Monthly Archives: March 2015

A Woman’s Needs

“The center of a woman’s happiness in marriage is to be loved- but the center of a man’s is to be admired.” – Helen B. Andelin 

It’s well known that a man has needs. A good wife fulfills those needs. A good wife takes care of the children, the home, greets her husband at the door, feeds him home-cooked meals, gives him sex regularly, makes him feel like a man… If she doesn’t fulfill those needs then her husband strays and it’s all her fault…

Yet the woman stays home every day, keeps herself in good shape, makes her home pretty, faithfully attends to her duties…And all the while she waits…

Every once in a while she wants to let her hair fall down her back, to dress up pretty and be appreciated. The heels on her feet, the stockings so carefully rolled up her legs, the powdered face and rouged lips, the cinched in waist and minidress…An investment that gives no return…Nobody’s around to see it, to appreciate it. To sit there for hours looking pretty but getting nothing but a headache in return for all her attention to detail. On the weekends she hopes he’ll notice her, that he’ll take her out. She waits all day but nobody ever sees her, ever notices her. At the end of the day she resigns herself once again to her fate, washes the makeup off and never expects anything will ever change. It’s all been a waste. Might as well let the house get dirty and the dishes pile up in the sink and not worry about the mascara streaks down her face from where she’s cried so much…Her makeup’s ruined now but it’s not like he’d notice. He’ll never take her out this weekend or the next. He’s never done so but maybe once or twice in all these years…

The longing desire for happiness, for attention, to be shown off every once in a while. The desire to be loved. The desire for once to get a break from the constant housework, the bleeding hands and the noisy and messy children… But for her there is no escape. She fulfills his needs but he never has time for hers. Either he doesn’t understand or he doesn’t care that she needs more than what he’s giving.

Like most men he doesn’t get it and if she draws away from him it’s some big shocker that he never saw coming. It’s almost a point of pride for a man to exclaim that he doesn’t understand a woman, but it’s really not all that hard. She just wants him but he always has something better to do… She doesn’t want some fool that dotes on her every word- no she’d be disgusted at him for that and think him less of a man. But she wants to feel like a woman, she wants to be loved and appreciated. Just as much as he wants the chance to be a man she wants the chance to be a woman. He may provide for her physical needs, but emotionally he deprives her.

And the winter days fade to spring and the spring days blossom bright and hot into summer. Yet she still sits there, pretty and waiting for something that’s never going to come…

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Childbearing, Working Women, Man-Pleasing and the Figure

What I want to know is this: if having children “ruins” a woman’s figure then why did your average woman in the 1950s have a waist size that was seven inches smaller than what women’s are today, even though 1950s women had, on average, a lot more children than women do today? Obviously it becomes a bit absurd to blame childbearing for the reason women get out of shape especially since, from what I’ve seen, it is usually the women who don’t have children who are the most out of shape.

If you look at other mammals it’s quite easy to see that most of them become very skinny (and usually stay that way) after having their babies. Obviously it’s something in our environment and lifestyle that has caused us to be out of shape, not our biology or childbearing. Despite our higher level of social organization, we humans are, underneath it all, still mammals.

I’ve never been overweight and I’m a mother. I still wear bikinis at the beach. But I’ve always made it a point to stay in shape. Admittedly, I got out of shape over the fall and winter. I used to walk one and a half hours every day then my treadmill broke. I became frustrated as there was really no way to walk adequately outdoors where I live and I took an exercise hiatus.. The petite 26 1/2 inch waist I had turned into a 29 inch waist. Granted, your average American woman still has half a foot more around her waist than me, but that’s hardly a consolation. I have since gone back to working harder than before (and plan to do so for the rest of my life) and the weight is starting to come back off. It takes a lot for me to admit how out of shape I got because I’m very ashamed of it, but I refuse to stay out of shape or ever again become out of shape. I don’t care if I have to do jumping jacks in my living room for two hours everyday, I’m going to stay in shape. I don’t diet, however, as dieting messes with the body’s hormones and usually makes you fat in the long run. I eat when I’m hungry and eat I until I’m full. I also eat real sugar.

Admittedly, I’m a bit of a man pleaser. Ok, maybe a lot. Today women are supposed to dress only for themselves and not give a damn about what men think but I’m a bit more traditional. (Ok, that’s an understatement as those who follow me know I’m radically traditional). I like to look good. I like to dress pretty and I like the feedback I get from my husband. Even though I don’t go around trying to tease other men intentionally I still also like to know I’m attractive. I rarely see a woman around where I live wearing anything other than jeans and a t-shirt. I, however, love dresses, skirts, lacy lingerie, high heels and red lipstick. I wear jeans sometimes but usually try to look as feminine as possible whenever I do. I also never cut or trim my hair so it falls a little past my waist when it is down.

Staying home allows me to focus on my family and focus on staying in shape for my husband. I have plenty of time to stay active and work out. I do my chores and have spare time for staying in shape. It is one of the privileges of being a traditional woman. But my husband as well has privileges as he doesn’t have to come home and do anything. Unless he’s working on some project or fixing something he normally comes home and watches TV. He has plenty of free time to devote to his own interests as well. With egalitarian marriage comes the loss of privileges for both spouses. More than likely the stress of working makes women put on weight and, as well, nobody even lives in the home (that they are majorly in debt for) and they spend their lives rushing around barely even having time for family, their spouse, cooking healthy food or regular exercise.

Biology isn’t destiny (for example, just look how feminized modern men have become in the post-feminist world) and evolution doesn’t happen quickly enough for it to be to blame for the obesity epidemic. We all are genetically predisposed to be many different things in this life but the fact is that our environment, our lifestyles and our actions affect our hormones, brain chemistry and the way our genes express themselves. Maybe going back to the basics and embracing masculinity, femininity and sex roles would do a lot to normalize our lives and keep us all happier and healthier.

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How to be pleasing to your husband

These are my opinions and personal experiences about staying in shape. I’m not a doctor so don’t be a retard. If you have some health question or issue see a professional.

There are also medications, health problems and other factors that can influence our weight, but that is not the subject of this post.

“Can’t Hold Us Down”

The Christina Aguilera video below is the stuff I grew up on. Of course, I never had a mother or mother-figure to tell me what exactly was wrong with this video and that those “double standards” actually served a purpose. I remember me and my husband talking once and we were talking about how neither of us had ever even heard the word “illegitimate” growing up. We never even knew what it meant. The only thing I ever heard from my mother growing up was the importance of birth control and that I needed college and a good career and not to have babies until I had finished college and was “ready” or “in a serious relationship” or something. I was never quite clear on when exactly it was OK to have sex or when babies should ideally come along (or if they were ever even supposed to).

This song actually strikes right at the heart of patriarchy, but none of us girls belting out the lyrics to the song could have possibly known that when we were growing up or understand the significance of it. It’s very confusing when you’re told on the one hand to express yourself sexually and do what you want yet on the other hand when the consequences of sex (i.e., babies) inevitably follow all of a sudden you’ve done something wrong and nobody can quite understand “how this could have happened” and how things became so messed up. On the one hand young women and girls are sexualized by the media and taught free sex is OK yet on the other hand she’s done something wrong by actually following what the media teaches (and nobody ever teaches her how she should act as the media, the Hollywood stars and her peers are her primary- and sometimes only- teachers). That should probably be termed the real double standard; the double standard in expectations as if actions have no consequences in life. Older women would rather be hostile to the younger women rather than teach them the right way to behave and be loved and happy in life and the men generally stay silent on the issue.

After being taken care of and provided for by a man for so long it was a bit unnerving to see this video after so many years and see how both the men and the women were up in each other’s faces and looked as if they might even physically attack each other at any moment. Also interesting (and I’m sure completely insignificant) is that the video appears to be set in a dirty poverty-stricken ghetto neighborhood. A woman is even carrying around a young child at the end of the video. (The significance of that, I’m sure, is anyone’s guess. Maybe her baby will grow up to be a good feminist man who follows orders).

“Sisterhood” of course is promoted in the song and video. The women appear to be just as immature as the boy-men in the video whom they are criticizing. The in-your-face sexual perversion in the video is crude and uncomfortable. The video is a wonderful display of the lawlessness, perversion, poverty and antagonism between the sexes that feminism and sexual promiscuity creates. If he attacks you, attack him back girl…We got your back…

No, the males shown in the video and described by the song are not men- and they never will be so long as the girls are sexually free.

Why I Hope the Supreme Court Strikes Down “Gay Marriage” Bans

“…But on the other hand we hold that the new status will prove to be the worst kind of communism. The relations between the sexes, now so carefully guarded by religion and by parents, by law and by society, will become common and therefore corrupt. The family, the foundation of the state, will disappear…

The marriage tie will be weakened, and separation recurred to as an ordinary remedy. It is even probable that the duration of the bond will finds its limitation in expediency, and the marriage contract be assumed for limited periods, or for other purposes….”(1)

Next month the Supreme Court of the United States will hear gay marriage cases and decide upon gay marriage as a “constitutional right.” As much as I am opposed to the idea that two homosexual couples can actually be “married,” I hope that the Court will rule it as a constitutional right.

Yes, you heard me right. I hope the Court strikes down gay marriage bans as unconstitutional. 

I hope gay marriage goes nationwide. It’s not like it could possibly do any more damage to the marriage institution anyways. The institution of marriage was pretty much destroyed years ago, with legal marriage only offering a few “benefits” to those who enter into what used to be a permanent and binding covenant between a man and a woman sanctioned by law, religion and custom.

The conservative case against gay marriage will be weak. What will the Right do? Throw the Bible at them? They’ll just be branded as bigots in the throes of religious dogma. Say it destroys the rights of children? It’s not like children aren’t already being raised in a whole host of non-family arrangements based upon “anything goes”  legal policies and whatever contract adults choose to make with each other. Family ties are already so weak, “blended” and “rotational” that a few gay couples here and there raising kids probably won’t even be noticed.

Marriage used to have real and true meaning but not anymore. Marriage used to be an institution that safeguarded a father’s rights and the security of women and children. But now a man by default has the same rights and responsibilities to children fathered via a drunken one-night stand with a woman who is a complete stranger as he does within legal marriage. He can walk in or out of rights and responsibilities at his own whim and few women can expect to be provided for by husbands anymore.

Marriage used to be about men financially providing for women and children, but not anymore. Most women today enter into relationships with boy-men who become financially dependent upon them. Nearly half of all men have wives and live-in girlfriends who are better educated and have a better paying job than they do. Marriage was already bastardized a long time ago to hold both spouses jointly responsible for all debts, financial matters and decisions made in the family. Alimony, where for centuries a husband was required to provide for a wife for a lifetime, has now been reduced to some kind of gender-neutral and temporary “spousal support” and nothing more.

Marriage today has so little legal meaning that a marriage license is barely even worth the paper it’s printed on. It’s not about a man coming forward and calling upon a woman, of making his intentions to court her known and taking her under his wing and providing for her in the honorable state of marriage for a lifetime.

Marriage today is barely more “honorable” than just moving in together. Today men can expect to be able to live with a girlfriend for a while and, if they get “serious” enough about each other (or happen to have a few kids together) they might get married later. His girlfriend will split the bills with him and he gets free sex.

Now a man takes a woman as his wife and she helps him pay the rent and helps provide for him. And, oh yeah, he gets to have sex with her (if she’s in the mood, of course. If she’s not then he becomes the all-maligned “marital rapist”). A man can expect to gain with marriage these days a roommate that helps him pay the bills.

So what is marriage about? It’s not a permanent commitment. Either party can walk away whenever. It’s not a covenant. The vows don’t mean much as a person’s word isn’t worth anything these days. Pretty much anything that comes out of a person’s mouth these days is all BS until proven to be true. It’s not about raising children. Most children aren’t even raised within legal marriage with both parents in an intact and stable family unit. It’s not about paternity. It’s not a requirement for respectable sex. Is it about love? romance? insurance benefits? commitment?

There’s nothing sex-specific about “love” and “commitment” is there? So why, then, cannot anyone marry? After all a person can feel “love” for someone of the same sex and people have all kinds of sexual fetishes. It’s all just a personal and private thing between “two consenting adults” so why not have gay marriage?

Indeed, why not?

The foundation of marriage has been chipped away at for so long there’s barely anything left. Maybe the only way change can happen is by allowing gay marriage; by completely demolishing what’s left of the broken, chipped, cracked, weathered and destroyed foundation. Maybe only then will the institution completely collapse. Maybe only then can a social revolution occur to rebuild the foundation of marriage and restore it to it’s former meaningful and respected position in society. Maybe only then will things have gotten so bad and gone so far down that the only way to go is up. Maybe only then can the old fade away and a new beginning be possible.

So I say bring the popcorn and the beer and let’s get on with the show…

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Considering how meaningless marriage has become, I hereby withdraw any opposition I’ve ever had to gay marriage