Letter to My Daughter

Dearest Daughter,

In the coming years many changes are going to happen in your life and in your body. There may come a time when you even wish to have children of your own, although I honestly believe you’d be happier if you didn’t. As my mother always told me, it’s a decision you can’t undo and once you’ve done it you’ve given away your life to someone else and tied yourself down to someone for a lifetime that you may well come to resent. Once you have even one your life is gone and will never be the same. Without children your life is yours and if you become too unhappy and the situation too unbearable you can always just walk away and be responsible for none other than yourself and have no complications. And if you do decide to have them, make sure the man is reliable and committed to supporting you and that he is someone you truly wish to tie yourself down with for a lifetime. 

Never give sex to a man or have children in the hopes of having a relationship with him. Your sexuality will be your greatest power. Never allow a man to devalue your worth through sex or childbirth unless he is truly worthy and truly committed- unless you’re sure without a doubt that he’s the one. Only give away your sexuality and body to him once he has met you on your terms and you have obtained the relationship you desire from him. 

Your sexual power will be most potent in your youth- be sure never to allow a man to waste it- and certainly never waste it partying or pursuing a career unless you’re sure that’s what you want out of life. 

If you are ever with a man that you desire a long-term relationship/marriage with yet the relationship is simply not progressing, and enough time has passed, then cut him off. Make him commit or break it off. Never allow him to string you along for months and years when nothing is to come of it. Your sexual power will wane some as you age, but never doubt that you will always have it even as you mature. It will fade some, but never completely. 

Take care of yourself physically and guard your heart well. Be kind, loving and vulnerable- but never a fool or doormat. Never give a man your submission until you have his commitment and his responsibilities towards you established firmly. 

As you grow into your teenage years and beyond the boys around you will have intense sex drives that you probably won’t understand. They will seek to be players and jerks because they resent the sexual power you hold over them and seek to weaken it. Realize they will all want sex from you as nature has decreed that their drives will be intense yet they won’t have to pay the consequences- unless you and the society make them. 

Learn to recognize their game and remember it well. As every male knows, he cannot just come up and ask you for what it is he wants (never doubt it will almost always be sex) lest he be perceived as a creep and send you fleeing from him. He knows the answer will be a “no” if he were to simply ask. He must instead play psychological games with you to make you susceptible to his prerogatives. He’ll run his game to up his status in your eyes in the hopes that you’ll choose him. He wants your thoughts and attention on him. 

Whether he’s sixteen or sixty rest assured he’s still fantasizing about twenty year-old p****. He’ll insult you, ignore you, act indifferent, confuse you, flip hot and cold on you and make you jealous. Many men will become nasty and spiteful and degrade your value as a female. They’ll make it all about them, even though it’s really all about you and your approval.

Since it’s impossible to know what a man really means by what he says, you must instead pay attention to what he does. Never initiate contact or approach him first or you will never be sure the extent of his interest or what you really mean to him. Let him initiate and if he doesn’t then you’ll know he doesn’t care that much and isn’t that interested. By initiating the contact you will never know whether he just wants your body or whether it is a relationship he seeks. And remember, make him meet you on your terms before you ever give it away. 

If he begins to ignore you then don’t pursue him. Have no contact with him and go on about your life. He might stay gone forever or he might come back around. If he does come back around then you can decide if he’s even worth your time. If you still want him then make him commit or send him on his way, without giving in sexually, if he cannot do so. Don’t waste your time with him if he’s not truly worth it and don’t ever let him keep you in an emotionally unbalanced state for weeks, months or years. 

If a man ever breaks up with you then cut him off. Again, have no contact. None (unless it’s inevitable that you see each other but never purposely contact him- for any reason). He made the decision to let you go- make him live with it

Remember that wounds always hurt the worst when they are freshest- but they will heal in time. Some wounds are severe enough to plague us for a lifetime and some never heal completely- but you can still go on living. You will get hurt in this life and you will face heartbreak. Let the person go and cut them off. They’ll either stay gone forever or they’ll come back around in time to make it right- but either way you have a life to live. Either way at least you’ll know for sure what you do or do not mean to them and have not played the fool or caused yourself unnecessary pain. 

Remember that you want a strong man, not a weak one. If a man ever shows signs of becoming financially dependent upon you or holds any kind of a grudge about paying for dates then cut him out of your life immediately. This is a very bad sign. Although you’ll hear some say it can be done and tell you their success stories, you will only end up resenting him in the end and he will be more likely to abuse you and cheat on you if you allow him to be dependent on you. A man won’t respect you or be motivated in life when you give him money- so don’t put up with it. 

Never suppress your femininity no matter what the prevailing culture says. Always seek to be a lady and never one of the guys. Accentuate what makes you a woman and what makes you different. There are still many things to learn that cannot all be contained here, but that will come. 

I tell you all this because I love you and wish to spare you much pain and heartbreak in life. And rest assured that you are never a mistake and will always be dearly loved and cherished. 

Asperger’s and Broken Homes 

Although I’ve never been officially diagnosed, I believe that I have always had Asperger Syndrome. For those that don’t know what Asperger’s is, it is a mild form of Autism (actually I believe technically it’s just called Autism now since 2013) where the person functions normally in everyday life and has average, if not above-average, intelligence yet is generally socially impaired. 

I know this hurt me a lot, especially when I was younger. I always suffered from an inability to fit in. The kind of home life that I had definitely did not make things any easier either. My parents were divorced by the time I could even walk and I had to grow up living most of the time with a father that would speak sexually inappropriate to me and act sexually inappropriate around me and a mother who would move all over the place and remarry and have kids by several different fathers. I had a hard time fitting in anywhere and had only a small group of friends. 

Especially during my school years and even afterwards I oftentimes experienced extreme depression due to feelings of isolation and the inability to make friends and have anywhere that I could belong. I was often rejected even by my relatives and my own father would often talk down to me a lot and never taught me the appropriate ways to relate to others. In fact he seemed to encourage me to relate wrongly to others, but as a child I couldn’t have known any better. As I’ve mentioned before on my site, my own father had struggled from a drug addiction and although he quit the habit (sometime in my early childhood I believe) I’m sure it probably did some sort of lasting damage as he would always flip back and forth on me and do strange things at times. He was often quite terrible to me and would refuse to help me understand the things I needed to know about functioning in society then play dumb whenever I would get hurt or into trouble and claim he didn’t know anything. My mother did try to teach me things but she was simply never around enough. 

For those who have never had to live with it, it is very difficult to explain the mental anguish that comes along with being so isolated and different and never being able to fit in or relate well with other people. I used to want to make friends when I was younger but then sometime in adulthood gave up on the prospect because I knew it simply was never going to happen for me. Honestly, I’m not sure that I care even but it does get very difficult and lead to depression when I do need a friend to confide in or do need some sort of help. Even today I end up feeling severe depression whenever life events hit and I have nobody around to turn to and nowhere I can go. A spouse is obviously the number one person but sometimes there is a real need to have someone else to turn to for advice or help and my closest relatives all live hundreds of miles away save for a cousin that I rarely ever see and have never been close to.

 Today I don’t really care so much but it still does affect me when I do have to be around other people. I can’t help but be the strange, odd, quiet person who makes everyone uncomfortable or who everyone either thinks is stuck-up, strange or uncaring. I have suffered from severe anxiety over the years as a result (although it rarely bothers me anymore). I generally just avoid social situations if I can help it. I, like most with Asperger’s, can function just fine in society and interact with others when needed, but still avoid the interaction if possible. 

But I know it takes all kinds in this life. Though I have struggled all of my life with other people and social interactions, I am more introverted, more philosophical, more poetic; I think, feel and reason more deeply. This leads me oftentimes to a greater insight that most people never achieve. It leads me to possess certain strengths, abilities and gifts. 

But I know I don’t want my own child to ever have to grow up the way I did. Despite all I would never wish such suffering on anyone else. Although there is no cure for Asperger’s, individuals can still get much better with behavioral therapy to where it does not affect them much at all and I can’t help but wonder if things would have been much different if I had grown up in a stable home environment and was taught appropriate ways to behave and interact with others throughout my childhood. I would have still had the genetic tendency to be socially impaired but with the appropriate environment, upbringing and guidance from a young age I would have still been able to function better and might not have suffered so much as I always did. 

The thing about it is that children can’t help the environment that they are born into and once born into certain conditions (poverty, abuse, isolation, etc…) many find it difficult to escape these conditions even in adulthood. It can be done, but it is not easy. I know that I want better for my own child and sometimes if I am overly frustrated it is because I am terrified that she might turn out to be like me. When I say “like me” I don’t mean that she might eventually become a housewife but rather that she might ever have to suffer the way I suffered or be a social outcast the way I have always been throughout my life. I want her to have all the things I never did and I want her to have family and friends and a much better start in life.

I had to grow up in filth. I grew up doing without. I grew up with brokenness and despair and, although the effect is lessened, it still carries on into adulthood. This is why family is important and why it should be the first priority of any society to maintain healthy relationships between men and women and preserve the sanctity of marriage. Though intact families don’t always guarantee everything will turn out fine, it still gives children the best start possible in life. Because of my parents’ selfishness and inability to get along I grew up in a broken home. My own father was more concerned with finding ways to run down my mother than anything else. It was all about him maintaining control and getting back at my mother. My mother on the other hand was always a wreck. What they wanted and needed came first and my own needs as a helpless and developing child were nothing but an afterthought. 

 Sometimes events happen in this life that we can’t control. Sometimes families are broken because of factors nobody can help or foresee, but that doesn’t describe the majority of situations. We adapt, but the pain still lingers- sometimes forever. It’s not that we shouldn’t be individualistic or live our own lives the way we wish to or pursue our dreams, but about realizing that each of us has responsibilities that we owe to other people. People function and live in communities and family groupings with one another and our actions impact the lives of others around us both directly and indirectly. Most pain and suffering in life is caused by abuse and the abandonment of responsibility towards those lower in the social hierarchy by those higher up in the social hierarchy. Children will always be the most vulnerable and their needs should be the highest priority and a healthy functioning society will also give special interest to the unique needs of women as well. 

Humans are social creatures and the entire world does not revolve solely around the wants and needs of the individual. 

Women Are Not The Enemy 

How many times do I have to say it? 

Women have only ever lived in civilizations that men created, under laws that men legislated.

Women are products of the world that men created. 

How dare you men blame and hate us when you created the laws we live by and built this society!? I like how proud men are of having built this civilization. We did it!..until we have to take responsibility for it. 

Women were busy nurturing you and your young while you legislated all the supposed “anti-male” laws and put all this into action. Then men legislated away women’s security in the home and now you have the nerve to complain about the broken homes. 

Women only have as many rights and freedoms as their men allow. If you men don’t like it then stop whining like overgrown children and change it. Men are more powerful physically, psychically, politically and socially. Women can only do what their men allow them to and that’s all there is to it. 

Or maybe getting a free ride off the backs of women while complaining about your supposed miserable lot in life is more fun. Oops, I forgot, most women are just a bunch of promiscuous sl*ts looking for a welfare handout (because we all know men are the only ones who pay taxes or provide for their families…and men never receive welfare of course…) 

Women are not your enemies, they are your responsibility and most are on your side anyways. Stop whining and hating. 

Does it Matter if I Don’t Have a Dad? 

For various reasons my actual biological dad has never really been around in my life for a long time. I’ve never had too much of a relationship with him since I got old enough to be on my own (this pretty much happened when I was a teenager) and to be honest I’m not sure that it has really hurt me that badly. I mean, I never remember actively looking for some other man to be “dad” to me, even when I was younger. I never panicked and said “oh my God I need a dad where can I find one? Think they have a sale at the local Walmart?” It hurts that someone you’ve known all your life and someone who’s supposed to be family  is no longer around and has hurt you badly but I’m not so sure it is because he himself brings something special to my life just on account of the genetic relationship/ social role played by being dad. 

The truth is that fatherhood is a cultural creation. Mostly the drive for “father’s rights” and the importance of “every child having a father” is an attempt for men to stay relevant in a world where women are increasingly independent of them and can have and support themselves and their offspring without men. After all, if women ever figure it out and are allowed to have babies without men and can be self sufficient to where men aren’t needed then what role will men have in society? The quest for father’s rights is about men’s drive for dominance and control and also about male sexual jealousy. Harsh truth? Yes. But as they say, the truth hurts.

It is what it is. Of course in modern society monogamous relationships with fathers playing a central role in providing for offspring and mothers raising them is quite necessary. It all depends on the norms of society. We aren’t running around in beads and feathers anymore; our lives are more structured and therefore our family arrangements must reflect this as well. Men need to have an important role in society in one way or another. 

Of course, anytime one lives in a way or comes from a family pattern that differs from the norm it can create confusion and problems. Someone growing up never knowing their dad in a society where everyone else is expected to have a dad will undoubtedly have problems and feel confusion, anger, depression, etc… and suffer as a result. They’re different. They’re an outcast and “not one of us.” And they know it. If one is raised in a primitive society where promiscuity is the norm and few even know their fathers because nobody even cares then there is unlikely to be any problems, confusion or heartbreak because, hey, they’re completely normal just like everyone else. It’s no big deal. They’re “one of us.” I think we will see these same problems in children being raised by two gay parents as well because they are different from everyone else and undoubtedly they will be confused and have the same mental issues as a result of being different. 

Society always shapes our perceptions of ourselves. Nobody is immune from this. If you’re an outcast and differ from everyone else, it hurts. Plain and simple. If you are like everyone else and fit in life is more pleasant and you’re happier. No matter how much we say we don’t care about what others think, deep down we do- at least to an extent and someone who just can’t fit in is likely to withdraw completely from the society that has outcast them.

So with all that being said does “dad” himself bring something special? I don’t think, in truth, that he does. I think when I look back and when I think of my life now it is more about a drive to depend upon men, look up to men and follow men. It is a primitive instinct and I think it is hard wired into all women to do so. After all, women have been doing this since the beginning of time and it has always been necessary for survival. Modern men may be withdrawing from this responsibility (to disastrous results) but it doesn’t change the facts one bit. It doesn’t change biology. Women can live without men for the most part- at least until disaster strikes. Even where men don’t provide most of the resources they have always universally and historically provided protection.

Family arrangements are cultural constructions. It’s never really bothered me not having an actual dad around because I always seemed to have at least one man around who wasn’t perverted to me and acted fatherly to me and who took care of me in one way or another. Even if I didn’t have a close relationship with the men they still made a difference in my life. My dad may have been around when I was growing up, but that didn’t make a difference when it came to how much male attention I craved or whether or not I partied, etc… Maybe it would have been different if he would have been different towards me, I cannot say. But either way I don’t think I’ve ever really felt the loss of not having a father-daughter relationship. I distanced myself from him many years ago and have honestly never cried about it and honestly never felt any void beyond just wishing I had a family and somewhere to belong. 

Education and a greater understanding of the world has also made me more immune to any insults from others and the ways society tries to outcast those who are different. The truth of what I’ve discovered about life is that the majority of people are stupid and most (not all) blindly believe what they’re told/what they hear so what they think is of little concern to me.

I think the problems really occur when there are no men around for women to look up to. I think that is the hurtful and damaging thing. After all girls and women in countless societies have never had dads, but they still depended on the men around them and still had male family members to depend on and to take care of them. I mean, if a woman looks around and every man young and old is an unreliable, untrustworthy pervert how is she to feel? On the other hand if there are a few men in her life that she can trust and look up to and who take care of her that’s a different story. It’s like the world is set right somehow. 

So is it dad himself that makes a difference? Probably not. It is ultimately all about society’s norms and a deep biological drive for women to depend on and follow men and a woman’s need for stability and security. 

The father’s main role should be protection and provision of his offspring, as women need the protection of men (even to protect them from other men) but that role can be fulfilled by other family members and eventually a husband. 

What Does it Take to Get It? 

Desire is an interesting thing. As a teenager I never remember having any actual *desire* for sex. For guys, obviously, things are much different but it oftentimes takes the female sex quite a while to not only discover how our bodies are made but desire, it seems, is something that has to be awakened in us. It’s something that comes in time. 

Even still it’s never a black or white issue. Desire for a woman can be strong for a moment but then in the next instant it can be gone. I think that’s because there are multiple things that come into play when it comes to female desire. 

It’s always humorous in a way to look back and think of how badly every male around wanted to get it and all of the things they’d try. I know I was never even interested. Some worked pretty hard to get it too. I remember even attracting some of the more “alpha” types who’d try to get it. The guys used all kinds of techniques to try. I might have been attracted to some of them, but it still wasn’t ever enough for me to give it up. No matter how long I knew them still nothing ever changed.

 
It wasn’t just teenage boys or young men but I also had plenty of older men try it too. I heard every line in the book. Some men tried to make themselves look like they were all that or act like assholes, some would offer “something better” up to me, some would flatter me, etc…, etc…, but I just thought they were all ridiculous. The ones who tried to play the asshole game with me just came off as loud-mouthed arrogant idiots to be honest and all the other guys I saw as weak. I had lots of guy friends and I don’t remember a single one, besides a couple that were gay, that didn’t want it or didn’t try to get it at some point. They all failed (but apparently some still went around bragging as though they got it even though they didn’t). 

Still not much has changed today. I still can’t see the point even if I feel any sexual urge of letting some guy in just because it sounds like fun. How can I even know it would be fun anyways? It kind of sounds gross to be honest. What if he’s no good? Am I going to waste myself on the guy? I mean, a man could just LOOK at a woman to know she’d be good (unless she’s got some kind of health issue down there or something or does something to really put him off), no matter her experience (or lack of it).   

Of course, being married I wouldn’t let another man touch me. If my husband started not wanting to take care of me and support me I wouldn’t give it to him either. I would love him but that doesn’t mean I’d give it to him if he treated me bad and didn’t want to support me. Women leave men they love every day and as well women deny sex to the men that they love very frequently. 

For me a man would have to have a very high status in my life in order for me to give him sex. Obviously husband= high status (highest status) but even when I was single in the past (or if I was for some reason ever single in the future) a man still had (would have) to have a high status in my life for him to ever get sex from me.

That’s why for me none of the game or pick-up techniques ever had any effect. Good “game” did make several men more appealing in my eyes, but still never enough for my legs to open (or any other part of my anatomy either). It just didn’t work because the men had no real status in my life and ultimately that’s what it’s all about- status. 

For a girl going to a bar looking to be picked up this might be different but I’ve never been the type wanting to get picked up by a man so his tricks and games would never have any effect. There has always been this appeal and an almost willingness to give it up to a guy who was doing things for me or helping me, etc… and who did seem to have appeal and confidence because he did have at least a temporary status but it still wasn’t quite convincing enough. 

It’s noteworthy here that the word status comes up a lot and seems to be the key ingredient. While men may be visual creatures and have a much stronger sex drive (on average) women are more lured in and turned on by a man’s status. In fact, let’s just be honest, without status what appeal does a man have (especially as he ages)? There are some really good looking men who seem to have women chasing them but if you notice even those men usually have status to go along with looks. A good looking guy with no status really isn’t all that appealing, even where an ugly man with high status can still get women. Even the best looking guy can’t just walk up to a woman and say “want to go have sex?” or get women to desire him. You can bet he’ll be turned down in all but the rarest of cases no matter his looks because he has no status. A good looking woman, however, could do the same and get a “yes” the majority of the time. Even strongly independent and feminist women don’t desire men without a status higher than theirs.