The Father I Never Had

I guess too much time has passed now. There’s nothing I can say or do anymore. One by one they all turn and leave me. Or is it me who leaves them? Am I at fault for it? I never meant any harm. Forgive me if I was rude a time or two. It was never my intention. But by now it’s too late. There can never be any turning back. I don’t want your sympathy. You’ll never have to feel sorry for me. Ill never give you a reason to. I know where I stand. You’ll never see me around here anymore. I’ll not bother you again. I’m not your family, though I truly wanted to be. I’m sure in your mind I only wear the family name temporarily, until I switch partners and assume another name, if I even care to. But I’m not of your blood and in the end you’ll always be my enemy no matter the circumstances. On this I hold no illusions.

But I guess I did it again. Thinking that a man is more than what he really is to me, thinking that he cares more than he really does. Isn’t that just like me? I always want to see the good in everyone, always want to believe in something better, always want to give second and third chances. I thought this of my own father and brother as well. But I’ve always been a fool. I was born a fool and I’ll surely die a fool.

But that is the way of life, full of joy, sadness, heartbreak and betrayal. I never wanted to start a war or cause problems. I’m a bit emotional sometimes and can’t always see clearly. I tend to fantasize too much. I’ve always been a hopeless dreamer. But in time one learns to keep living and forget. The weight in my chest will lift one day and I’ll breathe normally once again.

I may not say much but I think deeply. I may seem overly demure but at times I have a temper. Sometimes I speak without thinking and act too swiftly. But if you see me I’ll walk right on by. I’ll wave at you to satisfy formalities and continue on my way. I may cry at times but I promise you you’ll never see it. I may feel deeply inside but you’ll never know it.

Though the scars might still remain in my heart, time will lessen the pain. I can only hope he’ll take me away from this place filled with such bitter memories. Take me away and I’ll one day forget all that’s ever happened here. I can’t ever find the words to say it and probably never will so you’ll never know what everything and all these years have meant to me. If only I could rip my heart right out of my chest so I’d never be tempted to feel again.

I don’t know why I should feel as I do, but I do. It’s an absurdity that knows neither reason nor logic and I just can’t comprehend it. Perhaps it is the longing for the family and love I never before had. The longing for a place where I can belong. Or maybe I’m just a lunatic, who’s to say? But I’m not your daughter and I never will be. I’m an outsider who will never belong. Standing on the outside looking in seems to forever be my station in life.

So if I can’t love, maybe I’ll just hate. Maybe it’s easier that way. I’ve probably always seen you as something you are not anyways. It’s typical of me to delude myself that way, to see someone as a hero even when they are working for my destruction and deceiving me. Hopefully one day there will be many miles between us and I’ll never have to pass by your way again. But in my mind you’ll probably still always be the father I never had.

Posted in Personal Relationships

The Beginning of the End of an Era

Although I said before I hoped the Supreme Court would strike down gay marriage bans, I only said this because I believed it was inevitable- something that had to run its course before everything collapsed and change could happen. Make no mistake, this is a very dangerous thing. The laws in most jurisdictions still throw some protection and safeguards to married couples and their children and protect the marriage from outside interferences. But with this decision today every last protection left is in jeopardy. Two people of the same sex cannot procreate and marriage including two people of the same sex necessarily goes along with the feminist notion of “either partner can be the breadwinner/homemaker there are no sex roles or illegitimate children” so therefore it becomes necessary to allow more liberal laws regarding the family unit and more outside interference and “anything goes and everything is acceptable” policies- which will destroy the last remaining shreds of stability within families and marriage.

Marriage IS about raising children, but more than that it was about giving women security to raise those children and establishing paternity and the legitimacy of children to give the provider responsibility to men in a stable environment where men would have a meaningful role in society. These are important things for the stability of society. The family unit started being destroyed when sex roles and distinctions between legitimate/illegitimate children and distinctions between wife/mistress were legally abolished. Personally though I think it started getting bad even before this, with female suffrage being the turning point where everything started disintegrating. (I mean, it took only about 50 years for the family to be completely destroyed after women were granted the vote!) Marriage is about sex, procreation and sex roles. Without this it loses its meaning.

But I see a change coming and hopefully it will be quick in coming. Families have been in bad shape for a long time but now we are at the end, the family is now at an end. Things are going to get worse before they can get better. Gay marriage was something that had to happen. By viewing these relationships as legitimate marriage has just become obsolete. But it simply can’t last much longer. Once the money runs out to fund family breakdown then egalitarianism will officially end. The money’s already running out.

Things are going to get rough. Keep your families together if you can- if it is not already too late. Follow God. Keep your children close and teach them well against modern immorality. Men, you must lead and be the providers for your families and women you must allow the men to do so. Stick close to your husbands and the men in your life (if there are any) that can protect you. Make every effort to remain in the home and guard it and stay out of the workforce. Just do it. We need all the force we can gather to weather the storm ahead.

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Something I Must Know

There is this constant desire inside, to look to the men around me to take care of me. It is only natural to look to a husband, father, brother or other men to be my protectors, to be someone I can trust. But inside I know it can’t be that way. I know when I look around me that men are not to be trusted, no matter how much I wish it could be so. A voice inside says never to let my guard down because men will only use, abuse and abandon you. Never trust and look only to yourself. All marriage ends in divorce, the same as all life ends in death.

I loved you because you could give me a home I never had, a family I never had. I never loved anyone else. Maybe it’s just that I never had the chance. My family had rejected me since I was young and I never learned how to get along. I wish to teach to her all the things I never learned. I hope she has chances I never had.

And if I cry sometimes, it’s because I long for so much inside. I want to love you forever. I will always cling to you. I wouldn’t survive otherwise. I was made to be a little weaker, a little more fragile, a bit more sensitive. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve never learned to be anything else. It’s a good thing for the soul to be surrounded by men, but I am neither loved here nor welcome. I have never been and never will be.

They are your blood but what am I? Is there no covenant that binds us? Does the mixing of our blood not bind me and you? Are we not of one flesh, one body, to live one life? We vowed to be together no matter, good or bad. You say the rest of the world doesn’t matter and I hope it’s true. But when I look into your eyes I fear your betrayal and abandonment one day. The wine makes me faint with love and desire for now. I could never feel desire without love but I will always guard my heart. You are everything to me but I will not blind myself.

Will you still honor me the same as I honor you despite what they think or say? Will I always come first in your life? I want to trust you with all my soul but inside I am scared. If they reject me will you do so as well? Will you lead me out of this place? Can I follow you and trust you?

It’s something I must know…

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Private Property: KEEP OUT

We live in a “show all, tell all, never blush, never hold anything in” society these days where privacy is increasingly becoming a thing of the past. The individual privacy of people is not respected and everybody seems to think it’s ok to ask others personal questions about their bodies, medical conditions, financial state and even their sex lives.

I’m getting quite sick of reading about so and so’s “post-baby body” and on and on. Apparently it’s something akin to female empowerment these days for women to discuss their post-pregnancy bodies and share pictures and I’ve even come across magazine articles with women doing that sort of thing. I remember when I was expecting how people would constantly harass me and ask me personal questions about my body and how I was feeling. Also afterwards people would come up to me and say things about me “fitting back into my jeans” and on and on. I would also look at people like “are you serious!?” when they would start telling me how they would “be there” during labor. I found it all so offensive. These things are private things and how dare anyone think they have the right to ask me (or any other woman for that matter) intimate questions about my personal body or think they have the right to intrude upon my privacy during birth as if my body is public property. My opinion always has been and still is today that if you weren’t invited when the child was conceived you aren’t invited when it’s born! And if you think a woman doesn’t care then you’re wrong. I cared very much about my privacy even during birth and labor would have been very difficult if not impossible without privacy where I could just relax. In times past only a midwife or doctor was with a woman giving birth while everyone else respectfully waited elsewhere but now we like to play “let’s-see-how-many-people-we-can-fit-into-the-delivery-room” these days. And everybody thinks they have a “right” to be there.

That being said my husband wasn’t there either and I always have this smile come to my face whenever I think about it. I like the fact that there’s a mystery surrounding it for him. There’s something special about it that I’ve carried a child, his child, inside of me and brought it into this world, yet it was all very private and it’s the little things he doesn’t know that give it this specialness and preciousness. It’s something I can whisper about in the dark, in those private moments, and the secrecy of it all gives it allure. I feel it actually empowers my femininity that it has always been private and shrouded in mystery. He knows I did it, but he’ll forever wonder just how I did it won’t he? A woman’s gotta have some secrets…

I always notice how when I watch older movies the word “pregnant” is never used even when talking about animals. Instead words such as “expecting” or “in the family way” are used. People today might think it silly but it was really just a way of respecting women. Also, if a woman was giving birth details were never talked about and the actual event was never shown. But today we live in a society where the cruder something is the funnier it is. Gone are the days when movies and shows could make you laugh to the point of tears without resorting to crude talk about body parts or bodily functions. There is no respect anymore. The squeaking bed of a cheap hotel room is funny. Childbirth is funny. A man being kicked between the legs is funny.

A woman’s body is special and precious and it is wholly inappropriate to ask for details about her pregnancy or birth or even about her menstrual cycle. It’s one thing to talk one on one with a close friend or relative but even here individual privacy can be violated so it is best to tread with care. In private I might help another woman, especially a younger woman or girl, with female issues and answer personal questions but this should always be in private and never in a group especially when men are present. Also I would never put a younger woman down or try to purposely scare her or something just out of spite the way I’ve seen so many older women do to younger women. That is just ridiculous.

Another thing is invading someone’s privacy when they have a medical condition or when an accident or misfortune has befallen them. We live in a time of instant global communication and every time there is an accident everybody wants to take pictures, share details, post on the web, etc… “Look someone’s house was destroyed by a tornado!” “Let’s get up close and film it and share the pictures with everyone!” How about having a little respect and minding your own business? If you aren’t part of a survey crew assessing damage then you have no business there unless you have truly come to offer your help. And if you’ve come to help you should still show the utmost respect for what is still another person’s property.

When someone has a medical condition their privacy should be respected. It is not the business of anyone else to ask them details they may not want to share. We may sympathize with them in private, keep them in our prayers and help if we can but it is really inappropriate to ask a bunch of details. A couple of years ago I had the grand misfortune of having to listen to my mother-in-law give all the details about a medical emergency that had recently befallen her at my little one’s birthday party! I was very uncomfortable with such a conversation but apparently I was the only one as everyone else chimed in to ask questions about her emergency room visit, surgery, treatments, medications, special problems with bodily functions, etc… Even among relatives there should be respect for other’s privacy.

I’ve even had women try to tell me about how to avoid certain female issues in the middle of public places before. One of my dad’s ex-girlfriends caught up with my husband in Wal-Mart and started telling him in the middle of the aisle about how I could avoid some down-there issues by just eating this food, etc… I mean, how the **** is that appropriate? And another one started giving me “advice,” at the kitchen table with others around, about childbirth. And they just love to disucss all the details of so-and-so having her baby. How about some respect, dignity and discretion please??

Also I am not going to sit there and talk about anything my husband might have done when he was younger or hear about his mistakes or laugh about it with anyone else. A woman should never talk about screw-ups her husband might have made or anything of the sort that would be putting him down or degrading him. I know it’s tempting to just “go with the crowd” and start talking about all of your significant other’s faults when you’re with the girls but a woman should always make a conscious effort to never say anything negative about her husband or share details about their life together that really should be kept private. My mother-in-law started talking about things my husband had done in the past (like speeding tickets, etc..) a couple of years ago and I just walked away. If she was looking for me to laugh along with her or find it humorous she was wrong.

A husband as well should have the same respect for his wife and he should most certainly never degrade her privacy when talking to others. I’ve heard some men even talk about their wives giving birth with others and I thought this was entirely rude and disrespectful. As well, all these songs I’ve heard about men talking about their wives giving birth are entirely disrespectful in my opinion. There are many good things that should be kept private too, not just bad things. (And it sure seems like men might actually have more respect for women if they were kept in the dark about female issues).

It is not the business of anyone else to ask about someone else’s finances. In times past men had their pride and they would often get very angry if their wives told about their financial problems to others or how they had lost their job or were behind. Asking for help or charity was also out of the question. Men had pride in being men and felt emasculated asking for help or having their wives go out to work to “help out.” That all seems to be lost today in our welfare culture where people like to brag about the assistance and welfare they receive. If someone asks me about how much money my husband makes or something they only ever receive vague answers. I would never tell anyone exactly how much money my husband makes or go around bragging if we were to receive assistance or something. In my opinion that is nothing to brag about. If anything it should be something to be embarrassed and ashamed about.

Privacy in times past was something very sacred and even old magazines often had articles about how to help keep the privacy of others. Now magazines invite you to tell all and show all and be the biggest loud-mouth you can be. Is it any wonder our culture is going in the gutter?


Strength and Dignity


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Too Much Interference in the Family

There are way too many people making decisions regarding the family these days. This is always the inevitable result of family breakdown. All too many children are born illegitimate then everybody and their brother wants to jump in and get involved with the child and everybody seems to think they have some kind of rights. This is all too obvious these days in that increasingly the grandparents want to get involved on their son’s/daughter’s behalf (usually their son’s as maternity and the role of the mother is really never in question or in dispute but just a given fact) and it becomes a complete circus. In the past they might have gotten involved to force the issue of marriage but now they get involved just to help the parents fight and get their way. In addition so many children these days are being raised by grandparents and in all kinds of crazy situations. There is no clear authority in families anymore. Indeed there really isn’t any family anymore- just a bunch of broken pieces loosely strung together.

In reality a return to basics is in order. Strong families and the husband as head of household is a system that needs to be returned to. A wife should put her husband above all others and depend upon him. His authority is greater than all others’, including the wife’s own father’s (as he has given her away he no longer has the authority over her), but increasingly it seems that married couples have trouble bonding and forsaking all others and still allow their relatives to have authority and still turn to them for advice or their needs. As well, the advice and opinions of friends are often given too much priority. The husband should put his wife first. She comes before anyone else and he should never allow anyone to hurt his wife or attack her. She must come first no matter what anyone else thinks or says. He is responsible to protect and guard her from harm, even if it means protecting her from his own relatives.

There is way too much interference within families these days both from outsiders and the federal government. The husband should be responsible for his family and it is his right to run his house the way he sees fit. Excluding certain circumstances, it is not the business of anyone else to come into his home and tell him or his wife how they should be living their lives or how they should be raising their children. Since there is a lack of authority in families everybody seems to think they have a right to decide on what is in the best interest of the family or the children. That’s what happens when men stop being in charge and wives and mothers go off to work. If there is any internal or external problem within the marriage it should be the husband’s responsibility to deal with it, unless he cannot deal with it.

The bureaucratic agencies set up in every county supposedly for the welfare of children are in reality nothing more than institutions designed for the breakdown of the family unit and are constantly used as weapons by outsiders to try to interfere and insert what they perceive to be their “rights.” Can’t get your way? Have a vengeance against someone? Just call [insert name of bureaucratic agency designed for the destruction of the family unit here].

Although legal marriage doesn’t mean much these days, there are some benefits and protections that legal marriage offers that cohabitation doesn’t- at least in most jurisdictions. That is why the institution of marriage has been constantly under attack for over a century and is still being attacked today. Illegitimacy and family breakdown always open the door for everyone else to step in and think they are going to have their say or get their way. As Jesse Powell once told me “corrupt partially enforced responsibility is better than no responsibility.” Marriage offers some safeguards and at least represents a higher commitment. In some cases it serves as a buffer against outside interference, in particular where children are concerned. If society turned back to seeing marriage as essential for raising children and having respectable sex then the laws would surely change as well to strengthen marriage and the family unit.

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Follow-Up to Support, Protection and Love

Since I received a couple of (unpublished) comments and an email about my last post, Support, Protection and Love I am doing a follow-up post to explain exactly what it is I did say, and what I didn’t. Inquiring minds want to know, and curiosity has always been the bane of mammalian existence.

First off, when I said that I wasn’t happy about where I am at right now, I was referring to the jurisdiction I am residing in. I don’t know anyone who’s a housewife or even a stay at home mother. I don’t know anyone like me and I still live in the small town I grew up in so there isn’t any chance for me to meet new people and actually get to start over and find others like me. I want to be away from this place I cannot stand and my husband is trying to accomplish that but in the meantime it is quite miserable. I wasn’t trying to say I hate being home or portray myself as the stereotypical feminist caricature of the miserable, lonely and oppressed housewife who’s stuck in the home. No, being in the home is what makes everything bearable and what makes the family work best.

I said that “if he ever closed his wallet I’d surely close my legs.” This is true. The one thing I demand is that he financially support the family. My husband did some terrible things to me when we were first married (and actually before we were married too) and I did not want to stay with him. I just didn’t want to be with him or have anything to do with him because of the things he did. My love and desire for him just died. I’m not going to explain nor say what those things are because they are personal and private and I’d rather them stay buried if at all possible (which is another reason why I hate the place I live because we can’t make a fresh start with new people who never knew us in the past). I stayed however because we have a child together and there was no way I was going to let him evade responsibility for our support. I was going to stay in our home, with our child, and he was going to fulfill his responsibility by going out and supporting us. Besides, I have his name and so does our child. If a man’s family carries his name then shouldn’t he be the one responsible for that family’s support? In matriarchal and many primitive societies women did most all the work yet the family name and inheritance was passed from mother to daughter (as opposed to father to son) and women generally also owned and controlled the property. But our society is still largely patrilineal in many ways and there’s no way, barring some emergency, that I’m going to go out and work everyday to support a family that doesn’t even so much as carry my name! The child I bore and the name I now carry is the name and legacy of my husband’s and also that of his father’s and he’s damn well going to live up to the responsibility that comes along with such privilege. I have given to him from my own body something beautiful and precious, something men have certainly never been able to get on their own, and he will be responsible for me or I will not accept him into my body nor life.

I’m a woman. I love pretty things and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But, as I said in my last post, I don’t demand of my husband to buy me a whole bunch of fancy expensive things. I only demand that all my needs and that of my child be provided for. I don’t demand anything more (though I might beg and pout some when I want something). If he wants to buy me something extra then I’ll accept it. I’m not going to turn him down. Besides, that kind of crushes a man if he works hard to buy something for a woman he loves and she turns him down because they “can’t afford it” or something like that. If his spending is out of control though she should say something because he has to be able to support the family as that is his first obligation.

If it wasn’t for the child then I probably would have left him. But, also I had given my body to him when I was young and that’s not just something I considered to be no big deal. There is this connection between us that’s hard to explain. I desire him so much inside and part of that I believe is because we have a long history together that goes back to when I was a teenager. I trust in him even though I’m still wary and always will be. I can’t trust him enough to abandon all reason and be foolish enough to, say, have more kids or something with him and the truth is that so many years have passed now I wouldn’t want to start over with having more kids no matter the level of security. Well, maybe I’d consider it but probably not. If I was going to have kids I’d want them to be around the same age. I’d want to have all my kids around the same time and then be done with it. I’d want them to grow up together. I have two sisters that are so much younger than me there’s no way we could be real close together. I barely even know them (even though I do love them) and we did not share a common childhood together.

I don’t share in financial responsibility with my husband. Everything is not in “our” name. There are a couple of things that are in my name just because I didn’t have issues with the bank and my husband did when we were first married. Any credit and cards my husband has are in his name and his alone. There is a reason for this. I don’t make the money and I’m not going to share in the responsibility of something I do not have equal control over. If everything was in “our” name then you can be assured I’d know what my husband was doing, where he was going and every dime he was spending (and you can rest assured he’d be asking permission before buying anything too). But I don’t desire to have that kind of authority over him and I can see how it would easily break down the relationship and cause us problems and probably inevitably end in divorce. Most couples fight over money and usually even divorce over it but me and my husband have never done that. There have been times I’ve been concerned over our financial state but my husband told me not to worry about it and I didn’t (much). He usually just tells me it’s none of my business. If I keep pushing him to give me answers he might relent some eventually but it’s something that he takes care of and I trust him to do that. As far as credit goes though my husband makes sure mine is in good standing just in case something ever happened to him so I would be able to have the things I need, but hopefully that will never be an issue.

Yes in many ways I am “trapped” here with my husband but that’s not completely a bad thing. These days the society wants to send every social worker to investigate you the second they think a man might be a little controlling (in the modern society this always means “abusive” even if there is no real abuse and the women and children are actually well taken care of). Sometimes I really do want to leave and get away but I know it’s just a fantasy that won’t happen and in the end I’m still wanting to be here with him and am, underneath it all, happy. As I said I love him because he takes care of me. There are many intimate reasons for love but a big part of it is that I’m being taken care of. Deep down, sexually and emotionally, there is actually this desire in my heart to be controlled by a strong man. It’s something that most women feel yet if we ever say anything we are pitied and told we have Stockholm Syndrome. We aren’t supposed to stay with men who are controlling and if we do we are told we need help. The alternative is the modern androgynous man which really is not a turn on at all but repugnant and even kind of humorous. Such men might make good friends, but are certainly not desirable in my mind as husbands or lovers.

If a man protects a woman and supports and takes care of her she will generally fall in love with him (especially if she views him as an authority figure). This of course is where we women are vulnerable which is why there are certain protections that women need from the society to ensure that we are not in turn just abandoned, taken advantage of and hurt by these men. Men and women are different. Our thoughts, wants and needs are different. We have different strengths and weaknesses but together we form a powerful alliance. It is not bad for the need of protection and support for me and my child to be one of the primary driving forces of why I have stayed with my husband and stayed married. When we were separated temporarily a long time ago the first thing he wanted when we got back together was sex. It might have even been one of the primary forces bringing him right back to me because he wasted no time in saying how much he needed it. (I, of course needed his support as after a while I would get hungry and not be able to survive so I certainly accepted him back into my life). I’m betting he wouldn’t have stayed around forever if I didn’t give him some, would he have?

Men have needs, women have needs. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not unhealthy. Men and women need each other. Even when I’m not happy I still am. I feel such love when he takes care of me.

What’s wrong with that?

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Support, Protection and Love

I really do not like to be where I am now. I’m certainly not what you would call happy but things could be worse. He takes care of me. He supports me and keeps me safe from everything going on in the society today. I would rather be with a man who takes care of me, even if I am not exactly happy than I would be out on my own and having to fend for myself. A woman will always love and follow after a man who protects her.

I’m not here all because of love. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband very much but love could never be enough to keep me here. In a lot of ways I don’t have a lot of choices. I’ve never made money of my own in the marriage so I don’t know exactly how I could go about leaving even if I really wanted to. I don’t want to go out and be independent or have a job or anything. Sometimes I get frustrated and nothing seems to go right around the house and everything just irritates me and dealing with a child exasperates me but I still am happier here at home than I would be out in the world.

I don’t think that I could feel love towards a man if he didn’t support me or protect me. If he didn’t support me then I’m not even sure I would understand what the marriage was even for, or better yet what a husband was even worth. That’s just the truth. It’s not politically correct and it may not even be nice. But it is, nonetheless, the truth. There is nothing unique nor special that men bring to marriage or a relationship unless they are providers and protectors. Nothing. That’s just the way it is. If they are not providers and protectors then they are expendable and women don’t need them. This is probably the prime reason why marriage is considered by many to be irrelevant. If I was already in the workforce and already independent then there would really be nothing to lose by just simply leaving.

What can I say? I guess I’m just too weak to make it on my own. But my weakness is also my power. My weakness draws a man towards me to protect me and take care of me. My weakness forms a true union of being one. It forms a bond of two people living one life, instead of two people living separate lives.

So yes it is really money and provision that keeps me here. I would rather lay down in a warm bed every night and be taken care of and have food to eat and a decent place to live and be sheltered from the harshness of the world even if it means that I’m not always happy.

If he ever closed his wallet I’d surely close my legs. But before you think me a gold-digging b*tch maybe you should consider the alternatives that male-female relationships take in the modern world.You’ll probably find that there is no better way. I don’t care about my husband being rich. The only thing I demand is that he provide for me all the necessities. However, if he can buy me something extra on occasion I’m happy with it.

I would rather be loved and cherished. I’d rather be secure than liberated. That’s just who I am. I can be whiny, needy, b*tchy and mean but I’d never be unfaithful. Men will put up with a lot of things from their women except unfaithfulness. Likewise, I can put up with him being a jerk and many other things so long as he takes care of me.

I love and want him because he takes care of me. His support and protection liberates me.

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And We Women, We Are Beings of Intuition

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Critical Thoughts on Abortion

The taking of any life is always a “killing.” In the case of abortion it is obviously a killing of what is, or has the potential to be, life. But the question is is it murder and is it right? As a society we justify many killings. We execute other humans when they have done something that we as a society see to be wrong. When we kill out of self-defense the society determines if it was justified or if it is punishable as a crime. We put down our animals when they are sick. When a killing is acceptable or when it is murder is always something that varies depending on what society you live in and what time period you are in. In the past the rapist and the horse thief got the rope, but now the death penalty is considered too severe for such crimes.

Thoughts and feelings on abortion run deep. The only argument I ever hear against abortion is that it is murder. Many even go so far as to say that it is never acceptable, even if the woman has been raped or continuing the pregnancy will kill her. No matter her circumstances it should be illegal, no matter what. Then the argument goes that she can hand the child over to adoption as if this is always a realistic solution for women. Not only must she carry the pregnancy to term but, it’s ok, she can always just hand the child over to someone else and give it up even after carrying it inside of her body for nine months and risking her life and going through hours of labor to bring it into the world. As if that is somehow a more “humane” situation for either mother or child.

And what if the father doesn’t consent to adoption? The mother might still give up her rights but that will not stop the father from being able to hassle her in court. Feminism has also opened up to men access to women’s incomes which gives immoral men incentive to harass the mother. Even if the father is not married to the mother and has made it clear he doesn’t want anything to do with the child he can still walk in and change his mind later and give mother and child 18 years (or how ever many years are left after his absence) of hardship and drag her constantly in and out of court. Not to mention he can overturn the adoption later on upsetting the welfare of the child and undoing the mother’s decision to place her child with a loving and stable family.

What about the woman who’s husband has abandoned her while pregnant? What about the young woman who’s boyfriend has pressured her into sex she doesn’t really want? What about the young woman who agrees to go off alone with a guy but doesn’t want to go that far with him? Forget about rape. If anybody sees her willingly go with him the case probably won’t even be brought to trial but probably thrown out in the name of “justice” or something. Studies on abortion show that half of all women say they have abortions because of relationship issues with the child’s father. These women are not all single promiscuous women who are just acting “irresponsible.” A lot of these women are even married. One would think the irresponsible woman should have an abortion anyways but I guess a child brought into an unstable environment where there might be drugs, abuse, neglect or who only knows what is better than abortion.

Those who are against it act as if it is a one-sided issue. The only thing that matters is that the fetus is a life and the taking of that life is murder under all circumstances. Then there are those who say it can be justified if her life is at stake or if she was raped. So what this says is that, in a society that wants the government out of their health care, the decision for abortion should be left up to the state (or federal government) or some quack doctor to determine if the medical procedure of abortion should be allowed. Most abortions occur within the first trimester by way of taking a pill that terminates a pregnancy like a miscarriage but if she must get a judicial waiver for it too much time might pass that a surgical abortion (which pro-lifers consider barbaric and inhumane) might then become necessary. Unlike issues such as divorce, pregnancy is a very time-sensitive issue.

Most women who are raped simply want the thing done with. They want to go on with their lives but if abortion were illegal and she finds out she is pregnant as a result of the rape her ability to have an abortion will depend upon her not only bringing the rapist to trial but getting him convicted. She must now report the rape. If she reports the rape only upon finding out she has conceived as a result of the act the society will say she is just “crying rape” to cover up her “bad behavior” (men, of course, have no responsibility as obviously the woman got herself pregnant and she is solely to blame for the situation). Now the case goes to trial where she must be put upon the witness stand to face her rapist- to look him in the eyes and have all the sordid details of the event related over and over and brought into the public eye and her moral character attacked over and over. The man’s role in sex is to overpower the woman and thrust into her body the only question then becomes “did she really want it?” It is never the rapist that is on trial but the raped. And what if he does not get convicted even if he’s guilty (which is a highly likely scenario)?

Let’s call this what it is. Society’s acceptance of abortion in the case of rape is an issue of unauthorized paternity. The fetus is still innocent but the abortion is OK because of the father’s sins, because the father did something immoral, because the father was irresponsible, because the man didn’t have the right to plant his seed there. Looked at from this light would abortion not then become an issue of men vs. men? If abortion has always been a major feminist issue would feminism, often seen by society as men vs. women, not itself actually be an issue of men vs. men (and the women who help them so that they might vanquish their own enemies- other women)?

Take the trial of the bitter waters described in the Bible in Numbers 5. Many interpret these verses to be about abortion. The woman’s husband is overcome by jealousy because he believes his wife has been unfaithful and is pregnant by another man. The Bible, despite some modern day interpretations, is a patriarchal text. Women are under the control of husbands and husbands have strict obligations towards their wives (including providing for them). The husband is bringing a case against his wife in these verses but the real conflict is actually a power struggle between him and another man.

A person cannot be forced to donate an organ, their blood or any part of their body to another human being even if it would mean saving the person’s life. Does a woman not have such a right over her own being and person? Or is she not a person? Does the right over one’s own body and being not extend to a woman’s bodily organs? Does the state have the right to compel a woman to give her fallopian tubes, her uterus, her vagina, her blood, her entire body to be used to support and house the development of a potential life? Does she not have the right to refuse medical examinations and procedures or can she be compelled against her will and lose all rights over her body and dignity?

Say a person is acting irresponsible by doing something like drinking and driving. Then the person wrecks and harms another person. As far as I am aware the perpetrator still cannot be compelled under the law to donate any part of his/her body or blood to keep the other person alive. Despite the irresponsible behavior, his (or her) body is still his (or her) own. Yes the perpetrator can be punished for breaking the law and harming someone else but his body is still his own and even upon his death he cannot be compelled to give any part of his body even to save the life of another. Does this not apply to a woman’s body? Should women be “punished” for irresponsible behavior and have to continue a pregnancy to term against her will in a society that has outlawed slavery for over 150 years? People can still, under the Constitution, be compelled to perform labor for punishment of a crime. Has the woman committed a crime? What crime? Should the father not also be punished for being an accomplice to said crime? Do we really want to live in a society like that?

All societies have an interest in protecting human life (and increasingly many species of animal life) but a just and fair society takes into account all parties and does what is right for all parties involved. It is not all about the fetus. There are also the rights of a woman over her own body and right to life and the pursuit of happiness. There are also the rights of society. There is also the issue of if the fetus has rights or not. All laws restrict human behavior. They have to for society to function properly but the American way is “justice for all” and solely focusing on one party does not do justice to all. Every single pregnancy could potentially permanently or temporarily injure, disfigure or even kill a woman. Every single pregnancy has the potential to rob a woman of her life and her dreams- or does that not matter? Is she not a citizen with the right to the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness?

If the majority of the citizens find an issue immoral could they then vote upon it to make it illegal? In some cases, yes. But even here there are certain Constitutional and inalienable rights that the individual has that the lynch mob majority cannot legislate away. Being that direct democracies always inevitably produce the tyranny of the majority, our government was not set up as a direct democracy.

Being that it is often seen as a moral issue and the state does have an interest in protecting life it is perfectly reasonable that the state not pay for it (except in certain circumstances). It is also reasonable that after a certain point more legal rights be given to the unborn. So we could say in the early months the rights of the woman over her own body are paramount and later on the fetus is given more legal consideration. It is also reasonable that the procedure be regulated just the same as other medical care is.

Tell me will the church take in all the hundreds of thousands of unwanted children who will come into this world if abortion is outlawed? (This was actually the way in the Middle Ages as bastard children were considered to be the children of nobody and became the wards of the church; legitimate children were the responsibility of their fathers.) Will the church feed, clothe, house and raise to adulthood all those children? Will the society that restricts abortion pay for the children to be born and raised out of the taxpayer’s money? (Conservatives don’t like that one too much.) Who will come forward to protect and support the women and children or must women and children be left on their own?

The Bible talks about love, not killing the innocent, God knowing us before we were born and numbering the hairs on our head, etc… This is probably showing that God is all wise and understands things human beings do not (actually the Bible mentions this several times) and that, yes, creation is loved and precious. But the Bible does not specifically mention abortion, nor does it mention how many children each family should have or say that each family must have as many as God will possibly give them. It says God hates “the shedding of innocent blood” but what constitutes murder and the shedding of “innocent blood” is, once again, always determined by the current mores of the society and the Bible leaves no specific instructions on this issue. Abortion was never even an issue before first-wave feminism and even the church was ok with it up until the “quickening.” Society always translates its religious texts in accordance with modern day beliefs no matter the issue.

By saying that one person’s rights end where another’s begin is to say that a woman ceases to have rights upon conception, that she ceases to be a human being with rights to her own privacy, dignity and bodily autonomy. She becomes nothing more than a vessel that doesn’t matter and all rights and decisions are taken away from her to benefit another. That doesn’t sound very just to me.

In my own personal life I would have never considered abortion but I always knew that every woman’s circumstances are different and I respected that. I didn’t want anything to do with either helping or stopping a woman from abortion, but I respected their personal decisions. And, likewise, times have changed and so have I. When I was young it was so easy to have a baby and life was grand. But I know that I could never feel now the way I did then. I could never feel secure nor safe because in the back of my mind I know I’m not. Our society today doesn’t even grant to mothers even the most basic of protections. Will we compel women to bear children against their will then endure grueling battles just to simply keep those children by their side and in their arms? Do we really think it’s better to force women to carry pregnancies to term and then lose their children via adoption despite the emotional trauma that might last a lifetime? Is there not a person who will stand up in defense of women and children as a special class with special circumstances needing special protections? Will the men of this society not be responsible for their women?

So you say there’s always birth control. But birth control fails. Studies find that half of all pregnancies are unintended and half of the women seeking abortions were using birth control that failed them. Are you to say she was irresponsible? Do you know what her circumstances are? Will you who chooses to judge her situation lend a hand to help her? You want to force her to bear a child so will you be the one who supports and raises it? Anything that would decrease the prevalence of abortion is to be desired but many pro-life advocates even believe most types of birth control are murderous because they stop implantation.

If the husband is made head of household does he not have the right then to take care of his own and limit the size of his household? Will the society enter the marriage bed and force his wife to continue to term unwanted pregnancies that he will have to pay for? What about special circumstances like adultery? What about a pregnant woman who is facing a divorce or who’s husband has run out on her? What about a 15 year old girl who was raped by her uncle or a man twice her age? What about the woman who thought her boyfriend loved her but when she gets pregnant he dumps her calling her a slut and saying it’s not even his child? Will these women need to make their personal lives public and be put on trial to obtain abortions despite the special circumstances of their personal lives and despite the bad situation having a baby would put both mother and child in? Are we to say the young girls and women don’t matter and that the fetus is life so who cares no abortions just bear the babies against their will in physical and emotional hardship then lose them or raise them in insecurity, poverty and desolation?

Could the drastic increase in laws restricting abortion in the last few years really be about upping the birth rate? But is it not the communist and totalitarian governments that regulate women’s wombs in such a way by either forcing them to have or not have babies via forced sterilizations, abortions or restricting access to reproductive services? Will a criminal investigation be started for every miscarriage?

The pro-life position is that the blastocyst, zygote, fetus, etc… is fully human. It’s a life. Plain and simple. It’s the only life that should be given consideration. That potential life is all that matters and the rights, needs and circumstances of everybody else concerned be damned.

The Traditional Family is the Solution to Abortion


Induced Abortion in the United States

Abortion in American History

Posted in Current Events, Opinion Pieces | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Falling Birth Rates and the Importance of the Traditional Wife and Mother

Sex Education in Europe Turns to Urging More Births

So let me get this straight…You want us girls to do our “duty” and have babies to save the future of a civilization that has been telling us for decades now that we are not doing our part or duty by having babies..? It can’t possibly be that women in the home bearing and caring for children might have been fundamental for society to function properly? But we can’t admit that. That would be politically incorrect!

One word: SECURITY

There’s no WAY I’d consider having kids with the way things are today. Fix the family, fix society.

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