What Does it Take to Get It? 

Desire is an interesting thing. As a teenager I never remember having any actual *desire* for sex. For guys, obviously, things are much different but it oftentimes takes the female sex quite a while to not only discover how our bodies are made but desire, it seems, is something that has to be awakened in us. It’s something that comes in time. 

Even still it’s never a black or white issue. Desire for a woman can be strong for a moment but then in the next instant it can be gone. I think that’s because there are multiple things that come into play when it comes to female desire. 

It’s always humorous in a way to look back and think of how badly every male around wanted to get it and all of the things they’d try. I know I was never even interested. Some worked pretty hard to get it too. I remember even attracting some of the more “alpha” types who’d try to get it. The guys used all kinds of techniques to try. I might have been attracted to some of them, but it still wasn’t ever enough for me to give it up. No matter how long I knew them still nothing ever changed.

It wasn’t just teenage boys or young men but I also had plenty of older men try it too. I heard every line in the book. Some men tried to make themselves look like they were all that or act like assholes, some would offer “something better” up to me, some would flatter me, etc…, etc…, but I just thought they were all ridiculous. The ones who tried to play the asshole game with me just came off as loud-mouthed arrogant idiots to be honest and all the other guys I saw as weak. I had lots of guy friends and I don’t remember a single one, besides a couple that were gay, that didn’t want it or didn’t try to get it at some point. They all failed (but apparently some still went around bragging as though they got it even though they didn’t). 

Still not much has changed today. I still can’t see the point even if I feel any sexual urge of letting some guy in just because it sounds like fun. How can I even know it would be fun anyways? It kind of sounds gross to be honest. What if he’s no good? Am I going to waste myself on the guy? I mean, a man could just LOOK at a woman to know she’d be good (unless she’s got some kind of health issue down there or something or does something to really put him off), no matter her experience (or lack of it).   

Of course, being married I wouldn’t let another man touch me. If my husband started not wanting to take care of me and support me I wouldn’t give it to him either. I would love him but that doesn’t mean I’d give it to him if he treated me bad and didn’t want to support me. Women leave men they love every day and as well women deny sex to the men that they love very frequently. 

For me a man would have to have a very high status in my life in order for me to give him sex. Obviously husband= high status (highest status) but even when I was single in the past (or if I was for some reason ever single in the future) a man still had (would have) to have a high status in my life for him to ever get sex from me.

That’s why for me none of the game or pick-up techniques ever had any effect. Good “game” did make several men more appealing in my eyes, but still never enough for my legs to open (or any other part of my anatomy either). It just didn’t work because the men had no real status in my life and ultimately that’s what it’s all about- status. 

For a girl going to a bar looking to be picked up this might be different but I’ve never been the type wanting to get picked up by a man so his tricks and games would never have any effect. There has always been this appeal and an almost willingness to give it up to a guy who was doing things for me or helping me, etc… and who did seem to have appeal and confidence because he did have at least a temporary status but it still wasn’t quite convincing enough. 

It’s noteworthy here that the word status comes up a lot and seems to be the key ingredient. While men may be visual creatures and have a much stronger sex drive (on average) women are more lured in and turned on by a man’s status. In fact, let’s just be honest, without status what appeal does a man have (especially as he ages)? There are some really good looking men who seem to have women chasing them but if you notice even those men usually have status to go along with looks. A good looking guy with no status really isn’t all that appealing, even where an ugly man with high status can still get women. Even the best looking guy can’t just walk up to a woman and say “want to go have sex?” or get women to desire him. You can bet he’ll be turned down in all but the rarest of cases no matter his looks because he has no status. A good looking woman, however, could do the same and get a “yes” the majority of the time. Even strongly independent and feminist women don’t desire men without a status higher than theirs. 


6 thoughts on “What Does it Take to Get It? 

  1. Hmmm, you don’t believe in love and romance, I suppose? Status, SMV, are such manospherian concepts and actually I think they better describe the mechanism of male attraction than female. Men are the ones who often assign status, alleged market value, score women on a scale. Some women imitate that behavior, but it isn’t natural to us. Playgirl mag was mostly being read by gay men. Female desire is not usually triggered by such things at all.

    What tends to create desire in women isn’t really status, but rather the potential economic and emotional exchange that sex creates. We desire protection, provision, loyalty, and we like to be the only one that can unleash these things in a potential mate. We unleash these things with our sexuality. What creates desire within us is to be using our sexuality to secure our access to men’s provision and protection. Status can be woven into that, but most women are actually drawn to less subtle clues, the ability to go forth and slay dragons for us, the ability to deal with us emotionally, the paradox that is within men where they can be bold and blustery when facing the world, but soft and gentle when facing us.

    “I still can’t see the point even if I feel any sexual urge of letting some guy in just because it sounds like fun” Contrary to what the world currently sells, there really is no point. Women need intimacy, connection, relationship, that sexual power exchange going on or else sex is just nothing to us, except perhaps a vague sense of loss as if something is being stolen.

    1. Ha yes I have lots of posts on love, protection and everything. I assumed it was just implied if a man had a high status in my life it’s because he was supporting me, taking care of me etc.. and that he was important and special to me (I have another post where I said he’d have to be special!).I said female desire is complex. Yes sexual market value is a ridiculous term I just use it here kind of as a blow to MRAs honestly because they are ridiculous as I don’t give a care about “rating” a guy. Men are the ones that fixate on that.

    2. It’s kind of meant to say how men appeal to women. He’s got to offer up something to me in the way of protection or provision or help or something and love also is a by-product of those things for women as well.

      1. You did well, it’s an interesting post. Some of those ‘spherians get all upset about what they perceive to be thug chasing. Some women do see things in certain men that baffle the rest of us, but I suspect what they are really seeing is something more akin to that status you speak of. Desire is sometimes created by the idea of conquering a thug, being the one woman who could make a proper man out of him. Kissing frogs.

      2. Manospherians get all upset any time a woman isn’t a career woman who does all the childcare work, cooks their food, does their laundry, and has a supermodel body and says “oh yes” to their every whim and desire and gets turned on by their abuses.


        The biggest thing too is that women desire to BE desired by men. That attention and knowledge that she is madly desired and drives a man wild IS the orgasm for most women. Also, we fantasize about romance and it turns into sex for us. Imaginations and fantasies about our allure and about a man’s status in our life and the things he does for/to us.

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