Death and Changing Times

On Tuesday night close to midnight my grandpa passed away. Though there have been deaths in the family before, this was the first time it had ever been so close and personal. I remember getting the call Sunday that he might not make it through the night and so I sped up to the hospital. He was in really bad shape and I was sure I was going to witness him dying right before my eyes at any second, but he was trying to hold on until my aunts could make it from out of state. He knew that he was fixing to die and he said he was ready for it. He was 89 years old and I still think it was a miracle that he lived as long as he did. Though his heart was giving out, his mind was still sharp. He was incoherent at times and my grandmother had to tell him a couple of times that they were in the hospital and tell him where they were, but other than those moments he could talk to us and knew who everyone was. He certainly knew who I was.

I eventually had to leave Sunday as I had a long drive home. It was a miracle when the next day I learned that he had not only made it through the night, but he was doing a little better. I came back up to the hospital and there were a lot of other people there too that had been close to him over the years, as we all knew he didn’t have long to live.

He and my grandmother were married for 67 years. My grandmother said a few months back that she married at 18 years old, about the same age as I was when I got married. They were together until he took his last breath. Though I had never discussed politics with my grandmother or anything, she was a housewife as well for a long time until the kids were about in high school. There was no stigma surrounding it.

And my grandpa, he was a good man and did a lot of things in his life. He had been in the service when he was younger, he had been badly injured and burned at work before- all things you see MRA types these days and men in general complaining about. But my grandpa never complained about anything and every time you’d see him he’d be happy and friendly, even at the end of his life when he was in so much pain. In fact, the only time I ever even heard him cuss was there in the hospital when he was about to die. We’d try to make him comfortable because he was in so much pain, and even then he was talking to me and trying to say the things he wished to say about us before he died (all good things). He never complained about how unfair life was or anything of the sort.

Death is a part of life, but I know it still hurts to think I’ll never walk in that house again and hear his voice. He’ll never be sitting in that chair of his talking to us again and he’ll never come walking down that hallway again. He’ll never tell us stories of his childhood again the way he always did throughout the years. And I always loved to hear those stories. I’d listen knowing that one day he wouldn’t be around to tell them anymore. He’d tell me about life during the Depression, going to school while WWII was going on and how they lived and survived during the hard times before there was any welfare.

I was there at the funeral home yesterday. Most of the family was not there as most live out of state. But I was there and we were talking about the pictures and memorabilia for the funeral this weekend. I thought of this one contraption he always used to show us when we were over. My grandpa was pretty good at making things. It’s funny how it’s always the little things in life like that that you remember at the end.

I’m glad he was alive to see one last Thanksgiving, one last Christmas, and one last New Year’s, but I also knew that, no matter how much we might have wished him to be around forever, he was in so much pain and could barely even function anymore and it was simply his time to go. In some ways it seems almost kind of selfish, to want someone to still be around simply because you might miss them, when it’s their time and there is peace that they might find in death. It hurts, but at least I know he doesn’t have to suffer anymore. I hope now he is at least resting in peace, even though I know he’s gone from my life forever.

The Radical One Presents… Memoirs of a Traditional Woman’s Rights Activist

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FINALLY! A MODERN DAY, DOWN-TO-EARTH ROMANCE FOR THE TRADITIONAL GIRL! MEMOIRS OF A TRADITIONAL WOMAN’S RIGHTS ACTIVIST IS THE STORY OF A YOUNG MARRIED WOMAN’S TUMULTUOUS JOURNEY INTO WOMANHOOD, POLITICAL ACTIVISM, AND LOVE FOR TWO DIFFERENT MEN- BOTH FATHER AND SON.

Personal…

“Everything was different. I saw the world through different eyes…They talked about sex like it was nothing. But how could it be so casual of a thing the way they claimed? Just look what it had done to my life…”

Political…

“Perhaps there was a reason why I felt all the things I felt inside- feelings about how something feminine inside of me was being repressed…I knew I couldn’t continue on this path of women’s empowerment… I proposed that we stand up for the rights of the traditional woman- and thus the term Traditional Woman’s Rights Activist was born…”

A Story about Love…

“God only knows what might have been had I come to him that next day…Yes, I wanted him, but physically desiring him could only ever be the half of my fulfillment. The other half could only ever come from loving him- and in knowing that he could love me in return.”

Passion…

“As I looked around the dark room, I realized I was still in bed, alone. I had been dreaming, but if felt so real. He felt so real. It was as if he had really been there and I could still feel him as though he had really touched me and had been inside of me…”

And Heartbreak…

“I could barely breathe. I didn’t want to go back, but formally leaving him would mean being alone. It would mean doing for myself; it would mean giving up everything I’d ever known…At that moment I would have almost preferred death than to become the modern woman I had tried so hard all of those years to keep from being…”

INNOCENTLY ROMANTIC, PASSIONATE, AND COMPELLING, MEMOIRS OF A TRADITIONAL WOMAN’S RIGHTS ACTIVIST SPEAKS STRAIGHT TO THE VERY HEART OF A WOMAN…

AVAILABLE NOW ON AMAZON

Rather be Oppressed 

Over the past weekend my husband and I went to town. I began to grow saddened again when we went into stores and I saw all of the women at work. Most of them were not very good looking women either, might I add. I just remember thinking how fortunate I was to marry young and follow all of my feminine instincts to just stay home.

Even still the thought of being independent makes me sick. I just held onto him the entire way home, wanting him to lead me and take care of me. I let him make love to me, and I clung to him and it felt so good, wonderful and right.

There’s a lot of people, including my own relatives, who hate me for who I am and for what I believe. I’ve been pushed non-stop to be the independent woman that relies on nobody but herself. But that’s just not me. I’d rather be “oppressed.” I’d rather be open and loving towards a man. I’d rather be controlled and under the authority of a man that I love and trust. I think we women are vastly unhappy when we are given too much freedom.

There’s nothing unhealthy about feeling a real and deep need to depend on a man. I believe that’s how we women are made to feel. It only seems to me that women become the most psychologically unhealthy when we stray from the protection and authority of our men.

Sitting here writing this, I’m actually in pain right now. I’m not in pain because there’s something wrong with me. On the contrary, I’m in pain because I’m a female and I’m healthy. I’m fairly weak right now simply because of the design of my biology.

I have the option of medicating myself, getting up and forgetting about this female side of me. I could make a few jokes about it, perhaps even some crude ones, and go to work and be Miss Independent- plenty of women do that. But I don’t really want to do that. I’d rather just lie down and rest and enjoy being female; enjoy being weaker and more vulnerable. Sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s a bit painful and messy even, but it’s who I am and how I’m made. I’m not supposed to be a man or strong in the same ways as a man. My strength is in my femininity.

It’s ingrained in men to want to take care of women, but the modern woman’s attitudes and behaviors are causing men everywhere to have a “Screw the b****” attitude.

Can you look at the man you love, or the man you think you could one day love, and tell him you are open to him? Can you tell him that you would trust and follow him and live under his authority? Some men don’t want or can’t handle that- and that’s fine. Let them pair off with the feminist women they deserve.

I don’t really believe men only want sex. Men can get sex if they want it. Men can pay for sex. I think most men just want their women to be open to them and trusting of them. They want to be acknowledged as men.

I’ve dealt with the criticism of others but it doesn’t matter. I’ve dealt with men that hate housewives and independent women trying to push me to be like them. I’m different from others and I always have been. That’s what makes me who I am and that’s why you’re reading this article right now.

I would rather be oppressed than liberated. Everyone else lives hectic lives and their families are all torn apart. Why would I want to be like them? Perhaps they just want to bring me and others like me down to their level. Perhaps they want us to fail.

Patriarchy isn’t always perfect or even fun, but it’s the best option for families and ultimately for women too. That’s why women, such as myself, have always fought for it. Plain and simple, we don’t want to leave the protection of coverture or be away from the guidance of our men. That’s why we always come running back while everyone else just shakes their heads thinking there’s something wrong with us. We don’t want to be liberated or really care about women’s “rights.” In the end, we’d rather be oppressed.

What We Give Up 


Recently I separated from my husband for a while to move in with my relatives. In the interest of doing what I felt best for my daughter, however, I came back- if only temporarily. I also came back because I was still unsure and frightened of what I would do if I stayed gone and as of yet had no way to really survive on my own and live the life I was accustomed to. My husband had promised me that he’d take care of me and not let anything happen to me if I did come back. I know I cried when we got closer to home. I couldn’t even drive. I didn’t want to come back and face the same circumstances and abuse I had endured, but for the moment I simply didn’t know what else I could do. I told him I’d give him a set amount of time to change our circumstances the way he promised to do or else I’d be forced to leave again. I still might leave again to move in with my relatives if I found some way to survive, at least until he changes our circumstances (instead of waiting around in a bad environment while he does so). We’ve changed our schedules and made other arrangements for our child. It helps that she’s a lot older as well.

It’s a scary thing though leaving the only life you’ve ever known, but sometimes circumstances make it impossible to stay. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love those we leave. For instance, you may love a family member of yours, but, due to their wrongful behavior be forced to show them the door to protect yourself, your assets, or others that you love. It also doesn’t mean that reconciliation could never be possible in the future. Sometimes relationships actually get better after a period of separation.

I thought about what my life would be like. I know my mother keeps saying “You’re X years old!!” What she really means is, “why haven’t you done something with your life” and “you should have a good college degree and career by now.” But what she doesn’t understand are my old-fashioned beliefs. Maybe when I’m middle-aged and the kid is grown and my fertility is waning, etc., I might start some career or something to pass the time and gain some “fulfillment” in my life. But I know that I chose the life of staying home, of living under the constraints of traditional patriarchy, in exchange for the benefits it offered me. It’s made me softer, more docile, more feminine, and happier in many ways. It’s given a stability to my life and to the life of our daughter and brought wealth and prosperity. But I know there are many things I’ve given up. You exchange one kind of freedom for another, one kind of “slavery” for another. Nothing truly comes for free in this life. Do I want to work under fluorescent lights every day in exchange for being able to walk away and easily do my own thing? To be more stressed and deal with the harshness of the outside world? If it comes down to it, of course, I might have to. If the benefits of leaving outweigh the risks of staying, I might even choose to. If I had that career it would be so easy to do. Saying goodbye becomes easier. I could grab my things and get an apartment on the other side of town, find someone new, go out whenever I wanted to, etc… I could become just like the modern woman, but it’s something that just makes me sick inside though. I never wanted to be like the modern woman.

There is a frustration to being dependent on a man and sometimes a whole lot of mental pain involved. It is harder to get away from abuse and bad circumstances, it’s true. I chose to be pampered and cared for and looked after. I chose to look after the home, maintain a nice figure, take care of the child and look pretty in exchange for being rendered more helpless. Less stress means a smaller, more feminine waistline, beautiful long hair (that’s had to grow back out some after enduring some previous breakage and damage), more demure childlike ways and an innocence of heart and soul. It makes for femininity, it makes for complementariansim.

Contrary to what we are often told this isn’t anything new. We’re always told that women never had any rights, etc., etc., but the reality is that women have long had grounds to separate from their husbands, even since medieval times, and it was never uncommon for women in the past to separate from their husbands to either be with another man or to move back in with their family. In the past a woman would be able to be supported by male family members or a new husband if she was unmarried or left her husband, as well as her ex-husband being required to provide some support as well in most cases. Looking back to the 20th century, a lot of married women even had degrees or would work after divorce too. There have long been risks to financial dependency, and the issue of “what if something happens to your husband” is not a new issue by any means and has been discussed many times. But who’s to say that career wouldn’t fail me in the future and leave me just as hopeless wondering what to do? I could build up a career and have a nice degree only to be left jobless a decade from now. I feel as well it would limit my options in men, as most career women and independent women have a lot of problems having meaningful relationships with men. Men may say they want an independent woman and women may say they want a man who treats them as an equal and on and on, but life doesn’t always work out so smoothly that way.

Emotional pain is just as real as physical, and oftentimes brings with it physical symptoms as well. For the housewife it isn’t just about it being a “problem that has no name.” Sometimes people get restless, but sometimes the issues are greater. As women we are different than men, and our needs are different. I don’t know that it ever gets easier. I live a life of being cared for and not having to worry about anything. Sometimes we make the choice to live with a certain amount of pain and discontentment, and sometimes we choose to leave. Leaving means the loss of security and the life we are accustomed to, staying means enduring the discontentment and pain. Is this our only lot in life or are humans just not meant to live this way? It’s what we give up for modernity, for tradition, for stability, for comfort, for financial support, for protection. Patriarchy oftentimes means restraint and the forfeiting of certain rights in exchange for a different set of rights and in return for the numerous benefits and protections that it offers. But it is not a perfect system and human relationships do not always run smoothly. These are the choices we make in life, these are the sacrifices we make.

I asked my mother what I would do next and her response was to finish college, get a job and just “live my life.” I just curled up and cried as it sounded like a fate worse than death.  

They Do it for You 

I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately. A lot of these thoughts were prompted partially by a couple of male commenters on my articles Rough & Soft and my latest post You Give Yourself Away Too Easily. The focus of the comments and thoughts are about issues such as emotional abuse and assholish behavior from men. I think something that is often overlooked is that most men are acting this way because they don’t believe that women will like them otherwise. Even among the manosphere and MRA types (you know those hotshots, the ones who don’t “worship p****” and are just men doing their own thing and going their own way and being “real men” who don’t need the approval of women) the teachings of “game” are still primarily centered on altering their behavior to do whatever they think will win over the woman and allow them to have sex with her. In the end, they’re still doing it all for women. So, if this is true, then it must also be correspondingly true that modern women are basically saying to men “hey, if you just become a narcissistic, abusive, selfish, manipulative bastard who treats me like complete shit- I’ll reward you with sex!” Couple this with a “hook-up culture” and numerous problems ensue as a result. As I said a long time ago: “But by the circumstances under which we give sex to our men, we teach them how they are to treat us.”

If we look at the popularity of BDSM and the like in our society there must be a great deal of truth to this. I’ve noticed something a lot when I watch older movies. The men act differently than they do today in our culture of extended adolescence. They naturally have more of an aura of confidence and masculinity about them. There is something more naturally attractive to them. While they might still display some cocky or asshole behavior at times to an extent, they don’t actually have to be assholes to attract women. Fast forward to the modern age and everything is completely backwards. Women are displacing men in traditional male fields, out-earning men, competing with men, graduating in greater numbers from college than men and displacing men also in positions of authority both inside and outside of the home. A lot of men even answer to women and have female bosses in authority over them. Modern-day “gender equality” has completely turned male-female relationships upside down (even to the extent that many are confused about which gender they even belong to these days.) Therefore perhaps the only route available for men is to become sadistic and act like jerks. Then women respond by being, supposedly, attracted to it.

The reality of life is that women don’t really take an interest in men who they perceive to be of lesser status than them and in modern-day society it is probably a lot easier for the man to just degrade the woman’s status than it would be to upgrade his own. This is probably the most true among younger men in their teenage years and early twenties, but isn’t limited to that age group by any means. On my last post The Sinner Saint Diary commented:

“A lot of behaviors like this can be seen in young men – things that are hurtful – probably way more so than the young man realizes. Most of the same behaviors can be seen in grown men who are narcissists or who posses some kind of “emotionally abusive” personality.

Young men who want much physical interaction with girls – like I did and many do – must learn methods of persuasion – most of which are psychological. Most of the factors that endure an adult woman to adult man, aren’t in play yet – boys don’t posses them and girls aren’t compelled by them.

Learning how to score affection from girls, good or bad, is so embedded into the cultural and natural conditions of adolescence, that boys acquire a lot of manipulative behavior without realizing it – or, without recognizing it as abuse. There are probably numerous behaviors that are essentially involuntary, that young men have adopted in order to increase his chances of physical engagement. And, to be fair, there are a lot of tactics young men will use to score girls that are very deliberate, but their sex drive far outweighs the empathy they feel – which is probably little to none.

Whatever hurtful, insensitive and callous behaviors a young man engages in before the maturity of his emotions catches up to his hormones, hopefully he will grow out of them. I know I am ashamed of some of the ways I behaved when I was young, and would have behaved much differently had I possessed even a fraction of the emotional awareness and empathy that I eventually learned as I matured.”

I’ve also seen a lot of men talking about how women supposedly “punish” them for being their true selves. In other words, they would like to be good to women, but supposedly women don’t like them when they are (or, women don’t want to have casual sex with them when they are anyways). This makes a lot of sense when you consider that the majority of modern day women are independent. Women naturally want dominant men but since they do everything for themselves these days they instead turn to unhealthy habits such as Sadomasochism and go chasing after assholes, supposedly because they’re the only ones superior to them that might actually “put them in their place.” Of course, none of these relationships last and it leaves both sexes broken down internally and dissatisfied and distrustful of each other. Even still, among those attempting to be “players” and adopting whatever behavior they think might actually get them laid, you can still hear the men complaining that they can’t find “quality women” who would love them for who they are, much the same as you see how women complain about men who are jerks and won’t commit and how there aren’t any “good men” out there.

Are we not our own worst enemies? Do we not bring these problems onto ourselves by rejecting the natural order of life? We fail to cultivate healthy masculinity and healthy femininity and have any sexual regulation in our society so instead we engage in unhealthy behaviors and have constant failed relationships. In this Women’s Health article, A Former A**hole Answers for His Bad Behavior, a man talks about how he learned at a young age that just ceasing to give a damn and play “hard to get” led to his “success” with women (“success” being defined as short-term flings basically). He learned it when he realized that not caring anymore landed him his crush (she finally noticed he existed when he stopped caring). Yet he goes on to say it didn’t last and also that being a complete apathetic a**hole only led him to have success in the short-term with women who soon lost interest when he started being himself and, while he did sleep with a lot of women without commitment, he never formed any kind of lasting relationship and learned in the end that “anybody that doesn’t want you when you’re acting like your true self is not somebody you need to waste your time or affection on.” He now laments that Karma isn’t quite done with him yet and that maybe if he wasn’t such an asshole he might have been married or had kids by now.

Of course, aloofness is best in the beginning for men to attract women (while women “playing nice” is generally fine) but it won’t last long-term. In keeping with my last post, it takes time for true love to develop and rushing into things does lead to these failed relationships and leads to women getting hurt and used by men and men never getting to be their “true selves” and probably ending up alone in the end as well. Infatuation and burning desire are things that come and go, and are sometimes short-lived, you cannot base a real relationship off of such fleeting things and not only is it psychologically devastating for women for men to keep playing games but also it must be exhausting for a man if he must play games and hide his true self just to keep her interested. As I stated in my last post, when you truly love someone, you love them for themselves and that’s the only thing that “works” in the long run.