I find it ridiculous how the economy is constantly used to justify wives going out to work. I think of it like this: you wouldn’t send your children out to work no matter how bad off you were financially, would you? Of course not because they are dependent and it’s your job to support them (primarily, of course, the father’s job). You decided to have them and no matter what they are your responsibility. So how then is it justified for a man to send his wife to work just because things are bad financially? It should be his job to provide financially for his wife, whether he has to beg, borrow or steal. It’s his responsibility to do whatever it takes to make it. Just the same as he’d do whatever to make sure the children were fed and clothed and had a home to live in, so it should be with his wife. He’s married her and she should be his responsibility. Just as with the kids, if you can’t support and raise them then don’t have them. If a man can’t provide for a wife, then he shouldn’t get married.
I don’t know anything about this particular case above (one of the many out there) but it’s things like this that really get to me in our society. Family breakdown that invites trouble, abuse and heartbreak but also that somehow women are supposed to be held responsible for the actions and welfare of men. The laws subject men and women to “equal treatment” based upon nothing more than a political ideology yet men and women are not similarly situated in many scenarios in this life. The fact is that women don’t have the power to control the actions of men. Even if a man is doing something abusive a woman simply doesn’t have the strength to stop him, unless she puts a gun to his head or something. But if she does that she’ll go to jail for attempted murder or threatening his life or something (in many jurisdictions even if she was legitimately protecting herself she’ll still be prosecuted). A woman might do all she can to stop an abusive man, but oftentimes her efforts are simply ineffective as men are generally strong enough to simply wave aside a woman’s attempts to physically control them and men can easily hold women immobile at their own whim, usually with their bare hands. No need to resort to threatening with weapons or doing serious harm; if a man wants to subject a woman to his will he generally can.
On the other hand when mother is abusive fathers are rarely charged. I mean, how many times have I heard of some father getting full or partial custody then dumping the kids off with his mother or new wife or some other female? When these women abuse the kids the father gets off scot-free, even though as a man he could control the situation as well as be in authority over the women. Mothers are charged for the abusive actions of fathers and other men even when they are not home when the abuse happened (oftentimes because they are the breadwinners working to support the family these days) yet fathers are not charged for abusive behavior that happens when the children are in the mother’s or some other female’s care. I can’t think of hardly one circumstance where I’ve seen men being held responsible for the actions of women yet somehow women are held responsible for the actions men, even though a woman cannot stop a man from doing whatever he’s intent upon doing. Fathers generally get more rights when mothers are abusive (he can leave mother and child on their own then waltz in to claim his rights the second she does something wrong) yet when fathers are abusive either nobody believes the mother or she is charged with a crime for not stopping his abusive behavior and oftentimes loses her children.
Yet somehow the myth still persists that mothers are given preferential treatment and daddies are pathetic victims who have no rights, even though it’s becoming increasingly common for men to be granted even full custody of children that are several months or even years old even when they’ve never even so much as seen the children before, never supported either them or the mother, never had a real relationship with the mother and have never been involved at all. Also tell me, if the courts outrageously favor women then why would women have to lie in the first place? If they were favored then they should just be able to waltz right in the courtroom and get whatever they want.
That being said I think there is too much paranoia about abuse in our society and it is often used as a weapon against parents (not just coming from the “other” parent but from outsiders like grandparents, step parents, etc as well) to control them and get their way. Something has got to change. Abuse will always be a problem and it always has been but with all the breakdown of families today the problems are just getting worse and fighting will continue because there are so many laws (only existing in the past 30-40 years) that encourage fighting and warring in families (or what passes for “family” these days) and it has just gotten so insane. Things cannot continue like this forever. Men are supposed to be the ones in charge and are supposed to be the one protecting women and children (and working to support them), especially from other men who would abuse them. Men and women cannot trust each other today and for very good reason. It doesn’t sound like a very healthy society to me where men and women fight and distrust each other and relationships between men and women today are very unhealthy. Maybe we should stop and ask why it has become this way and when, exactly, it started to get so bad. The answer should be obvious.
If I could sum up what it is I think of you I would say that in all ways you are a man. Throughout all these years you’ve made it on your own. You’ve worked hard all these years for everything that you have, for everything that you own. You have built your home with your own hands. You’ve done the work of a real man. Both directly and indirectly you have given so much to me. I know it and I think about it often. I know you’ve always been the provider for your family, your children, and your wife when she was there. You have provided without ever accepting the help or support of a woman and always had too much pride to accept welfare.
I know you always kept your children in your custody and care until they were grown. I think it was a good thing. Only a real man, one who accepts his responsibilities to be the provider and has drive to make it himself, can bring order and stability in the home. Even as a mother who loves her child and family, I know I would be no good living on my own as head of household. It is not good for any woman to ever be in that position. I would never try it. Therefore I did not lie when I told you years ago that he could make the decisions about our child, but he must provide financially. That is the age-old bargain.
I know that you have a temper at times. I’ve seen it. I don’t see you as being the kind to care too much for a woman, or anyone else for that matter, telling you what to do. Physically you have stayed in good form over the years, unlike most of the men I see around me. I’ve never seen you drink to excess or really ever take a drink at all. You might for all I know, but I have never seen it. You have never done it around me.
You always appear to me to be sober and wise. You’ve never been crude in my presence and I’ve never heard you utter obscenities but maybe once in all these years. Nevertheless, I don’t think of you as a saint or monk by any means. At times I have seen in your face an expression and in your eyes a light that leaves no doubt that your thoughts are every bit those of a man’s. I have oftentimes found your intense perusal and scrutiny of both myself and the situation to be more than a bit unnerving. At times I feel you can read my thoughts. It’s a bit disturbing. I don’t see anyone ever being able to play you for a fool. I know you have many thoughts, but you don’t speak them. Unlike most, you are discreet in both your thoughts and opinions. I have never known of you to be loud-mouthed or transparent. You may be thinking it, but you won’t say it.
Although I may never truly know, I feel as though you have always respected me for my traditional ways. I do feel that somehow you respect me for being in the home. I know you won’t ever say anything but somehow I get the sense that you do hold many traditional views on women. It’s just something I have seen in your eyes before that makes me think such a thing. I don’t know if you really have ever truly cared for me or not. I know there are many things I don’t know, that I’ll never know and that’s fine with me. I don’t want to know everything. I’m sure there are things I don’t know that would change some of the ways I think of you. But from what I see you are every bit of a man to be looked up to. It’s that soft look in your eyes when you talk to me and those knowing smiles that you give me. With one look you can make me want to run and hide.
If by some chance of fate you ever read this I don’t want you to ever think that what I feel is of a romantic nature- it’s not. Also don’t ever think that somehow I’m worshipping you- I am most certainly not. It’s only that I’ve never known another man like you. I look up to you and I admire you for being a man. I’ve never had any other man in my life that I could look up to the way that I’ve come to look up to you over the years.
It is my husband that I love. It is only him that I long for romantically and sexually. Even in my dreams I can’t escape him. In my dreams it is always him that I see, always him that I reach out for. He has invested much in me over the years. If I need something I know he’ll get it for me. I would never leave him even if I could. I would be scared and helpless if I couldn’t depend upon him.
I have never asked you for anything and I would never ask you to “take sides” or anything of the sort. He’s my husband. He’s supposed to be responsible for me, not you. It would not be right either for you to intervene and I would never ask you to.
I’m not really sure that I want to be around you. I have been hurt too badly. I think I’d rather keep my distance. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I have always looked up to you and admired you. Despite all, I’ve always seen you as a man so much different than any others I’ve ever known, and certainly far above my own father, who never seems to be on the same planet when you’re talking to him and has never cared for anyone but himself. You’ve spent so much time helping us to have a home to live in, working side by side with my husband. I don’t know why you would do such a thing if you didn’t care, but I am not going to search in the dark for something that may not even exist. But I will always be glad that I have been around and had in my life a man like you.
Warning: some sexual/feminine content
What a sickening world it is that we live in today. Men are supposed to be the ones protecting and supporting women, not the other way around. It is not a woman’s job to support a man or protect him.
I think about the way I’m made and I always think that’s it’s wonderful, but when I look at the world around me I begin to think differently. It makes me want to think the functions of my body are sick and disgusting and degrading, instead of wonderful and precious the way they were meant to be.
One of the biggest facts of life is the differences between men and women. It is a fundamental difference defining the relationship between a man and a woman. I love the way my body is made and I love who and what I am as a woman but it is so degraded by the laws and the culture around us.
Men are more powerful than women. Women are weaker, both physically and emotionally, than what men are. Women are the ones who carry the burdens of bearing the children. It is the woman who receives the man into her body during sex. Women do not penetrate nor impregnate men and it takes quite a woman indeed who can overpower a man (without help anyways).
I find this all very beautiful and wonderful, the idea that I take the man I love inside of me and receive his seed within me. It is the feeling of his body covering mine and weighing me down and the feeling of him filling me physically within that gives such pleasure and wonder. I could never find any pleasure from lesbianism nor masturbation nor any other deviation from the natural order of life. It is only in the acknowledgment of the way my body is made as a female that peace or pleasure can be found.
Every month when my cycle comes around I find it precious and wonderful. I’m not really one to reach for the bottle of Midol. I would feel somehow that I’m being robbed. I’m not trying to be like a man nor compete out in the world and I recognize that I need to rest a bit more and simply can’t handle as much stress due to being female. I don’t view my female bodily functions as holding me back or keeping me from achieving. My body does go through phases that would make it very hard to keep on going like a man would. Oftentimes I just can’t see how I could do it. I always have one day every month where I am faint and can’t hardly stand up without falling over. The sleep deprivation comes on schedule every month. Usually when the day arrives I do have some pains but I’m not generally eager to get rid of them. Any other pains in life I would want to rid myself of but there is something special about the pains and discomforts that are distinctly feminine. I know it makes me a little weaker but it makes me feel special and wonderful. I want to delight in what makes me different from a man.
He knows the cycles that my body goes through. I know he views me as weaker and more emotional than him. I love that he sees me differently and doesn’t just see me as another man. He would never treat me as a man. He doesn’t see me as “equal” nor does he see me as some kind of business partner. He sees me as his wife. He sees me as a precious gem to be guarded and cared for and sheltered. He would never let me support him or go out and work. He would never allow me to be the one to protect him. How could that ever be right?
How could I be with a man who didn’t see my weaknesses and peculiarities as a woman as special? Why on earth should it ever be thought that he would need my protection or support? A real man is one who sees it as his duty to support and protect women. But look at the decaying society all around us. Men live off of the support of women. Nearly half of all families have wives and mothers as the main breadwinner and in nearly every other case she is at least a co-provider. The genderless institution of marriage says I could very well be equally responsible to support him, a man. Should I also go off to war to die as if I were a man? What are the men in this society even doing?
I feel a protection and peace in submitting to his dominance. I feel safe when he’s inside me. Is that not how it’s supposed to be? Shouldn’t a woman feel safe under a man’s dominance, which should read as protection? But what happens when men use that dominance for the exploitation of a woman? His dominance should protect me. It is not for men to overpower women to hurt them.
Sex for a woman should be precious. It is a bigger event for a woman. He might hurt her. He might impregnate her. He’s stronger than her. She’s letting him inside of her in a most intimate way. Her body is messy and sometimes bloody. It should be special. It should all be for her husband. He should be responsible for her, to fully protect her and provide for her. It is the woman that brings this uniqueness to the relationship and marriage. She should be able to trust him and depend upon him. Emphasis should be put on her body and her sexuality. It should be a serious matter of great importance.
Why would anyone with half a brain cell think a woman should be responsible for a man? Even if she does become the breadwinner the laws of nature, of God, still apply. Short of using science to manipulate nature (which would still put more stress and pain on a woman and put her health in jeopardy) there is no changing that.