Broken doesn’t even begin to describe my home life as a child. I never knew what it was like to live with both my parents. They divorced when I was just a baby. The only thing I knew growing up was a life with my parents warring between each other and constantly being pulled in and out of court. My dad sure would have made even the most prominent of father’s rights activists and MRAs very proud. He seemed to be very traditional in the sense of wanting women “in their place.” He even spoke very enthusiastically about how women were denied the vote in the earliest days of American history and how fathers were always granted custody of their children yet he loved all the goods that women’s lib had brought to him and other men such as women being forced into the workforce and men no longer having to actually support their wives. My mother was just a teenager when they met. He was already in his early 30s. My dad took advantage of her when she was in a state of trouble and I guess she fell happily in love. They married and I was soon born. It didn’t take long before my mother began to realize what kind of a man he really was. He was the upmost of all controlling men. Yet he never wanted anything to do with any kind of real responsibility and never once did he cherish and honor his wife nor me. He was also involved in all kinds of dirty deeds that my mother never wanted me to have to be around. She finally gave him an ultimatum that he had to change or she had to leave. He never would change nor act right so she left. Of course, when she left he used the family court system to attack her and make my childhood nothing short of hell on Earth. My dad would always claim and fill my head with how much of victims men were and how much our society “just hates fathers” yet he was always successful at working the court system and getting away with anything he wanted.
With my mother I find a different story. Growing up right at the tail end of the heydays of women’s lib she was always a modern woman in every sense of the word. She had mentioned here and there of how she did always want to just stay home and have children yet the women’s lib mindset was still there nonetheless. I’ve seen throughout my life how she has gone from one man to the next, one marriage to the next. She has always followed the very path that feminism has set out for women whether she intentionally set out to or not. She had truly been harmed by every man that she came across. She remarried when I was about preschool age yet no good was to come of that either. I remember how it was always my dream that my mother would just stay with me. I just didn’t understand at that age why she always had to head off to work and why she couldn’t just stay with me. She was always in a hurry and never seemed to have much time to give to me. Her second husband ended up cheating on her and abandoning her and my brother. She filed for divorce by herself because he was nowhere to be found. He never showed back up. She would go on to remarry yet again. It’s a never ending cycle just the same as it is with most men and women in our world today and the shattered families that are so common.
I don’t remember much about my younger years. When I was older however I had many issues because of the home life I was forced to grow up in. I know I was very much loved by my mother but she was so emotionally unstable that I could never really get close to her nor have a happy life when I was with her. I’m sure I did mean something to my dad, although he confided in me once that I was just a tax refund at the end of the year (and an obvious pawn to control my mother and make her life hell). I married as a teenager(about 18) and distanced myself from him. The rest of my family moved out of state.
I see the harms everywhere around me of what the destruction of families has done. I wanted to know so desperately why my home-life was nothing but hell and why men didn’t care for women anymore and why everywhere around me they just used and took advantage of women. I was just an innocent naive girl who grew up to find herself in a world where my father’s treatment of my mother and denial of responsibility was all too commonplace. I thought maybe feminism was a movement that was supposed to stop men from treating women like that. After all, to hear my dad tell it, women didn’t have rights until very recently. Was I ever wrong! Of course, I’ve since learned many things in life and, through hours and hours of research, learned that I was told a lot of lies growing up and also that women today are still being fed the same lies I believed for so many years. As it turned out feminism is what enabled men like my father to treat women the way they do. Feminism is what has ultimately enabled men’s groups to harm women and children and families.
I always wanted to be nothing more than a housewife and mother. Becoming pregnant at a young age was a dream come true. I was old-fashioned in every sense of the word, including letting instinct take over and privately having a baby right in our very own bedroom. I didn’t want to miss a thing about being female. But there were many things I didn’t know and many things I didn’t understand. I was brought up in a world where marriage and homemaking weren’t supposed to be careers and men didn’t have any necessary obligation to support their wives and could abandon them any time. I couldn’t cook, sew or clean all that well. Because of my past I had a hard time still trusting my husband. I still didn’t understand a whole lot about history or feminism or politics in general. ( I wish I still didn’t have to understand anything about politics but that’s the unfortunate world we women live in today).
Once I learned more about things I understood how much we are lied to and how much there is a desperate need now to fix families. Women did have protections once from men like my own father and there was a time when most women did not have to suffer like my mother did. There was a time when most children actually grew up in intact families where men were men and women were women. Unless we are to revert to a matrilineal kinship system there will have to be laws set in place to protect the family. I believe traditional families to be the best. My own personal changes changed my husband to be the best for our family. I think most men can still be led back into their traditional roles if women encouraged them and insisted upon it. And for those men who don’t treat their wives right and abuse them women would be protected under the law and by society.
I believe in traditional families because I know feminists lie. I know MRAs lie. I know the media lies. They don’t want women to know the truth because a woman who lives a life at home where she is cherished and sheltered and can delight in the roles that only she as a woman can truly fill would be very unlikely to voluntarily return to the workforce or still believe in feminism as a good thing. I began calling myself a believer in traditional women’s rights because it is the most overlooked pressing issue of our time. I believe in traditional families because I believe true women’s rights revolve around the very things that feminism has stolen from women- the very things the traditional family unit gives to women. I want to be able to give my child a better life than the one I had growing up.