They are Men’s Issues

There is no issue, there is no complex

As I told you before; I am feminine, I am female, I am woman

We uplift the masculine because it protects us. The women today they would rather degrade themselves and live in filth with men that don’t respect them- to give their bodies away easily as if it gives them autonomy or power in some way. They might find a temporary happiness in this existence, but they will never have true and lasting contentment.

Oh, but I could show you contentment! I could show you fulfillment. Fulfillment and contentment like you’ve never known, never seen.

The world today has become so vulgar because there is no regulation on sexuality; there are no rules. So many are gender-confused and androgynous and we express ourselves in however the individual sees fit. But we must uplift the feminine, uplift the masculine. Not all men are good, but not all men are bad. Look to the men that love you and put your trust in them. Encourage them to be the men they were designed to be, trust in them to speak for you, trust that God or nature has given them that natural authority. Obey that authority and listen to it.

It’s not necessarily that we put our trust in a human being that has faults, but rather a divine authority that has granted to males greater strength and ability. They were designed that way for a purpose. Yes, men might be superior, but isn’t that the way we want them to be? But a woman being under the protection and covering of a man, such as her husband, shows that she as well is favored and beloved and worthy of being given the world.

We were meant to live together as male and as female. We were made for each other. We were not made to be the equals of each other but rather to be as one. There is but one leader, and that is the man. There is but one that carries life and brings it into this world, sometimes suffering severe hardships in the process, and that is woman. And yes, we women are vulnerable when we depend upon a man, but by nature we were designed vulnerable. When we take him into us we make ourselves vulnerable. We were designed to be dependent and weaker by nature.

But letting go, trusting, opening our hearts and our bodies and making ourselves vulnerable, we free ourselves. There is a passion that I cannot explain. It can only be understood by living it. Free yourself to be a woman, to be feminine. If we as women have an issue, the state cannot protect us. Women’s rights are no protection, instead it is about distrust in our men. But we have to trust them. Let them be who they are as men. If we do have problems, the first ones we should confide in are our men for protection or the things we need.

Domestic violence, rape, and single motherhood are things that feminists had no business getting involved in; that the state has no business getting involved in except in special circumstances. They are real and serious issues, but they are ultimately men’s issues as our sexuality and our welfare should be the business of our husbands, our fathers and our brothers.

This doesn’t take away our freedom. On the contrary, it grants to us women the greatest freedoms we have ever known. There is a joy and a peace that I cannot explain. But I know we women today have severe issues. Nearly every woman that I know has suffered some mental illness, even if only temporarily. We have rejected our true natures to pursue independence and shallow relationships with men, if we pursue relationships at all.

When I was younger, I stayed in the home to care for a child. It was work that needed to be done. But the first issue was my bonding with my husband. I lived under his protection, depending on him for the things I needed, listening to what he told me to do and trusting him to protect me. It created an atmosphere of passion and love, where I would wait for him to come home and deeply long for him. Being in the home allowed me to live as one with him.

Having the husband fulfill the breadwinner role was about us being one. It was never, and has never been, about being a “stay-at-home mother” as in some androgynous role that either sex could fulfill or that could be outsourced. It was about contentment and fulfillment that had nothing to do with housework or childcare. There is no “going back to work,” nor has this ever been an issue or in question. Being home is not some temporary thing that I did only because there was work to do in the home and then I would leave to pursue work elsewhere when it dwindled down in a couple of years.

Hate me, love me, but I am who I am. And yes, I have been rejected. But I have been rejected all my life. I care not whether they accept or love me. I can see myself standing there before him as we are to be wed. I can picture him as he lifts the veil from my face to gently kiss me. I can see him standing tall and strong over me. In my mind, how I see it, is that I’m giving myself over to him, to live under his authority, as he is giving himself to me, to cherish, love and be responsible for me. He covers me with his love and strength and I lovingly accept him. And yes, I know that it might come with pain and hardship at times. What life doesn’t? I know that I am vulnerable in depending upon him and submitting to him, but he is also vulnerable in investing in me. But we are one, made for different purposes in life, but each purpose works together towards a common destiny.

But what happens if something happens to him is irrelevant. A man who is in love with a woman and has committed himself to her is very unlikely to leave her, and we as women must trust overall in our men and in the divine authority that has made men our protectors and providers in the event that we are left alone. That is the way life goes sometimes, and we have no way of seeing into the future to know what might happen even when the sun rises the very next morning, but we must trust that a way will be provided for us always.

How is it degrading to be protect or provided for by a man? You women of today will reject any notion of patriarchy, coverture or genuine male authority from the men in your lives yet you will engage in games and role play literally begging for men to beat you, call you names and choke you until you’re blue in the face and do things that I can’t even fathom just in the hopes of feeling some temporary sexual pleasure.

Yet I need no games. I am not degraded. I feel that my body was made beautiful and precious and what a joy it brings. There is no sexual repression, but on the other hand overwhelming feelings of sexuality and sexual pleasure that make all other pleasures pale in comparison. Sexuality that is deep, that is real, flowing through my veins and defining me as female, distinct from any and all characteristics that are male.

Love is overwhelming, femininity is overwhelming. Love and passion are what makes life worth living, of what humans have spent centuries pursuing and writing about. I know who I am as a woman and I don’t need to compete with any man. I know he’s stronger. I know that, yes, he could hurt me. But when that masculine and feminine polarity is felt, I know inside that he won’t.

And the ways of our modern world oftentimes make me cry. I cry that no man will rise up to defend a woman. I cry at the horrific thought that any man would think it OK to see their women sent off to war or expect them to be, that men no longer cherish their women or think to provide for them or protect them; that women would reject any attempts by men to do so, or worse that any man would be OK with being provided for or led by a woman. It is a passion killer that leaves but a coldness and an emptiness inside.

My first instinct has always been to acknowledge a man as a man, to look up to and admire men in general. I am ever glad that in my life I have had very little workplace experience and that I have never been put in the position of being in authority over any man. It would not be right, and indeed, the concept of women’s rights is wrong on a fundamental level. The concept of female empowerment is not right, it is misguided.

We must uplift our men first. Our issues are men’s issues. It has always been men that have made the laws and policies to give us any protections, rights, or freedoms that we seek. I believe that we can trust them to speak on our behalf. I believe that men want to be acknowledged as men and for the things that are distinct to manhood and masculinity and that a man will love a woman who acknowledges him as such.

Because this is not right. It has become an issue of us vs. them. But there should be no separation between us. Was it not men who legislated that a man should pay for the crimes of harming or raping a woman? Was it not men that always went to war to keep us safe? Was it not men who legislated that a man should provide for his wife, his children? I have seen it with my own eyes how a man, even one hardened against women, will soften and become protective towards a traditional woman who embraces patriarchal and anti-feminist ways.

As women we must let go and trust in the masculine. We must be genuine, authentic and trusting in our femininity. If we do that, things will fall into place as they were designed and meant to be.

He Must Already Be In Love

I must have written a million poems, countless unfinished novels, only to tear them all to shreds and throw them in the fire
I couldn’t find the words to say what was in my heart, couldn’t find my story to show you, this here, my one true desire

***

Remember these words that I say to you here
Whispered upon my lips like the sweetest song
No matter what he might say or what he might do
You can never make him wait too long

I want to feel the strength of your arms, the warmth and weight of your body
Come hold me, come touch and explore the preciousness and mess on the inside
I’ll give you my love, my fidelity
I’ll give you everything I am

But remember these words here that I say to you
No matter what he might say or what he might do
That you can never make him wait too long
He must already be in love
Before you give him your body
He must already prove himself to be true

Run with me through a field of flowers
Fill my heart with joy
I want to follow you
Protect me with your strength and provide for me from your means
Even though they may be meager

But remember all these things that I have ever said to you
Remember what I wrote
No matter what he may ever say or do
You can never make him wait too long
Before you give him your body
He must already be in love

Be my sweet covering
My husband, my love, be my everything
My strong fortress in times of war and strife
The advice and wisdom I seek
The only one to ever touch or hold me

But always remember these things here that I say he must do
It doesn’t matter the words he may speak
The only thing that matters is the commitment he will or won’t make to you

No matter what you might feel
You must see reality for what it really is
No matter the strong emotions he evokes inside
Let them wash over you like the incoming tide
But still, you can never make him wait too long

Guard your heart
Before you give him your body
Just remember this one thing
No matter what he says right now
He must already be in love

Not a “50s Housewife”

Can I just say one thing? Ok, I hate the 1950s. seriously. I hate it that when I say that I believe in stuff like traditional gender roles and that I’ve always stayed home and stuff like that that people immediately start thinking “1950s.” Ugh. I hate that era. Personally, I see the 1950s as a time of female superiority if you want to know the truth about it. I actually think the era was quite feminist. It’s always been clear to me that both of my grandmothers were always “in charge” in their marriages. The 1950s weren’t traditional from my point of view. I mean, women were already voting and a lot of wives were already starting to join the workforce and stuff like that.

I don’t act like a 1950s housewife nor do I dress like one. Ok, well, I do kind of like stuff like vintage dresses and bikinis, but because I think they’re cute, not because I’ve got a thing for the 50s or anything like that. I used to have some vintage dresses but they fall off of me these days so I haven’t worn them in years. But, anyway, back to the subject. We’re not rich. My husband doesn’t “have money.” We’re just simple people, and I’m just a simple girl.

I know I’ve said it before, but when I say “housewife” I think a bit farther back to the times when husbands were actually in charge. I don’t think of high heels and perfectly permed hair so much as I think of bare feet, waist length hair (for a woman) and simplicity.

I also don’t like people that think housewives are somehow “lazy” or anything of the sort. I don’t sit around eating bon-bons all day, watching soap-operas, and writing “honey-do” lists while having an affair with the pool boy. I would also hate to think that a man only wanted to provide for me just because of the way I look. That’s why I would never want to be with a rich man, unless I knew in my heart that that man truly loved and cherished me for the long-term and would always do so.

My husband provides for me 100% financially speaking, as I believe it is his responsibility to do so, but he’s also in charge of everything too. For instance, he gave me a credit card on his account I could use for a while but then he took it away from me last year after I came back home. (He said it was because he got a new card, but I suspect the real reason was to take independence from me so I wouldn’t leave again. In either case, he never gave me another one.)

He gives me things I want and need, but he also has the power to say no to me or take them away from me too. And yes, I accept this even though I’ve suffered pain and frustration and I still accept it no matter what others might think about it, because it confers security on me and protects me. I’d rather accept this life than the life of the modern woman with all her unhappiness, unstable relationships and lack of ability to raise and care for her own children every day.

You want to talk about lazy and entitled? It’s the men these days that are lazy and entitled, just as much or not more so than the women are. Men who talk about how their wives need to “get a job” or go around bragging about how they’ve got their wives in the workforce full-time and stuff like that or how that they’d never support no woman. It’s these same men that also complain about women being spoiled and entitled “not wanting responsibility”, when in reality men are just as bad and lazy as modern women.

In his latest article, Jesse Powell talks about red-pill men moving on to a higher-functioning stage in the wider culture. Undoubtedly I think a movement like this will grow, and that it needs to, but what they advocate for is unsustainable and unworkable when it denies male responsibility for women, so in the end it will result in men having obligations imposed upon them instead of it being all about exploiting everything to their advantage and screwing everybody else and the damage left in their wake.

From the Daily Beast article he quoted:

On The Red Pill, Fisher commonly expressed disappointment that the institutions of marriage and religion were destroyed by women’s equality. He maintained that as a result of financial independence, women were no longer compelled to remain faithful and as a result, men needed to protectively adapt their sexual strategy.

Ok, so how are women going to be financially dependent if men don’t fully financially support their wives? Only for a mere six weeks did I hold paid employment out of nearly a decade of marriage, and it was only to separate from him. I never worked for money, neither inside nor out of the home, and my husband never had to play a bunch of head games just to keep me sexually attracted to him or invested in the marriage.

By “protectively adapting their sexual strategy” what do they mean? Screwing as many sl*ts as possible? (Because that it sustainable for society when you leave illegitimate children all over the place, and that’s sure to help them with all those “pregnancy scares!”) Or perhaps he means playing a bunch of stupid head games that will result, at best, in keeping a woman’s interest for a whole six months- if that? (Because that will obviously lead to a high-functioning committed relationship when one person is a narcissistic abuser.)

“To give women autonomy is to take away the very thing that made marriage a realistic institution… what I dislike is the general attitude that somehow we owe [women] something for sex… Women enjoy the autonomy that feminism has afforded them… But don’t expect the relics from back in the day to continue to benefit you without the sacrifices you were making,”

Well, don’t expect the relics YOU enjoyed back in the day to continue to benefit YOU without the sacrifices you made as well. And I’m unaware completely of any traditional relics from back in the day that women are still enjoying out in the real world. To deny the breadwinner role (for men) is also to take away the very glue that once held marriage together. Men enjoy the easy ride and easy sex feminism has afforded THEM. And women sacrifice more in sex and bring something to the table men don’t, every society in the history of the world has recognized and given credit to this undeniable fact. Get over it.

“Marriage, and yes, female oppression, slut shaming, religion, these were all a means to control hypergamy [infidelity]. Marriages might be considered loveless, and women might have been unhappy, but for men it meant marriages that lasted, commitments that continued, and protection against the fickle whims of females,” Fisher wrote on The Red Pill in November 2012.

Yes, never mind when men chase after “bad girls” that will only screw them over or when husbands disappear or  cheat on their breadwinner wives with a poor woman that makes him feel more like a man. Not to mention that you run a simultaneous marriage strike and spend all your time chasing after the very sl*ts you claim to hate. A traditional woman deserves a traditional man.

But, in conclusion, stop it with the 1950s stereotypes. The 1950s were a whole world better in many ways than today, but the era still wasn’t traditional by my point of view. But if I would ask anything of men today, it would be to please stop this. Please do something about the state of affairs today. It isn’t a woman’s job to fix it. It’s a woman’s job to be “good” and to accept a man’s authority (when and where it’s legitimate). These are your daughters, your sisters, your mothers, your wives/future wives and mothers of your children and all of the women you know and love. They aren’t some outside enemy or foreign invader to get rid of and punish at all costs. They’re your own people, of the same blood and heritage as you. Girls and women today grew up/ are growing up never knowing the stable relationships, protections and security that were afforded to our ancestors- just the same as men. Stop acting like you’re some kind of special oppressed snowflakes. Your grievances have merit, but I think they’re exaggerated beyond belief and only tell one side of the story.

I know from experience there are just as many traditional men as there are women, it just seems like there aren’t because most of the time men just remain silent. They watch and listen, but they don’t comment, they don’t form opinions or organize and protest. For decades they’ve left all of that up to women. But if there’s anything good happening now, it would be that it seems men are finally taking some kind of action, even if they are, as of now, in a rage and sorely misguided. But if men take action, women will follow, and men that accept responsibility (such as a husband keeping his wife out of the workforce and providing for her) can still impose the rules on women even when they are unwilling. YOU don’t expect that “privilege” otherwise. The man that loves a woman provides for her and he protects her- even from herself. I’ll only know the red-pill is “highly-functioning” when their men strive to do just that.

Going Home

I don’t need to justify to anyone the way I choose to live my life or the beliefs that I hold inside. I’ll just let the results of the life I have lived speak for themselves.

People say I’m “lucky” to stay at home or believe my husband must have money or something, but neither of these things are true. We were dirt poor before we married yet I quit working entirely, even though we didn’t yet even know where we would live, and never for a single day were we ever out on the streets. I’ve always lived with what he could give to me, or what he chose to give to me, and over time we were blessed as a result of it. I believe we have been productive precisely because I stayed out of the workforce, but more than that, I believe it is because of my traditional beliefs in coverture. (Even though I had no idea what coverture was, or that it was really a legal thing once, I still felt it in my heart.)

Me being at home isn’t so much about my relationship with my child as it is about my relationship with my husband. It’s not about being a “stay-at-home mom.” I’m not a stay-at-home mom, I’m just a traditional wife. And this will hold true even when our daughter is fully grown.

For the brief period of time that I worked, I had no relationship with him. As my readers know, that is precisely why I started working- because in my heart I was separated from him and no longer willing to submit to him. But I felt in my heart I would be OK, that it was time to reconcile. He told me that, while he wouldn’t necessarily forbid me from working a couple of days if I really wanted to, he would really rather that I just put in my notice and quit entirely, so that’s what I did, because I couldn’t reconcile the beliefs and desires of my heart with having paid employment- even part-time employment. Part-time employment is still employment.

At the beginning, so many years ago, I chose to accept him as my guardian, my authority, my provision and protection. It can be scary sometimes, to give up that independence you once knew and rely entirely on a husband, but I did it, and I will do it once again. He tells me he wants me to stay close to him and to do what he tells me to do. I accepted that at the beginning and I told him that I would accept it once again. He’s not a pig or a misogynist, nor is he weak or “beta.” He cherishes me the way men have all but forgotten to cherish women in our world today, and I look up to him the way women have all but stopped looking up to men.

“What’s there to cherish?” the modern man will say.

“What’s there to look up to?” the modern woman will say.

So, yes, I’m coming home. I know he’s always provided well for me. There were things in the past that he told me I couldn’t do, so I didn’t do them. There were things in the past he told me we couldn’t afford, so I couldn’t have them. But that was ok with me. It’s still ok with me. While I did like having some money to spend, a paycheck could simply never compensate for the loss of love and passion I experienced. If I am to submit to him and allow him to protect me and take care of me, I can’t also be my own independent woman out in the workforce. And I sure as Hell am not going to work and submit to him. What a joke.

I know some scoff at me, I know some think me a fool- but that’s their problem. I’m a lot safer and secure depending on a husband than being independent. It’s like people feel sorry for me if I tell them I’m going back to my husband and quitting my job. But that’s their problem. They can think what they want. The results of the life they live show, as do the results of the life I have lived. Shall we compare them?

So, I am going home once again. In my experience people do what is in their hearts to do. If a woman has it in her heart to be home and relying on a husband and submitting to him, then that’s what she’s going to do, even if she’s poor- the same as I was poor all those years ago. The same people who talk about two incomes being “necessary” are the same ones who talk about how they could never give up their independence, and the women who say they wish they could be at home are the same ones who turn around and start talking about how they could never just “sit at home” depending on a man and how they love to cash in those paychecks. You do the math. I believe modern women work because of ideology, not necessity.

But that doesn’t matter. I don’t care what it is people might think or say. They are of no concern to me. I accepted to follow him and do what he told me to do. The outside world doesn’t concern me. For the brief time that I worked everything turned into a disaster. The house was a wreck. There was all of a sudden nobody there for the small errands that needed to be run, and entire schedules had to be re-arranged when our daughter wasn’t in school, was sick, or when my husband had doctor’s appointments and needed someone to drive him.

Never again. I cannot see how anyone could live that way. If I had worked since the beginning we wouldn’t be together today, and it’s doubtful that me working would have even helped us financially- unless I had some fancy career, which would have only been even more problematic.

Lastly, I won’t defend the words I say to anyone. I’m not going to apologize or give a speech about how I’m not really anti-feminist or anything of the sort. Because I’m pro-patriarchy. I’m against feminism. There’s nothing great about feminism and there’s nothing wrong with patriarchy. I don’t have to defend my words and beliefs to the over-sensitive PC crowd. They’ll get over it and find something new to bitch about ten minutes later anyway. I don’t believe that as a wife I should be in the workforce, not even part-time. Even part-time work takes me away from his guardianship.

Because femininity is passive, submissive, graceful, nurturing and beautiful– and that just isn’t compatible with being independent and career-driven in my book. I always felt it was right to be under the guardianship of a man that loves and cherishes me and I know that what I’ve always felt in my heart cannot be wrong, especially considering that it has been the way of so many cultures, including our own for so long. Feminist politics can’t protect women.

But I leave all these things I have written up, because they show the truth of what is in a woman’s heart and how she is made. And I hope that young women everywhere will truly listen.

All Men Are Like That

Ok so I have a story today for the ladies. Just go ahead and raise your hand if you’ve been there. The other day I was at the end of my rope so I accepted to go out with this guy. I gave him my number and that evening (it was still daylight) I spent a couple of hours with him. He kept exclaiming “I promise I’m not the kind of guy that’s going to try to get into your pants.” I was just thinking Yeah, right. I was the one who picked him up due to a supposed medical condition that was temporarily preventing him from driving. I told him so long as he wasn’t packing any drugs or no stuff like that I’d hang out with him, he responded saying he only had his cigarettes and beer. I went over to where he lived and we stayed on the front porch for a few minutes and conversed with a couple of others, then we took off.

We went somewhere just to sit and talk and then he started drinking some more. The conversation wasn’t bad at first, we were just talking a bit about our lives and ourselves. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere he leans over the seat like he was about to go full make-out session on me or something. I quickly jerked out of the way as a self-defense mechanism. He then exclaims “Like chill out I was just wanting to kiss you on the cheek! That’s all!” I hesitated for a minute before saying “OK”. I let him kiss me on the cheek, trying to just be as still as possible even though I was totally uncomfortable.

Then somehow the conversation turns (I guess he was starting to get drunk or something, he kind of sounded like it. He only had one beer with him but there’s no telling how long or how much he had drank before) and he starts telling me all about how he’s got a piercing down there and about how all the ladies on Facebook were always asking to see his c*ck. I’m just sitting there thinking TMI!!!!! I was not impressed in the slightest. I then was glad when he wanted to leave so he could get another beer (because I was thinking great opportunity for me to ditch this mother******* and then speed away in the opposite direction).

But oh no! This was not the last of it. He then asks me if he could bum a dollar off of me (one single ***^&&%% dollar!) to get another beer. “But I’ll like pay you back tomorrow!” he whines at me. I told him “no” that I wasn’t going to lend him money to buy a beer. I start driving off and then he all of a sudden reaches his hand over and grabs onto my upper thigh. “This is how I always ride with a girl” he exclaims to me. My only reaction was to cringe and feel like opening the door so I could puke. I pushed down just a bit harder on the gas peddle as I looked straight ahead. He then starts exclaiming “Girl, you’ve got a four-wheel drive! Why are you babying this truck? Didn’t you see that guy back there? He knows how to go fast. He was speeding past us, he knows how to drive a truck!”

I just ignored him at that point, though I did give the truck some gas and started intentionally letting it slide around the next corner Dukes of Hazzard style, which caused him to release his grip on my thigh (the intended purpose). I was just thinking Is that good enough for you mother f*&((&&??? why don’t you go drive your own rig the way it *should* be drove??

Then the guy looks over at me and starts exclaiming “I know you’ve been thinking about f***ing me.” I just laughed and said “Haha yeah. Sure!” in a sarcastic way while all the while thinking You’ve got about a snowball’s chance in Hades…freak. He then starts talking nasty and using foul language and telling me all about how his piercing could make my **** ****** while I just looked straight ahead trying my best to ignore him,growing more repulsed by the second.

Then I take him to his home and he bums a couple of dollars off of an older woman who was living with him and I take him to the nearest store for a beer. He then decides he wants two of them and looks at me as if pleading for me to let him buy two beers instead of one “But **** drank my other two beers!” I just looked at him and said “I’m not paying for your beer,” very matter-of-factly. He then gets two and counts out enough change at the counter to enable him to buy both beers (surprise, surprise!) while exclaiming to the woman behind the counter “I’ve got to see if I have enough change. Boss lady here won’t let me get two beers!” I just stared at him, saying nothing, my mouth gaping open with a look of disgust on my face. We then leave again. At least he held the door open for me, that was probably the only plus about the guy. He wanted to go somewhere else and talk but I just told him “Um, well, it’s getting late. I need to get going” as a polite way of trying to end things, you know.

I start driving back to where he lives and when we get on his street he sees some guy he knows outside in his yard and says something. I look over to the guy he’s talking about, having to squint a little so I could see well, and then he thinks it’s funny to all of a sudden exclaim “You sl*t! Checking out some other guy while you’re out with me!” I just turned my head away from him, my mouth gaping open, with an expression that said Oh my God! He actually thought that was funny? No wonder he hasn’t been laid in two years (that’s what he said, anyway. He asked me when the last time I had an orgasm was, and I very matter-of-factly told him “The last time I had sex with my husband. In fact, I had two.”). He then promptly apologized to me but it still took every ounce of self-restraint I had within me to keep from turning around and smacking the ever-living fuck out of him. I should have slammed on the brakes and told him to walk home, but being the nice (probably too nice) person that I am, I drove him back. I talked with him for a minute while he stood outside the truck, exclaiming to me how pretty my eyes were and how he wished I’d send him a “selfie” of that “gorgeous fucking smile” of mine. I then said goodbye as politely as I could and drove off. I deleted his number and never answered another text from him and he seriously didn’t understand why I just ignored him the next day.

Of course, I didn’t like the guy. I was just lonely needing some attention. He was good looking enough, I suppose; about 6-foot-one, 185 pounds, former boxer, but I didn’t care. I didn’t lie to the guy. I told him I was lonely and needed someone to talk to. I never led him on or anything. Hopefully he’ll get the hint I’m not interested and just leave it be. I told my husband about it and he laughed asking me if I had picked up a stalker, though I was afraid if I told him the real details about what the guy said and did that he would hunt him down and kill him or something, so I gave him the edited version of the story.

The only thing I wanted was to be home with my husband, but he ignored me so I came back, put my daughter to bed and made sure she was taken care of before I went and found a secluded spot to go get drunk, all the while believing he didn’t love me anymore. Me and the bottle had ourselves an in-depth conversation about life until my husband finally found me and carried me back in the house while I held onto him telling him I wanted and needed him.

But, anyway, men have no right to complain about modern women before they look in the mirror and take a good hard look at themselves. Your s**** stinks just like everyone else’s, so don’t think you’re somehow above all the flaws of being human or immune to acting on impulse or acting on emotions or desires. How that guy acted is how a lot of men are these days (and he was ten years my senior!!), and women are sick of them. All relationships take time to develop. It takes time to develop trust and to be able to make yourself vulnerable to another person; for a man to feel safe providing for and protecting a woman and for a woman to feel safe enough to give her body and submission to a man and depend on him. It doesn’t happen overnight, and in life we’ll all find few such people we can trust enough to share our lives with, perhaps only one person.

But in reality, a woman’s actions are sometimes a cry for help. It’s the man’s job to lead and he needs to be aware of what’s going on around him, and my husband should have been paying attention and never let things get so bad. I wanted him to reign me back in, but he instead did the opposite. He did try to regain control when I came back to him, but he did it the wrong way and said a lot of bad things to me. But I just want to be home, as my heart is truly still here. You don’t just throw away so many years as if it never happened. No man could ever compare to one that has sheltered me from the world and provided for me for all of these years.