Sexuality, Matured

In many ways I may be childlike, but I am not a child. I may be smaller than I was, but my body has filled out with more curves. I may still retain an air of innocence and naivety, but I am not the stupid and silly child I once was. I’ve grown up, I’ve filled out and I’ve learned a lot in life despite my still young years.

When I was young I couldn’t understand the facts of this life. In many aspects the ways of the world still allude me and I am sheltered from them. Over time I have learned the ways a lady should act. As a girl the media taught me many things, but they were all wrong. Hanging out with the crowd I have been for the past few years has changed my mannerisms and calmed me a great deal.

I am no longer so naive as to the things men really like and want. I know the things to say and do to please a man, but it doesn’t mean I will. Something has subtly been changing in me over the years. Deep inside I feel my sexuality as a power. But sex is not to be casual. I have never and will never give it casually- not for fun, not for money, not for any reason. It is something special to me and I will only ever give it as an expression of love to whom I choose. Any man who will ever have me in this life will be something special and irreplaceable to me.

When I was younger being sterile might have bothered me but now I have come to see it as a gift. I can live my life with the one I choose and never have to worry. My body is my own and it’s going to stay that way. And oh it feels so nice. I will never have to worry in life or tie myself down in such a way. I will never be treated like I’m worth less than the ground any man walks on. I will never have to worry about giving children to a man who I may not even be with five years later or putting myself in a bad position. It will never happen. The power is in my hands and I like it that way.

I have come to grow into my sexuality and it is something so wonderful. I honor my commitments. I’ve never slept around. I intend to make marriage work for a lifetime and I feel such a freedom inside with my sexuality. Not the kind of freedom that comes from promiscuity but the kind of freedom of knowing that my body is mine and is a gift that a man must earn from me. I don’t need it so badly and in fact at times I’d much prefer to go without it, but I’ll give it to him in return for all he does for me in this life.

I love deeply, I feel deeply. I’m his and you know I’ll work hard to please him. I’ll dress in pretty things and work out every morning to maintain this 26 inch waist. I’m still soft-spoken and tender-hearted. The corporate world would always clash with my femininity. But for my man, I’d never want him soft. Whether he wears a suit and tie or blue jeans; whether he works in an office or gets his hands dirty- it matters not.

I don’t want some man who knows how to express his emotions and shows his softer side. If he ever picked up a vacuum cleaner to try to impress me I’d think that he’d surely lost his mind. Read me all the poems you can think of and sing me all the love songs you want but it will avail you nothing. It’s so cute that you want to cook for me honey, but it sparks nothing to life inside of me. I want him rough, I want him confident. Intimidate me, scare me, drive me mad, love and protect me. I want to be yours forever.

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4 thoughts on “Sexuality, Matured

  1. Hi! I’m a closet reader, and just wanted to leave a comment, if for nothing else for moral support and housewife chit chat. I too have recently decided it’s best for me to be more confident and controlled with my sexuality in my marriage. What I mean is that it is ok not to acquiesce to his every whim. It’s ok to say not right now lol. I used to think it would be the end if I alluded to the fact that I was less than in agreement with him on this. Funny thing is, he stays true to his mood of not being in it or ready to go. ANYWAY that may be TMI. I just wanted to comment. Have a lovely day, and I look forward to any response or new budding friendship. peace 🙂

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