Monthly Archives: October 2014

Security Must Be a Prerequisite to Childbearing

“For, at present, the law protects the persons and the weakness of women to an extent far beyond anything they might legislate for themselves.

Public opinion, almost chivalric in its courtesy among Americans, goes even further, and gracefully yields privileges, which will be best understood when lost. Will suffrage preserve this? Deprive women of such protection, and place them on a sheer equality with men, to struggle for their rights at the ballot-box, and they cannot but suffer by a direct competition, which would create an antagonism…”(1)

Young men need direction and young women need protection. These are the facts of life that the egalitarian culture refuses to acknowledge. Most view those that believe in traditional gender roles as being extremely religious and view anyone pro-patriarchal as believing that women should bear as many children as possible and as being extreme right-wing and conservative. But that does not describe us all. Though I am conservative on a lot of issues I am also liberal in many ways and though I do love children I will never have anymore.

Once upon a time my greatest dream and fantasy was to have children. My head was filled with thoughts of nursing an infant from my breast and being married to a man who would take care of me for the rest of my life. I was a starry-eyed innocent teenage girl who still believed the good in the world. I was innocent and naive about anything outside of the box that I lived in. But I am no longer that little girl. The thing about innocence is that once it’s lost it can never be regained. It is simply gone forever.

I am married. I am a mother. I married young and only had one child before discovering the realities of life in the post-feminist world. I learned I was not safe. My marriage and child was in no way a mistake, but I knew it could never happen again. I need security. I need to know that I will be safe. But since I know I am neither secure nor safe my womb will forever remain scarred closed and barren. It’s not the way it was supposed to be, but then again the fantasies of a young girl are generally far removed from reality. That’s why they’re called fantasies. Security must be a prerequisite for childbearing. It isn’t just a selfish issue either. Not only do women need that security but the children do as well. My mind simply cannot reconcile the capabilities of the womb with the egalitarian culture. I will not bear female burdens if I will be treated like a man. I cannot bring children into this world unless I know that marriage is to last a lifetime and that I will have a home to live in and financial support to raise my children to adulthood. The average marriage today doesn’t even last half as long as the time it takes to raise a child to adulthood.

Even if I know I can trust my husband I cannot trust that I will be secure if anything ever happened to him. We live in a time where everyone thinks they have rights to a child (all in the *best interest* of children, of course) and even married couples have lost custody of their children to outsiders. Mothers have even lost custody of their children to roommates. Everyone from sperm donors, roommates, grandparents and customers victims of IVF mix-ups think they have rights to a child (and are commonly granted them) these days.

I need to know I’m secure if I am ever to bring another child into this world. I know I am not and so I cannot have them. A man can even walk out and divorce his pregnant wife (even if she’s pregnant with his child) these days. If I was ever widowed or abandoned what would become of me and my children? Men do not collectively protect and support women as a general moral principle these days so it is unlikely any man will step up to take responsibility for me and marry me if I ever was left alone for some reason.

“…The ballot will substitute for this tenderness equal rights; then must all else be equal and common…”(1)

I will be a faithful wife and mother but it doesn’t matter. I am guaranteed no financial support from an ex-husband even if I’ve done nothing wrong. At best I might get some temporary support for a year or two just for the sole purpose of “rehabilitating” myself and going back to the workforce (because apparently being a housewife is akin to having some problem and at divorce I will be expected to get treatment- like an education- to cure the problem and live a normal healthy life by having a career). Not only am I guaranteed no support but I’m expect to provide support. I am not even guaranteed that my infant children will not be ripped from my arms just because my husband wants to abandon me, or, if I’m widowed, that some other in-law or anyone with a connection to my children won’t make some claim to them. Society already sees housewives as deadbeats contributing nothing so my financial dependence will be seen as yet another a strike against me as a mother.

These are serious issues. Families are in a bad way right now. If I am ever to have children I need to be assured that they will grow up in a secure environment. It is true that under coverture a husband held sole rights to the children, yet he also was responsible. He could not obtain a divorce anytime “just because” and he had the legal obligation to provide support for an innocent ex-wife for her entire lifetime, or at least until she remarried to another man that would support her. He also had to be solely responsible to provide for his legitimate children whether he was still married to their mother or not. He had rights because he had responsibilities. Now it is an “anything goes” situation and there is no security for women and children. Even if we take out the gender issues this is still a bad time to have children (not that there’s ever been a perfect time to have them).

Only within security and love could I ever bear children and since it is unlikely that women will ever have security during my reproductive years I will not have them. And it’s true, a woman’s husband doesn’t have a choice in the matter. If she is not guaranteed security from him and support and protection then the flip-side is that he doesn’t get a right over her womb. He does not have to support her and neither does he have rights over her. It goes both ways.

Feminism and MRAism exist for no other purpose than to put antagonism between the sexes and make men and women distrustful of each other. And what a good job it does! In our world today every woman is a slut until proven chaste, so a good girl never has half a chance. Men don’t have to be responsible for women they impregnate. Men don’t support and love women anymore. Even many married men are distrustful of their wife’s chastity, and probably with good reason. Words cannot describe the damage, anguish and suffering this does to women who only want to be wives and mothers.

“The feminist campaign to do away with the double standard is an attempt to remove this class distinction and make all women “good.” Instead, it is making all women “bad,” creating the Garbage Generation in the process. The predicament lamented in “Thanks for My Child” has the consequence that women can no longer trust men and men can no longer trust women.”(2)

There is not a shred of security left for women and children. By the time I was born feminists had already insisted they spoke for what I really wanted and had already removed any security I might have had. By the time I was born there was nothing left. Things will change one day but who knows if it will be for the better or if women will have to live under some kind of third-world male tyranny the way MRAs want. I cannot take that chance. I cannot gamble that me and my children will be OK. Having children is serious business that nobody is taking very serious. Even if our laws and attitudes changed tomorrow, ours is a lost generation as we cannot turn back the hands of time to undo what has already been done.

Advertisements

Fan-Mail

Hello dear visitors and subscribers,

This morning I received an e-mail from a lady that was really amazing and I would like to share it with everyone here (e-mail posted with permission) because I believe it really says a lot of powerful things. We must encourage other women around us to speak up and make it known that our families and home lives are more important than the workforce to us!

Ms. N. says:

Dear Blogger:

Hello, my name is N. [full name removed for this post] and I am 31 years old

How refreshing for a woman to put into words, based on research, how I have felt all along, but especially within the past few years. I will not lie about my situation-I cohabitate with a boyfriend, and have somewhat liberal beliefs. I agree with the huge majority of what you express in your posts. This is saying a lot, considering I often do not enjoy reading. Your comments about “manginas” and out-of-line feminists, crack me up!

Since I have never been a huge conservative, I think others find it odd that I have such traditional beliefs in regards to male and female roles. I, like yourself, watched my single mother struggle and completely exhaust herself raising three kids on multiple jobs. All the while, remaining largely in debt.

My father was disabled (permanently, from a car accident) when I was five years old. Since they fought and divorced, I did not really have much of a father figure, and that is why I have wanted a healthy, safe environment from a man all the more. It’s only natural that a man protect his wife and children! Not to mention-I did four years of college, and then the offices. I could not stand them after a certain period of time. In these environments, I have only experienced bullying, hostility, and total negativity.

..Power to the woman who puts up with it every single day-I cannot. But, it is what you get when you “Go get ‘em!” out in the world. Yep, all to make a buck and be the big “career” chick everyone expects us to be these days. You go out into this crazy setting in which it seems more of your job to fend off other women then it is actually spend on the computer doing any work-at least in all of my experiences. What a joke it has been! ..trying to be the “working woman.”

Perhaps my dream when I was in my young 20’s of having a husband and a child or two would have actually happened if only society did not have such unrealistic, unnatural ideals these days, but sadly I have not imagined what has been transpiring. Yes, this fact that I have been told I cannot have the life I have always wanted-that I have no choice. I have seen you write about this, so you know what I am talking about, entirely. I feel that as a result, I have been in a rebellious stage for the past several years, and have also been financially drowning because of my resistance to living in the “modern” world, how we “ought” too.

It is sad to feel so off-track in my life, since cohabitating is not my preference, but a place of protection, rather. It is safety from having to go into a full-time office job and be in such hostile environment that by the end of a vicious day, I cannot think or function clearly enough to even be in a caring relationship with a man. Miserable women that are haters of men and pretty much everyone seem to get in your head and make your life a true, living hell in these very unnatural settings of today.

I constantly find myself almost wishing I was born in an earlier decade! I find myself longing for a life in times where there was family peace and nutriment-when men were taking care of their women, and when women were not stupidly creating a world in which they did not have to be dependent upon men. I don’t understand how they could not foresee the destruction of the family unit (and everything in between) that they would cause by defining the dysfunctional society that we live in today.

Anyhow, I will continue to read and enjoy your thoughts in the future. Thank you so much for being another woman in the world that gets it. Most of the time I feel so completely alone in my feelings and beliefs, as most individuals almost shame the mentality that people like you and I have. I am so glad that I ran into your posts!

Sincerely,
N.

Newly Updated “About” Page

Hello visitors and subscribers,

I have updated the “about” page (always at the top under the site title) on this site to be a bit more thorough. It was long overdue as I have not updated the page for about two years or longer. I hope that it gives a better description about what this site is about as the old “about” page was not very descriptive. Please feel free to check it out.

Thank you!

Enough of This Home Business Business

Being a traditional woman means to be financially dependent on one’s husband. Traditionally, the working world was seen as “men’s business” and married women were shielded from the necessities of earning a living. I see women all the time who just simply cannot leave well enough alone. They simply cannot understand anything other than earning a paycheck. Even conservative Christians try to interpret the Bible to something pleasing to modern-day standards. For instance, I see all the time stay at home mothers who are Christians interpreting the Proverbs 31 woman as the ideal and saying that, if applied to the modern day, it means a woman should start a home business (as well as bear children and take care of the house!). A woman making her own money would be a financially independent woman no matter where that money is made. That would make her consistent with the feminist ideal for women. Also, a woman working everyday at her husband’s business would make her a business partner with him and not dependent upon him. Even conservatives promote the feminist ideal for gender relations and this has been going on for a while now. As George Gilder observed in his book “Men and Marriage:”

“As a critique of the feminist movement and its politics, Sexual Suicide now seems less telling. But the central themes of the book remain vitally important. Though rejecting feminist politics and lesbian posturing, American culture has absorbed the underlying ideology like a sponge. The principle tenets of sexual liberation or sexual liberalism-the obsolescence of masculinity and femininity, of sex role, and of heterosexual monogamy as the moral norm- have diffused through the system and become part of America’s conventional wisdom. Taught in most of the nation’s schools and colleges and proclaimed insistently in the media, sexual liberalism prevails even where feminism- at least in its antimale rhetoric- seems increasingly irrelevant.”

Sanne at Adventures in Keeping House, also sums it up perfectly in this post (comments section):

“As I see it, the problem often is that nowadays people see men and women as interchangeable. They are supposed to have the same interests and fulfill the same roles in society. Often, even conservatives who claim that they are pro-family will state that as long as one of the parents has to stay home, it’s O.K. and it doesn’t matter whether it is the father or the mother. On the other hand, the fathers who work long hours are criticized by the same conservatives for not contributing to raising the children. Excuse me, but the father who works hard and enables his wife to stay home is contributing enough, even though he doesn’t change the diapers!

I say men and women are different, and should be judged according to a different standard to some point. Long live sexual dimorphism!”

Before feminism men were required to financially support their wives. It was a man’s duty as well as a legal obligation. Our culture has lost this ethic entirely as the breadwinner ethic has been entirely eroded. A lot of women today are trying to gain respect for stay-at-home wives and mothers yet they are still focusing on teaching women how to make money from home. It’s still egalitarian; it’s still feminist. The point of marriage is for men to provide for and protect women; to take a woman out of the workforce so that she may be home and care for her children and others.

Also another thing that has gone out of our culture is that men, not women, are supposed to head households. When the provider ethic was the strongest (before the 20th century) it was also the oldest son, not the mother, who took over temporarily as being the head of household if the father was absent or away on business (assuming he had reached a certain age of maturity). It seems so odd and strange to us today (indeed it might even seem a little twisted and backwards) but the idea was that men had an obligation to protect and support women and that men should be in charge and take financial responsibility unless there was simply no other choice and those burdens had to fall to women. A woman’s closest male family members were also charged with her protection. This included her brothers and close cousins as well and it was not unusual for a woman to be financially supported by her adult brother if she was unmarried or widowed or for her brothers to take an avid interest in any man who might come calling on her with romantic interests.

It is clear to see that family breakdown began to be the norm at around the 1970s, when equal support obligations began to be laid upon wives and mothers and sexual promiscuity and divorce became common and accepted. Even conservatives do not promote sex roles anymore. A home business is still a business. A woman making money from home (unless it’s an occasional thing) is still being a co-provider. She is still adopting feminist ideology for her and her family. That is not traditional, it is egalitarian. We need to return to the cultural ethic of men being providers and protectors of families, not women. Being a traditional woman means depending on your husband, not finding ways to still be a co-provider while changing diapers and mopping floors.

Recommended:

Proverbs 31 Feminist Woman

A Personal Thought on Mayberry and Patriarchy

Mayberry. A nice little American town in the 1960s from the Andy Griffith Show. Little boys can play cowboys on the sidewalk in the middle of town with fake guns and pretend shoot each other and nobody even pays any mind. Prisoners just grab the keys and let themselves out when their 24-hour sentence is served. The sheriff and his deputy are so bored from the town not even having a single significant crime happen from day to day that the sheriff even jokes that maybe they should advertise and fake crimes have to be invented just for deputy Barney to feel important because he hasn’t had a single crime to solve since he was deputized. And, of course, there ain’t been no pickpockets around Mayberry for as long as anyone can remember (well, at least not since since old man Burnett put in that complaint against old lady Burnett).

Maybe the secret to the peace and stability of the community lies in an episode titled Ellie for Council where local woman Ellie (fresh out of college and working at the local pharmacy) is appalled that there is no women running for council and that there are no females in office or involved in the government in their town. She puts Andy down for his blatant sexism for telling her women should stay out of government affairs and calls him anti-woman and, just to prove herself and stand up for her sex, decides to run for office. The men, of course, try to prevent her from running and the women fire back at the men for their misogyny. It becomes men vs. women until at the end they can’t see any reason for her not to run other than that she’s a woman.

Maybe, however, it is the simple fact that the town is so highly patriarchal that explains the peace in the town. Maybe the reason she shouldn’t run isn’t just “because she’s a woman” but rather because women in politics and business will, ultimately, destruct the family and the civilization as a whole. Today women are breadwinners and politicians and “in charge” and it would cause an international crisis if a man told a woman she should just worry about women’s business. In our world today there is no area where men and women have not mixed their duties and roles. Also, small towns are not peaceful like Mayberry. Kids would be arrested as terrorists these days just by saying the word “gun” or having a toy gun and jails are overpopulated and overcrowded even in small towns. Intact families are rare. People don’t know their neighbors and don’t bring a bowl of soup over for the elderly woman who’s taken sick and you’d be a fool to let your kid out of your site for just one minute. But, trust me, no man will ever tell a woman to stay out of politics. The society would set out on a modern day witch-hunt if any man ever dared.

The other day I was watching a Little House on the Prairie episode titled Oleson vs Oleson. At the beginning of the episode Nels was attempting to discipline his and Harriet’s son. Harriet, however, thought he was being too harsh on the poor boy and intervened to give him back the things Nels took from him. The next day a feminist comes to town to tell everyone about the “horrid” laws governing the family which put the husband in charge over women, children, and property. She pleads with all the men to please sign her petition to get these awful laws changed. Of course, Nels hears this and proceeds to act like your stereotypical chauvinistic male whenever he comes home (you know, takes off his slippers and props his feet up and tells Harriet who’s boss). Harriet leaves him to go stay in the hotel and Caroline Ingalls is outraged. She tells Charles that they are supposed to be equal partners in the marriage and it isn’t right what Nels is doing. She then sets out to get all the women to leave their husbands until they agree to sign the feminist woman’s petition. She creates a huge wreck and practically turns the town upside down. Meanwhile, Charles and the other men are trying to care for the screaming kids at home and cook dinner, etc… The only voice of reason in the entire mess of an episode seems to be when Albert tells Charles that the men in the town won’t sign the petition because they believe women should be taken care of. In the end, however, all the men (including the preacher) end up signing the petition. At the end Laura Ingalls narrates that one day women will also have the right to vote as well!

Funny I don’t think there’s a single show even dating back to the 1950s that doesn’t have some kind of feminist agenda where the women rise up and the men give in in the end. The shows all portray happily-ever-afters where things just get better when society becomes more feminist. Of course, in the real world the reverse is true. Real-life towns undoubtedly had peace and prosperity like what is shown in Mayberry because the towns and families were so patriarchal that there were barriers to what men and women could do based upon their sex.

Recommended:

Changes in Time: Reading Grandma’s Diaries