When I first started blogging I was fairly new to the world of anti-feminism. I didn’t really know all that much. I had just studied history and knew what was going on in the world from my own personal observations. My purpose of blogging was (and still is) to help women. My purpose here has never been to write about or deal with “men’s issues.” Men’s issues certainly do exist (as do women’s and children’s and so on) but they are not my purpose. The reason why I am saying this is because I have given a lot of thought here lately to the term anti-feminist. I have given a lot of thought to what exactly is in a name. I have been attacked so much since I started blogging. I honestly never imagined I would garner so much attention or what I was saying would be that controversial. Well, I knew there would be a whole lineup of dissenters but I just never expected to get the kind of audience that I have. The biggest thing I have discovered is that the liberals are quick to attack me for standing up for the rights women have lost in the past 40-50 years and the conservatives just simply ignore me. I have even had many conservatives promoting feminist ideas that conservatives would have shunned entirely 50 years ago.
I have kind of re-done my profile to call myself a traditionalist, or someone who stands for traditional gender roles. Identifying as “anti-feminist” has weighed very heavily on my mind and heart here lately and it has been bothering me quite a bit. Not because I am for feminism (I’m not, which I’ve explained and continue to explain over and over) but simply because of the attention I have attracted throughout the time I have been blogging and the kind of attention the term “anti-feminist” generates.
The real problem is the perception society has about feminism. Most assume it did nothing but help women and not care about (or actually hurt) men. This isn’t true, of course, but most average every-day citizens do not realize this. They do not realize that feminists generally used male plaintiffs until they had invalidated all laws that gave common-sense protections and advantages to women. The do not realize that it is generally feminists who think it is so unfair for men to have traditional responsibilities for women and children. In fact it has mainly been feminists who have told me my writings are “sexist” against men for saying that a man should support his wife.
As I have identified myself as an “anti-feminist” I feel as though I have been alienating the very women I have been trying to help throughout all of this time and have been attracting men who either hate women completely or would love to have a traditional woman without having to assume traditional responsibilities for her.
I had one woman come to my page and I could tell that she was really torn up inside. She told me about how she had grown up around men who treated women like they were inferior. I pleaded with her to please just hear me out, that I was against feminism because of the way it has hurt women and I was trying to help. But she wouldn’t listen. She didn’t want to hear any of it. She never stayed long enough for me to tell her that I knew exactly what she was feeling and that I too had been in her shoes once.
On the other hand I have been attracting the attention of so many men who adore traditional women. Yet they turn around and whine and cry about “sexism” when they can’t get things their way and they talk about “discrimination” (while at the same time promoting it where it pleases them, of course). They don’t want women in combat, yet they want them registered for the draft. They don’t want to change a single diaper, yet they always want custody of the children. They want a housewife, yet they don’t want to pay alimony. The list goes on and on. One of the most ridiculous examples occurred when I was interacting on a site where MRAs frequented constantly. A friend of mine asked “Men: Would it be better if all women said they didn’t want equality and instead just wanted to be traditional?” All of a sudden the thread was flooded with MRAs praising traditional women and saying “yeah, yeah!” and “that would be ideal, yes.” They went nuts over it. I don’t think I saw a single one of them that wasn’t praising the idea of women being traditional and saying that was their idea of a dream girl. Well, soon the fun was over and they all went back to screaming “sexism” and “discrimination” and “where’s our equality,” etc… I have attracted the attention of a lot MRAs who claim to want tradition yet want to point out every single area where men are, supposedly, discriminated against.
I wrote to Phyllis Schlafly last year. I asked her couple of questions and, in a polite way, asked her why she no longer cared about women. I thanked her for her movement many years ago against the ERA and told her that life would undoubtedly be much harder for young women such as myself today if it wasn’t for what she had done. Two weeks later she responded, in all caps, saying that she has always stood up for us. She and Suzanne Venker collaborated together to write a new book, flipside of feminism, a couple of years ago. I was excited to read the book when I first got it because I knew that Schlafly had done great work in the past to protect a woman’s sacred position within the home and family.
My excitement was short lived, however, as I soon began to develop this sour feeling in my gut as I began to read. At first I thought, “great, she’s giving a good history about feminism” but when I got towards the end of the book, she and Venker had done a complete 180 and had joined the ranks of the MRAs. First they say women should be traditional and they promote “sexism” then at the end they complain about alleged “sexism.” There was so much bull**** I actually had to get a pair of waders just to make it to the end of the book. Since society does not accept tradition anymore, I figure that those like Schlafly join up with MRAs to punish women who dare leave traditional roles as it is the only thing society will accept anymore. They know feminists can’t, and won’t, stand against what they are saying (unless it involves the workforce or abortion) because they are too afraid of women being sent back into traditional roles if they say anything about women being protected in marriage or in their roles as mothers. They know they can hit women hard and nobody will come to their rescue.
Yes, I am against feminism- truly against feminism- but calling myself an anti-feminist has become a very painful thing for me. I really and truly want to stand up for women because nobody is. We are so far gone as a culture that many conservatives don’t even care about women being slaughtered in combat and a child being taken from its mother’s breast is seen as progressive because it is politically correct. It is “equality.”
At times feminism has done good things. In the 1800s feminists worked hard to secure protections for women and children. They worked hard to secure a family wage so women could be home with their children instead of being exploited in factories and they worked hard to turn the law away from seeing children as the property of fathers and financial assets to the family. Occasionally I have acknowledged things even modern feminism has done. However, these good things are very few. Often I find feminists tell half-truths. I find myself agreeing with many issues feminists put forth. I know first hand how hard it is for women who have been raped and abused. I know that nobody wants to believe women and I know most women have a hard time getting any kind of justice at all, and that most men never pay for raping and abusing women. But I also know that, while feminism has changed a couple of laws to better protect women, their movement has helped to erase hundreds more that had helped and protected women for generations.
Calling myself an anti-feminist or identifying as an anti-feminist has become painful because of how far downhill society has gone. Ultimately a name is what society makes it. The term anti-feminist is almost completely used to describe those associated with the men’s movement or those who are extremely conservative far beyond even my own views. 50 years ago everyone would have known that I was standing up for women’s role in the family and legal protections if I called myself an anti-feminist. But, now, all I get is hypocritical MRAs.
I am not an anti-feminist in the sense of the way that name is used today. I am a Traditional Women’s Right Activist. I stand up for the rights that women once had before feminism. I stand for our maternal rights and our role in the home. All fit and loving mothers deserve to be able to raise and care for their young children and expect that the father will do his part and provide financial support. I do not stand for “equal treatment” of males and females because it is illogical and a complete fantasy. Men will never have the responsibilities women have no matter how gender-neutralized our laws are. You MRAs complain about boys being treated like girls in the schools yet how do you think women feel being treated like men within family law or the military? This gender-neutral craze of the past 40 years is just plain stupidity. It doesn’t work and it never will. We can say all we want that a woman should just “man up” and get over it or that men should learn to love housework. But, at the end of the day it is only a mess that we are creating.
I talk about feminism because history is important. Women need to know the truth about the women’s movement over the decades. They also need to know about these men’s groups that generally operate very quietly (until recently anyways) so as not to arouse public opposition. The main reason they have been successful at taking advantage of the direction the women’s movement was going is because of how low-key they stayed. The divorce revolution swept through society with barely any media attention or press coverage at all and these men’s groups were right there in the background, along with their gender neutralized feminist allies, to take advantage of the whole thing. If more women understood history (true history) it would change their attitudes and perceptions today. If feminists had a change of heart and truly started looking out for the best interests of women and children I would stand with them in a heartbeat. But, until that day comes, no good is to come from either feminism or anti-feminism.