It’s Not the Way It Should Be…

When I was yet barely legal I put an official end to my fertility once and for all. I made the logical and conscious decision to do this because I saw how the world that we live in today is and I knew that I could never risk bringing another child into this world. I had to make sure then, as I still do now, that if me and my husband were to split apart for whatever reason that there would never be any more young or minor children to complicate things; that there would never be any dependents to have to worry about; that there would never be any children that could be used as pawns to hurt, control, manipulate or punish me. The heart would love a cabin in the woods with ten barefoot children running around, but that simply is not reality. Our society loves to tell us to follow our hearts but there comes a time when childish fantasies have to be set aside and life has to be faced for what it is. I have made the decisions I have made in my life using my head, not my heart. Emotions and feelings more often than not lead us down the wrong path, not the right one. Either way hormones should never come into play when making major and important decisions about life.

I love how men like to constantly remind women of their “biological clocks” as if they, themselves, don’t have a biological clock ticking. It’s always, “your fertility will run out soon (40’s the limit!) but I’ll still have time to make up my mind so na-na-na-na-na!” and somehow us women will regret it if we don’t start having a bunch of them in our 20s. They (the MRA men, AKA God’s gift to all womankind) will be studs like when they’re 50, 60, etc…

*Whistles* looking good pops baby!

But I don’t regret anything, even years later. I can’t change what has been in the past nor can I change the way things are in society, but I can make a conscious decision to protect myself and, acknowledging the current state of things in society, plan my life accordingly. Men are more powerful than women, and society grants to women no special protections for our weaker and more vulnerable state, which would mean the only way for a woman to protect herself from a man is to never be with or have kids with one. (I never understood, however, the men who act scared of women. Men can control women, without ever even having to lay a finger on them).

But that doesn’t mean I have to turn into some feminist and come onto the internet and rave about how I hate men and run some marriage strike and complain how all men are wicked and evil and how us women are oh so victimized etc..etc…and let’s go our own way girls! Likewise, a man might see the way things are and decide it’s not worth the risk to get married and have kids and support a woman. There’s nothing wrong with that but there is something wrong with that same man joining up with MRAs and spewing his vile everywhere and being anti-woman and attacking women and joining in campaigns and promoting any policy he can to rid all men of responsibility for women and children. He could choose instead to promote a better way where men and women can live harmoniously together even if he chooses to be single in his own life. Even if he doesn’t have a blog or whatever he can still be an example to others by the way he lives his own life and by teaching and being there for those who look up to him.

Even if my husband begged and pleaded with me to have another child with him I would still have to tell him no, even if the thought is romantic. I simply would never do it. I see the way things are today and, again, I must protect myself. I am married and I take care of my family and fulfill my obligations as a wife and mother (which, in my view does not include obligations to go out and work!). Marriage has a lot of political value. It benefits me, my husband and our child in the way of a more stable and less complicated and stressful life, the accumulation of property and wealth and many other things. I love my husband very much but beyond just the potentially fleeting hormones of love and having fun marriage is about all the aforementioned aspects of property, stability and financial support as well.

Nonetheless, a lot of things can change in 18 years. People change. Society changes. Circumstances change. I am not willing to gamble away my future and decrease my value to other men (in the event I was divorced or something) by bringing more children into this world and complicating my life and tying myself down and putting myself in jeopardy like that. There’s no way in hell I’m going to give children to a man when it’s a 50/50 gamble that the marriage will even last a decade and I could be facing divorce or someone showing up to take my kids away from me without me even having the slightest clue of what’s even going on until the moment it hits me or being drug in and out of court for the next two decades of my life or told I must support the man who has impregnated me (and who is bigger, stronger and more powerful than me, nonetheless) and as for myself i’m just out on my own to fend for myself. I will never put myself in such a situation. Never. So I make the decisions I have made for a reason. It’s not the way things should be, but it’s the way they are. If I was ever divorced or widowed I know that I would also never remarry, at least I would never remarry unless there was drastic legal and cultural changes. I might live with a man and have some kind of unofficial ceremony but even then I would draw up very tight legal contracts between the two of us and I would never have kids with him..

Nonetheless I promote the things I believe in, the way things should be. If we do ever divorce then there will be no more children and no complications and we can just go our own way and I’ll just have to make it the best I can. Our one and only child is getting older which makes things less complicated in the event we ever did split up in the future. Without more children there’s a good chance I could find another man to take care of me and support me (where, at the most, I might work part-time or something) but with every additional child the chance of that decreases significantly and I am not willing to let my stock plummet if I am entitled to nothing in return for everything that I’ve given of myself to a man; if I am not assured lifetime financial support. If I am to put my life on the line I need to know I am guaranteed a home to live in, financial support, security and stability and I know that I simply am not guaranteed any of those things and may never be. I hope that divorce, abandonment, death or any of those terrible things never happen, but, nonetheless, they are realities in the world we live in and must be considered when planning the future. Again, it’s not the way things should be, but it’s the way they are. I would be a fool to just follow my heart and dive in head first and never consider the future or the consequences of my actions.

I look around and see the way things are and the way men are acting and within two seconds flat every wall of defense I have goes up and there is this thought and feeling inside of me that I don’t want anything to do with any man, ever. Something I see or hear triggers this response and then I don’t even want my own husband to even touch me and intimacy with the man I love seems more like a gross violation than something wondrous, pleasureful, sacred and beautiful. The only thought then becomes to protect myself because all men are just abusers of women and they can’t be trusted. I get the thought that I just want to hate men, even though in reality I want to look up to and admire the men around me and trust them.

I can’t help the things I think, but I can help the things I promote. And that is the difference. I don’t come here being a feminist (although MRAs think anyone who doesn’t fall into line with their agenda and anti-woman propaganda and thinks men should have any obligations at all towards women is labeled a “feminist” I tend to write them off as unimportant) or promoting feminist ways. I talk about what I see as wrong and promote something better, something more sustainable and a social order that does justice to men, women and children (even if that social order doesn’t happen to revolve around everybody just doing whatever they want, whenever they want and with whoever they want and screwing everyone else in the process). That’s the difference.

I can’t help the way society is but in my own life I make conscious decisions about the future. Besides, I will only live once and I’ll only be young once. I want to enjoy my youthful beauty and figure and not risk sabotaging it by back-to-back pregnancies. I want to spend my youth in high heels and miniskirts, not maternity clothes, even if in all honesty I’ve never felt more beautiful than when I was with child. I have one child, a beautiful daughter, who I adore and who I know looks like me and my husband. It’s nice to do it once and it’s nice I’ve had one child and when she’s older it will be like having my own legacy, someone who’s a part of me, a legacy that will live on even after I’m gone. I cherish that. But I do like a simpler life too. We are well off financially and in the coming years I can be a little selfish. I can spend my days keeping a petite figure, taking care of the home, relaxing and not giving a care about the world around me or if it falls all to pieces. It will be nice not having to be burdened with the care of young children.

The society around me could go to hell and I’d probably never notice. I don’t pay attention to the news (in fact I purposely avoid it), I don’t vote, I have my own home and family. I can help change things by the way I live my life. In the end that’s probably the most powerful influence anyways. I’ll never have a large family nor do I want one. Now I can save myself one bureaucratic nightmare and financial drain after another. This isn’t to put down those with large families, it’s just my opinion. I live my life and you can live yours. I have respect for those who have large families but I will never go down that road.

But I will continue to promote something better, because reproducing is a part of life and the family is the foundation of society and I believe that those who choose to have families and have children need to be protected. I believe women need to be protected and I believe children deserve the right to come from stable homes where they can have a good start in life.

Posted in Advice, Commentary, Feminism, Marriage, MRAs, Personal Relationships | 9 Comments

What Kind of Society do We Want?

Is there anything more pathetic in this world than a man who doesn’t even want to provide for his own?; than a man who would become hostile and explode in a rage or become aggressive against a woman just at the very thought of ever supporting a woman? What kind of a man would do such a thing? I’d say there’s something severely wrong with a man who would become hostile against a woman who’s only crime is that she actually likes men and wants to be in a stable relationship with a man; a woman who actually is feminine, a woman who actually wants to care for her own children. 

The truth is that you’d pay for it and you know you would. Even to this day men pile into strip clubs and throw their money at beautiful (or even not so beautiful) women in the hopes of enjoying their beauty or convincing them to do some kind of sexual favors, etc.. Even with all the free sex many men would still give a woman money for it if the woman said that’s what it would take to get it. The truth is that you know if women demanded you pay for dates or marry and provide for them in order to get the [censored] that you’d do it. You hate it and it drives you insane that a woman might ever have any actual rights or choices over her own body or reproduction. It drives you nuts that women are the gatekeepers of sex and you’d do anything to get back in (or even get in at all). 

You complain women are so butch, unfeminine, out of shape, masculine, assertive, aggressive, career-driven, hate men, etc… yet you men are feminine, unmotivated, unwilling to be responsible for women and 3/4 of you look like you might be expecting triplets any day. You complain about the career-driven woman who just doesn’t want kids or can’t get in touch with her feminine side. Well, how is a woman supposed to be feminine, happy, in-shape and love men if no man will provide for her? Why would she want kids if she doesn’t have security to raise them properly? She can’t put kids and family first if she knows her only choice is to pursue a career and provide for herself. She must put career first as it is her only option and she knows it and she receives harassment from all sides so that she might never forget it. 

You complain about child support, divorce, abortion, alimony (as if it actually still exists) but who do you think legislated it in the first place? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t women! Men created the laws, not women. Men legislated feminism, not women. Very few lawmakers, politicians, lawyers, etc.. were women and there were NO Supreme Court justices that were women until the 1980s. Even today women are hopelessly in the minority in these fields. If men have a problem with the way things are today then their problem is with other men, not women. Yet instead of attacking the problem at its root and forcing other men into their appropriate roles and responsibilities you go instead and become hostile and aggressive against women and you hate the very women that would be good to you- the very women who wouldn’t do you wrong. 

There are countless homemaking blogs out there, but where are all the breadwinner blogs, exactly? I’d say for every one traditional man there are probably about ten traditional women. Well, I propose a different solution. If men don’t want any responsibilities I say fine! You can become useless wastes of space who sit around living off of daddy and mommy until you reach middle age. You can have no motivation in life to ever actually get a job or provide for a family. Instead the women can all go out to work while you lounge around playing video games. You can have absolutely no role in life. The women will bear the children (and that’s if they even want to have them at all), work everyday to support families and even go to war. You can have no useful role or purpose in life and just drift aimlessly until you die. How does that sound? The women will work and you can just take it easy. Sex will be free and easy. One can experiment, with several different partners, even of the same sex if that is what they choose. When you get tired of one partner you can easily walk away and find another. Kids can all be raised in day-care centers or passed around the community to be raised by others while women work and men are demotivated. Paternity will never really be certain in many cases. The women are all promiscuous sl*ts, after all. That’s the way our primitive ancestors did it. I think they set such a wonderful example! Men had it made. They never had to work. Instead maybe men can just spend their days starting pointless wars that women and children end up paying the price for. Maybe men could go out hunting every once in a while and come home and toss the meat at their three different wives and say “get to work b****” then spend all night having sex with various women and we can all live in grass huts and have a lovely egalitarian society. Does that sound good? Every day can be constant drudgery and fighting just to survive. Society will never go anywhere nor will our population. And from what I’ve seen it seems like there are many who actually want us to resort to being a primitive society, as they praise primitive societies as if they were egalitarian paradises (despite evidence that they certainly were not).

Oh you love to experiment when the women say they’ll give you sex, but when the women turn around and say they’ll control their own bodies and reproduction then you throw a fit! You want women to be nothing more than mere slaves who both have careers and are good little traditional girls that do what they are told. If you had your way women would be nothing more than slaves with no rights. They should work and be equally responsible to provide yet should have no rights to property, children, divorce or rights to their own body. You love the free and easy sex and living with your girlfriend with no responsibility until she says she’s going to have a baby, and there’s nothing you can do about it (or until she says she’s going to have an abortion and there’s still nothing you can do about it). You love teaching your fellow boys about how to identify sl*ts (so you can have easy sex with them) then turn around and complain about all those illegitimate, fatherless children! You want to treat women as nothing more than disposable sex objects then wonder why so many women turn to feminism and hate men. 

We in the first world do not know and understand oftentimes the problems of the third-world. Most of us have never been starved or known those kinds of hardships. We are blessed and we are blessed because we reap the benefits of our ancestors. Well, guess what, our grandfathers were providers for their families and the ethic was a very strong one and very reinforced and accepted by society as well as law. That’s why we have everything we have. It is the primitive and impoverished third world countries that send their women out to do what we here in the West consider men’s work. It is those societies where men don’t work and have no provider ethic that generally are bad off. If we have luxuries, if we had a better life and more stable society then it is because men actually provided for their families. You can’t have it both ways. We’re resorting to primitive ways because you men stopped being the breadwinners; because you have no care or drive to provide for women. We are now accepting of and living many practices and lifestyles that were only to be found in primitive societies. 

What kind of a man is it that would claim to love a woman but become hostile at the very thought of providing for her financially? What kind of man would claim to love a woman then pressure her non-stop to “get a job” and allow his relatives to harass her about it as well? What kind of a society is it where we have whole groups and organizations of men who attack and become hostile against women just for being women and wanting to be home with their children and care for their families? What kind of a society is it where men view their own women as competition and feel nothing inside of them to even so much as stand up for a woman nor protect her, much less provide for her? Where does that leave our families? Where does that leave our children? A man who does not provide for his own is the worst kind of scum there is. There is nothing worse. Women can only be feminine if men are masculine. Women can only be homemakers and care for their children if men are providers. There is no other way. The nuclear two-parent family with the man standing alone as sole provider built up our civilization and society. It made our society and our families stable. It made our communities peaceful. You can’t have it both ways. Either we want stable families and a first-world existence with men being providers for both women and children or we want an unstable impoverished existence where men are unmotivated. You can’t have it both ways. 

Posted in MRAs | Tagged , , , , , | 14 Comments

Sexuality, Matured

In many ways I may be childlike, but I am not a child. I may be smaller than I was, but my body has filled out with more curves. I may still retain an air of innocence and naivety, but I am not the stupid and silly child I once was. I’ve grown up, I’ve filled out and I’ve learned a lot in life despite my still young years.

When I was young I couldn’t understand the facts of this life. In many aspects the ways of the world still allude me and I am sheltered from them. Over time I have learned the ways a lady should act. As a girl the media taught me many things, but they were all wrong. Hanging out with the crowd I have been for the past few years has changed my mannerisms and calmed me a great deal.

I am no longer so naive as to the things men really like and want. I know the things to say and do to please a man, but it doesn’t mean I will. Something has subtly been changing in me over the years. Deep inside I feel my sexuality as a power. But sex is not to be casual. I have never and will never give it casually- not for fun, not for money, not for any reason. It is something special to me and I will only ever give it as an expression of love to whom I choose. Any man who will ever have me in this life will be something special and irreplaceable to me.

When I was younger being sterile might have bothered me but now I have come to see it as a gift. I can live my life with the one I choose and never have to worry. My body is my own and it’s going to stay that way. And oh it feels so nice. I will never have to worry in life or tie myself down in such a way. I will never be treated like I’m worth less than the ground any man walks on. I will never have to worry about giving children to a man who I may not even be with five years later or putting myself in a bad position. It will never happen. The power is in my hands and I like it that way.

I have come to grow into my sexuality and it is something so wonderful. I honor my commitments. I’ve never slept around. I intend to make marriage work for a lifetime and I feel such a freedom inside with my sexuality. Not the kind of freedom that comes from promiscuity but the kind of freedom of knowing that my body is mine and is a gift that a man must earn from me. I don’t need it so badly and in fact at times I’d much prefer to go without it, but I’ll give it to him in return for all he does for me in this life.

I love deeply, I feel deeply. I’m his and you know I’ll work hard to please him. I’ll dress in pretty things and work out every morning to maintain this 26 inch waist. I’m still soft-spoken and tender-hearted. The corporate world would always clash with my femininity. But for my man, I’d never want him soft. Whether he wears a suit and tie or blue jeans; whether he works in an office or gets his hands dirty- it matters not.

I don’t want some man who knows how to express his emotions and shows his softer side. If he ever picked up a vacuum cleaner to try to impress me I’d think that he’d surely lost his mind. Read me all the poems you can think of and sing me all the love songs you want but it will avail you nothing. It’s so cute that you want to cook for me honey, but it sparks nothing to life inside of me. I want him rough, I want him confident. Intimidate me, scare me, drive me mad, love and protect me. I want to be yours forever.

Posted in On Being a Woman | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Even if a Man Must Beg, Borrow or Steal

I find it ridiculous how the economy is constantly used to justify wives going out to work. I think of it like this: you wouldn’t send your children out to work no matter how bad off you were financially, would you? Of course not because they are dependent and it’s your job to support them (primarily, of course, the father’s job). You decided to have them and no matter what they are your responsibility. So how then is it justified for a man to send his wife to work just because things are bad financially? It should be his job to provide financially for his wife, whether he has to beg, borrow or steal. It’s his responsibility to do whatever it takes to make it. Just the same as he’d do whatever to make sure the children were fed and clothed and had a home to live in, so it should be with his wife. He’s married her and she should be his responsibility. Just as with the kids, if you can’t support and raise them then don’t have them. If a man can’t provide for a wife, then he shouldn’t get married.

Posted in Commentary, Marriage, Patriarchy | Tagged | 2 Comments

Something That Really Gets Me

http://dastardlydads.blogspot.com/2015/07/dad-charged-with-murder-in-death-of-1.html?m=0

I don’t know anything about this particular case above (one of the many out there) but it’s things like this that really get to me in our society. Family breakdown that invites trouble, abuse and heartbreak but also that somehow women are supposed to be held responsible for the actions and welfare of men. The laws subject men and women to “equal treatment” based upon nothing more than a political ideology yet men and women are not similarly situated in many scenarios in this life. The fact is that women don’t have the power to control the actions of men. Even if a man is doing something abusive a woman simply doesn’t have the strength to stop him, unless she puts a gun to his head or something. But if she does that she’ll go to jail for attempted murder or threatening his life or something (in many jurisdictions even if she was legitimately protecting herself she’ll still be prosecuted). A woman might do all she can to stop an abusive man, but oftentimes her efforts are simply ineffective as men are generally strong enough to simply wave aside a woman’s attempts to physically control them and men can easily hold women immobile at their own whim, usually with their bare hands. No need to resort to threatening with weapons or doing serious harm; if a man wants to subject a woman to his will he generally can.

On the other hand when mother is abusive fathers are rarely charged. I mean, how many times have I heard of some father getting full or partial custody then dumping the kids off with his mother or new wife or some other female? When these women abuse the kids the father gets off scot-free, even though as a man he could control the situation as well as be in authority over the women. Mothers are charged for the abusive actions of fathers and other men even when they are not home when the abuse happened (oftentimes because they are the breadwinners working to support the family these days) yet fathers are not charged for abusive behavior that happens when the children are in the mother’s or some other female’s care. I can’t think of hardly one circumstance where I’ve seen men being held responsible for the actions of women yet somehow women are held responsible for the actions men, even though a woman cannot stop a man from doing whatever he’s intent upon doing. Fathers generally get more rights when mothers are abusive (he can leave mother and child on their own then waltz in to claim his rights the second she does something wrong) yet when fathers are abusive either nobody believes the mother or she is charged with a crime for not stopping his abusive behavior and oftentimes loses her children.

Yet somehow the myth still persists that mothers are given preferential treatment and daddies are pathetic victims who have no rights, even though it’s becoming increasingly common for men to be granted even full custody of children that are several months or even years old even when they’ve never even so much as seen the children before, never supported either them or the mother, never had a real relationship with the mother and have never been involved at all. Also tell me, if the courts outrageously favor women then why would women have to lie in the first place? If they were favored then they should just be able to waltz right in the courtroom and get whatever they want.

That being said I think there is too much paranoia about abuse in our society and it is often used as a weapon against parents (not just coming from the “other” parent but from outsiders like grandparents, step parents, etc as well) to control them and get their way. Something has got to change. Abuse will always be a problem and it always has been but with all the breakdown of families today the problems are just getting worse and fighting will continue because there are so many laws (only existing in the past 30-40 years) that encourage fighting and warring in families (or what passes for “family” these days) and it has just gotten so insane. Things cannot continue like this forever. Men are supposed to be the ones in charge and are supposed to be the one protecting women and children (and working to support them), especially from other men who would abuse them. Men and women cannot trust each other today and for very good reason. It doesn’t sound like a very healthy society to me where men and women fight and distrust each other and relationships between men and women today are very unhealthy. Maybe we should stop and ask why it has become this way and when, exactly, it started to get so bad. The answer should be obvious.

Posted in Commentary, Current Events, Political | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

A Man Like You

If I could sum up what it is I think of you I would say that in all ways you are a man. Throughout all these years you’ve made it on your own. You’ve worked hard all these years for everything that you have, for everything that you own. You have built your home with your own hands. You’ve done the work of a real man. Both directly and indirectly you have given so much to me. I know it and I think about it often. I know you’ve always been the provider for your family, your children, and your wife when she was there. You have provided without ever accepting the help or support of a woman and always had too much pride to accept welfare.

I know you always kept your children in your custody and care until they were grown. I think it was a good thing. Only a real man, one who accepts his responsibilities to be the provider and has drive to make it himself, can bring order and stability in the home. Even as a mother who loves her child and family, I know I would be no good living on my own as head of household. It is not good for any woman to ever be in that position. I would never try it. Therefore I did not lie when I told you years ago that he could make the decisions about our child, but he must provide financially. That is the age-old bargain.

I know that you have a temper at times. I’ve seen it. I don’t see you as being the kind to care too much for a woman, or anyone else for that matter, telling you what to do. Physically you have stayed in good form over the years, unlike most of the men I see around me. I’ve never seen you drink to excess or really ever take a drink at all. You might for all I know, but I have never seen it. You have never done it around me.

You always appear to me to be sober and wise. You’ve never been crude in my presence and I’ve never heard you utter obscenities but maybe once in all these years. Nevertheless, I don’t think of you as a saint or monk by any means. At times I have seen in your face an expression and in your eyes a light that leaves no doubt that your thoughts are every bit those of a man’s. I have oftentimes found your intense perusal and scrutiny of both myself and the situation to be more than a bit unnerving. At times I feel you can read my thoughts. It’s a bit disturbing. I don’t see anyone ever being able to play you for a fool. I know you have many thoughts, but you don’t speak them. Unlike most, you are discreet in both your thoughts and opinions. I have never known of you to be loud-mouthed or transparent. You may be thinking it, but you won’t say it.

Although I may never truly know, I feel as though you have always respected me for my traditional ways. I do feel that somehow you respect me for being in the home. I know you won’t ever say anything but somehow I get the sense that you do hold many traditional views on women. It’s just something I have seen in your eyes before that makes me think such a thing. I don’t know if you really have ever truly cared for me or not. I know there are many things I don’t know, that I’ll never know and that’s fine with me. I don’t want to know everything. I’m sure there are things I don’t know that would change some of the ways I think of you. But from what I see you are every bit of a man to be looked up to. It’s that soft look in your eyes when you talk to me and those knowing smiles that you give me. With one look you can make me want to run and hide.

If by some chance of fate you ever read this I don’t want you to ever think that what I feel is of a romantic nature- it’s not. Also don’t ever think that somehow I’m worshipping you- I am most certainly not. It’s only that I’ve never known another man like you. I look up to you and I admire you for being a man. I’ve never had any other man in my life that I could look up to the way that I’ve come to look up to you over the years.

It is my husband that I love. It is only him that I long for romantically and sexually. Even in my dreams I can’t escape him. In my dreams it is always him that I see, always him that I reach out for. He has invested much in me over the years. If I need something I know he’ll get it for me. I would never leave him even if I could. I would be scared and helpless if I couldn’t depend upon him.

I have never asked you for anything and I would never ask you to “take sides” or anything of the sort. He’s my husband. He’s supposed to be responsible for me, not you. It would not be right either for you to intervene and I would never ask you to.

I’m not really sure that I want to be around you. I have been hurt too badly. I think I’d rather keep my distance. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I have always looked up to you and admired you. Despite all, I’ve always seen you as a man so much different than any others I’ve ever known, and certainly far above my own father, who never seems to be on the same planet when you’re talking to him and has never cared for anyone but himself. You’ve spent so much time helping us to have a home to live in, working side by side with my husband. I don’t know why you would do such a thing if you didn’t care, but I am not going to search in the dark for something that may not even exist. But I will always be glad that I have been around and had in my life a man like you.

Companion Piece:

The father I never had

Posted in Personal Relationships

Male Dominance Should Protect Women

Warning: some sexual/feminine content

What a sickening world it is that we live in today. Men are supposed to be the ones protecting and supporting women, not the other way around. It is not a woman’s job to support a man or protect him.

I think about the way I’m made and I always think that’s it’s wonderful, but when I look at the world around me I begin to think differently. It makes me want to think the functions of my body are sick and disgusting and degrading, instead of wonderful and precious the way they were meant to be.

One of the biggest facts of life is the differences between men and women. It is a fundamental difference defining the relationship between a man and a woman. I love the way my body is made and I love who and what I am as a woman but it is so degraded by the laws and the culture around us.

Men are more powerful than women. Women are weaker, both physically and emotionally, than what men are. Women are the ones who carry the burdens of bearing the children. It is the woman who receives the man into her body during sex. Women do not penetrate nor impregnate men and it takes quite a woman indeed who can overpower a man (without help anyways).

I find this all very beautiful and wonderful, the idea that I take the man I love inside of me and receive his seed within me. It is the feeling of his body covering mine and weighing me down and the feeling of him filling me physically within that gives such pleasure and wonder. I could never find any pleasure from lesbianism nor masturbation nor any other deviation from the natural order of life. It is only in the acknowledgment of the way my body is made as a female that peace or pleasure can be found.

Every month when my cycle comes around I find it precious and wonderful. I’m not really one to reach for the bottle of Midol. I would feel somehow that I’m being robbed. I’m not trying to be like a man nor compete out in the world and I recognize that I need to rest a bit more and simply can’t handle as much stress due to being female. I don’t view my female bodily functions as holding me back or keeping me from achieving. My body does go through phases that would make it very hard to keep on going like a man would. Oftentimes I just can’t see how I could do it. I always have one day every month where I am faint and can’t hardly stand up without falling over. The sleep deprivation comes on schedule every month. Usually when the day arrives I do have some pains but I’m not generally eager to get rid of them. Any other pains in life I would want to rid myself of but there is something special about the pains and discomforts that are distinctly feminine. I know it makes me a little weaker but it makes me feel special and wonderful. I want to delight in what makes me different from a man.

He knows the cycles that my body goes through. I know he views me as weaker and more emotional than him. I love that he sees me differently and doesn’t just see me as another man. He would never treat me as a man. He doesn’t see me as “equal” nor does he see me as some kind of business partner. He sees me as his wife. He sees me as a precious gem to be guarded and cared for and sheltered. He would never let me support him or go out and work. He would never allow me to be the one to protect him. How could that ever be right?

How could I be with a man who didn’t see my weaknesses and peculiarities as a woman as special? Why on earth should it ever be thought that he would need my protection or support? A real man is one who sees it as his duty to support and protect women. But look at the decaying society all around us. Men live off of the support of women. Nearly half of all families have wives and mothers as the main breadwinner and in nearly every other case she is at least a co-provider. The genderless institution of marriage says I could very well be equally responsible to support him, a man. Should I also go off to war to die as if I were a man? What are the men in this society even doing?

I feel a protection and peace in submitting to his dominance. I feel safe when he’s inside me. Is that not how it’s supposed to be? Shouldn’t a woman feel safe under a man’s dominance, which should read as protection? But what happens when men use that dominance for the exploitation of a woman? His dominance should protect me. It is not for men to overpower women to hurt them.

Sex for a woman should be precious. It is a bigger event for a woman. He might hurt her. He might impregnate her. He’s stronger than her. She’s letting him inside of her in a most intimate way. Her body is messy and sometimes bloody. It should be special. It should all be for her husband. He should be responsible for her, to fully protect her and provide for her. It is the woman that brings this uniqueness to the relationship and marriage. She should be able to trust him and depend upon him. Emphasis should be put on her body and her sexuality. It should be a serious matter of great importance.

Why would anyone with half a brain cell think a woman should be responsible for a man? Even if she does become the breadwinner the laws of nature, of God, still apply. Short of using science to manipulate nature (which would still put more stress and pain on a woman and put her health in jeopardy) there is no changing that.

Posted in Marriage, On Being a Woman | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

The Father I Never Had

I guess too much time has passed now. There’s nothing I can say or do anymore. One by one they all turn and leave me. Or is it me who leaves them? Am I at fault for it? I never meant any harm. Forgive me if I was rude a time or two. It was never my intention. But by now it’s too late. There can never be any turning back. I don’t want your sympathy. You’ll never have to feel sorry for me. Ill never give you a reason to. I know where I stand. You’ll never see me around here anymore. I’ll not bother you again. I’m not your family, though I truly wanted to be. I’m sure in your mind I only wear the family name temporarily, until I switch partners and assume another name, if I even care to. But I’m not of your blood and in the end you’ll always be my enemy no matter the circumstances. On this I hold no illusions.

But I guess I did it again. Thinking that a man is more than what he really is to me, thinking that he cares more than he really does. Isn’t that just like me? I always want to see the good in everyone, always want to believe in something better, always want to give second and third chances. I thought this of my own father and brother as well. But I’ve always been a fool. I was born a fool and I’ll surely die a fool.

But that is the way of life, full of joy, sadness, heartbreak and betrayal. I never wanted to start a war or cause problems. I’m a bit emotional sometimes and can’t always see clearly. I tend to fantasize too much. I’ve always been a hopeless dreamer. But in time one learns to keep living and forget. The weight in my chest will lift one day and I’ll breathe normally once again.

I may not say much but I think deeply. I may seem overly demure but at times I have a temper. Sometimes I speak without thinking and act too swiftly. But if you see me I’ll walk right on by. I’ll wave at you to satisfy formalities and continue on my way. I may cry at times but I promise you you’ll never see it. I may feel deeply inside but you’ll never know it.

Though the scars might still remain in my heart, time will lessen the pain. I can only hope he’ll take me away from this place filled with such bitter memories. Take me away and I’ll one day forget all that’s ever happened here. I can’t ever find the words to say it and probably never will so you’ll never know what everything and all these years have meant to me. If only I could rip my heart right out of my chest so I’d never be tempted to feel again.

I don’t know why I should feel as I do, but I do. It’s an absurdity that knows neither reason nor logic and I just can’t comprehend it. Perhaps it is the longing for the family and love I never before had. The longing for a place where I can belong. Or maybe I’m just a lunatic, who’s to say? But I’m not your daughter and I never will be. I’m an outsider who will never belong. Standing on the outside looking in seems to forever be my station in life.

So if I can’t love, maybe I’ll just hate. Maybe it’s easier that way. I’ve probably always seen you as something you are not anyways. It’s typical of me to delude myself that way, to see someone as a hero even when they are working for my destruction and deceiving me. Hopefully one day there will be many miles between us and I’ll never have to pass by your way again. But in my mind you’ll probably still always be the father I never had.

Posted in Personal Relationships

The Beginning of the End of an Era

Although I said before I hoped the Supreme Court would strike down gay marriage bans, I only said this because I believed it was inevitable- something that had to run its course before everything collapsed and change could happen. Make no mistake, this is a very dangerous thing. The laws in most jurisdictions still throw some protection and safeguards to married couples and their children and protect the marriage from outside interferences. But with this decision today every last protection left is in jeopardy. Two people of the same sex cannot procreate and marriage including two people of the same sex necessarily goes along with the feminist notion of “either partner can be the breadwinner/homemaker there are no sex roles or illegitimate children” so therefore it becomes necessary to allow more liberal laws regarding the family unit and more outside interference and “anything goes and everything is acceptable” policies- which will destroy the last remaining shreds of stability within families and marriage.

Marriage IS about raising children, but more than that it was about giving women security to raise those children and establishing paternity and the legitimacy of children to give the provider responsibility to men in a stable environment where men would have a meaningful role in society. These are important things for the stability of society. The family unit started being destroyed when sex roles and distinctions between legitimate/illegitimate children and distinctions between wife/mistress were legally abolished. Personally though I think it started getting bad even before this, with female suffrage being the turning point where everything started disintegrating. (I mean, it took only about 50 years for the family to be completely destroyed after women were granted the vote!) Marriage is about sex, procreation and sex roles. Without this it loses its meaning.

But I see a change coming and hopefully it will be quick in coming. Families have been in bad shape for a long time but now we are at the end, the family is now at an end. Things are going to get worse before they can get better. Gay marriage was something that had to happen. By viewing these relationships as legitimate marriage has just become obsolete. But it simply can’t last much longer. Once the money runs out to fund family breakdown then egalitarianism will officially end. The money’s already running out.

Things are going to get rough. Keep your families together if you can- if it is not already too late. Follow God. Keep your children close and teach them well against modern immorality. Men, you must lead and be the providers for your families and women you must allow the men to do so. Stick close to your husbands and the men in your life (if there are any) that can protect you. Make every effort to remain in the home and guard it and stay out of the workforce. Just do it. We need all the force we can gather to weather the storm ahead.

Posted in Current Events, Political | Tagged | 3 Comments

Something I Must Know

There is this constant desire inside, to look to the men around me to take care of me. It is only natural to look to a husband, father, brother or other men to be my protectors, to be someone I can trust. But inside I know it can’t be that way. I know when I look around me that men are not to be trusted, no matter how much I wish it could be so. A voice inside says never to let my guard down because men will only use, abuse and abandon you. Never trust and look only to yourself. All marriage ends in divorce, the same as all life ends in death.

I loved you because you could give me a home I never had, a family I never had. I never loved anyone else. Maybe it’s just that I never had the chance. My family had rejected me since I was young and I never learned how to get along. I wish to teach to her all the things I never learned. I hope she has chances I never had.

And if I cry sometimes, it’s because I long for so much inside. I want to love you forever. I will always cling to you. I wouldn’t survive otherwise. I was made to be a little weaker, a little more fragile, a bit more sensitive. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve never learned to be anything else. It’s a good thing for the soul to be surrounded by men, but I am neither loved here nor welcome. I have never been and never will be.

They are your blood but what am I? Is there no covenant that binds us? Does the mixing of our blood not bind me and you? Are we not of one flesh, one body, to live one life? We vowed to be together no matter, good or bad. You say the rest of the world doesn’t matter and I hope it’s true. But when I look into your eyes I fear your betrayal and abandonment one day. The wine makes me faint with love and desire for now. I could never feel desire without love but I will always guard my heart. You are everything to me but I will not blind myself.

Will you still honor me the same as I honor you despite what they think or say? Will I always come first in your life? I want to trust you with all my soul but inside I am scared. If they reject me will you do so as well? Will you lead me out of this place? Can I follow you and trust you?

It’s something I must know…

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