When I was yet barely legal I put an official end to my fertility once and for all. I made the logical and conscious decision to do this because I saw how the world that we live in today is and I knew that I could never risk bringing another child into this world. I had to make sure then, as I still do now, that if me and my husband were to split apart for whatever reason that there would never be any more young or minor children to complicate things; that there would never be any dependents to have to worry about; that there would never be any children that could be used as pawns to hurt, control, manipulate or punish me. The heart would love a cabin in the woods with ten barefoot children running around, but that simply is not reality. Our society loves to tell us to follow our hearts but there comes a time when childish fantasies have to be set aside and life has to be faced for what it is. I have made the decisions I have made in my life using my head, not my heart. Emotions and feelings more often than not lead us down the wrong path, not the right one. Either way hormones should never come into play when making major and important decisions about life.
I love how men like to constantly remind women of their “biological clocks” as if they, themselves, don’t have a biological clock ticking. It’s always, “your fertility will run out soon (40’s the limit!) but I’ll still have time to make up my mind so na-na-na-na-na!” and somehow us women will regret it if we don’t start having a bunch of them in our 20s. They (the MRA men, AKA God’s gift to all womankind) will be studs like when they’re 50, 60, etc…
*Whistles* looking good
But I don’t regret anything, even years later. I can’t change what has been in the past nor can I change the way things are in society, but I can make a conscious decision to protect myself and, acknowledging the current state of things in society, plan my life accordingly. Men are more powerful than women, and society grants to women no special protections for our weaker and more vulnerable state, which would mean the only way for a woman to protect herself from a man is to never be with or have kids with one. (I never understood, however, the men who act scared of women. Men can control women, without ever even having to lay a finger on them).
But that doesn’t mean I have to turn into some feminist and come onto the internet and rave about how I hate men and run some marriage strike and complain how all men are wicked and evil and how us women are oh so victimized etc..etc…and let’s go our own way girls! Likewise, a man might see the way things are and decide it’s not worth the risk to get married and have kids and support a woman. There’s nothing wrong with that but there is something wrong with that same man joining up with MRAs and spewing his vile everywhere and being anti-woman and attacking women and joining in campaigns and promoting any policy he can to rid all men of responsibility for women and children. He could choose instead to promote a better way where men and women can live harmoniously together even if he chooses to be single in his own life. Even if he doesn’t have a blog or whatever he can still be an example to others by the way he lives his own life and by teaching and being there for those who look up to him.
Even if my husband begged and pleaded with me to have another child with him I would still have to tell him no, even if the thought is romantic. I simply would never do it. I see the way things are today and, again, I must protect myself. I am married and I take care of my family and fulfill my obligations as a wife and mother (which, in my view does not include obligations to go out and work!). Marriage has a lot of political value. It benefits me, my husband and our child in the way of a more stable and less complicated and stressful life, the accumulation of property and wealth and many other things. I love my husband very much but beyond just the potentially fleeting hormones of love and having fun marriage is about all the aforementioned aspects of property, stability and financial support as well.
Nonetheless, a lot of things can change in 18 years. People change. Society changes. Circumstances change. I am not willing to gamble away my future and decrease my value to other men (in the event I was divorced or something) by bringing more children into this world and complicating my life and tying myself down and putting myself in jeopardy like that. There’s no way in hell I’m going to give children to a man when it’s a 50/50 gamble that the marriage will even last a decade and I could be facing divorce or someone showing up to take my kids away from me without me even having the slightest clue of what’s even going on until the moment it hits me or being drug in and out of court for the next two decades of my life or told I must support the man who has impregnated me (and who is bigger, stronger and more powerful than me, nonetheless) and as for myself i’m just out on my own to fend for myself. I will never put myself in such a situation. Never. So I make the decisions I have made for a reason. It’s not the way things should be, but it’s the way they are. If I was ever divorced or widowed I know that I would also never remarry, at least I would never remarry unless there was drastic legal and cultural changes. I might live with a man and have some kind of unofficial ceremony but even then I would draw up very tight legal contracts between the two of us and I would never have kids with him..
Nonetheless I promote the things I believe in, the way things should be. If we do ever divorce then there will be no more children and no complications and we can just go our own way and I’ll just have to make it the best I can. Our one and only child is getting older which makes things less complicated in the event we ever did split up in the future. Without more children there’s a good chance I could find another man to take care of me and support me (where, at the most, I might work part-time or something) but with every additional child the chance of that decreases significantly and I am not willing to let my stock plummet if I am entitled to nothing in return for everything that I’ve given of myself to a man; if I am not assured lifetime financial support. If I am to put my life on the line I need to know I am guaranteed a home to live in, financial support, security and stability and I know that I simply am not guaranteed any of those things and may never be. I hope that divorce, abandonment, death or any of those terrible things never happen, but, nonetheless, they are realities in the world we live in and must be considered when planning the future. Again, it’s not the way things should be, but it’s the way they are. I would be a fool to just follow my heart and dive in head first and never consider the future or the consequences of my actions.
I look around and see the way things are and the way men are acting and within two seconds flat every wall of defense I have goes up and there is this thought and feeling inside of me that I don’t want anything to do with any man, ever. Something I see or hear triggers this response and then I don’t even want my own husband to even touch me and intimacy with the man I love seems more like a gross violation than something wondrous, pleasureful, sacred and beautiful. The only thought then becomes to protect myself because all men are just abusers of women and they can’t be trusted. I get the thought that I just want to hate men, even though in reality I want to look up to and admire the men around me and trust them.
I can’t help the things I think, but I can help the things I promote. And that is the difference. I don’t come here being a feminist (although MRAs think anyone who doesn’t fall into line with their agenda and anti-woman propaganda and thinks men should have any obligations at all towards women is labeled a “feminist” I tend to write them off as unimportant) or promoting feminist ways. I talk about what I see as wrong and promote something better, something more sustainable and a social order that does justice to men, women and children (even if that social order doesn’t happen to revolve around everybody just doing whatever they want, whenever they want and with whoever they want and screwing everyone else in the process). That’s the difference.
I can’t help the way society is but in my own life I make conscious decisions about the future. Besides, I will only live once and I’ll only be young once. I want to enjoy my youthful beauty and figure and not risk sabotaging it by back-to-back pregnancies. I want to spend my youth in high heels and miniskirts, not maternity clothes, even if in all honesty I’ve never felt more beautiful than when I was with child. I have one child, a beautiful daughter, who I adore and who I know looks like me and my husband. It’s nice to do it once and it’s nice I’ve had one child and when she’s older it will be like having my own legacy, someone who’s a part of me, a legacy that will live on even after I’m gone. I cherish that. But I do like a simpler life too. We are well off financially and in the coming years I can be a little selfish. I can spend my days keeping a petite figure, taking care of the home, relaxing and not giving a care about the world around me or if it falls all to pieces. It will be nice not having to be burdened with the care of young children.
The society around me could go to hell and I’d probably never notice. I don’t pay attention to the news (in fact I purposely avoid it), I don’t vote, I have my own home and family. I can help change things by the way I live my life. In the end that’s probably the most powerful influence anyways. I’ll never have a large family nor do I want one. Now I can save myself one bureaucratic nightmare and financial drain after another. This isn’t to put down those with large families, it’s just my opinion. I live my life and you can live yours. I have respect for those who have large families but I will never go down that road.
But I will continue to promote something better, because reproducing is a part of life and the family is the foundation of society and I believe that those who choose to have families and have children need to be protected. I believe women need to be protected and I believe children deserve the right to come from stable homes where they can have a good start in life.